posted July 31, 2022 07:06 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Here's my dilemma as plainly as I can state it. I'm very sensitive and introverted and don't trust easily. I have been hurt and had my trust abused over and over. Women have played games with me. Women have been indirect and even outright dishonest about their feelings and intentions. And women have teased me and led me on. Because of these things, I have a really hard time taking women seriously at all. I tend to judge every smile as fake and write it off because that seems to be the only way to protect my mental and emotional health. God knows women never act like my emotions matter.

---

We are not as different as you
seen to think.

This is why I have been drawn to your sorrows and miseries and all and wanted to help,
because so much of what you say fits me too perfectly👽😢

I am extremely introverted.that means I do not go on public as you do even before becoming disabled😢👽

I have always hated phones and public places and friends and anywhere I feel hemmed in by humanity.
Going to city causes me to vomit and freak out👽
I feel crushed and endangered by humans👽

This makes getting medical care very difficult and at times impossible👽

Aside from cost for college
my being an extreme introvert
and INFJ
made it impossible to even try to go to college👽

I cannot do public transportation
of any kind👽😢

I tend to go berserk and have jumped out of moving vehicles too many times in my life to date.

I thought I had control of my freaking out episodes
but I have to admit I have not.👽😢
I alternate betwixt hyper sensitive and
then go berserk and the Autism kicks in and I become an emotionless robot like person and go within and rock forward and backwards and
go mindless until someone helps bring me out of it.
I can go a whole day like that and world could be ending but I must stay in the deep abyss invisable to the world.

I am feeling freaked out right at this moment even telling you all that because I just feel some human will laugh or ridicule me or say I am crazy or worse👽

I do understand even though you and I are different people.

Why you cannot understand the miseries of others is a very sad date of being👽

On that note
I feel worthless in my sincere efforts
to try and help you.
You do not even try to understand
and I feel nothing from you like any compassion or understanding,
only your repeated trivializing of
my miseries and the miseries of others
as you go on and on like
you are the only person who
is in misery👽😢

I cannot keep devoting time to you.
You do not trust me nor hear a damn
thing that I say
nor even try to understand 👽😢

Tired of this egocentric self centered whining from you and your exaggerated sense of being the most hated and miserable person on the planet.

No one can fix you but you but you have no real desire to change and it is glaringly obvious😢🤬

Lastly in closing reposting what
you said
but changing women to humans
and that is where I am at.😢

quote:

---

Here's my dilemma as plainly as I can state it.
I'm very sensitive and
introverted and
don't trust easily.
I have been hurt and had
my trust abused over and over.
Humans have played games with me.
Humans have been indirect
and even outright dishonest
about their feelings and intentions.
And humans have teased me and led me on. Because of these things,
I have a really hard time taking
humans seriously at all.
I tend to judge every smile
as fake
and write it off
because that seems to be the
only way to protect
my mental and emotional health.
God knows other humans never act
like my emotions matter.

---

Done here.
I do not need to keep being treated
like a worthless idiot who you claim
cannot understand and care.

You also go on and on about being impoverished.👽👽👽👽👽👽
Try living on $600 dollars a month.
It is a nightmare you do not want to experience.
$700 to fix your car?
That is more than I have a
month to live on👽
I would have to junk the car
and do without and not have ways to do all the medical appointments,
so death is my only option without
personal transportation.
Try living
with a refrigerator that
barely works and spews water
on the floor.
Definitely cannot pitch $$$$
to get one👽
We live without
handicapped improvements
needed in our home.
Cannot afford them.
Need to shower/bathe but
cannot afford to
put in a system for handicapped
persons to bathe so it is jug and bowl bathing like in the 1800s👽
Tired of having to crawl up and down
steps on hands and knees just to
get in and out of our home.
Need a handicap accessable enclosed deck
and a car to carry our wheelchairs in.
Try living without dependable heat
and having to wear hats costs gloves
and even boots to bed.
Have you ever had to beg for for food?
We have.
Everyone has money troubles dude.👽
You are far from being the poor boy 👽
who is one blink from being homeless.👽
Mirage29 is homeless I think.
😢💙
We are literally one small step
from being kicked to the streets
like others who are now living in
the nature preserve ravine in
sight of where we live.
However if we were to became homeless,
because of us being both severely
disabled
and suffering grave diseases,
We would be left with no choice
but to engage in mutual suicide
because we both can barely walk
let alone go live in the ravine
of the huge park
like the many homeless families do
because they are at least not handicapped.

All this posting is not helping anyone here and has pretty much taken me to my breaking point.👽😢

You clearly take exceptional joy
and get some strange warped gratification
as you rant on and on seeming to be totally enjoying telling everyone how awful
they are and most likely make
many women here feel hated by you
but you act like you want help but keep ripping into the very people,
Women here every time you insult
and verbally degrade all women,
even though you never met them👽

------------------

posted July 31, 2022 08:32 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Now people are telling me who to be attracted to and who to date. If older women want to date me they can show interest in me and I may or may not reciprocate. Women have never had a problem rejecting me and seeing me as not good enough, so I have no problem returning the favor to them. It's the least I can do.

---

posted July 31, 2022 08:35 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Lexx,
The difference is you managed to have relationships while having a lot of the same issues. I haven't. And as a heterosexual man, it's always my ego and self esteem that are on the chopping block. I'm always the one expected to make the first move. I'm always the one who has to be vulnerable. I'm always the one who has to keep trying again and again if I don't want to be lonely. I'm always the one giving and never getting any good energy in return. And people just tell me to do more, more, more.

---

For 43 years of my life to date of 67
years
my relationships were bad very bad you have no idea.
I let them control me and run my life and
tell me how to dress and both did not allow me to make any friends.
After nearly commiting suicide because
of the abuses I finally left both of
them and the total of about 30 years
of my life wasted on their creepy control freak assses.

That was just rude and unkind to
make like I do not understand you just because t almost age 44 I finally
found a person who honestly respected
me and I him.💞

So no my life has not been full of good relationships as you seem to think.
👽🤬
Most of the time it was bad very bad😢🤬👽

Are you jealous that I have
partially gained control of myself?
It actually took until I was almost 60 to square away things I struggle with.
Yet even now I am still dyslexic
and Autistic and far from healed
so to speak.

Exhausted and freaking hating that
I care about you at all
and I am a stupid gullible fool
to have even begun to think that
I could actually reach you somehow 🤬

Enjoy your exceptionally
rare state of misery that
no one else on this planet has ever experienced.
You are a true martyr sir.
You misery is contagious and you can
freaking swallow it and keep on
choking on it and whining for pity
instead of actually
wanting help from people who care.
Oh yeah that's right
No one cares about you everyone
hates you wah wah wah.👽👽👽👽👽
Read my long post again about my
nightmarish experiences
of being on the Autistic spectrum

Oh yeah you do not care to because
I am an evil person with
female body parts
that to ad insult to injury
may result in my death
due to the multiple cancers.

Yeah try being a bearded woman.or
an intersex person
who even though I have been pregnant over 30 times and gave birth I am still
still considered a
bearded mustached freak
and not a real girl.

People get freakout and if it were
not for Covid masks it would still be happening often.

I kept letting my obsessive compulsive
self drive my ways here when posting
on your thread.
I am out of control because
I sincerely care and frustrated
that nothing I have said has made a difference
but have only wasted my previous precious time here on you.

And my old lack of self confidence issues rear their ugly cyberus heads and keep barking that if I stop trying to help
you and give up on you and let you wallow in your misery ,
And that makes me a failure
and avile woman👽

On that note I must stop falling into your pity party trap👽🤬
You call women manipulative but you have taken advantage of my caring and
kindness and spat it back at me like
garbage🤬👽
You are a master of manipulation
making people want to help you
by cleverly preying on their
emotions
but you do not
appreciate their efforts.
You are in my opinion an egocetric
manipulative control freak sir.👽🤬
Blaming it all on being on
the spectrum is a total cop out
to avoid even trying to take any
responsibility for yourself
and your issues.

I must now take a deep breath and
tell myself that it is not bad for
me to just stop trying to help you.

I have far more important things
in my world to attend to without being emotionally jerked around by you🤬🤬🤬

posted July 31, 2022 08:39 PM            

I bet if I were to meet him in person
and gave him a smile and a hello nice to meet you
and then tried to give him a hug
that he would spit on me
or reject the attempt
and maybe even
Physically knock me down
so that I could not give him a hug😢👽🤬
oh my one oh dear horrors of horrors
of being contaminated by
those dirty rotten girl cooties
ew ew ew hugs
Oh ahh nasty bad evil
female woman hug.👽👽👽👽👽
Run away fast young man run
before the women try
to give you affection or
positive attention and ruin your self pity egocetric party👽🤬
Ugh fruccking ugh👽🤬

Damn this is all so freaking
disgusting to say the least.
My first ex acted like this in
many ways👽🤬

I do not need these damn manipulative head games.👽🤬

------------------

posted August 01, 2022 12:10 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by SleepyDiary:
Thank you Lexxigramer

I just want you to know i have read everything you have posted. It seems like you have been through a lot in your life and i just want to say don’t hold onto those bitter painful memories and feelings you have been through enough. Use this time to heal yourself. Misery loves company Don’t be the company of misery anymore. It’s not worth your time or memories

---

So I have put all things about her and other horrors of my childhood and up to my 30s behind me as best as I could.
Oddly it has been mostly gay men who helped me the most to help me get through
much of it all💞😎🌈
but when I find another person on the so called Spectrum
such as aquaguy91 and his mournfully misery speeches and guliable me lets my
my heart goes out to him and the bad memories come flooding back as I did my best to try to show him that he is not alone in his misery because many other folks like myself do indeed understand such
misery and for longer than he has been alive👽

Yet he goes and said I was making everything about me👽👽👽👽👽👽
WTF⁉️👽🤬

I spilled my heart out to him because I had hoped that he would realize that I do care and understand his being on the spectrum is
not easy😢💙
Nor does it make him special no more than it makes me special.
It just is what it is.

Yet he compulsively and illogically
continues to retaliate with insults and rudeness and whining over and over
like a mad dog biting the hand
trying to calm him👽

I will even consider that he is totally unable to see what he is doing to others and himself👽
That is extra sad indeed😢
Being gravely ill also makes me review my life and that brings up all the old bad memories I thought I had under control🥵😢👽

Pain of the body, agonizing pain brings on nightmares when I sleep and remember kids and adults beating me bloody countless times.
Pain will do that unfortunately😢
Trying to help him has made me fall into my
urge to help fix people who are in misery.
That lead to my wasting 30 some years of my adult life on jerks who preyed on my caring and used me.

I must stop doing that for my own sake and to try and work to survive the multiple rare cancers
which threaten to end me😢

I for the most part tried my best to put things behind me but when someone as aquaguy91 brings out my deep urge to help him not be in misery,
then the bad memories well up and spill over as I try my best to illustrate that I truly
feel what his kind of pain is like😢💙

I have wasted my precious time on him and yes I resent that because he might as well had stolen that time from me I could have used for worthy things🤬

Trying to let go of
all this aquaguy91 drama

I still fall into old mindsets like feeling guilty if I stop trying to help him👽😢
All his insults about ALL women are bad
makes me start to remember
feeling dirty and disgusting and worthless like my exes and guys and yes some women
who made made me feel the transferred self loathing
and had me being very deeply ashamed to be female👽😢
That is indeed the message he is sending out to women👽🤬
I have only come to nearly complete grips with being female since turning 60 and not feeling disgusted
and such until triggered by his infectious misery loves company and me the
guliable fool again getting caught in yet another Miserables person's cries for pity parties snares👽🤬
Even once on the way to or healed one is still in a fragile state and must not let
themselves be swept into the abysses of deepest misery and despair by others
wallowing and whining in those awful
self inflicted pits of self destruction👽👽👽

I must seriously stop doing that to myself
sliding into the misery traps and snares
set by anyone who only cares about
themselves and is only interested in seemingly desiring to reinforce the reasons to hate humans especially ALL women👽

SleepyDiary thank you so very very much my for helping me clear my mind and heart💙💖
Your responses have helped me to get my
mind and emotions a bit back under
logical control💙
Your kind support is allowing me
to not feel as guilty
for abandoning aquaguy91.💙😢

Yes foolish me
I still care and I
am sad that
I do not have the emotional and physical strength to deal with him any longer.
There is no reason for me to feel shame over that.
I cannot keep trying here.👽

Again thank you ever so muchly SleepyDiary 💖
for helping me to realize I was becoming lost in his quagmire of self loathing that continuously feeds the loathing he has for others👽😢

I do not hate him
but I am sure that
he will think I do.👽

But I must take care of me 💙💖😎🌈🌄
and not worry about him any longer.👽👽👽

By the way I love your username😎🌈💞
Thank you SleepyDiary

Please pardon any typos or weird autofills.

------------------

posted August 02, 2022 10:24 AM            

Your words help to remind me to try
and at least every day think of
good things😎

Yes am continuing to work on myself both physically and psychologically🌈

I have stopped communicating with people
who only want to take and never
give anything in return.
Nor do such ever say thank you
they just ask for more more more👽
So mostly it is just me and my husband and our cats these days.
Medically we must pretty much stay
in quarantine and avoid outsiders
as much as possible.
It is strange and disturbing how folks will often get angry or take it as a personal rejection when
I tell them I am too ill to attend to weddings and birthday parties and family reunions etcetera.
One person even got badly hurt feelings when I could not go to his wedding👽😢
In fact I was in the Hospital at exactly the time his ceremony was taking place some 1,222
miles away😳👽
Today is his birthday and no matter how much
I love him,
I just have to accept that fact that he refuses to accept the fact that I am seriously ill and even under doctor orders to not be around him or anyone but my disabled husband.
That is the way it is for me and has to be to protect me and and help me heal.
It deeply saddened me that this is how it must be,
but I have no other course but to
let them go even when it makes them
get very upset with me😢

Thank you again💖🌈

Many blessings and love to you SleepyDiary 💖🌈

------------------

posted August 02, 2022 01:34 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:
I'm a straight guy. I want a straight relationship with a woman. Quit trying to gaslight me and make me feel bad for wanting something normal and natural. I never get sex. Sex is a need for me. And not in the way that condescending women who always reject sexual energy say they need sex. I actually need it. I'm unhappy because I don't get my needs - primarily my sex needs - met. It is really that simple.

---

So now you admit you DID in fact want sex. You said earlier that women weren’t even interested in being friends with you and my point was that it’s probably because they sensed you wanted something more and they weren’t interested. Women don’t owe you anything so stop acting like they do. Find a woman you have great real chemistry with and lower your expectations. Just because you did ‘’that’’ doesn’t mean she gonna owe you ‘’this’’ you deicided who you gave to and who you wanted to waste your time on nobody else but you chose that. Stop blaming all your mistakes on other people your life will never improve with a mindset like that.

posted August 02, 2022 01:42 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by SleepyDiary:
So now you admit you DID in fact want sex. You said earlier that women weren’t even interested in being friends with you and my point was that it’s probably because they sensed you wanted something more and they weren’t interested. Women don’t owe you anything so stop acting like they do. Find a woman you have great real chemistry with and lower your expectations. Just because you did ‘’that’’ doesn’t mean she gonna owe you ‘’this’’ you deicided who you gave to and who you wanted to waste your time on nobody else but you chose that. Stop blaming all your mistakes on other people your life will never improve with a mindset like that.

---

posted August 02, 2022 02:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
http://autismspectrumnews.org/inappropriate-behaviors-in-adult-autistics-we-mean-no-h arm/

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posted August 02, 2022 02:15 PM            

Can this be cured⁉️
Rather terrifying and I have been
snared and trapped by such charmers
too many times👽
So what can be done😳⁉️
Or is someone doomed to go
through life like this⁉️😳👽
From what I have read there
is no easy way to and often
no way to reach such
individuals.😢👽😳

They actually
do not realize
that what they are doing
and cannot help being
that way it seems👽😳😢
This is a very very heart
wrenching soul destroying
sad way to live😳👽
It hurts the one afflicted and
causes much stress to women who
desire to help them or worse,
trusted them and it got ugly
because yes indeed
sooner or later the charm
will turn nasty.
Beware of these Jekyll and Hydes
they cannot stop the awful ways
they behave
and will never admit they are ever
at fault in the least.👽
Arguing with them,
and even trying to help
will not work.
They believe they are wonderful
and totally innocent of any
inappropriate behaviors from what
I have read and observed 👽
It seems that
only a professional
might be able to help such
clueless miserable persons heal.
Or maybe it is not possible😳👽😢
What a horrible way to be👽😳😢