Posts: 47217
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 17, 2012 11:30 AM            

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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posted August 17, 2012 10:24 PM              

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Yes for sure, writing and pouring it out is very healing & refreshing. That is my main reason for writing it out also. I do not get the same result talking to a therapist, writing is so much more freeing.
to you.

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Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place. -Kurt Vonnegut.

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Posts: 8745
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 19, 2012 02:28 AM            

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Mad World - Gary Jules

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world

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Posts: 8745
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 19, 2012 02:58 AM            

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My heart would sink whenever we had to go home after a lovely spending a lovely weekend at my grandparents place.

I started participating in as many extra activities to avoid being at home. There was gymnastics (which i started at seven - also a good excuse for bruise marks), art classes, piano lessons,volunteering at animal shelters (still do to this day), later was the chess club ( where I could hang out with the "nerds" ) Joined enviromental clubs.. the list was long - any reason to make my time at home shorter.
It was also the year my dad arrange a marriage. to man considerably older than I. My word, I wasn't even interested in boys!
He said it was custom - wait what? YOU chose your OWN bride yet I have to suddenly respect this custom? NO WAY.
I got beaten quite often during that time, for "disrepsecting" my dad and culture.
Mum was against it too, even pa got involved and objected. I always knew dad was intimidated by pa, which is why I liked having him around.

Pa had the iciest blue eyes I've ever seen.His stare alone could intimidate you and probaby freeze an entire room. We (the grandchildren) never ever got the stare, only witnessed it with others. When he engaged with us, those icey blue eyes suddenly became warm.

Anyhow.. dad didn't win and I had to hear what a disgrace I am for a long time to come.

My fourteenth year, well almost fifteenth, was horrid. I had to quit gymnastics due to a serious knee injury. It's also the year I started feeling sick and for some reason, doctors were misdiagnosing me, argh! Until eventually, they diagnosed me as diabetic.

It took a lot of adjusting, diet, checking blood sugar levels, taking insulin an I couldn't understand why although the docs explained - I couldn't accept it.

And then there was the racial issue to deal with as well. Being a product of a muti - racial union in a country governed by Apartheid was not easy.

I remember one night, the cops stopped my dad - we were on our way home ( I was about five or so). They had a look into the car and when they spotted me, they asked him to get out and next thing they were beating him.
At the time, I didn't understnd what it was about and I was scared. A cop removed me from the car and asked me where my parents were.. Later, my mum come by to the police station to fetch me and had to explain that the man they arrested for kidnapping, was my dad and her husband. When they saw me in the vehicle, they automatically assumed that my dad had stolen someone's child.

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Posts: 8745
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 19, 2012 03:06 AM            

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My cousins from my paternal side were cruel. They'd call me names, ignore me and wouldn't play with me because I looked like a "whitey". They'd pull my hair and call me "witch" because it was red. It wasn't only them - adults were just as mean and ignorant. I didn't know what the fuss was about. I felt like an outcast - all I knew was dad hated me and so did everyone else..

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Posts: 47217
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 21, 2012 01:38 PM            

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Posts: 47217
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 23, 2012 12:29 PM            

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*hug*

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Posts: 47217
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 24, 2012 05:00 PM            

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You poofed all day today!

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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Posts: 8651
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 24, 2012 08:29 PM            

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Reading silently with empathy and seeing many threads that ran through my childhood.

Commenting because... you are a redhead too

Redheads rock!

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We dance around the ring and suppose, but the secret sits in the middle and Knows
Robert Frost

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Posts: 178
From:
Registered: Mar 2012

posted September 03, 2012 03:06 PM            

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Lief vir jou poplappie

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quote:

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Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

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- Buddha

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Posts: 8745
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 04, 2012 06:38 AM            

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Hey guys.

You're right, Juni, even if we color our hair to hide it.

Been feeling a bit drained lately and reluctant to post. Sure it will pass soon.

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quote:

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Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

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Linda Goodman

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Posts: 47217
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 05, 2012 09:31 AM            

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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Posts: 47217
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 06, 2012 10:22 AM            

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Glad it passed!

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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Posts: 8745
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 06, 2012 10:24 AM            

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It always does. Sometimes a short little break is all one needs.

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quote:

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Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

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Linda Goodman

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Posts: 47217
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 07, 2012 11:55 AM            

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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Posts: 47217
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 08, 2012 08:49 AM            

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Molo!

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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Posts: 8745
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 09, 2012 03:50 AM            

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Molo.

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Posts: 47217
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 09, 2012 08:56 AM            

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Mooooooloooooo!!!!!!

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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Posts: 8745
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 09, 2012 11:26 AM            

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Molo

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Posts: 47217
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 15, 2012 08:42 AM            

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Molo you over and over.

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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Posts: 47217
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 16, 2012 09:07 AM            

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And yesterday. And this morning. Mooolooo!!!!!!

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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Posts: 8745
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 17, 2012 07:21 AM            

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Molo.

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Posts: 8745
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 17, 2012 11:53 AM            

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Sometimes I feel stupid because my English isn't up to par.

It causes misunderstandings.. sometimes I interpret something as literal when it's a figure of speech or vice versa. Wish there was a translator at hand when such instances arise. So cut me some slack already, guys. I do learn something new everyday but don't mock a person because they speak a different language to you. I'll get there, someday.. you know, up to the required standard of communication..

Rant over.

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Posts: 8745
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 18, 2012 03:53 AM            

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Can't sleep and generally feeling unsettled. I was going to continue with my story but just not in the mood.
Yesterday was a typical blue Monday.. people on my case.. all day..friends, at work..just everyone, urgh. Had to keep my emotions in check as not to blow a gasket. Ended up with a splitting migraine that wouldn't go away. Also had to deal with someone who constantly make snotty remarks at foreigners(someone at work). He's not shy to hide his dislike either. He hurled an insult at me and instead of reacting and putting him on his place.. I just took it.. feeling my insides turning but just couldn't react. Don't know if it was the shock from the utter ignorance of his words or what. It's as if I regressed back into time and just stood there and took it. Insulted and humilated, with everyone looking at me waiting for a response, I just walked away. Went to my office, sat there, trying to digest the entire thing. Why didn't I say something? Why did allow myself to retreat back into that dark place? My day was just down hill from there and anyone who made me feel restricted in my speech in any way after that made me lash out at them. Felt bad afterwards. Still do.

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Posts: 8745
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 18, 2012 03:54 AM            

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Dp

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