posted March 09, 2010 12:20 AM         

If you ask someone to wear a condom and they don't, then you allowed them to not wear a condom - allowed them to disrespect you. And they were jerks to do this in the first place, of course.
You know, when things get all hot and bothered, it's hard to disengage and think about this kind of stuff. I'm sorry this happened.
Trust was the main issue and there was a violation of it, period.

As an aside - I DO believe that a woman is responsible for how she acts. It's very naive to say that one can just go around acting as they please and not expect some kind of repercussions. It's just irresponsible .
In turn, this kind of level of self-awareness and personal responsibility is self-respect.

posted March 09, 2010 12:30 AM         

And to make things clear, I don't disagree that both people must take responsibility for their actions, not at all. But this dude committed a huge lie of Omission, that's where the question of who's *more* liable comes in....atleast for me.

posted March 09, 2010 01:25 AM         

quote:

---

As an aside - I DO believe that a woman is responsible for how she acts. It's very naive to say that one can just go around acting as they please and not expect some kind of repercussions. It's just irresponsible .
In turn, this kind of level of self-awareness and personal responsibility is self-respect.

---

I know what you're saying, but I also think the men need to/could exert some self-control. I rarely drink, because things can get messy, I've never been a party girl, and I've attracted unwanted attention when I've been fully dressed - one man scared me, when I was younger, when I was just walking to the store... some men will think that you want it, no matter how covered up you are.

I'm bowing out of the thread now, because I'm just going to get more off-topic. This thread has me thinking of that movie The Accused.

posted March 09, 2010 01:56 AM         

Personally - I don't think enough is done.. to deter these people from acting negligently time and time again.

But you could discuss it with a lawyer in your area and see what your odds are.

I found this.. regarding US Law:
It might be helpful.

quote:

---

STDs and the Law

In some cases, it may be possible for a person infected with an STD to seek legal remedy for their damages and suffering.

Criminal STD transmission

In many states, failure to disclose to a sexual partner that you have a sexually transmitted disease such as herpes or HIV/AIDS is grounds for criminal prosecution or a civil lawsuit. In approximately 27 states, it is a felony crime for a person with HIV/AIDS to willfully expose another person to this disease via sexual activity.]

In some states, the law is so broad as to consider it unlawful for a person to “conduct themselves in a manner likely to transmit the disease.” When a criminal STD case is successfully prosecuted, the guilty party may face up to eight years in prison for their crime.

It is important to note that only under specific circumstances might it be considered a criminal offense to infect another person with a serious STD such as HIV/AIDS. “Willful exposure” laws typically apply only to persons who have intentionally affected others through unprotected vaginal or anal sexual activity. The accused person must know they have HIV/AIDS, must have failed to tell their partner of their disease status, and must have had the specific intent of infecting the other party.

Civil STD lawsuits

In some cases, a person infected with a serious sexually transmitted disease may have the legal right to seek monetary damages. In these cases, the injured person may file an STD lawsuit on the grounds of battery, fraud, negligence, and/or the infliction of psychological and emotional distress.

Pursuing a lawsuit over a sexually transmitted disease is a serious decision that requires careful consideration of both legal and non-legal factors. In most cases, curable STDs—such as Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, urethritis, and some cases of genital warts—do not provide sufficient grounds for legal action because the “damages” are not considered “economically viable.”

However, several cases have been successfully won by those infected with a serious STD. For example, in 2005, an Atlanta Falcons quarterback was sued by a 26-year-old Georgia woman who claimed the football player had infected her with herpes in 2003. In this herpes lawsuit, the woman sought damages for unwanted physical contact, pain, suffering, and potential future medical complications. She allegedly filed this STD lawsuit after the football player refused to help her deal with the symptoms caused by this disease. At first, the player denied knowing that he had herpes but later apologized to the woman. This suit was settled in the woman’s favor for unspecified monetary damages.

In another STD case, a Missouri appeals court ruled that an unmarried person may recover monetary damages for the negligent transmission of herpes. In the 1990s, a New York court ruled that wrongful transmission of an STD was legitimate grounds for a lawsuit in which compensation is sought from those responsible.

Legal considerations in an STD lawsuit
While the non-legal considerations in an STD case vary by individual, there are certain legal factors a person must bear in mind when considering an STD lawsuit. While this explanation is in not intended to be a substitute for legal advice, these are a few factors typically involved in an STD case:

• Burden of Proof: To be successful in an STD lawsuit, the plaintiff (that is, the person unknowingly infected with a serious STD) must prove that the defendant (that is, the alleged “infector”) knew or should have known that they were infected with an STD. They must also prove that the plaintiff was unaware of the defendant’s STD at the time of the sexual encounter. Third, the plaintiff must show that they were infected by the defendant and no one else. A qualified attorney can examine your case to determine if your best options.

• Type of STD: A person who has been infected with a curable STD may not have viable grounds for a legal claim. However, because diseases like Herpes and HIV are incurable and cause significant damages, people negligently or willfully infected with one of these diseases may have the right to seek legal compensation. To learn more about STD cases, it is important to speak with a qualified attorney who can determine your rights and options.

• Legal damages. In a civil case, an injured person may seek monetary compensation for all past and future losses associated with the injury. In cases of serious STDs, the victim may seek compensation for life-long medical treatment, all medication costs associated with treatment and care, expenses related to high risk pregnancy management (expecting mothers with herpes must typically have a cesarean section in order to avoid passing the disease to her child), pain and suffering, emotional damages, and possibly even punitive damages.

• Statute of Limitations. In all civil suits, legal action must be taken within a specific period of time. In general, this time period begins when the person learns of their injury (the time of “discovery”– in this case, when the person learns they have acquired an STD. In an STD case, however, the statute of limitations may begin at different times. For instance, it is up to the court to decide whether the statute begins at the time the STD was transmitted, the time the person first developed symptoms of the STD, or the time the person is diagnosed with the disease. In order to learn more about the statute of limitations, it is important to speak with a qualified attorney as soon as possible. If you wait too long, you may forfeit your legal rights to seek compensation for your losses and suffering.

• Settlement or Trial: Obtaining Compensation: There are generally two ways a person can be awarded damages in an STD case: through a settlement whereby the defendant agrees to pay damages or through a lawsuit whereby the court orders the defendant to pay damages. A large majority of personal injury cases (under which STD lawsuits fall), are settled out of court. To learn more about settlements and trials, it is important to speak with a qualified attorney about your specific case.

---

posted March 09, 2010 02:43 AM         

He is aware that he is sick so he should tell her. I don't think its her fault, it's all his!

posted March 09, 2010 03:05 AM         

quote:

---

Vaporlash-I agree but if he wanted to protect me and wore a condom, that wouldn't be enough.

He would have to avoid kissing me, using my towels, etc

What if I wanted to perform oral sex? Or demanded it myself ?

---

It is very unlikely to get Hep B from kissing, using towels, oral sex etc.. This only occurs if the semen or saliva has traces of blood (This is as far as I know.. I've read about it on health websites today).

The primary way to spread the disease is through sexual contact.

quote:

---

He also told me '1/3 of all men have this disease '

---

Ask him if he has ever heard of Wikipedia?

quote:

---

National and regional prevalence ranges from over 10% in Asia to under 0.5% in the United States and northern Europe.

---

quote:

---

In moderate prevalence areas, which include Eastern Europe, Russia, and Japan, where 2–7% of the population is chronically infected, the disease is predominantly spread among children

---

quote:

---

or if he was content in a sadistic way, that now he could tell me he had Hep. B and I wouldn't reject him since I had it too.

---

My gut feeling says it was sadistic.
I'm sorry you went through this. It's really a horrible situation. I'm hoping he either made it up (as Diana mentioned he might've) - or if he did not - I'm really hoping you will be lucky and you'll stay in great health.

Lara –

quote:

---

this is a 50-50 split responsibilty/blame issue.

---

Not according to the law in several areas.

quote:

---

I'm sorry diana but i find this comment very one-sided.
How can you sue someone for not wearing a condom when you have consensual sex?

---

Well actually you can.. because (as above) it is against the law for him to intentionally give her an STD.

It is NOT against the law for her to fail to have protected sex.

This is HIS disease and he has a duty and a responsibility to ensure that others do not contract the disease. If he purposely GIVES someone the disease - then that is the equivalent of purposely POISONING someone.
It is not only a civil matter - as posted above.. it can also be a criminal matter.

posted March 09, 2010 03:08 AM         

quote:

---

what if a girl wear a shorts skirt, she shows clevage and she dances all over the guy

---

posted March 09, 2010 11:05 AM         

I really felt better after I shared it here !

If it turns out I have it I will think about a lawsuit

For now I have no proof so I hope he understood how upset I was over the phone. I told him how I wish he had asked me whether I was vacc.ed in the first place and that he should ask his future gf.s and that I didn't want to see him again because I couldn't trust him after hearing that he didn't want to use condoms knowing that he could give me Hep.B all that time. I also told him I knew it would be my mistake too if I have it. And that I will be waiting in fear for the next 6 months..

I know he could do this again to someone else. But for now this is all I can do. I don't think I could get any info from him anymore over the phone or face to face that I could use in court because he probably fears that I would do that.

BUT if I have it, I might lie and call him to say that I want to see him again etc to collect proof, although I'm not a person who usually does that kind of thing

I just want to leave it all behind for now and glue a condom inside my vagina lol

posted March 09, 2010 12:49 PM         

quote:

---

BUT if I have it, I might lie and call him to say that I want to see him again etc to collect proof, although I'm not a person who usually does that kind of thing

---

This would be wise. Ask him when he first had symptoms, what he thinks you should look out for, and what treatments he's had, etc. That sort of thing. That way, it will prove he knew he had it before you did.

posted March 10, 2010 05:58 AM         

In scandinavien men/women who have unprotected sex when they know they have some sexually transmitted disease, pass under the same law as physical abuse.

All of us here must think about ours self, both men and women.

I only say

posted March 10, 2010 06:10 AM         

These diseases need to be tracked, monitored and contained.

Its not just women though that are victims of this, it happens to men too. I don't think its a battle of the sexes, anyone can find themselves in this situation and its not one gender's fault more than the other.

posted March 10, 2010 07:14 AM         

Now, on the issue of preparedness...
If you want to tell us where you live, I can help you research the relevant law, including what kind of statute of limitations applies to such lawsuits in your jurisdiction. Or you can get a free consult from most attorneys in whatever jurisdiction you happen to be in, if you're in the U.S.A. What if you have only one year to file suit from the time of the sex act? You should know that now, so you can protect your legal rights later, if need be. And I hope need not be.

Although the idea of surreptitiously recording "him" talking about his experience with hepB is tempting, I think you need to find out if that would be admissible evidence in your jurisdiction. And I think that has to be done very carefully, so it doesn't backfire. I would not do that under the ruse that you just want to see him again. That might have legal implications. Talk to an attorney first. Better yet, talk to a few attorneys first. Get a sampling of opinions.

posted March 10, 2010 07:28 AM         

God.

Diana ignore her.

posted March 10, 2010 08:18 AM         

Lara is an old woman like me and have much experience from the real reality and can give much younger people wisdom.

posted March 10, 2010 08:50 AM         

to the rest of you -
I'm amazed... i'm just amazed how you can almost all take a paragraph so far out of context and then try to shove it up my backside! LOL

A man IS a primal force... that doesn't mean he IS primal - it just runs in his veins DOH!
Any woman whom flirts excessively with a man and kisses him, licks him, dances all over him and goes up to his hotel room or back home with him, then when he makes a move tells him "sod off" is asking for trouble. Rape is potentially one of those troubles.
This type of woman is mostly a b1tch! You can't argue with my generalizing here... !!!!
THAT IS ALL I SAID - but you guys ALWAYS have to hear what you wanna hear and not what i am SAYING.

Maybe if you all actually read my posts correctly you would see that i do NOT advocate a woman getting raped, i think it's a severely disturbing act with deep scarring consequences with the wrong mindset. I am, though saying that it is a woman's responsibility and decision if a guy wears a condom or not, and if you proceed to sex knowing he is not wearing a condom then you can't blame him later on! If he then has a disease then it's really awful but if she cared about her health then this would not happen. If the condom breaks then that is not good!
Basically, you will attract what you need in life to save you from greater lessons or life-threatening problems. So better to have a scare like this than a definite HIV+ situation with potentially a different guy in a few years time. If you attracted someone whom did this to you, look at why you attracted it in the first place, because they didn't meet you to teach themselves a lesson!

As for you MINTGIRL123 - LOL
I am not way too obsessed... i only post serious synastry of myself and one other person whom i go on about and if you wanna hark on about synastries then go look at other peoples synastries!, because the only reason i am here is for synastry and past life research!!! Why would it be a big deal anyway, unless you had an issue with it. Diandra talks about her man and their love/synastry a lot too and i am really happy for her that she found she a great bond. I'm sure you would agree with that!

I never implied that a woman deserves this type of treatment - i am implying that MAYBE if a woman THOUGHT before she ACTED then this type of TREATMENT would NEVER HAPPEN!!!!!!! It's called common sense and yes, now i'm being sarcastic because i don't need a 20 yr old twat telling me how i think or not.

Same with the dude in Thailand - it's a horrific story but then that is why NO ONE EVER sleeps with a Thai girl or a black girl in the Caribbean - full of AIDS and STD's.

I am sick and tired of naive, nosey, judgmental, bitter, jealous brain dead idiots like you Mintgirl. It is ruining Lindaland.
Go get a life!!
BTW i am 40 and have the body/looks of a 25 yr old... so go figure it out for yourself.
GOOD BYE!

posted March 10, 2010 09:19 AM         

Over there they don't have adequate health care and aren't educated on STD's, they use traditional herbal remedies there and its so sad because there are so many people (male AND female and lets not forget the large transgender/transexual community there) are suffering when all it takes is teaching kids in school that a condom is the most effective way of preventing against diseases and even then its NOT 100% FOOLPROOF, as in my cousin's case. It's especially tragic because so many rely on the sex industry trade and westerners take full advantage of it.

Thankfully, we ARE educated and informed to be able to make decisions, my cousin is just a lovable hornbag (typical Saggi) who is actually very diligent when it comes to protecting himself against STD's. Though he has a few partners, every single one he asks to exchange clear STD reports from the doctor, even offering to go tested together. Now that's taking responsibility, i mean, what man totally supports you and is there with you every step of the way when it comes to protection? Its especially more unique because none of these are serious relationships, but he treats his health and the health of his partners with utmost respect. Then again, he's 43 so he was in his 20s and 30s when the scare campaign hit the media after the AIDS epidemic. Its knocked some sense in the older generation but not so much in mine, sadly because we didn't actually witness the horror of AIDS ourselves, we were just babies in the 80s.

Now, the condom breaks..it happens. And yeah, your right Lara..he totally should have known better. I'm pretty sure he's learnt his lesson and stopped his subscription to "Thai Love Links" and given up hope of finding himself a nice little obedient Thai wife (LOL LOL LOL)

The girl he slept with wasn't a prostitute. Before they actually had sex she was putting this ointment/cream stuff that apparently burnt like that Tiger Balm stuff and when he pulled out, she started bleeding everywhere. Going from the information out there, that's a severe case of chlamydia that hasn't been treated and is in the advanced stages where it goes to the cervix and spreads through the reproductive system.