posted January 01, 2013 01:26 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by sand:
yeah i have platonic friends too. it's not like that. there's something more. not just sharing stuff.. intentions, possibilities, emotions..

---

posted January 01, 2013 01:26 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
Well alot of people use that as a measure of whether they are cheating or not, including me. I just feel if somebody needs t hide certain things bc they are uncomfortable for their partner to find out, bc they know it is inappropriate...Then that's clearly crossing the line. But that's my opinion, I don't feel secrets should be part of a serious relationship.It all comes down to the fact you wouldn't be hiding if you didn't feel like it's something wrong. I know you may have a husband that isn't that understanding or supportive...But you should work on that with him...Not seek it elsewhere??

---

posted January 01, 2013 01:31 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by 7thGuardian:
Those are signs that the relationship is crumbling - they're not "as one" anymore... they don't feel conformable around each other, so they look for someone that can help them feel as a whole again... but, it's also worth mentioning that "it's not the begging of the end at that point (in some cases at least)" - cause in the same time, they're afraid to "brake it abruptly" taking in consideration the time invested in that relationship... and this could be taken as - "a second chance to make things right" ...if they miss/ignore it and let it evolve in to something worst - each will go separate ways eventually, either that or feel miserable around each other.

---

posted January 01, 2013 02:27 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
I'm the type to give my partner alot of space and am not jealous or possessive at all, but if a guy feels the need to hide anything, it's bye bye. I guess my pluto singleton is pretty prominent aye!

---

That's the thing. I give space, I give acceptance. So it's easier for my husband to confide in me, because I don't rush to judgement, don't make things uncomfortable for him.

He can get irritable about every little thing, he has Mercury-Mars-Pluto on the Leo/Virgo cusp.

So, I dunno, why should he get all the credit for being more honest? I'm easier to talk to, that's why he's more honest.

posted January 01, 2013 03:13 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
But alot of girls do the whole chatting with their guy friends thing abit too intensely and too frequently. If you're talking to the other person just as much or more than your bf/husband then something isn't right? Especially if some of the content is flirtatious or borders on that. And they might have a great bf, it's not just because their relationship is going down the drain.
And even if it were... Shouldn't they just break it off? It's unfair on the other person, no? You shouldn't be depending on another male to make you whole :X when you have a partner.

---

posted January 01, 2013 04:35 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Faith:

I don't know anyone who has 100% transparency with their partner; I think that's unrealistic.

---

I do now with my fiancé. It is attainable.

I was married and divorced twice before because my ex-husbands started off doing what you are doing now before the actual physical act of cheating. I knew something was up so I shut down & didn't share everything.

But now we have 100% communication. It's so calm and relaxing to not have anything to hide between us & nothing to fight about.

posted January 01, 2013 04:41 PM            

Sag Sun
Sag Asc
Gemini Moon
Merc in Sag
Venus in Scorp
Scorpio in Mars
lots of negative Pluto aspects...etc.

posted January 01, 2013 04:43 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Geeky:
Also, I find it kinda ironic reading about so many of you having these secret chat buddies (and, it IS cheating, IMHO). So many people on this board freaked out at the idea that a woman could actually enjoy an open relationship but being sneaky is ok? Hmmm...

---

I know... It's strange. And I don't think they're actually oblivious to things because if they were, they wouldn't be hiding it.

Oh well. Whatever floats their boat.

posted January 01, 2013 04:46 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Geeky:
As far as the astrology is concerned, my ex-husband cheated on me, and his ex-wives (let's just say he has two other kids less than 9 months apart in age!). He also still cheats on his girlfriends (he brags about this to me openly). His details...

Sag Sun
Sag Asc
Gemini Moon
Merc in Sag
Venus in Scorp
Scorpio in Mars
lots of negative Pluto aspects...etc.

---

Not surprised he cheated. Lots of mutable involving Gemini and Sag is never good news (as well as Libra + Gem combo people being prone to heavy flirtatious behaviour)

posted January 01, 2013 04:51 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
Did he tell you about the cheating after you guys divorced? I don't think I'd be able to give a guy with such a history a chance.

---

He claimed his ladies cheated on him (and he later would constantly accuse me of the same... so typical).

His wife & the ex-gf he got pregnant while his wife was preggers BOTH tried to warn me. However, at the time (I was 23), I was naive and he convinced me they were still in love with him and just jealous.

I found out about his cheating on me four years after the first incident actually happened because he left his e-mail account open once (something he never did). I was able to read a current message to the girl saying, "I've always wondered what would have happened if I didn't go home after that night I spent with you after the concert".

I lost it. I felt like my marriage was all a lie and that was just from one message. So basically, he had sex with this girl and apparently (according to more emails) thought about her and missed her every day.

Sadly, she wasn't the only one. There were four more he kept from me. So five affairs (to my knowledge) in our seven year marriage.

posted January 01, 2013 04:56 PM            

Sigh what a piece of work =( I hope you feel better these days, my cheating ex was unfaithful through the whole relationship and I too felt like everything was a lie.

posted January 01, 2013 04:57 PM            

quote:

---

as well as Libra + Gem combo people being prone to heavy flirtatious behaviour

---

Oh it's constant... the flirting. He's 40 this year and still acts like a teenager.

It doesn't matter how happy he is, he is never satisfied. I was ok with the flirting because it boosted his ego... whatever. But the pursuit of other women BEHIND MY BACK was a complete betrayal of my trust.

If at the beginning, he would have been honest about wanting an alternative relationship, and it would have been okay for me to see other people too, I would have accepted that idea. But he wanted to see other people without me seeing anyone else so uhhh... no. :/

posted January 01, 2013 04:58 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
Oh well, hindsight is everything. At least we learnt things and are better for it now!

---

Indeed. =D

posted January 01, 2013 05:02 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
they wouldn't be hiding it.

---

This...exactly. If you have platonic friends then why hide your relationship?

I have platonic friends some I even dated/slept with and it's totally honest because 1) I never chat with them online/on FB while my fiancé is at work, 2) I never have long telephone conversations with them while he is at work, and 3) I never hang out with them alone or put myself in a situation where my behavior would even appear questionable to anyone.

I love & respect my boo... I would never keep anything from him. I have the same in return.

posted January 01, 2013 10:32 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by anno_lucis:
if there IS something more, then u weigh it up and make the call, no?

---

posted January 01, 2013 11:45 PM            

I've dated two Pisces-influenced guys (one a Taurus with a Pisces Moon and Mars, one an Aquarius with a Taurus Moon and Pisces Mars) and both cheated on me.

And that's not a blanket statement against Pisces Moons - I know and love a few, have even given birth to two - or against Pisces energy (being a Pisces Sun daughter of a Pisces Sun mom).
I might watch out for those Pisces Mars fellas, though *shiftyeyes*

re: my definition of cheating: For me, if I wouldn't do it in front of my husband, I consider it off limits. He says that he holds himself to the same standard, and from his actions and our history I trust him.
For the record, he's stereotype-breaking Gemini Sun with a Saggi Moon (and tons - I mean tons of Saturn contacts and a not-idle Pluto).
Edited to add: We even share our passwords for everything. It wasn't a real decision, not a, "Gimme yer passwords!" from either side. We just started sharing passwords because it didn't strike us not to.

It didn't hit me until later that my ex never did.

posted January 02, 2013 08:54 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Geeky:
I do now with my fiancé. It is attainable.

I was married and divorced twice before because my ex-husbands started off doing what you are doing now before the actual physical act of cheating.

---

I don't know what impression I gave, but for the record, what I'm doing now isn't that scandalous.

There are things I will tell my oldest brother, that I won't tell my husband.

There are men I talk to casually on this forum...my husband doesn't know because he thinks astrology is demonic witchcraft. But nothing I'm saying is flirtatious or headed towards cheating.

In real life, I talk to almost no men, except my friends' husbands, and I'm very reserved even with them.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Geeky:
But now we have 100% communication. It's so calm and relaxing to not have anything to hide between us & nothing to fight about.

---

Congratulations, I'm happy for you.

Unfortunately that seems impossible with my relationship; as I said, if my husband refuses to hear me, I don't see why I should be labeled secretive. The communication problem works both ways....and if divorce is suggested as the more moral choice for me, having this dilemma, then my children would beg to disagree.

posted January 02, 2013 12:41 PM            

Heck, for some couples I'd say it's essential.
A little breathing room can be a good thing, and some people need that space in order to survive. Call it "keeping the mystery" or just "not being a cling-on".

Faith, I don't think that you're engaging in some betrayal. Sometimes allowances have to be made. Regarding your husband, I'm sure that he has plenty of other admirable qualities, not the least of which is having been granted your love.
It's unfortunate that you feel / know that he would be judgmental about this particular interest, but no one's perfect
And to expect perfection from others (or from oneself) is folly.

posted January 02, 2013 01:04 PM            

My wife also thinks astrology is demonic witchcraft, and in fact, the lot of us are headed straight to hell.

I don't share this aspect of my day with my wife.

In fact, to make it even more scandalous, I hereby profess my immense adoration for the two married women above - Faith and Mockingbird. In fact, I engage in silly flirtation idle talk with the OP, among others.