posted January 05, 2013 12:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by anno_lucis:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by sand:
[b] what call? i don't think it's the easiest call to make. obligations, duties, circumstances can make other choices seem so wrong but the connection... idk...

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oh look, some flirting.

posted January 05, 2013 12:34 PM            

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Originally posted by Faith:
This assumes that everyone has the same standards for what "innocent" means, and everyone is equally open to discussing things that are innocent.

I wish.

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I just think having secret chat buddies is inappropriate despite what kind of man your husband is. He's still your husband.

It's like saying if you're a naggy and temperamental, your husband is therefore justified in hitting you. Just cos it's like that, does not give somebody the right to use violence. It's not right either way.

posted January 05, 2013 12:36 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by anno_lucis:
FLOSSY FLOSSAYYYYY

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posted January 05, 2013 02:14 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Haplesschild*:

It's like saying if you're a naggy and temperamental, your husband is therefore justified in hitting you. Just cos it's like that, does not give somebody the right to use violence. It's not right either way.

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It's like saying, if your husband doesn't want you talking to anyone ever, male or female, you have to listen to him and honor his preference, or *you* are in the wrong.

'Must be nice for you, seeing things in black and white like that.

posted January 05, 2013 02:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:

my sun is 16 deg taurus.

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See, I'm familiar with that cuz my hubby's SN is 15.48 Taurus.

My sun is 15.50 Cap, SN 20.00 Taurus.

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
yes i understand that. taurus can neglect partners after awhile and get stuck on what brings them pleasure.

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That's kind of endearing, though. You don't have to worry about taking care of a Taurus so much...they'll make sure they get taken care of, don't worry.

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
yes the pluto but what i don't get is if that's what u were attracted to in the beginning (scorp dsc) y get shocked to find out i am that way.. /shrug

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I dunno, I wonder if people use Scorpio. It's sexy and attractive...people don't realize it comes with a high price (namely, your soul.)

Something like that?

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
space yes now that's more my nn in gemini! i have till midlife anyway!

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You can't hurry love.

posted January 05, 2013 08:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
At the end of the day, you ladies wouldn't want to be around a man who belches and farts, but that's the natural male inclination. Show me a big porterhouse steak and lobster and I'll grunt in approval and slobber over it like a pig. And then gobble it down and belch, and then pass wind in a big way. And then sack out on the couch and snore loudly. But I know that it isn't the way to be popular with the female folk, so I don't do that. It is my form of behavioral compromise in order to attract a female, get married, and stay married.

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Well then I'm not a lady cause that kind of natural behavior floats my boat!! My baby belches and I slap his butt and yell out "oooooh sexy".

He finds me quite bizarre but he is getting used to it... like you said, what guy complains of too much sex lol?

posted January 05, 2013 08:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
I just think having secret chat buddies is inappropriate despite what kind of man your husband is. He's still your husband.

It's like saying if you're a naggy and temperamental, your husband is therefore justified in hitting you. Just cos it's like that, does not give somebody the right to use violence. It's not right either way.

Anyway, thats just my opinion. Obv everyone does things differently.

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Precisely.

Why look at your husband every day and pretend everything is okay? If the reverse were happening to her, I guarantee she'd be on this board boo-hoo crying about her husband chatting with another woman and she'd be telling all of us he was having an emotional affair... and all of us would be supporting her.

But in reverse... no she's not cheating. Riiiiiight.

If you want to have an open relationship, it has to be honest. This is deception. Lying / leaving out information / half-truths is deception and it's destructive. A marriage cannot happily exist like this for very long... I don't care how much she defends it.

And that whole thing about her kids begging her not to leave him is crap too. Who is the adult here? My daughter misses her dad but just because she wants him back doesn't mean I would or should take him back. That's ludicrous. She tells me at least once a week that he'll come back and we'll be a family again and every time I remind her that that will NEVER happen. It's called reality. It's also called parenting...it's when you make a stand for the greater good and they respect you as the authority figure.

Reading her excuses makes me want to puke in my mouth.

posted January 05, 2013 08:52 PM            

On the collorary, I could be on the phone chatting up a storm with ex-girlfriends whom my wife does know and endorse, where we openly expressing sappy verbal affection even if all parties are married, who my wife does know, and their husbands do know, but that isn't cheating, even though it has the potential to raise more eyebrows.

posted January 05, 2013 08:54 PM            

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Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
On the first page you said you have somebody lined up if you were to dump somebody else?

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When I was much younger, I was like this.

It stems from either insecurity, low self-worth, a fear of abandonment, an attempt to avoid loneliness, short attention span, or simply feeling like your relationship is missing something and you can do better.

As I aged, I evolved and realized this was not okay. I learned how to be "single" and okay with NOT having someone. I also learned that it was okay to be honest. Yes, 100% honest.

It was only AFTER I learned those lessons that I met my partner...the ONE person who has completely satisfied me. Prior to meeting him, I found a fault in everyone else. There was always some thing that left me wondering if I could do better. But before I could do better, I had to BE better. I had to mature and make many self improvements. I was only finding faults in others to deflect attention from my own shortcomings.

In other words, I had to be able to love myself. If I couldn't spend time alone with myself... then how could I expect anyone else to want to spend time with me?

posted January 05, 2013 09:23 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
On the first page you said you have somebody lined up if you were to dump somebody else?

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posted January 05, 2013 09:24 PM            

quote:

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That's kind of endearing, though. You don't have to worry about taking care of a Taurus so much...they'll make sure they get taken care of, don't worry.

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posted January 05, 2013 09:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
Yes we'll it's not v hard for me to find a partner. I suppose I just have more.. Options.

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Having more options didn't make it okay for me to behave that way. When you evolve you will realize that.

posted January 05, 2013 09:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
In fact, she would probably get incredibly mad if she found out and I'm definitely here against her wishes

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I would too. It's disrespectful even if you think what you are doing is harmless, it upsets her. You either need to respect her wishes or openly tell her you have hobbies that she needs to deal with.

But that would probably be too risky for you. Some people would rather lie than risk a little discomfort.

posted January 05, 2013 09:35 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Doesn't everyone hide SOMETHING from every single person they know?

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No. I am just me. I do at times get lonely & lose friends but I don't want people by my side who don't really know me and accept me anyway... that's too damn depressing.

posted January 05, 2013 10:35 PM            

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Originally posted by Geeky:
Precisely.

Why look at your husband every day and pretend everything is okay? If the reverse were happening to her, I guarantee she'd be on this board boo-hoo crying about her husband chatting with another woman and she'd be telling all of us he was having an emotional affair... and all of us would be supporting her.

But in reverse... no she's not cheating. Riiiiiight.

And that whole thing about her kids begging her not to leave him is crap too. ...
...

Reading her excuses makes me want to puke in my mouth.

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You are REALLY f***ing rude. You do not know my life story, and what I'm doing here is harmless.

*Good for you* that you can get divorced twice. Nice of you to gloat...third time's the charm, eh??

posted January 05, 2013 10:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Geeky:
No. I am just me. I do at times get lonely & lose friends but I don't want people by my side who don't really know me and accept me anyway... that's too damn depressing.

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Yeah from what I've seen of your personality, no wonder they leave.

posted January 05, 2013 10:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
You are REALLY f***ing rude. You do not know my life story, and what I'm doing here is harmless.

*Good for you* that you can get divorced twice. Nice of you to gloat...third time's the charm, eh??

Not everyone has your options.

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You have options, but the way I see it, You're too chicken sh!t to take them. Grow a backbone.

Directing your hissy fits at me does nothing to solve your problem. At the end of the day, I am at home snuggled with someone I am happy with. And you?

posted January 05, 2013 10:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Yeah from what I've seen of your personality, no wonder they leave.

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The people I have left are pure & genuine. I don't need quantity when I have quality. I call it "weeding the garden".

posted January 05, 2013 10:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Geeky:
At the end of the day, I am at home snuggled with someone I am happy with. And you?

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Ah yes, and your daughter does WHAT? Suffer while you tell her to shove it?

Niiiiice. And yet...you are so enlightened now, you deserve true love.

Nevermind the "crap" about your child paying the price.

posted January 05, 2013 10:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Geeky:
The people I have left are pure & genuine. I don't need quantity when I have quality. I call it "weeding the garden".

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You're just like a princess aren't you?

So high above us common folk still living in non-ideal marriages.

There you are way up there looking down on us little people, preaching about having real friends, because obviously we are just losers with no real friends, because you make assumptions, which are always right...

KEEP

ON

DREAMING

posted January 05, 2013 11:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Ah yes, and your daughter does WHAT? Suffer while you tell her to shove it?

Niiiiice. And yet...you are so enlightened now, you deserve true love.

Nevermind the "crap" about your child paying the price.

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First of all, the only reason she misses her dad is because he bailed out to see if he could move in with his ex-gf. HE chose to abandon his daughter. He didn't have to leave the state...but his d!ck was thinking for him and he didn't give two sh!ts about his daughter.

Would it be better for me to stay with a cheat... to teach her that is how men treat women?

Would it be better to hear mom & dad fight?

Would it be better for her to see mommy crying at night because daddy didn't come home? Or because daddy came home at 7am drunk with no explanations of why he smells like another woman?

Umm... that's a no, no, and no.

She's eight so she believes in fairy tales. I have to snap her back to reality, but she is certainly not suffering. LOL... you need to stop directing your repressed issues at the wrong person.

Also, just fyi - if your husband is as controlling as you say he is, he tracks your internet traffic so you aren't hiding a thing. and he's likely using what you are doing as an excuse to cheat on you.

But you can stay with him & stay miserable. Your choice...