posted January 03, 2013 03:49 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
It's not simple.

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I didn't say it was simple. Why are you so defensive?

Choosing not to put up with a demoralizing, abusive, cheating husband was a hard choice. After years of dealing with it (for the kids, I kept telling myself), I finally realized I didn't want my son to learn those habits. I didn't want him to think he should treat women that way.

And I didn't want my daughter to learn that men should talk to her that way and cheat on her. I don't have any blood relatives left...I do everything on my own.

It's not easy. It's past midnight and this is my first moment of "me" time all day. So I totally get while you are still with him.

But can you agree it's not healthy? If he thinks astrology is demonic, then clearly, you two have serious issues. The sooner you break free, the better for everyone.

I honestly do wish you the best.

posted January 03, 2013 04:00 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Geeky,

My wife also thinks astrology is demonic witchcraft, and in fact, the lot of us are headed straight to hell.

I don't share this aspect of my day with my wife.

In fact, to make it even more scandalous, I hereby profess my immense adoration for the two married women above - Faith and Mockingbird. In fact, I engage in silly flirtation idle talk with the OP, among others.

I guess I'm just an immense cheat. At the end of the day, I have a novel concept called a successful marriage. Like they say, people who live in glass houses...

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In any case, I still stand by what I said. If you have relationships with outsiders that are stronger than your relationship with your wife/husband/partner, I personally believe it's wrong.

Even when my husband was being a man **** , I stayed faithful (physically and emotionally). I never put myself in a situation that would make my life more difficult or complicated.

If your partner feels so strongly against something you believe in/enjoy, in my opinion, you have major issues. But my idea of a successful relationship does not have to be the same as yours & vice/versa.

My idea of success is that I get to be who I am. I don't have to hide any aspect of my personality, I can share any thought that comes to mind without judgment, I don't have to suck in my belly or pretend to be a size 4 when I am a size 8, etc. I am not perfect and neither is he... and we are both comfortable with that.

I could not be happy in your situation or in the situation that Faith is in. It would feel too deceptive and I would feel guilty. That's all I meant. I wasn't attacking anyone (so not sure why people are so defensive)...it's just not something *I* could do.

Kudos to you for being married for so long! Clearly, you are doing what works for you.

posted January 04, 2013 01:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Londongirl8:
Men will cheat

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Let's not stereotype. Both men and women will cheat. Women aren't innocent. People will cheat.

quote:

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regardless of what day of the month they were born on but a man or woman can only get away with what the other person ALLOWS then to get away with.

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Agreed. But wouldn't things be better if people just didn't cheat in the first place...?

posted January 04, 2013 07:17 PM            

quote:

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:
An emotional affair can be defined as follows'

"A relationship between a person and someone other than (their) spouse (or lover) that has an impact on the level of intimacy, emotional distance and overall dynamic balance in the marriage. The role of an affair is to create emotional distance in the marriage."[1]

In this view, neither sexual intercourse nor physical affection is necessary to impact the committed relationship(s) of those involved in the affair. It is held that an emotional affair can injure a committed relationship more than a one night stand or other casual sexual encounters..

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basically, if you are seeing someone whom you're emotionally involved with AND sexually attracted to, APART from your partner, then it's safe to say you are emotionally cheating.

posted January 04, 2013 09:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Geeky,

My wife pretty much has a strong say over every aspect in my life: what I eat, what I wear, where I go, who I meet, etc. Why wouldn't she want to have a say over my moral values and personal convictions?

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posted January 04, 2013 09:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Geeky:
I didn't say it was simple. Why are you so defensive?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Geeky:
Also, I find it kinda ironic reading about so many of you having these secret chat buddies (and, it IS cheating, IMHO). So many people on this board freaked out at the idea that a woman could actually enjoy an open relationship but being sneaky is ok? Hmmm...

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Secret chat buddies is cheating??

Why??

I decide what the moral standard is for my conversations, not anyone else. So if I talk to another man, maybe my husband wouldn't like that, but if I know I'm not flirting, then my conscience is okay.

Just answering your question.

posted January 04, 2013 10:34 PM            

it's the matter of WHY does one keep these "friends" as a secret, that determines if it's for cheating reasons

posted January 05, 2013 05:44 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by 11nahyt:
having SECRET chat buddies, isn't automatically cheating. but it is lying.

it's the matter of WHY does one keep these "friends" as a secret, that determines if it's for cheating reasons

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posted January 05, 2013 06:56 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
^ I think the problem here is that you're keeping it a secret and still do it despite knowing your partner will be uncomfortable.

That's not very respectful imo.

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Well, you don't know all the circumstances of my marriage. You judge what you don't understand.

posted January 05, 2013 07:04 AM            

But I don't think u cheat or anything close..

posted January 05, 2013 07:09 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
Yes exactly. If it's innocent there will be no need to hide it.

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This assumes that everyone has the same standards for what "innocent" means, and everyone is equally open to discussing things that are innocent.

posted January 05, 2013 07:17 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
That sounds like a hard situation faith.

But I don't think u cheat or anything close..

I'm sure that problem is rather common.. Men can be quite stubborn in their views.. Wasn't he a SN Taurus?

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Thank you, sand.

Yes, my husband has that fixed nodal axis with 5 planets in Leo. Plus, he has Mercury conjunct Mars and Pluto. He can be intimidating.

People who know me think I am controlled by him too much. So for anyone to suggest that I'm doing wrong by not allowing him to control me EVEN MORE...obviously this hits a nerve.

posted January 05, 2013 07:37 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Kerosene:
That must be hard.. but at least your wife is really pretty so its not all bad.
Are you a libra rising by any chance?

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It may be constraining, but it is not too difficult. Its called marriage. Its called commitment and ultimately its called love. Beauty has little to do with the equation. But I'm the Beast, and it's strange that the insecurities are such that I would wake up one morning and find her not attractive enough for my standards. At the same token, the consternation will rain down on me should I gain five pounds. "Am I fat" is a common question. For God's sake, you're a size two and 106 lbs. And you should be able to have some real sugar with your coffee.

I am also dressed to her standards. I personally don't care whether I wear Old Navy or Brooks Brothers, but she cares very much. She goes out in the freezing cold to clean my car because she won't allow me to be seen driving a remotely dirty car. And then goes snarling like an angry lioness should any female even glance in my direction.

And I'm cheating by hanging out here and responding to your question. She checks my browser cache and cookies as a matter of habit. At the same time, she checks in with me on everything she buys. Yes, dear, go ahead and get your make up without asking me; we can afford it. Yes, you can eat out for lunch with your friends: that's what your card is for.

And then there's the sex. Half of the logic is that she truly likes sex as much as the biggest nymohomaniac. The other half is the logic that keeping my testicles drained keeps me unavailable to other females. Bet you seldom hear about a husband complaining about too much sex. Sigh.

posted January 05, 2013 09:33 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Thank you, sand.

Yes, my husband has that fixed nodal axis with 5 planets in Leo. Plus, he has Mercury conjunct Mars and Pluto. He can be intimidating.

People who know me think I am controlled by him too much. So for anyone to suggest that I'm doing wrong by not allowing him to control me EVEN MORE...obviously this hits a nerve.

It's not an ideal situation by far. I'm just trying to make the best of it, and enjoy life in the meanwhile.

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I oddly understand him. I get complaints about how I only call when I'm bored or horny.. Used to at least.. I still can't wrap my brain on how I do that but astro is helping me understand it. I can be self centered because of my h1. Even in relationships I think it's just an extension of ego drives.

Yes intimidating also. But it usually comes as a shock to me coz y didn't they say anything in the first place.

And then I question whether I actually love them or that my ego just can't stand rejection. Or that I failed at something.

posted January 05, 2013 10:51 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
^ Ian we need a Cap-Leo marriage support group.

These people just don't understand.

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It's tough to want your cake and eat it too. The whole concept of a commitment is the promise to compromise on absolute freedom. The entire concept of "soul mate" or whatever is idealistic and it is a wonderful goal, but it is also utopian. Nobody matches anybody else in a complete, perfect manner in every single aspect.

posted January 05, 2013 11:12 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
I oddly understand him. I get complaints about how I only call when I'm bored or horny.. Used to at least.. I still can't wrap my brain on how I do that but astro is helping me understand it. I can be self centered because of my h1. Even in relationships I think it's just an extension of ego drives.

Yes intimidating also. But it usually comes as a shock to me coz y didn't they say anything in the first place.

And then I question whether I actually love them or that my ego just can't stand rejection. Or that I failed at something.

My SN is in h2 also.

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Good thing I will never date you then!!

But yeah, thanks for your honesty. His SN is exactly conjunct your sun, I think. I guess that is positive for our synastry, my sun being tightly trine his SN, our SNs being conjunct...but we get stuck down in that comfort zone. It's easy to NOT fight for our individual best interests, just sit back like lazy Taureans eating chocolate and telling jokes (SN manifesting the more negative aspects of a sign, not that joking is negative but I mean just being sensual to a fault)...but then problems accumulate.

Eventually we have to confront things but when two Scorpio NN people go head to head...

Let's just say, I want to avoid that.

You with your Pluto-ASC Scorpio probably do carry that same intimidation factor. At least you are aware of it and might be able to consciously back off and give your woman space to grow.

Plus you are worth the extra effort from her, right?

posted January 05, 2013 11:17 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Nobody matches anybody else in a complete, perfect manner in every single aspect.

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Yes, I think nobody understands another person 100%...you just can't be totally honest all the time without hurting someone. Every relationship involves sacrifice.

Plus, Linda Goodman says Cap must serve Leo even though Cap is wiser than Leo.

That is a recipe for frustration: being somewhat controlled by someone whose views are more limited than your own. But you can't force someone to see. If their periphery vision is nonexistent, and you exist partly in that periphery, nothing you can say will REALLY give them a sense of your whole inner truth.

posted January 05, 2013 12:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Good thing I will never date you then!!

But yeah, thanks for your honesty. His SN is exactly conjunct your sun, I think. I guess that is positive for our synastry, my sun being tightly trine his SN, our SNs being conjunct...but we get stuck down in that comfort zone. It's easy to NOT fight for our individual best interests, just sit back like lazy Taureans eating chocolate and telling jokes (SN manifesting the more negative aspects of a sign, not that joking is negative but I mean just being sensual to a fault)...but then problems accumulate.

Eventually we have to confront things but when two Scorpio NN people go head to head...

Let's just say, I want to avoid that.

You with your Pluto-ASC Scorpio probably do carry that same intimidation factor. At least you are aware of it and might be able to consciously back off and give your woman space to grow.

Plus you are worth the extra effort from her, right?

^ Note to all: That is NOT flirting. I'm merely stating facts.

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yes good thing!

my sun is 16 deg taurus.

yes i understand that. taurus can neglect partners after awhile and get stuck on what brings them pleasure.

yes the pluto but what i don't get is if that's what u were attracted to in the beginning (scorp dsc) y get shocked to find out i am that way.. /shrug

space yes now that's more my nn in gemini! i have till midlife anyway!

venus opposition pluto can constantly test this worth and how much we are valued. i try not to anymore because you will always lose.

posted January 05, 2013 12:19 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
what call? i don't think it's the easiest call to make. obligations, duties, circumstances can make other choices seem so wrong but the connection... idk...

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oh look, some flirting.