posted February 02, 2011 07:25 PM            

I don't really know how to pull my Venus away from my Deja. I can try to pull it off my Saturn, but I've acted like a victim and negatively all my life and it's very hard to break theses patterns.

posted February 02, 2011 08:50 PM            

How to do it?
For me,God is first,always.
I trust Him to have my back.

Second,I let myself love and be hurt.I cry when I am hurt.Crying heals.
I think you have to love in order to heal.

I have an unaspected Venus so was always aloof in love.
When it got aspected by someone's Pluto in an exact trine ,my aloofness went out the window.
I felt the pain I never felt before, the pain of attachment and all the things that go with that.
As I felt that pain,I started to heal.

That is my journey to date.If I could cut my mother out like a tumor,I would , right away.
She has been the bane of my existence like a gloomy cloud that follows me like Pigpen in Charlie Brown.
She,alone,has been that force I never seem able to outrun.
Can I ?
I hope so.
I sure do lol

posted February 05, 2011 12:29 AM            

Maybe I'm a Pisces because I saw my father's 12 house Neptune completely control him while he was completely oblivious to the whole thing. The whole "blind faith" thing.

posted February 07, 2011 08:17 AM            

I suppose it is Pluto/primal needs,moon/emotions and heart,mars/drive.

posted February 07, 2011 08:19 AM            

Venus does small things like make a nice diner for someone or a special recipe that the person likes.
Venus's joy is in giving as well as receiving.

posted February 07, 2011 08:22 AM            

Anyway,I developed breasts(36C) at age 9.I was scared to death of my sexuality .
I have been scared since so I have not come to be comfortable with the physical side of Venus.
I hope I do at some point lol

posted February 07, 2011 09:42 AM            

Am I still OK with all these flaws inside and out?
Prolly. I just have to find the space where *I* think so .

posted February 08, 2011 02:27 AM            

quote:

---

We have 7 years of Chiron roaming through the most sensitive sign of the zodiac, Pisces, and through the oceans before us. Events in your life from last April and July will reappear in all their glorious wounded shape this week. Remember, Chiron represents a wound we can’t heal, even though we try very, very hard to fix it. Our best efforts can mitigate it but not fix it. The wound is created from a permanent, deadly poison, blood from Medusa’s severed head. Watch where the wound appears in your chart ~ the first degree of Pisces.

---

Yep Chiron is going back to my Sun...

What I'm really scared of is going back to events from April and July. I became estranged from my father on the first of June 10. When writing down the events I wrote down the time he came to my door. That chart has a Cap rising. Chiron was at 0 picses 59 that day...22 minute to exact on my sun. Hence why I decided it was a good day to put my foot down and say no more.

Uranus was 6 minutes into aries. My dad is like "I'm here, It's all about me and it has to be NOW" - Uranus in Aries much.

I'm scared he'll come back because it's my 21st in about 12 days. I don't want him to ruin my 21st. The only phone calls I want are those telling me I got short-listed for a job and they want an interview, not ones from him.

His Chiron is cj my Merc in the 4th. When he came to my house he demanded my phone number and to be let in (merc and 4th house). I said no. I want my mercury to be left alone.

posted February 09, 2011 02:17 AM            

He’s like “I’ve been thinking about our relationship since we last spoke”
and proceeded to say such things as...
“If I die and you are having no contact with me I’m going to tell my brothers not to tell you that I’ve died.”
“I saw this young waitress down at Sofia’s (a restaurant) and she was a brunette with brown eyes, just like I’d thought you were going to be like. I didn’t have any sexual feelings for her, but I felt this warm paternal feeling towards her... If I can’t express those feelings with you I’ll go find somewhere else to express it.”

He stated that he had been more open to other people about our “situation” and that people were giving him weird looks. He then he says that people have been using the words “ungrateful” and “thankless” to describe me.

He went on another rant about my mother, how she didn't deserve any money because it was his idea to put the second storey on our old place, he also went on about how he thinks she squandered the welfare money she got for me on alcohol and books. I disputed this as i know this to be untrue. Then he was like “ but I’ve seen statements and I know she did. “

He said he would get an intervention order against my mother if you tried to contact him because she would be "harassing" him.

He said he wanted a DNA test because he says doesn't trust that I’m his because he doesn't trust you.

He said I was a “Mini Mum ” and he said “You just turned into your mother.” Then he was going on about how my mother have his number and know where he lives and he doesn't have hers ,and how I tried to do that too.

He asks me why I never felt “homesick after leaving home (apparently he did) and that “normal” (sic) people might invite their parents over for dinner at least once a year.

He said that I’d exercised “my right to pack up and leave” since I did not want to live in his house with his rules but that was “not always the best choice”.

He said that he thought that I was treating him like a criminal last father’s day since I really didn’t want him to know where I lived.

He takes it personally that I don’t ever have my phone and says that it is because I don’t want him calling me. Then he got all emo because he doesn't know my number.

Him “I never beat you up”.
Me -silence.
Him “So your saying I beat you up emotionally”.
Me “well you kinda did”.
Him “How”.
So I somewhat tried to say how he’d scared me when he made mountains out of molehills, and then he’s like “but you knew there was nothing to be afraid of since I never hit you”. Me “But is was scary when I was 10.” Then he backed me into a corner where I said that I knew there was nothing to be afraid of.“

He said when men start talking about relationships women clam up because all they ever want to talk about the is themselves instead of the relationship. This was in response to my silence and how I said I didn’t know what to say.

He got all emo over this eaves dropping thingy from early 2008... AGAIN.

He got emo because I didn’t go to his cousin's or my Grandad’s bday.

posted February 12, 2011 01:54 AM            

I'm so sick of being responsible...and I'm pretty much 21. I should be having fun but I'm so serious. I can't wait to get old so I can have fun with good old cappy reverse ageing and still have my good job and postgraduate qualification.

posted February 12, 2011 04:07 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Anglerfish:
Here's some stuff from a phone convo in 2009 I had written down. Thanks Gods my Mum is a gem rising.

He’s like “I’ve been thinking about our relationship since we last spoke”
and proceeded to say such things as...
“If I die and you are having no contact with me I’m going to tell my brothers not to tell you that I’ve died.”
“I saw this young waitress down at Sofia’s (a restaurant) and she was a brunette with brown eyes, just like I’d thought you were going to be like. I didn’t have any sexual feelings for her, but I felt this warm paternal feeling towards her... If I can’t express those feelings with you I’ll go find somewhere else to express it.”

He stated that he had been more open to other people about our “situation” and that people were giving him weird looks. He then he says that people have been using the words “ungrateful” and “thankless” to describe me.

He went on another rant about my mother, how she didn't deserve any money because it was his idea to put the second storey on our old place, he also went on about how he thinks she squandered the welfare money she got for me on alcohol and books. I disputed this as i know this to be untrue. Then he was like “ but I’ve seen statements and I know she did. “

He said he would get an intervention order against my mother if you tried to contact him because she would be "harassing" him.

He said he wanted a DNA test because he says doesn't trust that I’m his because he doesn't trust you.

He said I was a “Mini Mum ” and he said “You just turned into your mother.” Then he was going on about how my mother have his number and know where he lives and he doesn't have hers ,and how I tried to do that too.

He asks me why I never felt “homesick after leaving home (apparently he did) and that “normal” (sic) people might invite their parents over for dinner at least once a year.

He said that I’d exercised “my right to pack up and leave” since I did not want to live in his house with his rules but that was “not always the best choice”.

He said that he thought that I was treating him like a criminal last father’s day since I really didn’t want him to know where I lived.

He takes it personally that I don’t ever have my phone and says that it is because I don’t want him calling me. Then he got all emo because he doesn't know my number.

Him “I never beat you up”.
Me -silence.
Him “So your saying I beat you up emotionally”.
Me “well you kinda did”.
Him “How”.
So I somewhat tried to say how he’d scared me when he made mountains out of molehills, and then he’s like “but you knew there was nothing to be afraid of since I never hit you”. Me “But is was scary when I was 10.” Then he backed me into a corner where I said that I knew there was nothing to be afraid of.“

He said when men start talking about relationships women clam up because all they ever want to talk about the is themselves instead of the relationship. This was in response to my silence and how I said I didn’t know what to say.

He got all emo over this eaves dropping thingy from early 2008... AGAIN.

He got emo because I didn’t go to his cousin's or my Grandad’s bday.

Finally he pretty much wanted me to pretty much let him have more reign in my life and to not treat him like a “second class parent “ or the relationship was pretty much over.

---

Man
I think he is TOTALLY selfish. He sounds like he has the maturity of a 6 year old.
He personalizes everything.
The statement "It is all about him" totally applies here

posted February 12, 2011 04:17 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Anglerfish:
I want to feel loved. I want to be treated like a lady. I want to not have to worry all the time about everything.

I'm so sick of being responsible...and I'm pretty much 21. I should be having fun but I'm so serious. I can't wait to get old so I can have fun with good old cappy reverse ageing and still have my good job and postgraduate qualification.

Nothing beats the ambition of Cap mars sextile pluto...

---

I get what you are saying,Angler.You feel burdened with a heavy burden from his conditioning.
I get this,totally.
It is exactly what I have been fighting with my mother.
I am breaking free,slowly.

I had a Nessus relationship that brought up my mother's abuse to the forefront so I could feel it.
It was buried. A Nessus relationship brings it up like diamonds from a mine.
It hurts so badly that I can't even put it in to words.
It is like the pain of childbirth. However,you birth your true self which was buried with distortions.
God is the most important part of the equation for me.
If everyone fails me, God will not leave me.
I will fail people and people will fail me.
Human nature is very flawed.

I learned that I can push away people that hurt me.
It is my right. I don't have to like everyone or be liked by everyone.

I forced myself to be real, show my messed up self,not the manicured one.
Then,my real self started learning these lessons