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Author
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Topic: Venus/Saturn Therapy Session
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 21042
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 12, 2011 04:33 PM
  
Dear Angler
As I write this, I feel that these are just cheap words.
It is so easy to throw cheap words at something.
I think the main thing I did was to show people on LL my true face.
I was afraid to do it in my real life.
I am a highly manicured person 
I would not have shown my messed up insides the way I did ,here.
I would not have let people see me being hurt and humiliated in real life.
I would have run well before that happened. However,when I did it on here, I learned the lessons I missed in my teens.
The lessons get simpler as you get wiser. You get wiser from screwing up lol
The lessons are Kindergarten lessons.
Be kind. Be strong.Don't let people hurt you from their own weakness.You need to discern who to let near and who to keep far. You learn by doing it wrong lol. Have character.Apologize when you screw up.
Life gets simpler as I let go of the distortions from my mother.
I wish I could hug you and give you a hand up as several special people on here did to me.
I am here if you need me. We are FB friends so I know you can message me if you need anything.
Please do  ------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Anglerfish
Knowflake Posts: 410
From:
Registered: Jan 2011
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posted February 14, 2011 01:30 AM
He's back. I got a message from him to catch up for my bday. It's not like I can just turn off my phone because I need it on in case I get an interview. FML. *sighs*------------------
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."- Friedrich Nietzsche. ASC 29 Scorpio...
Late Degree Scorpio Rising FTW!!! IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 21042
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 14, 2011 03:15 AM
((((Angler))))))  ------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 21042
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 14, 2011 09:37 AM
I am making headway in my drive to free myself of my mother.
I will write about it here cuz maybe it will give you hope, Angler.
I will tell you HOW I am doing it.
It is strange and it is weird.I would not have believed it if I was not going through it.------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 21042
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 14, 2011 09:40 AM
I really let myself show who I am. I get really hurt cuz I do not keep my heart armored as I used to.
I step in it, Big time. I make mistakes and look foolish.
I get rejected.
I hurt badly like I am gonna die.
I get loved,too.Going through all these real feelings burns off my mother's distortions. Each time I get hurt and cry, I get more sane.
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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 21042
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 14, 2011 09:41 AM
Trauma theory says we hold pain in the right side of the brain.
In order to heal pain, we must emote it out. IOW, pain and trauma comes out through crying and feeling pain,not by talking as in traditional therapy.
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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 21042
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 14, 2011 09:44 AM
Last week, I was hurt so badly, I thought I was gonna bowl over.
The pain was so intense,I just held myself and called out to God to comfort me.
The next day,my thinking was clearer about myself.
I could see,more,how what my mother taught me about myself was LIES.
ALL our pain is based on lies.Low self esteem is based on lies.
Our ego problems are based on lies. I do not see it all the way,just a little. ------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 21042
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 14, 2011 09:46 AM
I can say that I am starting to get self esteem.
Any one who has seen me struggle ,on here,will know it has been a long battle.I AM getting self esteem ,now,though.
We can let go of these horrible messages from our evil parents.
It was all lies but we can't know that until we can feel the pain ------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Anglerfish
Knowflake Posts: 410
From:
Registered: Jan 2011
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posted February 17, 2011 09:18 PM
It's my Venus return soon. And I'm going out on the day Venus is cj Deja. I heard Venus returns are supposed to be good. I really don't want Deja raining on my parade, because that's like the story of my life.*wwwwaaaaahhhhhh*
 ------------------
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."- Friedrich Nietzsche. ASC 29 Scorpio...
Late Degree Scorpio Rising FTW!!! IP: Logged |
Anglerfish
Knowflake Posts: 410
From:
Registered: Jan 2011
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posted February 22, 2011 08:42 AM
I wish that people saw me. I wish I didnt feel invisible all the time. I want to feel special. I don't want to let everything pass me. I see people together and just feel like that is some strange thing I will just only ever be able to observe. Nobody wants a smart, opinionated and competent woman when they can have some plastic airhead that won't hold them to account and that they can just throw them away when they are old...or so it seems. ------------------
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."- Friedrich Nietzsche. ASC 29 Scorpio...
Late Degree Scorpio Rising FTW!!! IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 3246
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 22, 2011 09:30 AM
You are seen - here.
You are special  and don't ever think otherwise.Love yourself and see the good qualities within yourself and it will shine out to the rest. You are worthy of all that you want. IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 3246
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 22, 2011 09:34 AM
Here's a liitle something for inspiration:Brand New Heavies - You Are The Universe Lyrics You're the future, and you've come for what is yours
The hidden treasure, locked behind the hidden doors
And the promise of a day that's shiny new
Only a dreamer, could afford this point of view
But you're a driver, not a passenger in life
And if you're ready, you won't have to try 'cause You are the Universe
And there ain't nothin' you can't do
If you conceive it, you can achieve it
That's why, I believe in you, yes I do You're a winner, so do what you came here for
The secret weapon, isn't secret anymore
You're a driver, never passenger in life
And when you're ready, you won't have to try 'cause You are the Universe
And there ain't nothin' you can't do
If you conceive it, you can achieve it
That's why, I believe in you, yes I do You are the Universe
And there ain't nothin' you can't be
If you conceive it, you can achieve it
That's why, I believe in you, and I believe in me (Yes I do
Believe in you
I do) You're a driver, not a passenger in life
And when you're ready, you won't have to try 'cause You are the Universe... IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 21042
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 22, 2011 10:30 AM
Dear Angler
You THINK that is true.I get that. It is not true.
You need to discover that for yourself ,though.
I would love to help.
I feel confident being a smart female.I feel very feminine ,too.
Somehow,you had to shut down the smart competent part of yourself in order to survive.
I get that. Read my Scorpio thread.
I shut down the powerful part of myself in order to survive.
These are distortions we needed to take on for survival.
They are NOT true. However,our treasure hunt,if you will,is to discover this with our own heart.
I am here to help in ANY way I can.
I know we are FB friends ------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 7987
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 22, 2011 10:58 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Anglerfish:
For so long I have felt so horrible, I still do. I feel as if no-one will ever love me no matter what I do, how hard I try. I feel so so ugly and I feel that nothing I can do is ever good enough. I feel as if I'm cursed. Everyone around me seems so happy while I'm just alone. Most of the time I like my own company. But sometimes I just want to have somebody around. I know I won't settle for second best, but all that waiting just feel so painful. I just feel so bad becasue I feel that there is just nobody. I want to get over my Venus Saturn iseeus with rejection so bad. I want to deal with all of this now , with Chiron on my Sun and my impending Saturn square. I need to deal with all these problems I have with men, rejection, my confidence ,self image, self esteem now. Otherwise I'll have to wait until my Saturn return. I can't bear to think what it'll be like when Pluto and Saturn finish their cycle, at 22 Capricorn. The degree between my Saturn and my Venus. What I fail to confront now I have to confront then in the worst way possible. I want to feel beautiful, confident and happy. I want to not feel like it's a personal attack on me when I don't get a job/interview or when a guy doesn't like me back. I want to feel my Venus again, I'm so sick of being Saturn all the time. Once upon a time I felt my Venus, then it all went away. I know I'll always be saturnine given I have 5 cappy planets. All my other cap planets that aren't Saturn seem to be there. Some days I joke that I don't even have a Venus because the only time it ever surfaces is whn I go to the shops and find all these expensive things I want but can't have/affors. I am beautiful.
I am smart.
I am confident.
I can do things on my own.
I don't need a man to make me happy
I don't have to take not everybody liking me as a personal attack.
I AM WORTHY OF FRIENDSHIP!!!!!!! I AM WORTHY OF LOVE!!!!!!!!! I need to love myself. I need to stop replaying all the negative self talk in my head. Because it's not my slf talk, it my father's BS and insecurities and disappointment in not getting a son. All the stuff my father said and did, all the ways he acted put this junk here. THESE FEELINGS ARE NOT MINE!!!! I loved myself once. Then I went numb. I've got my moon back. I WANT MY VENUS BACK!!! I can't do this any more I have go and cry like only a Pisces can... I've had enough of feeling like this...
I totaly understand how you feel.
I am now going through my 8th. Saturn Return and confronting such issues and trying to understand my feminine side which is hard for me. In guy mode/tomboy mode, I had little to no big issues coping with being heavyset, older and all.
(my mother abused me in many ways "shudder" and my ex#1 induced even more psychological damage on me who already had low self esteem and made me hate my female self more, and being raped at age 9 added to that hatred, along with puberty at 8, and over 26+lost pregnancies; well lets just say, I felt worthless and only worthy of being used by others)
In female mindset I find myself struggling with my self esteem, nowadays mostly concerning looks.
I DO love my inner self! I am learning to love my outer self too.
I am slowly learning to accept the whole me.
My confidence is growing day by day.
Yes, I backslide from time to time, and cry it out and purge my negative thoughts and fears of rejection.
ANY rejection I encounter from hereon I tell myself, has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with the points of view, likes and dislikes of other folks.
I also look at my WHOLE SELF.....MIND BODY AND SOUL;
and realized, I do love me and if I had an exact clone of me in every way;
well I'd love to have myself as a friend and LOL, even a lover!
So every day I give myself a "review" and try to boost or at least not let my self esteem fall.
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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. – Dale Carnegie
IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 7987
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 22, 2011 11:02 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Physical beauty goes just so far. A woman who has just physical beauty can become ugly in a short period of time.
Venus is inner beauty.
EXACTLY!
IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 7987
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 22, 2011 11:37 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Anglerfish:
I wish that people saw me. I wish I didnt feel invisible all the time. I want to feel special. I don't want to let everything pass me. I see people together and just feel like that is some strange thing I will just only ever be able to observe. Nobody wants a smart, opinionated and competent woman when they can have some plastic airhead that won't hold them to account and that they can just throw them away when they are old...or so it seems.
I have felt that way too often also.
Sadly there are indeed people like that out there. 
However;
that is them and their points of view,
not you!
You are worthy! 
Keep telling yourself that!
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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. – Dale Carnegie
IP: Logged |
Anglerfish
Knowflake Posts: 410
From:
Registered: Jan 2011
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posted February 23, 2011 12:40 AM
Thank you all for your kind words. I appreciate them all.------------------
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."- Friedrich Nietzsche. ASC 29 Scorpio...
Late Degree Scorpio Rising FTW!!! IP: Logged |
EverEvolvingSpirit
Knowflake Posts: 954
From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011
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posted February 23, 2011 05:14 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Anglerfish:
I wish that people saw me. I wish I didnt feel invisible all the time. I want to feel special. I don't want to let everything pass me. I see people together and just feel like that is some strange thing I will just only ever be able to observe. Nobody wants a smart, opinionated and competent woman when they can have some plastic airhead that won't hold them to account and that they can just throw them away when they are old...or so it seems.
AnglerFish (my son loves angler fish, BTW good name choice)
You are a rare breed and are treasured as such. People, nowadays are so empty, superficial.
Take a look at the people that do enjoy the plastic. Are they really happy? I can, still relate and often feel out of place, but yet still I often tell myself "hey, I'm the shyt! Intelligent, loving, real, if others can't see, they can kick rocks, their loss" Not sure if this is helpful or not as I'm not in my right head, sleepy, but can't fall asleep  Keep telling yourself the beautiful things you said in your first thread. They are true. Believe it!  IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 21042
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 23, 2011 07:27 AM
I think you need to show people your true face. This will bring rejection as WELL as love.
It will bring a great deal of pain, too,cuz if you show your real face, you will screw up.
The pain can feel unbearable.However,in time,you will get small stirrings of the you that is under all that mess. That will be worth any pain you had to endure no matter how bad ------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Anglerfish
Knowflake Posts: 410
From:
Registered: Jan 2011
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posted February 24, 2011 02:50 AM
I really never want to show my true self to anyone ever again. I just can't, because Pisces is weak and can't defend itself. I have to defend myself or I will just fall apart and I can't fall apart. I have to keep going no matter what...------------------
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."- Friedrich Nietzsche. ASC 29 Scorpio...
Late Degree Scorpio Rising FTW!!! IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 21042
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 24, 2011 07:38 AM
Read my Scorpio ---Are you loved or hated---thread on Astro 2.
I am just accepting that I am hated by quite a few people but I am loved by more 
As I define myself more, it grows on both sides.
However, the JOY of expressing your true self and being a true self is worth all the pain.
Take my hand .We,will walk it out together.
xxxx------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 21042
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 25, 2011 09:43 AM
Bump ------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 21042
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 25, 2011 09:43 AM
Bump ------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Anglerfish
Knowflake Posts: 410
From:
Registered: Jan 2011
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posted February 26, 2011 12:47 AM
I am not helpless. I won't let my Deja win.
I don't want to be helpless any more. I want a sledgehammer and I want to smash Dejanira into a billion pieces *AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!* I'm so sick of "why me" pity parties. I can't be bothered anymore. ------------------
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."- Friedrich Nietzsche. ASC 29 Scorpio...
Late Degree Scorpio Rising FTW!!! IP: Logged |
PlutoSquared
Knowflake Posts: 4500
From: Mars
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted February 26, 2011 12:54 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Anglerfish:
I am not helpless. I won't let my Deja win.
I don't want to be helpless any more. I want a sledgehammer and I want to smash Dejanira into a billion pieces *AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!* I'm so sick of "why me" pity parties. I can't be bothered anymore.
Good for you! IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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