Author
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Topic: Venus/Saturn Therapy Session
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Anglerfish Knowflake Posts: 410 From: Registered: Jan 2011
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posted January 25, 2011 05:53 AM
For so long I have felt so horrible, I still do. I feel as if no-one will ever love me no matter what I do, how hard I try. I feel so so ugly and I feel that nothing I can do is ever good enough. I feel as if I'm cursed. Everyone around me seems so happy while I'm just alone. Most of the time I like my own company. But sometimes I just want to have somebody around. I know I won't settle for second best, but all that waiting just feel so painful. I just feel so bad becasue I feel that there is just nobody. I want to get over my Venus Saturn iseeus with rejection so bad. I want to deal with all of this now , with Chiron on my Sun and my impending Saturn square. I need to deal with all these problems I have with men, rejection, my confidence ,self image, self esteem now. Otherwise I'll have to wait until my Saturn return. I can't bear to think what it'll be like when Pluto and Saturn finish their cycle, at 22 Capricorn. The degree between my Saturn and my Venus. What I fail to confront now I have to confront then in the worst way possible. I want to feel beautiful, confident and happy. I want to not feel like it's a personal attack on me when I don't get a job/interview or when a guy doesn't like me back. I want to feel my Venus again, I'm so sick of being Saturn all the time. Once upon a time I felt my Venus, then it all went away. I know I'll always be saturnine given I have 5 cappy planets. All my other cap planets that aren't Saturn seem to be there. Some days I joke that I don't even have a Venus because the only time it ever surfaces is whn I go to the shops and find all these expensive things I want but can't have/affors. I am beautiful. I am smart. I am confident. I can do things on my own. I don't need a man to make me happy I don't have to take not everybody liking me as a personal attack. I AM WORTHY OF FRIENDSHIP!!!!!!! I AM WORTHY OF LOVE!!!!!!!!! I need to love myself. I need to stop replaying all the negative self talk in my head. Because it's not my slf talk, it my father's BS and insecurities and disappointment in not getting a son. All the stuff my father said and did, all the ways he acted put this junk here. THESE FEELINGS ARE NOT MINE!!!! I loved myself once. Then I went numb. I've got my moon back. I WANT MY VENUS BACK!!! I can't do this any more I have go and cry like only a Pisces can... I've had enough of feeling like this... IP: Logged |
Anglerfish Knowflake Posts: 410 From: Registered: Jan 2011
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posted January 25, 2011 06:09 AM
I have to stop wasting all my energy on this #$%$@!!!. I need to love myself first. But first I need to purge myself of all this negativity so I can discover how. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 21042 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 08:09 AM
You know I understand ((Angler))) Could you list your planets and the degrees. I bet you and I have some close aspects . Thank you,if you care to.It is funny that you mention Venus.I am JUST discovering my unaspected Venus,again. I buried it when I went numb,too. Venus is so beautiful and magnificent. I would like to be there on your journey to find her ,if you would allow me ------------------ Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. You must face,touch and feel the dregs of Nessus before you can grasp the pristine beauty of Neptune. Me IP: Logged |
Anglerfish Knowflake Posts: 410 From: Registered: Jan 2011
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posted January 25, 2011 08:27 AM
Here's my placements. Sun Pisces 0°37'11 Moon Sagittarius 20°00'16 Mercury Aquarius 10°38'34 Venus Capricorn 23°15'11 Mars Capricorn 15°12'02 Jupiter (rx) Cancer 0°51'15 Saturn Capricorn 21°12'25 Uranus Capricorn 8°24'25 Neptune Capricorn 13°44'27 Pluto Scorpio 17°47'15 stationary (Rx) True Node Aquarius 16°24'28 Direct. Ascendant Scorpio 27°12'21 Medium Coeli Leo 6°32'43 I tend to get on will with Geminis. Thank you Ami. I read your posts when I was lurking here before I joined and I would love you to be there on my journey of discovering my Venus. I buried my Venus because my dad couldn't deal with it and so wanted to destroy it. His Sun cj Merc Rx is conjunct my Saturn by a degree. He wanted me to be something I'm not. I have too much Mars/Saturn/Pluto to be an opinionless piece of chattel who does whatever the men in her life tell her. I never got my dad's approval in anything. I was never good enough. I tried so hard to get him to love me and he never did. I didn't want to be the female he wanted me to be. He got his 5th house mars child, but it was female and he couldn't handle it. IP: Logged |
Anglerfish Knowflake Posts: 410 From: Registered: Jan 2011
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posted January 25, 2011 08:46 AM
I've also got Chiron at 10 Can 59. It quincunxes my Merc. My dad's chiron is conjunct my merc, he hated that I had opinions, he kept trying to break my mercury. My merc is alive because my IC/karma/p.fort kept it alive.One time I felt my Venus, I felt so strange. It felt weird to have to not be Saturn. Completely Alien. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 21042 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 08:48 AM
MAN Angler I was JUST coming back to ask about Chiron. Guess what my moon is ---- 9 Cancer lolWhere are your Nessus,Deja and Eros? ------------------ Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. You must face,touch and feel the dregs of Nessus before you can grasp the pristine beauty of Neptune. Me IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 21042 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 08:54 AM
You know,Angler, it is so funny cuz I am just now feeling my Venus cuz it is unaspected,as I said. I did feel it during my teens. Physical beauty goes just so far. A woman who has just physical beauty can become ugly in a short period of time. Venus is inner beauty.------------------ Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. You must face,touch and feel the dregs of Nessus before you can grasp the pristine beauty of Neptune. Me IP: Logged |
Anglerfish Knowflake Posts: 410 From: Registered: Jan 2011
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posted January 25, 2011 08:56 AM
I have Saturn in the 3rd. My dad has Aries Mars square my Venus/Saturn. He was always angry at me for something. I could never do/say anything right so I said nothing. I don't like to be yelled at. I lost all my confidence because I thought I was always wrong. I wasn't. I needed to protect myself, I would have lost either way so I chose the easier way of lose. The times I did speak out he went full on Aries mars rage at me. IP: Logged |
Anglerfish Knowflake Posts: 410 From: Registered: Jan 2011
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posted January 25, 2011 09:03 AM
Deja- 25 Cap 52 (cj my Venus) Eros- 22 Aqua 17 Nessus- 4 Lib 10 Rx IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 21042 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 09:08 AM
Man Your Deja conjuncts your Venus. Are you familiar with Deja, Angler? ------------------ Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. You must face,touch and feel the dregs of Nessus before you can grasp the pristine beauty of Neptune. Me
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Anglerfish Knowflake Posts: 410 From: Registered: Jan 2011
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posted January 25, 2011 09:15 AM
Not really...IP: Logged |
Anglerfish Knowflake Posts: 410 From: Registered: Jan 2011
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posted January 25, 2011 09:16 AM
Not really... I know it has something to do with Nessus.IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 21042 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 09:16 AM
You know the charts seem to explain all. Your relationship with your father could be SUMMED up with Venus conjunct Deja. I will try to explain as best as I can .------------------ Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. You must face,touch and feel the dregs of Nessus before you can grasp the pristine beauty of Neptune. Me IP: Logged |
Anglerfish Knowflake Posts: 410 From: Registered: Jan 2011
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posted January 25, 2011 09:28 AM
My dad has Nessus at 20 Taurus- so quincunx my moon, but trine his sun/merc rx.His Deja is at 17 cap...cj my mars. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 21042 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 09:32 AM
Man Angler Deja/Nessus is your problem with your father,imo,or a big part of it. I am gonna meditate on this and be back. I will write as things hit me. You do the same ------------------ Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. You must face,touch and feel the dregs of Nessus before you can grasp the pristine beauty of Neptune. Me IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 21042 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 09:38 AM
I am not that good( 1 year,only) but I will share what I think. You have Venus conjunct Deja. Here is your problem,in black and white. The charts will do that. They will offer us our problems and the solutions in code i.e the astrological language. Your love nature was victimized.You confirm that with your life story. ------------------ Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. You must face,touch and feel the dregs of Nessus before you can grasp the pristine beauty of Neptune. Me IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 21042 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 09:41 AM
Your beautiful, magnificant,blooming flower,which is Venus,has the victim energy with it. One of your life tasks will be to pull OUT that Venus from Deja. Situations and people such as your father will want to push them together. Your Venus needs to flower in it's own beauty,just as you expressed. You ,prolly,have no idea HOW to do that. I think that you are on the road,now. By stating the problem,you have started your journey. ------------------ Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. You must face,touch and feel the dregs of Nessus before you can grasp the pristine beauty of Neptune. Me IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 21042 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 09:41 AM
Your beautiful, magnificant,blooming flower,which is Venus,has the victim energy with it. One of your life tasks will be to pull OUT that Venus from Deja. Situations and people such as your father will want to push them together. Your Venus needs to flower in it's own beauty,just as you expressed. You ,prolly,have no idea HOW to do that. I think that you are on the road,now. By stating the problem,you have started your journey. ------------------ Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. You must face,touch and feel the dregs of Nessus before you can grasp the pristine beauty of Neptune. Me IP: Logged |
Anglerfish Knowflake Posts: 410 From: Registered: Jan 2011
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posted January 25, 2011 09:46 AM
I really need to go to bed. But I just realised...I have Deja trine DC (27 tau), Caput Algol (26 Tau) and Lucifer (28 tau) I wouldn't sat Lucifer's all bad. But I can see how all the junk with my dad is tying into my sense of relationships with other guys. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 21042 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 09:46 AM
Deja is the energy of the victim. Not to be too graphic but Deja is the energy of rape,as I see it. Deja is the person who lies down to be raped. Of course, this does not have to be literal nor is it,usually.However, Deja is the energy of the rape victim. Deja does not deserve to stand up and push the aggressor away. Deja submits from weakness and from a general sense of worthlessness in the face of power. It's own power lies broken on the floor . It was shattered at some previous time,probably. The shattered pieces of Deja make one a continual victim of others Nessus(the abuser energy) For right now,just sit with these thoughts in a non judgmental way. DO NOT BE FEARFUL. You have defined the problem so that you can remedy it. We,all,have similar struggles in our charts. Every single one of us. I will write more as I meditate more. Your father's Deja and your Mars is key,too. ------------------ Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. You must face,touch and feel the dregs of Nessus before you can grasp the pristine beauty of Neptune. Me IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 21042 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 10:30 AM
This is really interesting ,Angler.Your father's Deja connects your Mars. That is an unexpected twist in the story lolYOU have the power of Mars to push HIM back. His victim energy is right on top of your power. The power of Mars can and will push him back. Please list all your Pluto,Mars,Moon,Sun,Lucifer aspects with your Dad. Did you list all the aspects Deja and Nessus make with him? It helped me so much to see how my life with my mother was "fated" i.e it was not my fault. ------------------ Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. You must face,touch and feel the dregs of Nessus before you can grasp the pristine beauty of Neptune. Me IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 21042 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 11:12 AM
In your father's natal chart,what aspects does HE which could be related to his not liking woman. Could you list his Venus,Moon ,Pluto,Nessus and Deja aspects? Does he have anything conjunct his ASC? Does he have anything in his 12th house?------------------ Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. You must face,touch and feel the dregs of Nessus before you can grasp the pristine beauty of Neptune. Me IP: Logged |
Anglerfish Knowflake Posts: 410 From: Registered: Jan 2011
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posted January 25, 2011 07:13 PM
I know he's got a Sag ASC but I don't have an exact time, just early in the morning. He has Venus and Saturn in Sag but they are 17 deg apart. He's got Neptune and NN in the 12. Venus (Sag) sq Jup (Lib) out of sign (4 deg) Venus tr Pluto (Vir) Out of sign (3 deg) Venus tr Mars (Ari) 3 deg Moon (Tau) sq Uranus (Leo) 2 deg Moon opp Neptune 5 deg Moon sg Chiron (Aqua) 3 deg Pluto (Vir) square Lunar Nodes out of sign (27 Sco/Tau) (My ASC/DSC axis) Pluto sextile Neptune- generational Nessus (Tau) tr Deja (Cap) 3 deg Nessus tr Sun/Merc rx (cap) exact Deja sq Mars (Ari) 3 deg IP: Logged |
Anglerfish Knowflake Posts: 410 From: Registered: Jan 2011
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posted January 25, 2011 07:20 PM
His Jupiter cj my Nessus 4deg His Uranus cj my MC His Chiron cj my Merc His nodal axis, cj my ASC/DSC axis His Deja sextile my Pluto exact His Pluto opp My sun 32 minutes/exact His Venus cj my moon 3 deg His Nessus opp my Pluto His Neptune tr my Sun (pis) and my Jupiter (Can)IP: Logged |
Anglerfish Knowflake Posts: 410 From: Registered: Jan 2011
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posted January 25, 2011 07:33 PM
There was a guy I liked but he never liked me back. I've realised his Sun is cj my Deja. He is now going out with my almost ex friend. My Deja kept wanting to be the victim and it took over me. My friend got caught up in it all and so I attacked her with my Deja sextile ASC.I looked at the Nessus/Deja/Hercules myth My father (Nessus) tricked me (Deja) into smearing blood on the shirts of those friendships. I lost them and it was all my fault because my Deja was controlling me. Being a Pisces, it's very easy to fall into that Martyr/Victim complex I don't want to be a victim anymore. I don't want to be a martyr anymore.
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