posted December 28, 2014 03:21 PM            

Locked threads give those who weren't involved in them the opportunity to judge and assume without actually really knowing what happened. That isn't fair. I think if they were gone there wouldn't be any of the holding things against users business going on. It continues to the drama and creats unwarranted tension.

posted December 28, 2014 03:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Barbiegirl19:
I am cordial and respectful. Why don't I get the same? I can't help the way you take things, PD.

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You are not. You make inflammatory remarks right and left (such as, "you all want to be worshipped")...exaggerating any slights against you, DISTORTING things ("They just hate me because I'm a mod"...after you called us all nasty and vile for no good reason) and refusing to take any blame for your instigation.

@Randall,

Your choice of Barbie as mod in a forum where she is at odds with most of the regulars reveals your underlying intent of causing friction. It is the same as your offer to Lonake of modship right when she was antagonizing me on the most frivolous grounds imaginable. It is the same as your exaltation of Ami while she is baiting and framing people.

The ONLY explanation for all this unnecessary tension is, you enjoy it. You cultivate an atmosphere of shock, disbelief ("Can this forum really be this way??") and bitterness. You foment tension and escalate by heavy-handed, unfair treatment of people. Like your posting of T's old emails...that was sick.

Face what you are and the environment you create here, for everyone's sake!

posted December 28, 2014 03:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
Leaders lead. Leaders don't get on the defensive. Leading is simply that.

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posted December 28, 2014 03:33 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
The drama has got to stop. The question is how? It's true that the chatting Forum has turned into something unintended. Is the problem shout-out threads? I can close this Forum with the push of a button. I can delete the threads just as easily, because the Forum hasn't been open for long, so I can use the Pruning Function.

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This Forum is the worst because it is PERSONAL. Sw Peas is topic driven so not as bad. I can't see this Forum getting better now.

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posted December 28, 2014 03:33 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
The drama has got to stop. The question is how? It's true that the chatting Forum has turned into something unintended. Is the problem shout-out threads? I can close this Forum with the push of a button. I can delete the threads just as easily, because the Forum hasn't been open for long, so I can use the Pruning Function.

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Problem is, it USED to spill out into sweet peas as well. I think it'll spill out somewhere, regardless. Don't you think?
I think it happens to be HH. But if people want their voice to be heard, they'll take whatever avenue is available. No?

posted December 28, 2014 03:36 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
The drama has got to stop. The question is how? It's true that the chatting Forum has turned into something unintended. Is the problem shout-out threads? I can close this Forum with the push of a button. I can delete the threads just as easily, because the Forum hasn't been open for long, so I can use the Pruning Function.

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posted December 28, 2014 03:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
I think you actually paying attention to what's being said, would help. Not throwing out accusations, and trying to make people look bad (like me) would also help.

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He rarely pays attention, that is a huge problem.

posted December 28, 2014 03:39 PM            

quote:

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I think it's just good practice, and healthy for the forum that if things like this blow up, that mods just kind of leave things be without directly trying to take control. For example, if a new thread is created based on a closed one, but it seems fairly harmless. I think the mods that were part of the tension really shouldn't post in there. Yes they can, we get that. But their mere presence causes tension, even if unintentional. They need to have some awareness of their position as a mod and how their presence affects others when they show up after a tense situation. It's not always helpful. It just causes friction. If there's no slander going on (which I understand it takes place), leave it. I mean, yes, it's an open forum. It's public and no one is technically excluded from any part of the site. But as mods, it's also part of the duties to just create a nice atmosphere, yes? Sometimes that involves absence as much as presence.

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It takes the power play out of the equasion, places trust in the posters and tension eases.

posted December 28, 2014 03:39 PM              

The nature of the forum is really personal and intimate, yes. I think one of the best ways to go about this is to ensure that people who are in serious conflict or have a dislike for other members should not communicate on each other's thread. I've mentioned this in response to florence and I will mention it again. The nature of H&H does not require that the LL community ideals necessarily remain intact. The conversations are of a casual and personal nature, there is no specific topic, and is basically a "hang out" spot.

I would never in a million years make such a suggestion for SP, 2.0, IA... All the other forums actually, because they are public territory and the forums are such that a discussion of a topic should not be hampered by any conflicts that exist between members/mods of LL. EVER.

If I may make this request, I personally, do not want Ami or Barbie to partake in any future thread that I post here. Not at all, not for any reason, not for any good wishes or anything. I have been disrespected by these two like it's nobody's business and don't feel comfortable having them in my discussions. We don't need to interact on H&H whatsoever because the only binding factor for discussion in this forum would be the members themselves. If people do not respect that, conflict will arise most certainly. And since there is clearly a gap in respect between a set of members here then you can rest assured that the drama will only follow thereafter if an interaction is ignited.

This is my personal request. I hope you understand. Thank you very much.

Another tip would be to exercise more discretion and even give some leeway when it comes to conflicts because when things are of a personal nature, it is easy to want to rehash a discussion or get a word in by opening another thread if the previous thread was prematurely shut down. Let people air out the issue. The incident between florence and Bella was practically done, but Ami butted in and commented and you reacted very quickly and shut down the thread. I really did not foresee this issue perpetuating because one of the direct members involved in the incident, Bella, removed herself from the situation and florence agreed to do the same.

Give things the chance to resolve and cool themselves down, if not intervene and moderate the conflict carefully and fairly. Let those attacked defend themselves but when it gets out of hand, warn them. If it continues to explode, then shut down. But give people the chance to express themselves first and foremost instead of shutting down a thread while they're fuming.

Maybe you should also add another impartial mod here. Why not Pixie? Just someone who will keep a fair eye on things and discern when they are out of hand or not out of hand. Barbie has an explicit and clear bias, in my honest opinion and you do too, Randall. We're human and our feelings get in the way but if you have a neutral mod to give an opinion it would be more fair.

posted December 28, 2014 03:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
I actually don't enjoy contention. I prefer peace always. You can think what you want, but I desire peace.

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Your actions PROVE otherwise and you have been called out on this again and again and again over the years!

posted December 28, 2014 03:45 PM            

PD, we can try that. Sorry your feelings were hurt. My goal is that should never happen at LL. Barb is still Mod, so she can give warnings. If this doesn't work, more drastic measures will have to be implemented.

posted December 28, 2014 03:48 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
Faith, I don't care who calls me out on whatever or how some perceive me. No one knows what's in my heart but me.

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As teasel said, you don't listen to people.

That's why you don't improve. You just fake it and rely on the people who are fooled to reflect back to you the self-image you want to see.

posted December 28, 2014 03:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
Faith, I don't care who calls me out on whatever or how some perceive me. No one knows what's in my heart but me.

PD, we can try that. Sorry your feelings were hurt. My goal is that should never happen at LL. Barb is still Mod, so she can give warnings. If this doesn't work, more drastic measures will have to be implemented.

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I've given warnings every time. It hasn't changed or helped the situation. I'm still treated as if I'm taunting or targeting in which I'm not.

posted December 28, 2014 03:53 PM            

If people want to have conversations and EXCLUDE others, they should do it by e mail.

I think this precedent will be very unwieldy and escalate what you are trying to de-escalate, Randall.

That is my opinion, anyway.

It is like a polarization of people and this will not work to make things easier but harder imo

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posted December 28, 2014 03:54 PM            

The reason we are in this mess is JUST this sort of underhanded thing. To make policies based on it would be a real headache imo
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posted December 28, 2014 03:54 PM            

quote:

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The drama will not end until things are dealt with the way the should be.

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If you were webmaster, how would you deal with this?

posted December 28, 2014 03:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Barbiegirl19:
I've given warnings every time.

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The *way* you give warnings is taunting and reeks of the fact that you revel in a sense of superiority over us.

Look at my Directions thread. Those are all your words, taken out of paragraph form. That's like ten commands in one small post. Why so many commands?

You obviously like giving commands.

Which is annoying.