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Author Topic:   Cancer males...... questions & advice
bluegreyeyes
Knowflake

Posts: 166
From: NC
Registered: May 2009

posted March 24, 2008 04:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for bluegreyeyes     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm kinda seeing/hanging out with/casually dating a Cancer Male.

I've noticed 2 things about him, which differ greatly from other men I've been with:
1) he says a lot of "i miss you" "i want to see you" "i wish you were here" "do you miss me?" type of stuff... at first i was freaked out, thinking he had some other motive...but i'm beginning to think he might just mean it? Not sure.
2) he is very um... gentle? and romantic? in physical situations... he's very much a cuddling and stroking my hair etc... it seems so unnatural, compared to most men that just wanna rip a woman's clothes off & do the deed. it's an endearing quality, i give him a lot of credit for being as sensitive as he is... but my mind always wanders back to "is he doing these things to get something more?" - which obviously isn't the case.

Overall though, I'd say I actually like him. Which is weird, because I haven't really honestly "liked" a guy in about 3 years or so... and especially a Cancer, who I heard does not mesh well with Aquas (esp. a typical aqua sun like myself).

Anyway - what are some things I should expect from him? behaviorally etc.

Also - anyone with experience with a cancer male, I'd love advice / comments about what wins them over...scares them away.

Thanks!

------------------
*Christina*
Aquarius SUN
Gemini MOON
Aries ASC

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SexyScorp103
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posted March 24, 2008 04:59 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hmm I find with Cancer's especially, their aspects and other planets alter their personality DRASTICALLY.
..do you know any of his other placements?

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heart cakes
unregistered
posted March 24, 2008 05:09 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i'm an aquarius sun too and in the last 6 months i have briefly dated two different cancers (after never having dated one, and not dating anyone in over 2 years).

they were both as you describe.. very gentle, cuddly and emotionally needy, somewhat. which i totally loved. with the first, he had a gemini moon, so he was a bit more detached and indecisive, and the second was a virgo moon, and he was constantly psychoanalyzing me, so that is how their moonsigns modified their cancerian behaviours.

the one thing that bothered me or confused me is that it almost seems like cancers will just attach themselves and expect complete emotional reciprocation, or else their feelings get hurt and they get mad. in some ways that is comforting; to know you could totally give yourself to this person and they'd be really loyal, but on the other hand, i find it a bit suffocating to feel like i had to constantly take this other person's emotional state into consideration before my own. and as an aquarius, it takes some time and space to understand my own emotional needs.. and cancers seem to project theirs immediately and seem to want someone to fully embrace and take care of their emotions. i guess to feel safe.

i dunno if that helps, but those are just some of the pros and cons of my exploration of two cancer males, from the perspective of another aquarius!

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bluegreyeyes
Knowflake

Posts: 166
From: NC
Registered: May 2009

posted March 24, 2008 07:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for bluegreyeyes     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
moon in virgo
libra rising
venus in gemini (9th)
mars in gemini (8th)

------------------
*Christina*
Aquarius SUN
Gemini MOON
Aries ASC

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rainfalls
Newflake

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From:
Registered: Jan 2013

posted March 24, 2008 08:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for rainfalls     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
urhmm... You might want to check this following links: (It was posted in Soul Union). It's worth to read, especially when you're hang out/dating/live in wonder about "Cancer"
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001541.html http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001739.html http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001739-2.html http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001739-4.html http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001739-12.html http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001739-13.html http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001739-14.html http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001739-15.html http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001739-16.html http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001739-17.html

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Seeing Stars 7.21
Knowflake

Posts: 194
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 24, 2008 08:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Seeing Stars 7.21     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
this is the hoy manyeth post on cancer men?? lol!

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heart cakes
unregistered
posted March 24, 2008 10:04 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
cancer men are endlessly fascinating..! and it seems especially so to aquarians for some odd reason!

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kissher
Newflake

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Registered: Jan 2010

posted March 25, 2008 12:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for kissher     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
he says a lot of "i miss you" "i want to see you" "i wish you were here" "do you miss me?" type of stuff... at first i was freaked out, thinking he had some other motive...but i'm beginning to think he might just mean it? Not sure.

Ha ha. This made me laugh. It's soo true. I just received a text: I miss you. Cancer men are softies. They use a lot of pet names too. I love that. My dad is a Cancer and I like this Cancer and they are alot alike. My dad always uses "darling" or "love" in casual conversation. So does Mr. Cancer.

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kissher
Newflake

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posted March 25, 2008 12:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for kissher     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh, and we both have Venus in Gemini. We're flirty and witty by nature.

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Lucia23
Knowflake

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posted March 25, 2008 12:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I haven't been into any Cancer men myself, so this is based on friend's stories...

Some Cancer men tend to come on strong in the beginning (saying romantic things, planning the future, telling you how into you they are)...and then they crabwalk away as you ACTUALLY get to know each other and start to get close. Some of them--if they are immature and have weird, obsessive issues with their mothers or with holding on to past hurts--will retreat forever, not responding to attempts to contact them...and if you run into them and confront them, they'll have a WONDERFUL excuse (I was sick/totally overwhelmed with work/etc) and they will steadfastly maintain that everything they said before about how into you they were is still true...and then they'll disappear again! Several of my Virgo friends have suffered at the claws of these crabs. They're chronic internet daters...very comfortable being romantic via text massage with women they don't actually see in real life!

The more mature ones will freak out a little at real intimacy, too. They're more comfortable being romantic when you're an ideal, and before they are too scared of losing you as an individual. But the more evolved ones will recognize this in themselves and be able to let you know.

Cancers of all kinds can be very passive-agressive. I'm not the world's most immature person, and I try to be very honest, but I still catch myself doing it! (Leo Sun, Cancer Moon-Venus-Saturn) I've been haging out with this guy and at the beginning I was totally comfortable, sunny, straight-shooting and Leonine with him...and then after I started to be really into him and see how smart, deep and perceptive he is, my jellied Cancer innards were all, uh-oh! And I started subtly pushing him away, but subtly letting him know I wasn't that interested in him, just as I got VERY interested in him. Many Cancers will be soooo warm and loving at the beginning, but get tetchy when things get very real. Because secretly they don't want to lose you. Not that anyone who likes you wants to lose you! But a Sagittarius is more a live-in-the-moment type...the Cancer is especially scared of losing anyone.

A friend had a Cancer man come back around after pulling a fear-of-intimacy act, and now they are getting ACTUALLY close...not just spouting the generic endearments that these guys love to trot out, but knowing each other deeply as individuals...which is scary for the Cancer, because once he is attached, he does not want to let you go. Ever.

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Lucia23
Knowflake

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posted March 25, 2008 12:28 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
To win him over (especially for an Aquarius):

-Stay honest, straightforward, truthful and secure in yourself EVEN IF the Cancer pulls a passive-aggressive retreat number to test you. The worst thing you can do is respond to a Cancer guy's hurt or fear with more of same. If he tests you in some weird way, be steadfast about your feelings for him. On the same token, if he blurts that he loves you after three nights, take it in stride...in short, don't follow him in his emotional ups and downs. Keep your own emotional even keel.

-Don't push him away when he clings, but stay independent yourself. (No challenge for an Aqua!) Give him the time to trust you.

For Virgo moon:

-Be neat and tidy!
-And elegant and tasteful, in your own personal style of being that way
-And let him feel like a man by asking him to problem-solve and asking for his help or advice (when you would genuinely value it)

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cancerrg
Newflake

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Registered: Sep 2012

posted March 25, 2008 11:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for cancerrg     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
::: he says a lot of "i miss you" "i want to see you" "i wish you were here" "do you miss me?" type of stuff... at first i was freaked out, thinking he had some other motive...but i'm beginning to think he might just mean it? Not sure:::

He means it and he wants you to repeat the words too .


:::he is very um... gentle? and romantic? in physical situations... he's very much a cuddling and stroking my hair etc... it seems so unnatural, compared to most men that just wanna rip a woman's clothes off & do the deed. it's an endearing quality, i give him a lot of credit for being as sensitive as he is... but my mind always wanders back to "is he doing these things to get something more?" - which obviously isn't the case.
:::

ofcourse he wants to do the deed too ! afterall he is a man too ! but he is just waoting for your permission .


and going by zodiacs , he isn't meant for you but but but who knows ...... life is always full of surprises .

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cancerrg
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posted March 25, 2008 11:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for cancerrg     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
oh i just read Heart cakes and lucia .
Heart cakes beautifully describes what i hinted at cancer/aqua realtion , i couldn't have said it more beautifully . Thnaks Heart !

And Lucia is bang on , i know bcos i do the same though i try hard to stay balanced and after so many yrs at LL , i understand myself and my clawy clan so well but still.........

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heart cakes
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posted March 25, 2008 03:54 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
aww, thanks cancerrg..

it's really weird. i can see the natural "conflict" if you will, the different languages of cancer and aquarius so well.. and it's a really hard disparity to mesh, but there are so many similarities too. like linda goodman describes.. the moodiness.. with cancer, the moods follow a more set and obvious pattern overall and have a definable structure.. and with aquarius, it's more to the tune of uranus. but both are damn loonies, so there is some great potential here!

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Cappy Lady
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posted March 25, 2008 03:58 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
::: he says a lot of "i miss you" "i want to see you" "i wish you were here" "do you miss me?" type of stuff... at first i was freaked out, thinking he had some other motive...but i'm beginning to think he might just mean it? Not sure:::
------------------------------
I just found this to be so true. I'm corresponding with my cancer crush guy via Hi5 and found that he's used "I miss u" with EVERY girl-friend on his friend's list! I was so shocked. I've never met anyone who could say such thing so casually. And he seems to use a lot of pet name as well.

The more I'm studying him, the more I'm really confused.

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heart cakes
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posted March 25, 2008 04:13 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i think the i miss yous are about trying and needing to derive a constant state of safety and emotional security. not that it's manipulation necessarily (although, could potentially go there), but the need with them to feel loved and cared for is very strong so they will give it out and hope to get it back.

and that makes me think of how it is so different with aquarians. we tend to need a certain buffer against intimacy until we have mentally assimilated our lives with our emotions and have decided we are ready for intimacy. to me it is a similar dance but gone about completely differently. cancers have their caves, their havens, their shells, to feel secure, and aquarius has their brain-buffer. that is where it can get frustrating and confusing..

cappy lady. are you confused because he does the in and out of his cave, sideways shuffle? that confuses me too, but i think it has to do with the need for emotional safety. and if he's not getting it from outside, he will retreat inside and hide away till he's ready to reach for more..

at least, that is my perception of cancer..

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ghanima81
Knowflake

Posts: 1121
From: Maine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 25, 2008 04:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yup... they are confusing...

Especially with Aqua on the asc... Weird! I agree that it seems like there's "something behind" their actions/words. It's like, they are protecting themselves so much, we become suspicious about what they are doing... our communication sucks, btw. It's like, really great sometimes, but other times, it feels like our Uranian tongues say the WRONG thing, and we still carry on with the joke, then we're left ouside the shell with no idea what just happened!

...funny, that.

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Cappy Lady
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posted March 25, 2008 05:29 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
heartcakes, I guess he might not be the only one doing the side-stepping here. There was one time I could read his feelings like the back of my hand. But my shyness intervened and perhaps gave him a wrong message that I wasn't interested. So he backed away big time and appeared really business-like since. Just very recently I've decided (with all my might) to soldier on with my feelings despite my shyness, and things might be working out well after all. I think cancers are the type that really waits for you to make the first move. Then they might decide to SLOWLY come out of their caves after all.

But I still can't get his flirty way. I mean, I can't go about telling everyone 'I miss u' just like that? Maybe he really meant it but it's sort of weird for me though. It sounds so...NEEDY. Those girls are his friends and he's acting like he's flirting. I couldn't help but feeling that it's his nature to flirt with every girl on earth hoping one of them will be interested. But after studying him for a while, I don't actually mind that. Just thinking it's not something I'm familiar with, that's all.

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heart cakes
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posted March 25, 2008 05:44 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
yeah, i know what you mean!

the guy i just broke it off with has frequent cuddle sessions with almost all of his female friends. there were a lot of disparities in our relationship styles and i felt it wouldn't work out and i made the mistake of mentioning that our definitions of monogomy were too different (not just the cuddling thing, but other very fliratious behaviours of his) and then he was really mad about that! it seems cancers kind of want it both ways and they are saturated in desire for all things WOMANLY..

which could bring them deeply into real, commited monogomy, or keep them trapped in fantasy and neediness, i guess..

i hope it works out for you! i think it's a good idea to give it your all with a cancer if it feels right. i think he would really appreciate that!

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Cappy Lady
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posted March 25, 2008 05:59 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Heartcakes - Cuddle sessions? GOsh, now there's one thing I can be thankful about my Asian culture. Friends hardly cuddle here, in particular friends of opposite sex. So I'm spared from that jealousy. (But my Cancer moon makes me enjoy cuddling with my gay friends a lot). But still, it takes a lot to really understand that neediness in Cancerians. I have a taurus rising and I don't really take jealousy well. I would be completely mad if I were to be in your shoes.


With my Cancer crush, it's like we're taking time to get to know each other. So the Cancerian politeness barrier is still on. I'm not sure how I would feel once we get pass this stage. But I've got lots of encouragements from the kind people in here and have decided to carry on anyway. Thanks so much for sharing!

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heart cakes
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posted March 25, 2008 06:08 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
haha.. well my sagittarius rising was cool with it, my aquarius sun was thinking about it and my taurus moon was like UM, nope. i was pretty good about keeping my posessiveness at bay though since my aqua sun got to be in charge! but yeah in the long run, my moon would have won out and it would not have sat well.

i wish you well in your endeavours to understand and enjoy your cancerian! they are definitely sweeties and i still hope to find someone very cancerian to settle with someday. they just moosh me up in all the right ways. i just haven't found the right guy yet.

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CancerianMoon
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posted March 25, 2008 10:37 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well im a Cancerian myself.. I've also not long finished with a Cancer guy...

I think Cancerian men test ALOT!!!(i admit i do too)Though i think my male counterparts do it a heck of a lot more..

They do and say things just to see your reaction... i guess some examples would be like a time i had planned a night out for his bday and he rang pretending he had broken down and probably wouldnt be able to make it...when really he was stood at my door on the phone.. another time he told me that an ex had wanted him back and he told her he would think things thru and call her back(i was like dumbfounded)just to see my reaction...many many times he would act like he might not have time etc. to see me..again he was just testing my reaction..after a while i just learnt to pretend like it was cool just because i knew he wanted a reaction... i feel though his extent of testing was a little too much.. where did it stop?

I think the thing that would scare away a Cancer guy would be you dissing his family in anyway shape or form...even if he does..

Also if you flirt with other guys could make him run...

Cancer guys just like the female Cancerians love little sentimental things.. like sweet notes/texts/emails...poems writtten for them...something baked just for them...bringing them something you know is their favourite chocolate/icecream/cologne etc..

But please dont try to catch a Cancerian guy unless your really sure you want him...because they have a hard time letting go...even if for their own good... no matter how good your intentions, a break up impacts them deeply...they could still be clinging on years later...

I've personally come across Cancerian guys who are "once bitten, twice shy" (or should that read once bitten, i will never trust again)

I think almost every Cancerian desires to find someone who "gets" them...if you make your Cancerian guy feel this..your 1/2 way there..

They will melt you with their uncanny ability to make you laugh when you feel like crying...to touch you in just the right place when your hurting...cook you a beautiful meal and to remind you sensitivity in a male is not a bad thing...

Good luck to you and your Cancer guy!!

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bluegreyeyes
Knowflake

Posts: 166
From: NC
Registered: May 2009

posted March 25, 2008 11:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for bluegreyeyes     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
ahhh all these posts are so spot on!

first of all ---

he loves to cook (just gave me a bottle of his homemade hot sauce?)... and when my roommate mentioned i made st. pat's day cupcakes for work, he said "where's mine? how come i didn't get any?" and he always mentions cooking dinner...constantly ordering food. i secretly love his food obsession, cause i'm equally (closeted) obsessed. we are always talking about the best italian/pizza/thai places in the city.

he does kinda-sorta-maybe have a jealous streak... since we both frequent the same bar, and i'm there on a regular basis, a lot of people (read: men) know me... from conversation, nothing more... but he gets kinda pissy when they say hello to me. or when my roommate mentioned that some creepy guy was staring at me, he was like "yeah there's always a line of guys waiting to meet her..." but he seemed sorta miffed. (btw - i DO NOT flirt. seriously. i'm just friendly.. i could talk to ANYONE, i don't send signals or bat eyelashes or anything!)

and he seems like a sorta homebody. which, being an aqua, kinda freaks me out... but also is sort of comforting, because i think i NEED someone to sorta "tie" me down and reign me in from my super-socializing.

i dunno... the more i think about it, the more i like him... but i'm also like "keep him at a distance, because you never know when he's gonna jet back into his shell" - and i'm super guarded, so it's kinda like two really guarded people that might actually like eachother... oy....

anyway, i don't know many cancers, so this should be interesting.....

------------------
*Christina*
Aquarius SUN
Gemini MOON
Aries ASC

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heart cakes
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posted March 26, 2008 12:46 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
oh mah geepers.

so i'm down to 2 crushes and one of them, even though it likely will never happen, i just found out, has cancer moon AND rising!! but otherwise his chart is basically identical to mine. so funny!

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heart cakes
unregistered
posted March 26, 2008 12:50 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
oops, bluegreyeyes, i just saw your follow up..

i would say, if it feels good, go for it!

i think a cancer needs and wants consistency.. so *if he is worth it* and it feels right, going for it all the way and waiting out his little storms would work out well and in the long run, would win his heart and he would come out of his shell.

i know it's hard though. the two i was seeing were both quite emotionally see-sawish and it gets VERY confusing at times. to an aquarian whose primary language is not emotional, it could be even weirder. but don't forget, if he really feels for you and you stick it out, he'll probably stay with you forever. but FOREVER can be a scary word to an aquarian who likes to take things moment to moment, generally!

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