posted March 18, 2006 03:54 PM              

I just don't understand it...how much good does a person have to give out to get back???? I mean all I do is good...all I want is to matter in this world and to help other people how many times does what I want come into my grasp only to get it yanked right out again??? I don't intend to hurt anyone and I give them unconditonal love and loyalty and freindship and all I get in return is forgotten about or trampled over or a broken heart. I am far from being a doormat and I can stand up for myself. However as mean and vindictive as I know I can be I choose not to...I try to rise above it (why is why I chose primarily to keep coming on friday nights to rise about the sadness and disapointment)I take the high road ...always. But all it gets me is being alone. I often wonder if being a b***h and being difficult would ever net me what I want because what I have been up to now sure hasn't.

posted March 20, 2006 02:41 PM            

So let’s break this down some: First of all, it sounds like your crab woke up in a **** poor mood. Oddly enough, that’s been happening to both myself and my crab of late. We both wake up all grumpy and snappy. In your crabs sleep muddled discontented mind he might have thought you were snoozing so you could get up when he did so you could chat with him. And he probably would prefer to just not deal with things right now. It’s a funny thing with crabs – we can be shockingly egocentric at times. Not in the normal “I’m so great and special” kind of way other signs but the tendency are still there. I often assume I’m at fault any time someone is grumpy – whether it be a co-worker or a partner. And in the past, when I’ve had to turn down a potential suitor, I see everything they do afterwards as a tenacious attempt to win me over. Things like them making a point to call me, wanting to hang out, etc. It’s silly really, and rather arrogant because they are probably just trying to restore the friendship we had initially, but at the heart of things, I’m just not ready. I think a lot of crabs need to run away from situations, and completely disconnect themselves from them before they can be ok with them. I think it’s important that we have time to pull back into our shells, deal with our feelings (of guilt and loss in the case of your crab), and heal up. Your crabs Pisces influences would make this tendency even more exaggerated, I think. After we’ve gotten our heads on straight we’re capable of being amazing friends, but we’re a mess until we’ve had that time of healing. Right now having you constantly in his sight is keeping your crab from healing up. Instead of spending time missing you, and wondering if he was a total idiot for leaving you, he is channeling all those dark, guilt ridden, questioning feelings into resentment. Having you around is allowing him to blame you for his unhappy feelings. And the result? You and everyone else at the station has to deal with a grumpy, snappy unpleasant crab.

Again, I want to be clear – you are in NO way at fault for your Cancer’s nastiness. It is his responsibility as a compassionate, level-headed adult Crab to recognize his own needs and communicate them in a rational and gentle fashion. Instead he’s acting like a child. But despite that, I still feel your the best solution is for you to avoid him for a while. Even at work. Being around him, especially right now when he’s so downright crabby, is making things horrible for you, Celtic. And you too need time to heal and get your heart back into balance.

But I do think you should give him some strong words. I wouldn’t retreat from this situation without making your thoughts known. Mercury will be in retrograde until the 25th, so you might want to wait, but I’m not one to hold back out of a nebulous astrologically based fear. I think Mercury might even help you out here, because it has a way of bringing situations where communication has broken down to a head. You might end up burning bridges with your crab for a bit, but frankly after the BS he’s pulled, I think it would be good for him to really see what a jerk he’s been. So, if the opportunity presents itself I’d take it. And don’t pull your punches. Be honest and 100% yourself. Your crab is being petty and ridiculous. He should be SO much more compassionate right now.

And don’t give up on love, dear Celtic. You have a beautiful soul, and I think the more beautiful the soul the longer it takes to find a match worthy of that soul. I for one am grateful that you were spared a relationship with this man. He has some truly lovely qualities, but in the end I think he has a lot of growing up to do before he could be worthy of you. In my belief structure, doors like this close to keep us from walking down paths that would bring us pain and sorrow. All in all, I think This “ending” has occurred so that you could find the beginning you were meant to have. Please know that you are dearly loved and cared for, Celtic. You have a spirit so beautiful even perfect strangers on this forum admire you. Hang in there, keep your chin up, and heal. I’m sending you all kind of warm virtual hugs from across the miles…

posted March 21, 2006 11:40 AM              

I talked to my Assistant Chief last night and he offered no new more info as to what it was all about. He did clarify some things for me and was very supportive and I re-enforced my postition as well as my quandry of the issues being private or station related. He did echo the thoughts that sounded familiar to give my Crab some space and time to get his head straight. But he told my Crab that "she will be back on Friday nights---I can't keep her away, its not right" He asked me if I had talked to him prior to this and I said no and he was under the impression that my Crab had previously spoken to me about this and I said emphatically NO! only thing was that when he broke it off what was it little over 2 months ago. Nothing since...he was suprised at that I guess my crab made him think that it was an issue discussed that i wasn't complying with so he got the AC involved. The AC also asked me was I following him around all over the place and I said no more than I ever had from day one and I said have you ever tried to hold a conversation with anyone who didn't hold still and keep walking away/around??? Also if I wanted to come up to the station to sit in the TV room by myself I could do that at home! I go there to be around people. He basically said just give it some time because since the Crab is a Leuitenant (SP?). and I am not --he is obligated to be available to me as a member and If we were both LT 's he said we could both be in our own little corners and not even interact if it was an issue but he can't do that.

Funny how my crab is so Cancer-like. I keep thinking "god its really true" aobut sun sign personalities. I thought I did a pretty good job of a maintaining a certain distance guess it isn't far enough.Besides the argument could also be for another person at the station who follows him around too, same one who followed him out at 6:20 am when she should have been asleep. I don't know If I am dealing with another female invading my territory , if she is trying to crowd me out so she can have him to herself or not. I was there first and longer and knew him longer than she has been.He and I had a relationship when she first joined and now she seems to have wormed her way in. The sick thing is she is married (unhappily it seems)with 3 kids and she just ended an affair with A Chief at another station. Now do I think my Crab would start up anything with her---NO WAY that much I do know it's not even in the realm of possiblity but being a closer friend than me sure that could happen and maybe that is what she wants I don't know. It makes me wonder about her --soemone cautioned me recently about her and I had already agreed with their assessment and this gal is soemone who considers me a friend or so she says...don't know its so high school that it just totally offends me just thinking about it. See I am dealing with a multileveled issue that soemwhere is buried the truth and I don't know where the truth is and one thing I abhor is someone interfereing with someone's relationship especially if they exploit the weaknesses for their own gain.

I would love to talk to my crab about this and as I told my AC that I need time cuz what I would have to say right now and the way I would say it would not be very good for anyone. Even after some time he may still need to consider wearing his Firegear on before we talk. Is there a way or does he already know how hurt and angry I would be cuz I want him to know now how wounded I am now, but I want a period of absolute zero contact unless he initiates it,but trust me he will know from me how much of a jerk he has been and I will pull no punches but I don't want to turn into a screaming Banshee either
Well I have droned on again and apologize for the length but as I said before not much in the way of discussing this with others without causing addtional pain and upset and morale problems. Thank you all again for your generaous support I really apprecate it!

{{{{{{{{{{HUGSSSSS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}to you all.

posted March 26, 2006 02:19 PM              

Isolaede: I really hadn't given any consideration to the thought that he needed time to heal. I base that on the fact that the relationships I have had in the past where the guy broke it off went on about their business and i was the one picking up pieces and healing myself, why would they need to heal if they were the one doing the hurting? I never once thought that he would need to since it was his decision in the first place, plus he essentailly gave me permission to do and be as I was. So I did for me what I thought would help me. Never once thought how he might feel...I have found that Crabs certainly don't act like other men in general that is for sure. I didn't think that seeing me around would do the opposite. But it does make sense.

I have had not the opportunity to talk with him and I have no idea how long to give him.

My AC says that I will be back on Friday nights but I don't feel comfortable until I talk with the Crab...I want to find out if I would be welcome there and If the crew would have a problem since they were cited in the reason. Because I don't go where I am not wanted.

posted March 27, 2006 04:28 PM              

But not in the usual putting our shadow onto someone else. Maybe you are judging people by your own standards and you are just a little bit "better" than them.

I pray he's worth you, I doubt it though.

posted March 27, 2006 10:14 PM              

Swerve <<<But not in the usual putting our shadow onto someone else. Maybe you are judging people by your own standards and you are just a little bit "better" than them.>>>okay, I think I know what youa re saying but I must be getting a littel daft here guys I am sorry could you explain a lttiel more too please??? Luv to you both

posted March 31, 2006 07:40 PM              

okay my BD in November 13 1964
His July 5 1964
I have known him about 1 year we were together6-7 months now I guess he is an EX
He has been married before ended badly and continues to cause issues due to custody issues, I have not been married I have had a 15 year relationship and a 6 year relationship that still is a friendship now but never married. I need to figure out how to proceed with him in relation to a professional/and freindly relationship I have a hunch that a romantic relationship with never be again even though I would be willing to give it another try. I am so hurt and angry with him now I have to overcome my usually Scoprio tendencies to flame and burn him on the spot cuz I don't want to ruin any chance we have at any kind of decent positive relationship. How do I approach him to talk about things or do I wait for him --I don't know. let me know if there is anything else you want to know...Thanks Fayte

posted March 31, 2006 08:47 PM              

PS. DO NOT GIVE HIM THE NOTE when he is in a Crabby mood. Wait until he is in a good mood...or at least relaxed.
If he does not respond....ignore it for a day. See how he acts. Say hello..smile..be polite. Then after a day..ask him..when he is not rushed and in a good mood..."did you consider my offer?" Then see what happens.
But do not get upset if he rejects you. Keep your chin up, smile and say, "maybe some other time, thanks(then say his name). Then walk politely away. No anger or cattiness or hurt acting.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
~I intend to continue learning, forever~"Fayte"
~I am still learning~ Michangelo
The Door to Gnosis is never permanently locked...one only needs the correct keys and passwords.
The pious man with closed eyes can often hold more ego than a proud man with open eyes.
Out of the mouth of babes commeth wisdom that can rival that of sages.
In the rough, or cut and polished..a diamond is still a precious gem.
-NEXUS-

posted April 01, 2006 08:48 AM              

TAKE THIS TEST!
READ THE ENTIRE THREAD!
Very revealling!
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/006312.html

posted April 05, 2006 12:22 PM              

Fayte I have read your post over and over and hadn't posted yet due to the next amount of circumstances...I have been too wrapped up in it to even form a coherant sentence let alone a coherant thought.;P but I will as I may still need the advice

Well, here goes I had been on conversation with my Leo friend who is on the crew involved that my crab is in charge of. So learning what I learned help clarify a few things but it also let the hurt turn to anger which I think I have mentioned and I did not want to express full force in true Scorpio fashion when my Crab and I did talk. I also have another friend on that crew that I was now unsure how much of a friend she was to me (I have no idea when her birthday is so I can't name her by sign I'll just call her DD. Well I came up on Saturday to the station to get some training time in the afternoon so I missed the Friday night crew leaving in the am except for DD as she was in class until the afteroon That is also her Saturday weekend crew day...okay confused yet?? So I had not talked to DD at all about any of this and was just biding my time until breeching the subject (I talked to her later). the whole crew including the chief and assistant chief was standing unfront of the station ..Well, who should roll up with his daughter, but my Crab. I just kept thinking what the hell do I do as by that time is was so angry I was afraid the wrong thing or the right thing said the wrong way would be coming out of my mouth thus making a bad situation worse. He never acknowleged me at all no hello no nothing well it was decided that we all go to dinner well the seating arrangements left him sitting diagonally from me his daughter opposite him and to my right so I was in the line of conversation distance and DD was on the other side of the daughter and there was a cadet opposite me. All through dinner it was mega uncomfortable to say the least he never looked in my direction never said a word to me in fact i wasn't involved in ANY conversation essentally. the conversation that was being had also had plenty of little girl/teenage girl comments about and silliness which is okay except for a few things that kinda twisted the knife a little deeper Well, I should mention that DD is alo freinds with my Crab and she has been taking his daughter with her girls to girl scout events recently and the daughter made some comment about DD being her adoptive mother and some other things relative to that and my Crab made a comment basically in jest but in front of me of "welcome to the family". well towards the end I got up to go to the bathroom when I came back everyone was gone except for the Chief and the Assistant Chief they were who I was riding with and we were waiting for the Chief to finish his video game. So then we left everyone else beat us back to the station and by now I was feeling pretty miserable to say the least. Well then it happened...we got punched for a call for the whole station an auto accident for vehicle overturned. Well, I got in the firetruck and started getting dressed in my firegear..every body else getting on..well the driver starts to pull out of the bay as my Crab is trying to get on with his gear and I have to holler at the driver to "Whoa! Whoa!" cuz he almost caused my Crab to get dragged and then crushed...well he stopped and he got on not hurt or anything and started getting dressed. Well we got to the call did our thing the teenage boys in the car were fine barely a scratch --too bad the car didn't didn't fair as well though. Well we get back to the station and I was having the worst indegestion (go figure all this crap eating away with me not to mention the intermittent chest pain to go along with it)Well my Crab saw me and sincerely asked if I was okay told him about the indegestion and the chest pain But not the reason why) and he was all concerned asking do we need to get one of the medics to check me out and could he get me anything and for me to sit down etc.Told him no it was okay I would be fine I needed a Zantac/pepcid or tums or something and I it would be allright.Funny thing after all that adreneline expenditure I was no longer angry with him or anyone else for that matter. well later as he was leaving he was lingering around waiting for his daughter and I wanted to so badly to ask him.."so are you talking to me now?"But I didn't and he looked like he wanted to say something but didn't and his daughter came out and they said goodnight and left. The next day in the afternoon I had come up to hang out due to some actual working fires going around the county and I figured we would be needed. Well my crab was there again due to the same resaon I was there. He came to me and needed me for some station business stuff and after that he added and on a "personal note" and motioned me out of the station to talk and then this long heartfelt apology about how all this stuff went down and how he had planned to talk to me personally that it was never meant to turn into a station matter but it did when someone went to the chiefs about it and he never intended it to turn into what became and that he liked me and liked having me up there on Fridays however I did catch something --he stammered over the word liked intially it sounded like he was going to say the other "L" word and he did it twice but I'm not going to read anymore into it than that at this point...The crazy thing is I could barely say anything and he gave me a big hug so things are good..and later that night DD came by the station to get her sweatshirt and we wound up talking for about 3 hours . She saw me stiffen up as soon as she saw my crab arrive and she had reached out and rubbed my arm sympathetically to tell me it was okay because at that time she couldn't say anything. she felt bad becasue she thought I thought there was something going on between her and my crab and I told her truhtfully the thought had crossed my mind but that I didn't beleive the thought, but she felt so bad especially with the exchange at dinner about the adoptive mom thing and she told my Crab that when she picked up his daughter to go to the circus with her girl scouts that she thought he hurt me last night and he seemed kinda oblivious to the fact at first and she explained why. So far everything seems to be stablizing out I do have to speak to another member of the crew in more depth but I think it will be okay. I may still need to speak with my crab on a more personal level at some point but I am not soing to push things. I know that was long and drawn out but it was basically the short version so you can imagine that how my brain as been able to process all this information I think I am worn out...LOL Thanks again for listening and being there everybody! {{{{{big Love to you all}}}}}}

posted April 05, 2006 02:34 PM              

Sincerely,
Fayte