posted February 11, 2013 02:39 PM            

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
i know i have already told this story a few times, but i.think it is extremely relevant to this discussion , so i'll tell it again... a few years ago i was interested in this girl and we had lots in common and got along great and i was interested in having a relationship with her, but she wasnt interested in me that way.... so i decided to play a little trick on her, i started being aloof and telling her all kinds of lies, i told her that i was going to clubs to meet random girls to hook up, and all of a sudden she changed her tune.. she was calling me and texting nonstop, she even told me she loved me... so the moral of the story is "I" wasnt good enough for her by my own merits, she had to think i was some stud who was desirable to a large number of women... our amazing mental/emotional connection wasnt enough, what others thought mattered more.... and the majority of people in the world are alot like her, they dont think for themselves and care too much what others think.

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So then you should be happy you realized she was a fool. Good for you.

posted February 11, 2013 02:39 PM            

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Originally posted by LoVeLy:

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posted February 11, 2013 02:40 PM            

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Originally posted by Dreaming111:
But again you assume that a late bloome is a social incompetent. A lot of late bloomers I know are really educated and good looking and not some dorky looking person that bumps into walls. I mean come on!

And I think that if someone you love is obsessed with you and thinking only of you that would be a great thing. Why wouldnt you want someone that into you?

Im not talking abt the fanatical, stalkerish obsession either.

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1) i need time on my own, to make work and whatnot. i actually think the fact that i'm single at the moment is supercool, because otherwise i would spend my time fooling around on the floor, not making any work.

a normal person needs some degree of personal space. obsessive attitude means that someone requires my whole being and gets all reproachy when not allocated enough time.

2) thank god i don't know that many late bloomers. not my scene apparently so whatever. just judging by the ones i've known

there was that guy who'd studied physics/technology at college in my dancing class. was like 27 at that time. UBER insecure. and kept telling me how lonely he was. guess what - he even learned to move nicely eventually. but that horrible stamp of loneliness never left his face. a few people said he was attractive, but for me he wasn't

3) there's another type of confidence. some kind of emotional/sexual confidence. i don't know. they say girls sense it. i definitely do. i hate dealing with desperate guys, they make me wanna run. desperate=never good. if desperate girls scare boys away, the same applies the other way round.

i think if we have a person who wants a romantic relationship theoretically spends a lot of time looking forward to it. this anticipation builds up. eventually there's a massive explosion. like, really?

and finally - my god, twenties, immaturity, fewer fulfilment issues/preoccupations, approximately zero wisdom - what else could one do with one's body and soul but give it to another, love another entirely?

well you could tell me fine wine gets better. but there is a risk of turning into vinegar, not wine. and it will be sour.

posted February 11, 2013 02:44 PM            

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Originally posted by Luminosity:
I am still a virgin at 25 and am waiting until I find someone who really loves me and is dedicated to me. So far all the guys I have met have been very immature and incapable of supporting me emotionally. I have never met a guy who was on the same wavelength as me before either- there was always some way in which I felt misunderstood. I think it's worth the wait even though it's REALLY hard. I have sun in the 8th house in capricorn, mars in scorpio, pluto in scorpio as well...but I also have saturn in the 7th and I think that really effects how I view relationships.

Sex nowadays is meaningless. It's just a fun hobby for a lot of people. It's not about having a deep connection for a lot of people, in fact, I have heard so many horror stories from women who have slept with guys they really were crazy about only to have the guy pull away and start ignoring them. This must be so heartbreaking.

That's why I think it's a good idea to really get to know someone before you have sex with them. You never know what someone's motivations are until you are able to really get to understand them as a friend. Romance clouds our ability to view our love interests objectively but I think it's really important to try to do this. Otherwise we are selling ourselves short.

For me sex is reserved for the people that really prove to me that they love me. While this does make my life harder in many ways I have been spared so much of the drama and heartache I have seen so many others go through. Being alone isn't easy but if you don't truly love yourself first and feel a sense of satisfaction on your own then your ability to love another will be very limited.

Anyhow, I didn't mean to write a novel. This is just a topic I am passionate about

Luminosity

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We are real twins hehe. I feel the same way.

I have my sun, mars, true node, mecury all in the 8th house in gemini.

If anything I would be a nymph with the right person. lol. But again like you I have this sense that to let someone into my inner circle and then to actually sleep with me would mean I trust and love that person so completely. I wouldnt allow anyone else that close to me. There are way too many weirdos. Trust me when I say not all pure virgin boys are really that great. I had one that broke my heart really badly. I am so happy I didnt give him anything I would regret.

posted February 11, 2013 02:47 PM            

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Originally posted by starmoon:
i waited until 30, i'm 38 now. i'd dated tons all my life and had long-term bfs and always told them it was for religion i was waiting but i'm not even religious. i wasn't a 'late bloomer' because i was datig all the time, but i was always holding back. i wanted true love and some white knight to come along and i felt like i'd just 'know' when it was him. i was determined for it to be true love, or at least some karmic pull or some such thing. then i met 'him' and i knew it was going to be him. i later found out we have venus conjunct pluto/uranus exact. it was too much sexual pull to ignore.and venus conjunct neptune made it seem very romantic.

i always felt it was my cap moon that held me back along with my scorpio rising - two tough placements for a female i think. and i have neptune in the first so i always want romance and some romantic hero and was always disappointed in men before i even got to the point of sleeping with them.

i don't regret waiting, my bf benefits from all the pent up years i didn't do anything :-) and i knew when we started dating that virginity in his culture was highly valued so it ended up being a very nice thing for him to learn and not a negative. the right guy will care less about your age and experience.

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posted February 11, 2013 02:48 PM            

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Originally posted by peregrine:
lol and u wonder y other posters have expressed a preference for experience?

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posted February 11, 2013 02:48 PM            

i dont think you need to get to know someoen that well though to KNOW them - i feel like i can know someone for a few hours and really know all i need to- im very intuitive like that. people exagerate the power of time- connection is what matters not time.

"It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and perservering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations."

kahlil gibran.

posted February 11, 2013 02:52 PM            

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Originally posted by sharpei:
well that is fine- everyone is different.

i dont think you need to get to know someoen that well though to KNOW them - i feel like i can know someone for a few hours and really know all i need to- im very intuitive like that. people exagerate the power of time- connection is what matters not time.

"It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and perservering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations."

kahlil gibran.

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tell me about it i've experienced boy's eros conj girl's psyche, was totally like we'd resumed something we didn't remember when we met

posted February 11, 2013 02:56 PM            

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
Except you don't talk about PEOPLE with issues. You talk about women with issues ONLY, and you do so frequently just to stir up s.it and watch it transpire. Checkmate.

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This isnt a competition. Is it in your mind?

posted February 11, 2013 02:57 PM            

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Originally posted by Jessica2407:
I feel stumped. How are things different in the US?

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There is a difference from one culture to another and from one country to another.

posted February 11, 2013 03:00 PM            

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Originally posted by Dreaming111:
I dont like feeling unappreciated and used. Like you that would be my worst nightmare to have loved someone enough to sleep wtih thim only to have it end. It would then seem pointless to have been so picky.

But in your situation I think that you actually felt it would be forever so that is ok. I mean, to me you didnt just say *hey you have a pole and I gotta hole. lets play.* I feel your situation is much different. You waited for the right person. Even I have fallen for someone whom I thought was the right person only to realize he was not. What if I slept with him? It could have happened. Lucky for me I didnt let it and he too was a virgin waiting for marriage. (He was lebanese btw.) I mean, I felt like he was the one. Boy was a I wrong wrong WRONG! lol

Even then I felt emotionally used. I cant imagine what someone goes through if he/she feels like the other person is the one and gives that person their best and most vulnerable intimate love just to have it unappreciated. So in your case, you arent someone that is too different from me.

You really thought he was the one. Anyone can make that mistake.

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I think the this mindset puts an enormous amount of pressure on selecting the "right" person. No-one knows what they will think or feel in the future, let alone that what another person will think and feel and that the two will be perpetually compatible.

I think it's right to give it careful consideration and be in a loving relationship with someone you care about, but that doesn't mean it will always be that way. People grow in different ways and I struggle with the concept of one everlasting love.

I lost my virginity to my ex who I stayed with for six years and I loved him more than anything, at the time. I always will, in a way. But we drifted apart (long distance relationship) and eventually things ended. It was the right thing to happen. Would you have regretted it, in my position? Would you have felted "cheated" out of your virginity by believing someone was "the one" only to realise that it was transient? Would you have felt any extra pressure to make things work to prove that your decision was right?

I agree with a lot of what you have said but I think there is the danger of having unrealistic expectations, which can only lead to disappointment. I don't believe anyone who says that they will be with x for ever and ever. It might happen, but you don't know until you get there.

posted February 11, 2013 03:02 PM            

since we are playing this game i grew up in london, have lived in brazil, ibiza, switzerland and greece and am half greek half irish brought up catholic went to catholic convent school- privately educated at an ALL GIRLS SCHOOL ZOMG!!!

posted February 11, 2013 03:06 PM            

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Originally posted by sharpei:
eeh where are you from dreaming1111?

just i have never heard anyone with the views you have - its kinda funny to me! sorry but you just sound like hmm i dont know - it does sound like you are judging others choices by saying things like ''something used and tattered'' etc.

im not offended at all, just....amused- i think virgins can be very HOT like something untouched and ripe hahaha i would be interested in a guy who was a virgin if he was around the 21 22 mark- any older and um no!

i dont think there is anything wrong with selling ones virginity- it is legal and they are not hurting anyone.

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California. Surprise.

I guess that tattered and used part was not nice. I agre. I probably was annoyed at someone who posted that a virgin is a defective product and others on here mocking different ideas other than the ones they are used to.

I said before that rant that it all depends on perspective na lifestyle choice. That these were my opinion but someone said that virgins were defective so as you can see I have spend enough time replying and countering their statements. lol

Anyway, I dont care if my guy was a virgin I am more attracted to him for that stance. End of story. My choice. My preference. People who disagree can call me defective and make fun of me all they want.

I also dont do drugs hey how abt that. Never smoked pot even though that was cool and norm where I am. I dont give a damn that I am different from others. Also, I dont want a run of the mill guy so I dont care that men who would want to sleep with someone before marriage would not date me. They are mistaken. *I* would not be dating them.

posted February 11, 2013 03:09 PM            

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
I have Mars inconj. Pluto, and Mars in the 12th house. I'm afraid of being bad at sex mainly because I've been told to my face I'm a bad kisser, etc. Dear god... the thought of being judged is terrifying.

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Why let someones judgment of you dictate your life? I mean so that person thought you were a bad kisser. Big deal. As you progress you learn, and also...who is he?
What a douchebag to say something like that. I would never tell a guy like that even if he slobbered. Id laugh maybe but never say something that critical.

posted February 11, 2013 03:12 PM            

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Originally posted by andstuff:
well you seemed to be judgmental of others' choices

granted, what i said might have been judgmental too

but i'm not condemning anyone. i just made a choice not to sleep with virgins, not to date guys without emotional experience/relationship history. just because i've had mad love in my life and i would need someone similar to me. not promiscuous, but not a tabula rasa either.

my friend is currently having a lot of "fun" dealing with a late bloomer she gave a chance. he's totally f**king her brains out, mental mental mental.

if we assume that a virgin is a person who cannot find love - most prob it is caused by not being able to associate with the right people, not being part of the "right" scene. if the scene was right, a suitable partner would have turned up years ago.

OBVS religious reasons are religious reasons. these should be respected.

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Again its a choice. A choice to be virgin. Im not doing it for religious reasons; Im not that religious and come from a liberal family in terms of religion.

posted February 11, 2013 03:12 PM            

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Originally posted by sharpei:
just because it is vaguely related and i feel like talking - i am quite enamoured with this VERY PRETTY boy - i think he likes me too...he is just very very good looking and has class and looks like we would have fun together and he likes dark foreign girls too...

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posted February 11, 2013 03:17 PM            

She's Taurus Ascendant, with her Venus in Scorp, and Sun, Moon, Uranus in Sag in her 8th house. I can't remember the rest of her planets.. ugh.

Her Mom sent her to a shrink, who said she is not asexual, but rather has a lot of intimacy issues.

I lost my virginity at 16. The physical side of a relationship is extremely important to me. Sex is a big deal for some, but not that big of a deal for others.

Most of my sister's friends were virgins before they got married. These are her friends from medical school. They all stayed virgins because of religious reasons. They are all ridiculously gorgeous, nice bodies, and very intelligent.

posted February 11, 2013 03:23 PM            

my mercury is conjunct my uranus in Sagi - could this be the reason?

posted February 11, 2013 03:25 PM            

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Originally posted by sharpei:
^pahahahaha! i hope the tampon respected you afterwards andstuff

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posted February 11, 2013 04:03 PM            

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Originally posted by rhia:
I think the this mindset puts an enormous amount of pressure on selecting the "right" person. No-one knows what they will think or feel in the future, let alone that what another person will think and feel and that the two will be perpetually compatible.

I think it's right to give it careful consideration and be in a loving relationship with someone you care about, but that doesn't mean it will always be that way. People grow in different ways and I struggle with the concept of one everlasting love.

I lost my virginity to my ex who I stayed with for six years and I loved him more than anything, at the time. I always will, in a way. But we drifted apart (long distance relationship) and eventually things ended. It was the right thing to happen. Would you have regretted it, in my position? Would you have felted "cheated" out of your virginity by believing someone was "the one" only to realise that it was transient? Would you have felt any extra pressure to make things work to prove that your decision was right?

I agree with a lot of what you have said but I think there is the danger of having unrealistic expectations, which can only lead to disappointment. I don't believe anyone who says that they will be with x for ever and ever. It might happen, but you don't know until you get there.

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In your case no I wouldnt have. If you were together for so long and apparently in love, then no. I understand completely giving yourself to someone who you think is the one for you. Love is a strong thing. I get that.

Of all the guys I met and cared for I was only ever in love with one, and I even considered giving it up. But unlike your case where you just drift apart and evolve differently mine was a lot different in that there was betrayal and lies. So yeah in my situation I am so glad I didnt give that fool too much of myself. In your case where I was loved and respected I can see how one can give themself up.

Having said that, in love we dont think straight and might have regrets or things we should have done better. I think in my case even if my guy was the best I wouldnt give myself upto him now as I would want ideally for him to want me so much that he would want to spend his life being my companion. I think that if he loves me that much then he would understand my position and probably would have a similar position too. And in no way would I ever force a guy to propose to me. I mean who wants a guy asking you to marry you while being whipped? So not very romantic or genuine. I dont want a man that is forced to be with me.

And in the end I might not find a virgin guy who has the exact same mentality. I probably wont and I might end up marrying a guy that has slept with other women. Who knows? As long as he is a good person and cares for me...Im ok.

posted February 11, 2013 04:03 PM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
Basically what I want you to understand is when women say they want a good and honest man... what they mean us "a good and honest man" out of that pool of men that they feel an attraction towards... Not just any random "good" man.

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Also, fact is, a lot of good, honest men are married to women.

If women only liked players, then it would follow that the only married men were jerks.

Aquaguy, are you saying that all married men are simply jerks? Because according to your view of things, they couldn't have sustained a woman's interest without being dishonest, playing games, and so on.

That all married men are second rate is the logical conclusion to your argument.