posted September 01, 2015 06:46 PM            

Sagittarius: Oblivious. They have no compunction about asking for favors, no matter how huge. You'll definitely be used as a job reference and will lie through your teeth about their reliability. Hanging out with them (and Gemini's too, for that matter.) is much like the children's book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie."

posted September 01, 2015 07:21 PM            

Aquarius: Two words: conspiracy theorists.

Pisces: Oh dear, Poster child for victim hood. Accountability is a foreign concept. Singlehandedly support the rehab industry and put many o' shrinks's progeny through medical school. Drug dealers love Pisces.

posted September 01, 2015 08:23 PM            

Cancer: Lives with his mom and is featured on "Hoarders".

Taurus: Wants a giant garden, but expects you to do the tilling AND spring for the roto tiller. After you are finished, you best make him a sammich and get him a cold beer.

posted September 01, 2015 08:46 PM            

BRILLIANT!!

PS Cancer Moon here!

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posted September 01, 2015 10:01 PM            

Aries: If I try to win an argument with you, which is a waste of time because you only see one side of the picture "yours". It is like taking a toy off a child, the longer we argue the redder your face become and the louder your tantrum. You're embarrassing yourself.

Taurus: You THINK you are elegant and refined but it translates as boring and snobby. Your small circle of friends isn't because you are 'picky' it's because people can't stand you! :P

Gemini: Do you like me or dislike me? Is that smile the smile of an angel or the grin of the devil? What are you convincing me into now? No one knows if they can trust you or distrust you!

Cancer: You're SO brilliantly talented and amazing we all ENVY you! But then you whineee about how inept you are at your praiseworthy skills that we just wanna slap you and say, "Yeah, you did a **** job."

Leo: You're too easy to win over or to control, start firing compliments at you and you become a kitten who rolls over and bares your belly for tummy rubs. Fully exposed and oblivious.

Virgo: Your perfect job has got to be sorting coffee beans. I swear to god, if your world was 'perfect' you would be COMPLETELY miserable. You love to organise! Stop whining about it!

Libra: Your beauty ain't gonna get you anywhere if all you do is lay around in bed and masturbate. Your body that you think is so great? well it's not gonna last with the amount of sweets you keep eating and your distaste of raising a finger to do ANYTHING.

Scorpio: The sign of true romance?! OH GOD. Maybe if I want my throat slit in the night! The nicer you are to me the more weary I am of you. You were probably that tormented child in the playground who was surrounded by headless Barbie Dolls while another child runs from you crying. (And you're taking this as a compliment aren't you?!)

Sagittarius: Alcohol should be banned from your sign, sober you have no tact but when you're drinking you feel it was your god given quest to let EVERYONE know what is wrong with themselves and their lives. Of course...you're HELPING them. When you sober back up and have a dozen less friends you will just travel somewhere and make a bunch more.

Capricorn: Your work ethic is sickening, whats the point in having all the money and success if you dont do anything with it? At parties you're the one in the corner we all want to avoid cause you won't have a drink and you're likely to give us a lecture.

Aquarius: If i have to hear one more "I'm the best sign in the zodiac" speech I'm gonna scream. You're futuristic and a genius? Then why are you trying to go backwards with your paleo diets and rubbish constructed huts in your backyards?

posted September 01, 2015 10:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by AlexandraWood:
HAHAHAHA omg! I have laughed the hardest at Libra jokes cause I am a Libra and its SO bloody true!!! DAMMIT. (PS Us Libra's just think its jealousy if you tease us about our good looks :P *Venus hair flick* )

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Actually, I don't know a single Libra like that, save you now. I've always been baffled by that stereotype but figured it had to be because Libra tries to harmonize and can take a long time to make up his or her mind so it seems they're admiring their looks rather than trying to figure out which look they should go with.

Libra also likes to make an impression which isn't the same thing as being admired for beauty, it's essentially a tool for acceptance, influences, and even manipulation or even leadership. If torn clothes is what will get Libra what she wants then that is what she wears (though it will typically be color coordinated and such), but if the Sunday best is what's called for then that is what is reached for...but WHICH ripped jeans or Sunday dress (or whatever is best for the sitch) is best? Decisions, decisions...and better decide before someone tells her to stop admiring her own reflection!

posted September 01, 2015 10:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Actually, I don't know a single Libra like that, save you now. I've always been baffled by that stereotype but figured it had to be because Libra tries to harmonize and can take a long time to make up his or her mind so it seems they're admiring their looks rather than trying to figure out which look they should go with.

Libra also likes to make an impression which isn't the same thing as being admired for beauty, it's essentially a tool for acceptance, influences, and even manipulation or even leadership. If torn clothes is what will get Libra what she wants then that is what she wears (though it will typically be color coordinated and such), but if the Sunday best is what's called for then that is what is reached for...but WHICH ripped jeans or Sunday dress (or whatever is best for the sitch) is best? Decisions, decisions...and better decide before someone tells her to stop admiring her own reflection!

ETA: not that I mind the jokes, mind you, it's actually best if they don't hit TOO close to home.

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posted September 01, 2015 11:14 PM            

I've ripped on all of the 12 signs; most of which are in my chart.

posted September 01, 2015 11:29 PM            

Taurus - stop. Eating.

Gemini - I don't care what you had for breakfast this morning or that you're bored or that you have "no friends" or who your sister has a crush on or who you're texting or basically any of your mindless jibber jabber.

Cancer - Just because I couldn't come to your birthday party doesn't mean I hate you and we aren't friends anymore and you should obviously unfriend me on Facebook.

Leo - he/she/we are just not that into you, and 50 text messages with no reply aren't going to change that.

Virgo - you anal, obsessive motherf*****. There is not one single person who cares about vacuum lines as much as you do.

Libra - sometimes I don't want to hear "their side." Sometimes I just want to be angry. We all get it. You're so zen. I don't want to hear it.

Scorpio - Anything other than total worship is intolerable to you, and as soon as you are not being worshipped you withdraw completely. But stop playing games, Scorpio. You're not fooling anyone. We all know you're obsessed.

Sagittarius - oh, Sagittarius. How is it that someone so dumb could be so self-righteous and deluded?

Capricorn - you are so completely socially awkward. It is like you don't have an empathetic bone in your body. Lighten up and have a conversation with someone.

Aquarius - yes, yes you are so enlightened. You are so much cooler than the rest of us. This is sarcasm in case that is unclear.

posted September 01, 2015 11:49 PM            

quote:

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Scorpio: The sign of true romance?! OH GOD. Maybe if I want my throat slit in the night! The nicer you are to me the more weary I am of you. You were probably that tormented child in the playground who was surrounded by headless Barbie Dolls while another child runs from you crying. (And you're taking this as a compliment aren't you?!)

Sagittarius: Alcohol should be banned from your sign, sober you have no tact but when you're drinking you feel it was your god given quest to let EVERYONE know what is wrong with themselves and their lives. Of course...you're HELPING them. When you sober back up and have a dozen less friends you will just travel somewhere and make a bunch more.

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posted September 02, 2015 12:13 AM            

She also has a Pisces Moon.

Blanche DuBois, me thinks?

posted September 02, 2015 12:17 AM              

quote:

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Originally posted by fireopal09:
Libra: Kim Kardashian.

She also has a Pisces Moon.

Blanche DuBois, me thinks?

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LMFAOOOOO. Magic.

posted September 02, 2015 12:42 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by HadesFish:

LMFAOOOOO. Magic.

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posted September 02, 2015 10:41 AM              

quote:

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Originally posted by fireopal09:

I'm a Libra Sun with a Pisces Moon. How DARE you insult Kim Kartrashian.

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Oh, look we have created enchantment.

posted September 02, 2015 11:52 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by AlexandraWood:

Pisces: You're an enigma, when you tell people you're a Pisces they shrink from you. "No one understands me", that's RIGHT, we don't! Whenever I see that faraway look in your eyes I know you're about to withdraw for a few months, painting pictures and starting up a blog about your childhood. When we meet again, I'll have the alcohol and david attenborough DVD's ready.

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OMG!!!!

Cannot stop laughing! I'm in tears...

posted September 02, 2015 11:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by wheresthemoon:
Aries - not everything is your business and you're not always right.

Taurus - stop. Eating.

Gemini - I don't care what you had for breakfast this morning or that you're bored or that you have "no friends" or who your sister has a crush on or who you're texting or basically any of your mindless jibber jabber.

Cancer - Just because I couldn't come to your birthday party doesn't mean I hate you and we aren't friends anymore and you should obviously unfriend me on Facebook.

Leo - he/she/we are just not that into you, and 50 text messages with no reply aren't going to change that.

Virgo - you anal, obsessive motherf*****. There is not one single person who cares about vacuum lines as much as you do.

Libra - sometimes I don't want to hear "their side." Sometimes I just want to be angry. We all get it. You're so zen. I don't want to hear it.

Scorpio - Anything other than total worship is intolerable to you, and as soon as you are not being worshipped you withdraw completely. But stop playing games, Scorpio. You're not fooling anyone. We all know you're obsessed.

Sagittarius - oh, Sagittarius. How is it that someone so dumb could be so self-righteous and deluded?

Capricorn - you are so completely socially awkward. It is like you don't have an empathetic bone in your body. Lighten up and have a conversation with someone.

Aquarius - yes, yes you are so enlightened. You are so much cooler than the rest of us. This is sarcasm in case that is unclear.

Pisces - step 1) perceive wrongdoing. Step 2) complain loudly and to whomever will listen that you have been victimized. 3) enjoy perceived victimhood. 4) repeat.

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These are great, too...

It's nice to know we're all seeing the same things in each other. *high five*

posted September 02, 2015 12:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by CosmiqPhuz:
In an orgy, Pisces gets gangbanged by the other 11 signs. She pretends to be the victim but secretly likes it. In the aftermath, laying in a pool of self pity (and other things), she shoots up some supposed heroin that Sagittarius sold to her only to find out that it's just sugar. Pisces doesn't get high, but gets diabetes instead. Vowing for justice, she sues Sag and all the other signs that "ganged up on her". In court, judge Libra, although compassionate towards Pisces, rules in favor of the defendants. In a fit of despair and self pity, Pisces tries to hang herself in front of the whole court as a final statement. Due to diabetes, she gets light headed while climbing and falls down.

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posted September 02, 2015 03:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Belage:
Between Blanche DuBois and David Attenborough, this thread has sent me over the edge.

I am totally undone.

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