posted September 01, 2015 08:28 AM              

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
I love this thread !

I've only skimmed through the Taurus and Virgo ones (my Sun and Moon)

as funny as some of it is, can someone please come up with some jokes that don't involve us stuffing our faces with hotdogs, burritos & pizza all day? BTW Virgos aren't all lint and crumb picking neurotics ready to put a band-aide on every paper cut we come across.

k. love you guys & this thread, but can we come up with some new material for Taureans besides being ravenous pigs ,talented deep-throaters wanting to balance your checkbook?

Btw, someone said "cheap" ... um no.

Carry on.

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This is for the taurus guys: Noone is gonna willingly be your 40s housewife, they're after your wallet... until they see how stingy you are with it!

All taurus!: Your way or the highway? Ill take the highway...

posted September 01, 2015 08:29 AM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Belage:
This thread is soooooooo wrong!

I can't stop laughing at some of the roasts.

"Virgo: you missed a spot." LMAO!!!!

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posted September 01, 2015 08:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
as funny as some of it is, can someone please come up with some jokes that don't involve us stuffing our faces with hotdogs, burritos & pizza all day?

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Point taken. But that story about my Taurus friend is true! And nothing else about her is funny...she is so thoroughly cool, what's to laugh at??

posted September 01, 2015 09:01 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by bansheequeen:
Probably the cruelest roast of all....

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posted September 01, 2015 09:21 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
Btw, someone said "cheap" ... um no.

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Yea, that was me. Ok, how about "very very very very careful with their money?"

posted September 01, 2015 09:22 AM            

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posted September 01, 2015 09:22 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by T:
I love this thread !

I've only skimmed through the Taurus and Virgo ones (my Sun and Moon)

as funny as some of it is, can someone please come up with some jokes that don't involve us stuffing our faces with hotdogs, burritos & pizza all day? BTW Virgos aren't all lint and crumb picking neurotics ready to put a band-aide on every paper cut we come across.

k. love you guys & this thread, but can we come up with some new material for Taureans besides being ravenous pigs ,talented deep-throaters wanting to balance your checkbook?

Btw, someone said "cheap" ... um no.

Carry on.

---

Taurus-you bullheaded baboon... if your so good with money why do all girls at the local "exotic dancer"clubs know you by name? Is it because they will let you choke them? You naughty little boy! I want to see the IRS agents face when you say that was a "business" dinner!

posted September 01, 2015 09:33 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by CosmiqPhuz:

*A middle-aged Aquarius after hours and hours of arguing with his internet friends* - "You guys are all such idiots and are so wrong! I am right! I'm always right!.....MOM! I NEED MORE PIZZA BAGELS!!!"

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I nearly fell over laughing....my ex husbands best friend was a middle aged aquarius that still lived in moms basement and ate pizza bagels all the time. My ex played online video games with him almost daily. LMAO!!

@PixieJane-yours quotes a raw n so real..love it!! The pisces one is my favorite. I've had so much experience with them and their need to hurt more than they want to be loved. Ugh...so annoying!

@LexusVirgo-Scorpio is laughable aren't they? Lol they think they are so scary! Haha

posted September 01, 2015 11:09 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:
I nearly fell over laughing....my ex husbands best friend was a middle aged aquarius that still lived in moms basement and ate pizza bagels all the time. My ex played online video games with him almost daily. LMAO!!

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Hahaha, that's absolutely bizarre! What are we now, 2-for-2, Gabby?

posted September 01, 2015 11:16 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by CosmiqPhuz:
Hahaha, that's absolutely bizarre! What are we now, 2-for-2, Gabby?

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posted September 01, 2015 11:34 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:
Yes we are!!
You know what else is funny is think he was a virgin...he'd been raised in a religion that didn't allow sex before marriage and he'd never dated or even tried to. He was so weird..sometimes I wondered if he had a preference for men but couldn't act on it due to the religion.

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posted September 01, 2015 12:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by CosmiqPhuz:
Aw man, poor guy! Although it seems he didn't do much to help it, so I don't feel too bad for him. Pizza bagels are pretty good though.

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posted September 01, 2015 12:19 PM            

Taurus: Go make your own damn sammich.

Gemini: Did you forget to take your
Adderall?

Cancer: *ahem* my eyes are up here.

I'll add more later.

posted September 01, 2015 12:28 PM            

Saggitarius-you philosophical nit-wit....if you were a food you be spicy Cheetos, your too easy to get, you look good even though everyone knows your not a healthy snack, you sound good even though everyone knows your a lot of hype with no substance. Then when someone has you as there own, the indigestion hits and suddenly they feel like their pooping out firecrackers. Your not fun to live with!! Hey, I've got a theory for you...shut your mouth, keep your opionions to yourself or better yet use that big brain to fix your own issues and ppl just might like you more! Go fly a kite in a thunderstorm maybe you'll get a big electric flash of insight.

Aquarius-

posted September 01, 2015 12:51 PM              

Aries - don't bother having an opinion with them - they will literally take no as a rejection. I've spent a second with you, Sleep with me. No! By now your house is torn apart and they've gotten a dui.

Taurus - one thing doesn't go their way and they are finito. Just make them a nice meal. That's their only allegiance. If they break up with you at same time as eating, you're really cooked. Oh, and they take constant trips to bathroom for well its not number 1.

Gemini - try and try to find their personalities. They have none, wait maybe just two. They are never in the wrong. They are never in the wrong..Literally one or the other.. How, fun? Someone help you if you are more feminine then them - mortal wound.
Butterflies - just so darned pretty, aren't they.

Cancer - worst drunk... As in just should not - start clinging with their words and 0 to 100 you are in a soap opera. Could be as sudden as jumping into a cab. Will make the best of friends with your enemies at this point too... Oh and just try to get a word in - I dare you.

Leo - That mane. Frankly, I've hardly seen it.. Gotten dizzy from the hairspray though. The one friend who will become one with you. As in stalking and becoming you, leave my husband so we can be roomies, well flattery is the biggest compliment.

Virgo - the biggest naughty pic collectors. If you send one and the background is dirty they will tell everyone you a ho ( get them back by sending one wearing black. Teehee ). Worst memory ever. I woke up and at your house just to help you. My response.. Umm, you said you'd call? Remember I told you I'm out?..of the country on vacation, wtf? Won't trust you again because of this " slight ".

Libra - biggest debt. Literally will die to look good. Or get buried in debt, makeup, etc. once the makeup is removed you're like wow, you look... Nice eyebrows! If you're on the ground dying will step over you to shake hands with president or whoever. Will steal candy from a baby.

Scorpio - the mystery lies in the fact that everything they've told you is an effen lie. EVERYTHING... Even their name. Why you may ask? - just because.
* the shining music plays *

Sagittarius - invented plastic surgery and bathroom / bedroom / chest area selfies. That's about it. Oh, wait.. Will travel just to take them too or have something " done ". Will become friends with everyone just to make it seem like they are friends with everyone. Verbal diarrhea.

Capricorn - seriously needs to stop pretending / hiding the fact that no one thinks a goat is cool. Will get rejected over and over in business / education, but keep on trucking to earn phd / law degree, etc. at yay! 55, only to move back into their parents if they are alive. If not, well truthfully don't know what will happen then.. Guess that piece of paper looks good in the parents house though, don't it.

Aquarius - treats so called friends as maids and slaves. Biggest revenge takers. Just takers and takers in general. Think they are a water sign just cuz they are the water bearer. Sooo unique they need to be high all the time. Called quirky and rainbow child because no one wants to admit these types walk the earth.

Pisces - the world takes care of them. That's why they are always so messed up on something. Biggest projectors. Will have a convo with you and you're like no, actually that's not how how it is. They then will a.)- will state they are psychic at this point and b.) - pick up the bottle and argue with you, but you don't care cuz they're really just talking to themselves anyway. No one listens to these people. Fish for a million compliments only to pick up on one perceived slight from a total stranger ( cashier, waitress, etc ) and use that as an excuse to die internally forever... And take you down with them.

posted September 01, 2015 12:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
I laughed out loud at that one.

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posted September 01, 2015 01:22 PM            

Virgo: Stop nitpicking other's bad habits. You bite your toenails when alone.

Libra: College tuition vs plastic surgery? You'll choose plastic surgery.

posted September 01, 2015 04:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by fireopal09:
Leo: How to freak out a Leo: Give them a gift certificate to Hair Club for Men even if they aren't losing their hair.

Virgo: Stop nitpicking other's bad habits. You bite your toenails when alone.

Libra: College tuition vs plastic surgery? You'll choose plastic surgery.

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posted September 01, 2015 05:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:

as funny as some of it is, can someone please come up with some jokes that don't involve us stuffing our faces with hotdogs, burritos & pizza all day? BTW Virgos aren't all lint and crumb picking neurotics ready to put a band-aide on every paper cut we come across.

k. love you guys & this thread, but can we come up with some new material for Taureans besides being ravenous pigs ,talented deep-throaters wanting to balance your checkbook?

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You Venusian lazybody, always trying to get others to do your work for you, why don't you get off that lawn chair and start roasting some pigs, oops I mean signs.

.