posted August 31, 2015 10:41 AM            

Here's a recap of the Justin Bieber Roast....
http://youtu.be/ELf7Spyi9DQ

So what I want to do is get creative and fun while you get real. You can get out all of our frustrations regarding the signs annoying habits, delusions or whatever strikes you. Tell what you can't stand or what totally annoys you but try to make it in funny!! Some roasters are not funny they are very dry, that's great to!! Just have fun!

"Rules"
1) you cannot pick on one sign. If you do one you must think of something for all the signs.
2) you cannot get offended by what others say!!
3) this is fun, meant to get out stress not actually hurt anyone.
4) you can do multiple roasts but again, you must do all the sings in each roast to keep it fair! No sign will be picked on or targeted!
5) keep your sense of humor and don't take things personally. Ppl are talking about their experiences with the signs, not their experience with you.
-----

That being said, here's mine....

Aries...you'll never be #1, your second to everyone, you get on everyone's nerves to...get used to it, your a overgrown kid! Go run with the bulls of Spain, wearing a red jacket!

Taurus...refined? Stable? Luxurious? NO! Your boring, stuffy, stubborn and thick, go eat another burrito.

Gemini...quick wit, brainy, and able to absorb large quantities of information in a single second? Right....until something shiny distracts you. Carry on with your efforts to pretend to be sane....

Cancer...motherly? Only wanting to take care of others? Since when did manipulation and control become the new form of nurturing. Go home and cry to the only person who cares, your mama!

Leo...the world revolves around the sun, not you! It never has and it NEVER will....that's fine just go sit in your corner and pout some more.

Virgo....your so imperfect you've almost perfected being imperfect. The vacuum lines in your rug will never be straight and you'll never put anyones life together ENOUGH that you'll be able to love them, no matter how much you try! Go organize a closet...

Libra....if you could you stop looking in the mirror for a second maybe you would notice everyone can't stand you! They already left to go out while you were trying to decide what color shoes to wear to match your belt...hope you have money for a cab, but I doubt you do.

Scorpio...lighten up! Never mind, just go away.

Saggy, shut up, grow up and pay up! You owe everyone money and nobody likes you after they've known you more than a year.....just move to another country and find ppl that don't know you, again.

Cap...do you have any friends except George Washington? Does anyone remember your name who's not related to you or in your will? Do you care? I didn't think so....

Aqua...yes your so amazing, creative, your a genius! So why do you live under a bridge and pan handle for a living?

posted August 31, 2015 11:14 AM            

------------------
Want to Read Simple, Fun,Sexy Articles on Astrology? Check Me Out, DUDE.

posted August 31, 2015 11:18 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
LOVE this thread and *I* am not even doing the insulting

---

posted August 31, 2015 11:25 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by ReadingTheStars95:
Lmao.. Those were great, Gabby.. xD

---

posted August 31, 2015 11:28 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gabby:
How to spot a Ba$tard by his Star Sign...a very very funny book!! http://www.publishersweekly.com/978-0-312-28486-2#path/978-0-312-28486-2

Sites that have similar themes...
http://the-sabina.com/blog/2009/08/30/how-to-spot-a-******* -by-his-star-sign/
http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/jokes/How-to-Spot-a-******* -By-His-Star-SIgn-1207635.asp

---

posted August 31, 2015 11:34 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by CosmiqPhuz:
Haha, I swear I didn't know that book existed

---

posted August 31, 2015 11:39 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gabby:
Lol, that's the first astrology book I ever read, as a joke. But the more I read it and shared it with friends i realized it was so accurate......so I started studying astrology.

---

Haha, isn't it funny how things work out like that? I got a banjo as a joke, but it actually turned out to be a beautiful instrument.

posted August 31, 2015 11:43 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by CosmiqPhuz:
Haha, isn't it funny how things work out like that? I got a banjo as a joke, but it actually turned out to be a beautiful instrument.

---

posted August 31, 2015 01:32 PM            

------------------
Want to Read Simple, Fun,Sexy Articles on Astrology? Check Me Out, DUDE.

posted August 31, 2015 02:26 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by CosmiqPhuz:
Aries - you selfish, conceited b*stard
Taurus - you cheap, gluttonous b*stard
Gemini - you two-faced, insincere b*stard
Cancer - you nagging, whiney b*stard
Leo - you bossy, spotlight-stealing b*stard
Virgo - you OCD, nitpicking nazi b*stard
Libra - you fake, ass kissing b*stard
Scorpio - you jealous, disturbing b*stard
Sagittarius - you loud, embarrassing b*stard
Capricorn - you pessimistic, materialistic b*stard
Aquarius - you arrogant, know-it-all b*stard
Pisces - you spineless, blaming b*stard

---

posted August 31, 2015 03:23 PM            

You are a genius

PS Just glanced at his. I bet the rest are amazing as well!

------------------
Want to Read Simple, Fun,Sexy Articles on Astrology? Check Me Out, DUDE.

posted August 31, 2015 05:07 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by CosmiqPhuz:
Aries - you selfish, conceited b*stard
Taurus - you cheap, gluttonous b*stard
Gemini - you two-faced, insincere b*stard
Cancer - you nagging, whiney b*stard
Leo - you bossy, spotlight-stealing b*stard
Virgo - you OCD, nitpicking nazi b*stard
Libra - you fake, ass kissing b*stard
Scorpio - you jealous, disturbing b*stard
Sagittarius - you loud, embarrassing b*stard
Capricorn - you pessimistic, materialistic b*stard
Aquarius - you arrogant, know-it-all b*stard
Pisces - you spineless, blaming b*stard

---

Virgos man...just can't get along with them. .critical af

posted August 31, 2015 05:15 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gemini30:
Gabby you made my day!!!

Thank you!! You should get into a career in stand up comedy lol!

---

posted August 31, 2015 05:22 PM            

------------------
Want to Read Simple, Fun,Sexy Articles on Astrology? Check Me Out, DUDE.

posted August 31, 2015 05:22 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by meyray:
I love roasts so much! LET’S DO THIS!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this very special event – the roasting of the signs. Congratulations for weaving through all the click-bait threads and desperate pleads for synastry readings made by brittle [b]Pisces. One would think Leos would also be the culprits for this but we all know they’re too busy writing articles for Buzzfeed. Speaking of spreading horrible misinformation, let’s talk about our dear friend Gemini. How’s your book coming along? I can’t wait for “Accused of infidelity: 1000 defenses that will get you out of the dog house”. So far from the preview my favorite one is – “if you wear a condom and the skin doesn’t touch, it’s technically not cheating”. I look forward to reading chapter 2, call me when you finally finish it in 10 years. Capricorn scoffs at this book of course, he will criticize your honor to his loving Libra housewife (not knowing she has already pre-ordered the book and is in an affair with you) and the next day you will be berated again when he visits his Aries dominatrix during lunchtime at the office. Now that I mentioned Aries I remembered I need to get some meds for my hemorrhoids. They appeared a few days ago when I read an opinionated social justice piece by a communist female Aquarius on how nail clippers were a patriarchal tool of oppression which also encouraged racism and homophobia. Horrific news yesterday when they announced she was shot dead by a traditionalist red-pilled Aquarius male. Did any of you watch it? It was right after the emission about the Sagittarius that died from erotic asphyxiation in a brothel in Bangkok. Really creepy stuff. Almost as creepy as having a personal relationship with Scorpio (by the way I KNOW it’s you that calls me every night at 3AM breathing heavily and then hanging up, stop it or I will call the police) I should have chosen the Cancer over him but his Virgo mother was insufferable, she criticized me for not disinfecting my hands every 5 minutes with 3 and a half drops of sanitizer and complained I was not attractive enough because my left knee cap was slightly higher than my right one. I guess I dodged a bullet with him though since his new Taurus girlfriend told me that the only way he could not cry after sex is if she role-played as his mother. I asked her why she would put up with that and she said that she just truly loves him, after that she picked up her bald eagle fur coat and Louis Vuitton handbag bought by him and said she had to get ready for their trip to Bora Bora which was a gift for their two month anniversary.[/B]

---

posted August 31, 2015 09:04 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gabby:
That's cool, I've always liked the banjo, not that I play it just looks fun. Yes, it is funny how those things work out!

---

Well, if you ever get one and you need pointers, let me know!

quote:

---

Originally posted by PaulMcFly:
Virgos man...just can't get along with them. .critical af

---

Yea I know, right?

Libras man, what a buncha snobby girly guys.

Capricorns are the worst - "down to earth"? More like "down to worth".

How do you get a Leo to do anything you want? Tell them it's being filmed for Hollywood.

Why did the Pisces cross the road? To pick up the syringe they dropped while crying.

Did you hear about that Aries that died in a fight last night? Who cares, he was a d*ck.

What was that Taurus talking about today? I don't know, I went deaf from old age before he could finish his sentence.

Did you bang that hot Virgo last night? Eh, sorta, I kinda lost my mojo after she criticized the angle I was coming at, how fast/slow I was, my breathing rate, and the length of time I looked her in the eyes...

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Cosmic is an AMAZING musician!

---

Thanks Ami, one of my fans!

posted August 31, 2015 09:13 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by CosmiqPhuz:
Yea I know, right?

Libras man, what a buncha snobby girly guys.

Capricorns are the worst - "down to earth"? More like "down to worth".

How do you get a Leo to do anything you want? Tell them it's being filmed for Hollywood.

Why did the Pisces cross the road? To pick up the syringe they dropped while crying.

Did you hear about that Aries that died in a fight last night? Who cares, he was a d*ck.

What was that Taurus talking about today? I don't know, I went deaf from old age before he could finish his sentence.

Did you bang that hot Virgo last night? Eh, sorta, I kinda lost my mojo after she criticized the angle I was coming at, how fast/slow I was, my breathing rate, and the length of time I looked her in the eyes...

---