posted September 02, 2015 09:04 PM            

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Originally posted by CosmiqPhuz:
In an orgy, Pisces gets gangbanged by the other 11 signs. She pretends to be the victim but secretly likes it. In the aftermath, laying in a pool of self pity (and other things), she shoots up some supposed heroin that Sagittarius sold to her only to find out that it's just sugar. Pisces doesn't get high, but gets diabetes instead. Vowing for justice, she sues Sag and all the other signs that "ganged up on her". In court, judge Libra, although compassionate towards Pisces, rules in favor of the defendants. In a fit of despair and self pity, Pisces tries to hang herself in front of the whole court as a final statement. Due to diabetes, she gets light headed while climbing and falls down.

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This is one of the best!

posted September 02, 2015 09:48 PM            

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Originally posted by fireopal09:
I'm a 2nd house Libra stellium (Sun,Uranus,Pluto) and I am in love with this thread.

I've ripped on all of the 12 signs; most of which are in my chart.

The heading on this post is very clear.

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posted September 02, 2015 10:01 PM            

The brilliant thing about Pisces is you NEVER know what crazy wishywashy stuff is coming next! I have had the most amazing and strangest conversations with Pisces.
But one memory always hits me when I think back to highschool... one of my best friends was a Pisces and we always had sleep overs. She wouldn't let me sleep and she would continually make me cups of tea all night until I started to feel a bit sick in the stomach. Our conversations ranged from alien abduction to the fattest woman on earth to her most recent internet obsessions.
I remember feeling SO tired...its 7am, havent slept at all, she wont let me sleep...i cant hardly string a sentance together and she says, "LETS WATCH CARL SAGAN"
I bloody well can't STAND his voice, I try to plead with her not to...but she wont take no as an answer. I remember lying on her bed, groaning to the drone of Carl Sagan's voice thinking she is putting me through torture on purpose....while shes sitting half a foot from the TV cross legged on the floor, clasping a cup of tea that she slurps with such pleasure, completely engrossed in the cosmos, little giggles every now and then at Carl Sagan comments...

posted September 02, 2015 10:05 PM            

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Originally posted by AlexandraWood:
I actually tried not to be that insulting, its all in fun and as I said quite superficial. Thank you for making me feel like I havent hit too far under the belt haha!

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You haven't.

I was being chatty and also, I hope, educational since many people really do see Libra as obsessed with fashion and his or her reflection which I think is inaccurate and I can't ever recall a book on astrology describing Libra that way (looking good, yes, but a slave to fashion magazines and constantly posing for herself in the mirror, no), though your saying that was true of you surprised me and also lend credit to a wrong idea which I didn't think should be confirmed when it's not true (you were also talking about "true Libra" rather than the roasts which made it separate in my mind). I wasn't the least bit offended, it was meant as "conversational." Light and airy, not confrontational and accusatory. At most it was a "point of order."

I took your reply in the same way, light and airy and chatty (after all, you're also Libra), but I'm now wondering if you're feeling I was giving you a hard time. Not my intent at all! Your answer was very Libran (and also very true) and though I was tempted to add some Libra stories for both fun and exploring how the sign can vary in that regard (like a Libra man who used to be obsessed with fashion but later become like Hagrid in appearance, though it's a sad story) but I figured it was too OT and decided to let it fade so we could get back to the roasts.

But if you're feeling like you may have offended me or that I was "calling you out" on it, then don't, that wasn't my intention at all. My "tone" was completely conversational, anything else is just an inaccurate imagination imagining a tone that I did not intend or feel or in any way.

posted September 02, 2015 10:38 PM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
You haven't.

I was being chatty and also, I hope, educational since many people really do see Libra as obsessed with fashion and his or her reflection which I think is inaccurate and I can't ever recall a book on astrology describing Libra that way (looking good, yes, but a slave to fashion magazines and constantly posing for herself in the mirror, no), though your saying that was true of you surprised me and also lend credit to a wrong idea which I didn't think should be confirmed when it's not true (you were also talking about "true Libra" rather than the roasts which made it separate in my mind). I wasn't the least bit offended, it was meant as "conversational." Light and airy, not confrontational and accusatory. At most it was a "point of order."

I took your reply in the same way, light and airy and chatty (after all, you're also Libra), but I'm now wondering if you're feeling I was giving you a hard time. Not my intent at all! Your answer was very Libran (and also very true) and though I was tempted to add some Libra stories for both fun and exploring how the sign can vary in that regard (like a Libra man who used to be obsessed with fashion but later become like Hagrid in appearance, though it's a sad story) but I figured it was too OT and decided to let it fade so we could get back to the roasts.

But if you're feeling like you may have offended me or that I was "calling you out" on it, then don't, that wasn't my intention at all. My "tone" was completely conversational, anything else is just an inaccurate imagination imagining a tone that I did not intend or feel or in any way.

Unfortunately, many people on the net imagine the worst possible tones and intent on any and all posts which is something I have a hard time understanding, perhaps it's because of my Sag stellium, I don't know, but it baffles me (especially when they say I'm too cynical but I'm not the one imagining the worst in every post). I wish people didn't do that, it does not serve them well and it messes up genuine communication. (I look forward to the day that the net can show a brain scan at the time of posting so intent is clear. ) If I made you feel uncomfortable, I'm sorry, it was not my intent.

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posted September 02, 2015 11:26 PM            

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Originally posted by athenaia:
lmao CosmiqPhuz you are a true artiste!!!

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posted September 02, 2015 11:34 PM            

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Originally posted by athenaia:
lmao CosmiqPhuz you are a true artiste!!!

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posted September 02, 2015 11:42 PM            

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Originally posted by Gabby:
I love the stories...they are so ingenuous and unique!

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posted September 03, 2015 04:14 AM            

Aries-you oblivious moron...your wife told you for your anniversary she wanted this precious little diamond ring in a second hand shop. The ring looked identical to the one her grandma used to let her wear as they played "tea time" together when she was child, before grandma died. You went to the second hand store look at the ring and the price and said "What? That's so cheap and small! I can do better than that" you set it down and let the person behind you buy that little ring. Then you happily march your way to a fancy store and purchase the largest, latest diamond the sales clerk could find. You knew she was going to love it...
You take it home, wrap it up and are so proud of what you've done. After giving it to her, she starts crying...you think she's crying out of happiness. You assume this would be the perfect time to tell her the ring cost so much she's going to have to start working nights to help pay it off. Your genuinely in complete shock when she jumps up crying, tells you she hates you and throws the ring at you. Hmmm...what happened there? Your heart is so big, it's to bad your brain is so small!

Taurus- you bullheaded baboon... if your so good with money why do all girls at the local "exotic dancer"clubs know you by name? Is it because they will let you choke them? You naughty little boy! I want to see the IRS agents face when you say THAT was a "business" dinner! Go eat another burrito, oh wait you and your lusty nature prefer tacos...better be carful where you purchase your tacos bull boy.

Gemini-you air headed prick....your like an encyclopedia for dummies. You have just enough information on everything to make you appear intelligent, but not enough to actually understand what your talking about. Heaven forbid someone asks you to explain what your talking about, that's when you start talking jibberish and your other personality steps in to save you. The person in front of you is so confused they either feel sorry for you or they slowly back away until they are a safe enough distance to turn and run. Yes, you are an amazing sponge that many ppl love despite your being so annoying, your just like sponge bob square pants.

Cancer- your laugh....what is wrong with your laugh? Funny, I was watching the Disvovery Channel the other day and I thought I heard you in my house, then I realized it was not you...so embarrassing, it was the laughing Hyena on TV. Do you know what that is? It's this grinning, devious wild dog that walks around looking for something easy to eat. They are scavengers and typically eat what others have left behind. But sometimes they do get off their lazy butts and hunt for themselves. This is where they get good! When the hyena gets something within it grasp its gets so excited it laughs hysterically. Ya...I know, just like you! They will bite larger prey then stay and protect it as it slowly bleeds out in an agonizing death. Again, just like you!!
As the animal nears it's end the hyena calls all the family over, they get so excited as the dying animal takes it's last breath they all laugh hysterically, I bet you feel nostalgic don't you? Did you know Hyena moms breast feed their young an unusually long amount of time? Wow, cut the umbilical cord already! And Hyenas stay in a pack... just like you, they can't be alone. They even manipulate others to get what they want. One hyena from a pack will insert itself into another animal group and cause confusion and divide the group, then during the confusion they carry off the weak ones to be eaten by their pack, hysterically laughing all the way...yep, the similarities are uncanny!

Leo- pretentious much? You think if your in the room everyone else just vanishes. But you can be eclipsed the moon...which is probably why you hate cancer the most. Your so insecure you literally need to spend hours on the phone talking to one person after another, telling them about your greatness. Your like a chain smoker, but your drug of choice is attention. This drug is equally destructive but only to those around you. Anyone daring to breath a word that's not focus on you is taking their life in their own hands. You'll eventually want to call it "second hand suicide" because they should have known your were going to rip their head off for daring to speak unworthy words in your presence. Hush peasants....your voice is unnecessary as leo already has all the answers and all the questions.

posted September 03, 2015 06:51 AM            

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Originally posted by AlexandraWood:
Faith, I wonder if you've ever read/watched any of American Scientist Carl Sagan's stuff on the cosmos? Cause this little roast is again...directed at Pisces!

The brilliant thing about Pisces is you NEVER know what crazy wishywashy stuff is coming next! I have had the most amazing and strangest conversations with Pisces.
But one memory always hits me when I think back to highschool... one of my best friends was a Pisces and we always had sleep overs. She wouldn't let me sleep and she would continually make me cups of tea all night until I started to feel a bit sick in the stomach. Our conversations ranged from alien abduction to the fattest woman on earth to her most recent internet obsessions.
I remember feeling SO tired...its 7am, havent slept at all, she wont let me sleep...i cant hardly string a sentance together and she says, "LETS WATCH CARL SAGAN"
I bloody well can't STAND his voice, I try to plead with her not to...but she wont take no as an answer. I remember lying on her bed, groaning to the drone of Carl Sagan's voice thinking she is putting me through torture on purpose....while shes sitting half a foot from the TV cross legged on the floor, clasping a cup of tea that she slurps with such pleasure, completely engrossed in the cosmos, little giggles every now and then at Carl Sagan comments...

You Pisces are DAMN infuriating....but kinda cute too! :P

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Awww!

That IS a cute story. I have to check out Carl Sagan, 'never read or watched him yet.

Your story reminds me of growing up next door to my best friend who is a Pisces sun. She was very blantantly clingy...hilarious...and she wouldn't let me go home. To this day she glares at me about all those times I went back to my house just to chill out alone (maybe this is a general difference between Pisces suns and moons...the moons need more time alone?) Anyway, she got mad if I ever went home so I ended up sleeping over her house, even on school nights.

And yeah we would force each other to stay awake, depending on the major issue at hand. If she had boy trouble, I had to listen to it all night and go to school dead tired.

If I had a biology test coming up, well she had to do biology ALL NIGHT (because I'm a Capricorn, had to get A's) and learn it with me. I wouldn't let her sleep until she knew all my material as well as I did. LOL...I was such a dictator.

She is a year younger than me; when she finally took biology she knew all the answers, and her teacher was mystified. My friend was like..."Uhhh you probably don't want to know how I know all this?"

posted September 03, 2015 07:09 AM            

The Cancer one...OMG!!!

Sorry, Cancers. But you know I have it coming to me soon, too, so....

And the Virgo...

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you creepy librarian nymph

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posted September 03, 2015 09:02 AM            

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Originally posted by AlexandraWood:
Faith, I wonder if you've ever read/watched any of American Scientist Carl Sagan's stuff on the cosmos? Cause this little roast is again...directed at Pisces!

The brilliant thing about Pisces is you NEVER know what crazy wishywashy stuff is coming next! I have had the most amazing and strangest conversations with Pisces.
But one memory always hits me when I think back to highschool... one of my best friends was a Pisces and we always had sleep overs. She wouldn't let me sleep and she would continually make me cups of tea all night until I started to feel a bit sick in the stomach. Our conversations ranged from alien abduction to the fattest woman on earth to her most recent internet obsessions.
I remember feeling SO tired...its 7am, havent slept at all, she wont let me sleep...i cant hardly string a sentance together and she says, "LETS WATCH CARL SAGAN"
I bloody well can't STAND his voice, I try to plead with her not to...but she wont take no as an answer. I remember lying on her bed, groaning to the drone of Carl Sagan's voice thinking she is putting me through torture on purpose....while shes sitting half a foot from the TV cross legged on the floor, clasping a cup of tea that she slurps with such pleasure, completely engrossed in the cosmos, little giggles every now and then at Carl Sagan comments...

You Pisces are DAMN infuriating....but kinda cute too! :P

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posted September 03, 2015 10:55 AM            

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Originally posted by CosmiqPhuz:
A long time ago, in a land far away, there was a Capricorn that had dreams. Big dreams. Dreams of scaling the highest mountain the land had ever known. Such an accomplishment would require much aid from his "friends" Scorpio, Aquarius, and Gemini. Halfway up the mountain, they ran out of food. While Aquarius went off to take a p*ss , Capricorn smashed a rock to the back of Aqua's head - killing him instantly. With a little creative butchering and preparing, he brought back Aqua's remains to the other 2 and claimed he hunted a pig. "Aqua decided to go back" Capricorn said, shaking his head while feigning disappointment. Almost to the top, they approached a tunnel leading to the apex. Careful and calculating Capricorn sent in happy-go-lucky Gemini to go through the tunnel first. Unfortunately, Gemini tripped and fell into a gap that was hard to see. Capricorn went in and found Gemini unconscious, but alive. Seeing that there was no other way to get across, Capricorn used Gem as a human bridge and made sure to step on his head. Scorpio followed, unaware of what just took place. As the 2 made it to the top, Capricorn realized that if Scorpio was alive, he'd have to share the honor of scaling the great mountain. Capricorn proposes to make love as a celebration. Scorpio, sex-starved, accepts Cappy's advances despite not being into guys. While doing it, Capricorn pierces Scorpio's back with his knife (the same one used to butcher Aqua). Sadly, Scorpio didn't even get to orgasm. Finally standing alone on the top of the mountain, Capricorn gazes into the distant sun as it rose. Tears of joy (not regret or disgust) filled his eyes as he silently basked in his accomplishments.

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*choking on my tea*

This one takes the cake. Imma save it in a file so I can read it again.

I love it because it hits home lol. In my crack moments I often say similar things (mostly involve me sending all of my friends to their early demise). And all of my friends look at me like they can't decide if it's just a joke, or if it's my true nature shining through.

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Capricorn proposes to make love as a celebration. Scorpio, sex-starved, accepts Cappy's advances despite not being into guys.

Sadly, Scorpio didn't even get to orgasm.

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I especially love this. So damn good. I can feel a six pack coming just from laughing.

I want more lol. Write more pls. I'm waiting for the next one.

If I remember correctly, you're a libra? Do you have scorp merc ? I've come across some of your posts and the humor reminds me so much of my husband's. He has scorp mercury conj pluto on his MC.

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Originally posted by Faith:
Reasons to be humble about your sign:

Aries: Lady Gaga
Taurus: Chris Brown
Gemini: Angelina Jolie (when she made out with her brother)
Cancer: Bill Cosby, Lindsey Lohan, etc...
Leo: Sean Penn, Tim Tebow
Virgo: Hugh Grant
Libra: Snoop Dogg
Scorpio: Tonya Harding
Sag: Miley Cyrus
Cap: Tiger Woods, Rush Limbaugh, Mel Gibson, Nicholas Cage, etc....
Aquarius: John Travolta
Pisces: Justin Bieber

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Ugh I cringe so bad when I saw Mel Gibson on the list lolol.

Put Eminem on the list. LOl he looks so cute, but his song about murdering the ex wife isn't cute at all.

posted September 03, 2015 05:48 PM            

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Originally posted by fireopal09:
I have been checking this thread multiple times over the last couple of days. Please keep this going. I learned the hard way I cannot drink libations while reading this thread as I have snarfed beer through my nose once already. Keep winning the internet.

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posted September 03, 2015 05:58 PM            

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Originally posted by CosmiqPhuz:
A long time ago, in a land far away, there was a Capricorn that had dreams. Big dreams. Dreams of scaling the highest mountain the land had ever known. Such an accomplishment would require much aid from his "friends" Scorpio, Aquarius, and Gemini. Halfway up the mountain, they ran out of food. While Aquarius went off to take a p*ss , Capricorn smashed a rock to the back of Aqua's head - killing him instantly. With a little creative butchering and preparing, he brought back Aqua's remains to the other 2 and claimed he hunted a pig. "Aqua decided to go back" Capricorn said, shaking his head while feigning disappointment. Almost to the top, they approached a tunnel leading to the apex. Careful and calculating Capricorn sent in happy-go-lucky Gemini to go through the tunnel first. Unfortunately, Gemini tripped and fell into a gap that was hard to see. Capricorn went in and found Gemini unconscious, but alive. Seeing that there was no other way to get across, Capricorn used Gem as a human bridge and made sure to step on his head. Scorpio followed, unaware of what just took place. As the 2 made it to the top, Capricorn realized that if Scorpio was alive, he'd have to share the honor of scaling the great mountain. Capricorn proposes to make love as a celebration. Scorpio, sex-starved, accepts Cappy's advances despite not being into guys. While doing it, Capricorn pierces Scorpio's back with his knife (the same one used to butcher Aqua). Sadly, Scorpio didn't even get to orgasm. Finally standing alone on the top of the mountain, Capricorn gazes into the distant sun as it rose. Tears of joy (not regret or disgust) filled his eyes as he silently basked in his accomplishments.

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posted September 03, 2015 06:17 PM            

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Originally posted by CosmiqPhuz:
A long time ago, in a land far away, there was a Capricorn that had dreams. Big dreams. Dreams of scaling the highest mountain the land had ever known. Such an accomplishment would require much aid from his "friends" Scorpio, Aquarius, and Gemini. Halfway up the mountain, they ran out of food. While Aquarius went off to take a p*ss , Capricorn smashed a rock to the back of Aqua's head - killing him instantly. With a little creative butchering and preparing, he brought back Aqua's remains to the other 2 and claimed he hunted a pig. "Aqua decided to go back" Capricorn said, shaking his head while feigning disappointment. Almost to the top, they approached a tunnel leading to the apex. Careful and calculating Capricorn sent in happy-go-lucky Gemini to go through the tunnel first. Unfortunately, Gemini tripped and fell into a gap that was hard to see. Capricorn went in and found Gemini unconscious, but alive. Seeing that there was no other way to get across, Capricorn used Gem as a human bridge and made sure to step on his head. Scorpio followed, unaware of what just took place. As the 2 made it to the top, Capricorn realized that if Scorpio was alive, he'd have to share the honor of scaling the great mountain. Capricorn proposes to make love as a celebration. Scorpio, sex-starved, accepts Cappy's advances despite not being into guys. While doing it, Capricorn pierces Scorpio's back with his knife (the same one used to butcher Aqua). Sadly, Scorpio didn't even get to orgasm. Finally standing alone on the top of the mountain, Capricorn gazes into the distant sun as it rose. Tears of joy (not regret or disgust) filled his eyes as he silently basked in his accomplishments.

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posted September 03, 2015 06:59 PM            

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Originally posted by fireopal09:
http://youtu.be/qdFLPn30dvQ

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