posted September 30, 2023 06:48 AM            

I am feeling very irritable and touchy. Sometime during the week,I received docs that require me to go to the Police Station 🤦🏿‍♂️ How I loathe going there.

posted September 30, 2023 11:38 AM            

All my 9th house and Jupiter stuff is why I feel so blocked planning a trip. It hardly feels like I can plan anything and have it go my way. Even more simple stuff. This has been going on far too long. But I still let my self be guided to where I need to be. But yes sometimes I get in those moods of what do I have to show for everything I do? While I am not where I want to be gratitude is getting a little bit easier when I'm constantly disappointed.

All these retrograde planets when I just want to charge forward with my life.

What is squaring my natal Jupiter right now?
The sun (over the hump and almost done though)
While Saturn rx in Pisces is trining it. It doesn't feel good in retrograde.
I have to revaluate my travel plans. It feels like the more I push the more resistance I get. Saturn wont go direct until November that still feels a ways away.

Jupiter in Taurus is squaring my NN. Agh!
Also opposing my moon and pluto
My NN is 13/14 Aquarius house 9

Uranus squaring my mars challenging how I want to act on things.

ALSO I just looked and PLUTO rx IS SQUARING my SUN AGAIN. I really thought I was done with this transit FOREVER. This transit is very getting the life beat down in my experience. Like your time is not your own, and you are not free.

I have Saturn in the 9th house natally. So it's frustrating that I am experiencing delays in this area of life again, when I've already had my Saturn return. I hate retrogrades now. But then when everything is direct that can feel like too much too. Maybe like only 3-5 things be in retrograde? LOL I'm so over the "Nope, stop, come over and looks at this" stuff.
Neptune rx is sextile my Saturn
Pluto rx is conjuncnt my Saturn
The full moon squared my Saturn
!!!!!!!NN is exactly square my Saturn! I am so ready to be over the hump with THIS.
Around the SPRING when NN was still in Taurus sextile my Jupiter I felt like I could actually plan trips and that I had things work out and could look forward to things!
Oh and Mystic medusa's blog tracks Eris. It is exactly square my Saturn too! So I see this as "it doesn't matter how hard I try and work hard...**** is going to hit the fan." Oh my gosh 25 degree Aries is where my 12 house begins...so I am going to be psychic AF for the rest of my life. dipping in and out of 11 and 12 house over the years has been interesting.

posted October 01, 2023 04:22 AM            

I was thinking wow 2022 and 2023 really has been a few years about endings for me and then I thought to my self look up the pluto square pluto transit and find out its length. Well it turns out my pluto square pluto has been active since Feb 2022 and it will conclude in December 2023, thank the F God. 2022 I left a 15 year relationship and I still need to divide some assets from that and in 2023 my mother passed away.

Simultaneously I have had tr Pluto trine my SUN for that length as well.

I have PLUTO parallel JUNO and DC ruler Mercury so Transit PLUTO squaring PLUTO coincided with me leaving my ex-husband but tr saturn was also opposing my VENUS in the 8th and tr Uranus was trining my DC ruler Mercury.

I just feel I underestimated the role of Tr PLUTO square pluto and trine my sun in all this as it literally has been active for all of 2022 and 2023 and the theme around endings and death has been big.

I left my ex husband of 15 years total and my mother's health declined and she passed away and the new relationship I started after I left my ex I am thinking will not make it and I feel it will end by the end of year bc he ties into the past too, he is a continuation of certain dynamics with my ex and pluto square pluto wants me to release that, this relationship cannot succeed in a cycle of endings, it was doomed from the start. Its sad though, I wanted us to work and I do love him and I feel he loves me too but its not working and I feel I need to surrender, let go, go with the flow and take a leap of faith without knowing at all what is to come and to me I think that means closing my chapter in Colorado and moving back to FL.

Pluto square Pluto
Beginning of February 2022 until end of December 2023:

Pluto square Pluto transit forces you to transform and regenerate. Detrimental habits, attitudes, beliefs, and relationships are likely to cause more problems in your life until something happens to force change. It could be some relationship drama or challenging event that makes you realize significant change is needed. Powerful forces are acting in the background, which makes resistance futile. You are being forced to evolve.

Many of the changes occurring in these months will be unpleasant because you are probably quite attached to your old ways of doing things. You can have a strong subconscious attachment to things from your past that are not good for you. You may have become used to a job or relationship that is not in your best interests.

Anything from your past that is holding you back from growth may be taken away from you, sometimes ruthlessly or painfully. Some people in your life may resist the changes because they are also comfortable with things the way they were. But some people may help you on your evolutionary journey. You will have arguments and power struggles now, so it is essential to take a cold hard look at your life and sort out the old from the new. You must evolve now and leave the decaying past behind.

^^its weird though bc scott in some ways represents the past as I subconsciously latched on to him bc he felt familiar and I was resisting change even though I finally left my ex but by being with him I was continuing some dynamics I had with my ex so yes I was holding unto the past psychologically and this relationship was a manifestation of that BUT Scott has also pushed me hard to grow and confront things about myself that I need to change that get in the way of me having the kind of relationship I want/need. He has been a catalyst for growth and someone who holds me accountable and it has not been fun though and it has been hard but he is also someone that connects me with the past too in ways that are not good, its weird s like he is this transitional relationship that connects with the past and things I need to release but is also pushing me forward and forcing me to grow.

He really is this weird in between person but ultimately his role is to push me forward and force me to do the work and vice versa likewise...

He too has pluto square pluto but he has it for another year which makes sense as that will buy him time to be sober for a year..he has pluto square sun too transit wise.

so yeah we met while we both had pluto square pluto happening and I have pluto parallel juno and dc ruler and he has pluto conjunt sun and his DC...weird times...

"This transit can be an amazing opportunity in surrender, letting go of our ego’s plans and desires, and reclaiming lost parts of ourselves through shadow work."

posted October 01, 2023 05:17 AM            

"BELOW IS A SHORTLIST (LOL) OF HUGE LESSONS I LEARNED DURING THIS ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME PLUTO TRANSIT.

Let go of what your inner child thought life would be like. Life is not whatever veil or mask a child makes up in order to deal with wounds, be loved or be seen. For example, an undying need to be famous just to soothe a vulnerability and attention issue. You may want to help others, but the illusion is that if you’re famous, your reputation will precede you and nobody will be mean to you WHILE you get to be seen, safely. When you can let that go, more of what’s meant for you can come in.

This is a time of death and it can be really painful to try to create new things that will actually take off during this time. Creativity is just not a thing during this period (for me at least). Expect your inspiration to be gone because it is a time to go within, heal wounds, and change your perception filters on your life experience.

You’re not a failure, you’re just in a death zone. Be easy on yourself. It’s not a season of forward momentum. It’s a season of growth via internal death and rebirth.
Come meet your inner crone. This is her first big appearance.

It’s great to have mini self-funerals often. It’s time to let go of old dreams that are holding you back or causing you pain because you don’t have them. If your dream isnt giving you hope or propelling you, let it die (even if it does becomes reborn in some way, you have to first let it go.)

Get ready to meet the powerful part of you. What has kept you in victimhood will leave and you will learn how to take control and responsibility for yourself. You realize it’s your life, and you get to have what you want. But not until the roadblocks are clear and the transit is over.

You won’t get what you want. “Thwarted” is the theme word here. This is all to shake free your old way of doing things in order to let the new way through you. This isn’t to say you won’t have, be or do anything during this time, but the outmoded unhelpful things you’ve been steering your life with will be ready to die.

Boundaries appear and your tolerance for everything that doesn’t support your aligned goals and dreams goes away. You don’t take **** anymore. (hence the crone and personal power ha)

Problem-solving skills go out the window. You’re learning how to solve problems in a new way. since we’re letting go of the old way of doing things that weren’t helpful, the roots that get pulled out leave a giant hole, and it will take some time to figure out new things and ways of doing things to refill that hole. It’s almost like you get thrown into victim mode so learning your old efficacy ways won’t work, and you’re here to learn new ones. Don’t give up!

I had minimal access to remembering past lessons because I was too preoccupied with feeling deathy and going through the lessons that are present. Accessing past pain was actually quite hard for me during this time, I couldn’t remember it to help my students in their healing journeys. This definitely was a period of preoccupation with the current vibes of the day, and going back in time was blocked.

Desire in all forms leaves you for a while. This is because this is a time of death, decay, and pause and desire is the seed of all creation. Don’t worry, the creative spark comes back.

Overall, this is here not to scare you, but to provide you with a roadmap so that when you go through yours, you will understand the vibes. Or if you’ve already gone through yours, you can get validated for why on earth the ages of 38-40 were so damn hard YET you still were able to function and have a fun life."

posted October 01, 2023 11:12 PM            

I know this transit is generational, which doesn't sound personal and I've largely been ignoring it. It applies to a whole generation so themes are likely to apply to everyone around my age or younger.

----

My last therapist appointment was this transit crammed into one hour. There are so many things outside of my control and I'm scared. This isn't to say other people aren't too, but if I need something in order to survive and it doesn't exist, it's tough luck at the end of the day.

I used to think I was headed for a life of poverty. Actually, no. I'm worth less than someone that's in poverty. People on SSI are below the poverty line so the government views the disabled as lesser people. Whether or not this is intentional, this is the result of the limitations they've placed on me in order for me to remain eligible for benefits. It's ridiculous to me that people on SSI can't get married without potentially being penalized for it. People have to choose their mental health over marriage with the person they love. Social Security forces people to sacrifice their quality of life or they lose eligibility.

I understand not wanting people to take advantage of the system, but being a writer won't make me rich. Let me be a writer without punishing me for it. It doesn't bring in a stable paycheck. I'm unlikely to make it big. Statistically, if I keep writing, I'll earn money, yes, but I still need the healthcare that comes with Medicaid. Having that stripped away from me would cause irreparable damage to my life. Healthcare isn't affordable in the US. If you need healthcare, you're one bill away from going into debt and I'm dependent on medication to keep my mental stability.

I don't have access to public transportation. This is where I'm most stressed, but even if the government heard me out, it takes time and resources to put plans into action. So, basically, real life doesn't care about when I need anything.

To expand any kind of public transportation, what would the breakdown of this be like? Building is a process that takes time and blueprinting is just the start. You have to take into account prices from the resources to the building to the workers.

At the end of the day, my cause of death could be premature and just because this country doesn't care about the disabled or providing them resources and accommodating for people that need a bit of extra assistance to get by in life.

Even worse, it doesn't matter. The government could make my concerns top priority tomorrow and it still takes time for things to change. By the time what I need is in place, I could be dead and life goes on.

Based on what Medicaid covers in my state, a new pair of glasses would be expensive without it covering eyecare. Hypothetically, which bill do I sacrifice for a month so I can get new glasses? Do I need to avoid eating on some days as well? Because no amount of budgeting with food stamps can change that food is getting more expensive. Social Security doesn't care if someone can see, apparently. Medicaid also doesn't cover dental care. I guess Social Security doesn't care about the recipients' teeth either.

Vocational rehab doesn't care about what I can do. It cares about teaching me to fit into the system. My natural skill set is this or that? To the system, my skill set is lesser and I should prioritize what society says I should, not my natural skills. My natural skills are viewed as privileges, not anything worth helping me nurture.

There's no middle ground either. You either can work or you can't. There's no gray area where you need some assistance to even get to work, let alone what your skill set allows you to do without your mental health taking a dangerous decline and getting you fired. Without medication, I'm about as useful as an infant. My depression is that severe, but I'm not crippled. There are things I can do, but I can't be too open about it. Social Security might misinterpret what I'm saying to mean I can work and take away my benefits. The lack of a middle ground level of understanding is what's really hurting me here.

Can I work? Unsure. I don't qualify for anything right now to my knowledge, but if there was a middle ground and some assistance helping me learn and build my natural skill set, I could potentially end up having something resembling a marketable field. This doesn't mean financial stability in the short-term or long-term so a middle ground would take this into account instead of penalizing me.

I know about Social Security's "ticket-to-work" program, but I'm sure it just falls into the same problems as typical vocational rehab. More importantly, I don't trust it. It sounds like a trap to figure out whose benefits to take away. This sounds like what I'm asking for, because it's extra assistance, but it's not.

If I can work and afford insurance on my own, that sounds great, doesn't it? Yes. IF being the key word here. Social Security will take away benefits whenever it wants. If I give them an entry point to look at, they'll use it against me. So, I don't trust the help it's claiming to offer. I'm just so sure it's secretly a trap that's pretending to be helpful right before you lose everything.

After some quick Googling, some people have lost benefits under the ticket-to-work program simply from being too positive or "making too much progress." They don't focus on emphasizing their struggles or keeping in contact. They forget and make assumptions. I'm sure that the way Social Security makes me feel makes this less likely to be a problem for me, but if I think something counts as work and they happen to agree, it doesn't matter if I'm silent about it. They could look at my capabilities as being "improvement" so I can work now. It doesn't matter how negative I am during a case review or how much I talk about my problems. If in practice, they don't think it adds up, they can use any excuse to say I'm not disabled anymore.

Don't even get me started on my home life. Whether I'm at home or elsewhere, there is no escape from the reality that I actually don't control much of anything.

----

At the end of my appointment, my therapist suggested paying less attention to real life. To elaborate, she didn't say ignore it. Based on what I understood, my therapist just suggested that with everything tearing me apart, I need to focus on other things more often and seek solutions to this stuff over a period of time, not all at once. I interpreted what she said to mean that my current approach to these problems is counterproductive and I can't change anything given the state I was in when I was there. It was more of a recommendation to step back and only focus on one of these things when it's not a detriment to my mental health.

I'm rather attached to being alive.

There are things I told my therapist that I didn't include here simply because my Gemini Moon started switching priorities in the middle of me working on this post. Generational being generational, it may be possible to accurately guess what things are being left out. Just look at what millennials and Gen Z are dealing with and the overall state of the US. Yes, I know this transit is mostly hitting millennials right now, but I'm sure Gen Z is watching. People with Pluto in Sagittarius are next.

However, although this transit applies mostly to millennials, I don't think Gen Z has to wait, because many of the problems hitting millennials are hitting them too. In the US, it's a systemic problem.

I'm tired and exhausted. I'd like to live my best life without worrying that doing that will result in punishment. Hypothetically, if I did end up becoming financially successful with something, I'd know how I got there and I'm sure I'd be able to adapt with that in mind. This said, I'm not comfortable becoming a huge success without being 100% sure I understand the reasons behind that success and can reproduce it going forward. So, if I ever seem to be reaching the level of capability where I don't need SSI anymore to afford what I need to be stable, insurance problems become a non-issue and I can accept not being disabled anymore.

The only issue is that I worry Social Security itself is going to act like it knows that better than me and make that decision prematurely. Uh, no. I know I sound better at times, but if I was talking to someone working for Social Security, I'd make it quite clear that any "improvement" it sees is because of the medication I have and that improvement is surface-level at best.

They don't know what I deal with at home or what's in my head so they can't tell me that I'm "better now." No. To be honest, I need to get my information updated, because I applied for disability with Major Depression and I managed to develop an anxiety disorder that they don't have on file. So, "improvement" is offset by anxiety if they think I've improved at all and also some amount of trauma based on my home life.

I have more personal transits I can talk about in a separate post. I mentioned my Gemini Moon and Neptune is within orb for the square now. I can't remember if I already mentioned the transit.

----

My love life has become...interesting. I'm not quite sure how to go into the details on this one, but planets keep hitting Venus in 6th house by transit. Since I don't have a job and it can be debated if I even have a social life, I ignored Saturn's square. Though somehow, against all odds, that square seems to have played out. I cannot say how this managed to be accomplished and I'm somewhat hesitant to mention the details if I ever have the words. Saturn is the main element tying the story together as well as Uranus in Taurus. Let's just say Uranus is Uranus and call it a day. Assume the unusual and a departure from conventional relationship structures.

Pluto in Aquarius hasn't hit Venus yet though. I'm actually more interested in how that transit will play out, because it's making a hard aspect this time. I know what I just said, but for the purposes of paperwork, I'm considered single and I'm uninterested. I already know what Pluto is going to say to that years from now. Well, as I've already learned, transits always find a way to play out. It doesn't matter what limitations you see to that.

I actually preferred Saturn's square. Pluto is unlikely to destroy my love life, but considering what happened during Pluto's trine to Venus, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with a square variant of that. Though, again, I know what Pluto is going to say to that years from now. Just based on Saturn alone, something, something about a square being a square for a reason.

posted October 03, 2023 11:51 PM            

I don’t have this problem with my family, but trying to be patient. Making a deal with them doesn’t help my mental health. I need to repeat Namaste mentally to keep it together. I cannot put a t-shirt with a comment. I sit not right, dress not right, breathe not right.
It’s ridiculous when an adult is being treated and scolded as 10 years old on every corner. However, I have a thicker skin toward the family and don’t want to go a big confrontation since I don’t see them often.
Tr, Chiron 7th They’re already loud I wouldn’t be able to handle more and hope can handle them before I need to go to the next.
So I try self- regulation to concentrate on the good and meditate.

posted October 04, 2023 11:55 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stawr:
So this full moon in Aries I feel is bringing out my sun sign energy that is usually repressed. I've been more blunt with people.

---

😂

I could see that…

I noticed it made me feel very independent and comfortable with the idea going it alone, it was a very awesome energy, empowering as F.

posted October 04, 2023 01:19 PM            

This venus retrograde zone return was like how many challenges can I throw at this two moving in together, how many tests can I send out, how many obstacles and delays can I throw at them...

I suppose with venus squaring uranus and it being retro it was bound to be a freaking roller coaster this past 3 months!

Honestly like wtf happen with tr venus retrograde return? This reaaaaaaaaally resonatessssssssss and explains a lot specially the month of September for me:

"Astrologically, Venus rules love, kindness and peace – but during a Venus retrograde period, these things become harder to attain. Love relationships may be more tetchy, people are less inclined to be nice to each other and it’s easier for antagonism and anger to get a foothold in the world. Some relationships will breakdown while Venus is retrograde; others may have a bumpy ride but emerge from the difficulties stronger and healthier."

I would recommend you avoid moving in during a venus retrograde zone but then again that is what pushed us to finally decide to move in but it just felt like a very long process with challenges and delays to take this step during this time but venus retrograde can also be about karma and working out karma. I think venus retro makes things hard and challenging and causes delays..

posted October 04, 2023 07:13 PM            

I bought my dog a bear for $5 for charity, at petsmart. He gently wagged his tail, and gave it kisses. He misses having another dog around, but we can't afford one.

posted October 07, 2023 01:28 PM            

Yesterday I as called upon to rise up to a very public session at work (unexpectedly). Totally unprepared.

posted October 09, 2023 02:19 AM            

http://www.astrotheme.com/astrology/Drew_Carey

posted October 09, 2023 03:16 PM            

I always see prospects of a job looming indicated by 11th house activations.This in particular Sat(if the gains are sustainable).

Sat has just entered his 8th house cusp of Pisces. Retro Saturn is also widely squaring Jup (ruler of his natal 8th house) in the 11th house of gains. BINGO!

The activations;

Trans Moon in Leo conjunct his Asc
Trans Mercury opp natal Mars
Trans Sun(Asc ruler) conj natal Merc
Trans retro Ura on his natal Mc working in the background to change his status.
Trans retro Neptune on his

I think he probably will get the job. And it will have significant changes in his life(financially). And with these changes,there will be growing pains(as Saturn tends to bring).

I am focusing on Jupiter. Jupiter will face the transit of Saturn. The planet of focus becomes the planet that Saturn hones its attention on. And in his case, it's Jupiter(a transpersonal planet). So the changes will be big for him.

Jupiter represents personal freedom ime. So my thinking is that there may be authority impositions on that? Or else he'll have to limit his freedom because of circumstances /where he is in his life e.g. assuming more authority at work requires him to act in a manner that is more restrictive , cautious or contained etc.

posted October 09, 2023 03:27 PM            

When Saturn was at 5Pisc widely square natal Uranus at 10Sag, the situation at my workplace started to get unstable. We were not being paid.

When Saturn went retrograde at 7Pisc , we were told work can resume and administrative hiccups have been sorted.

But then the transit went retro to 1Pisc and we were back to square 1. Once again,there were defaults in payments.

In its current retrograde motion at 1 deg Pisc, I am soon to be out of a job. We have been given formal notice that the company is bankrupt and cannot afford to keep us.

posted October 13, 2023 02:50 AM            

I’ve been trying to get organized, I’ve been busy, and also taking care of my cat who has a vet appointment tomorrow. I finally found his probiotics again, and have been using the humidifier, giving him churu treats, colostrum in a bit of cream, with a homeopathic nose relief supplement. I made them chicken broth, too, and they both liked it. Gelled, and everything.

I managed to relax a bit, until I heard what was happening this past weekend. With personal stuff, I have to go into denial, in order to relax and deal, and then side-step into the scary stuff (or cry, sleep, and get it over with) I’m afraid that life is going to sideswipe us again. In a big way. I need to get my **** together, and try to be at least somewhat prepared.

Still trying to learn to use my proper camera again, but I can’t travel to get good pictures, like some of my friends, so I don’t know what to do. I can at least practice, though.
When T was here, she told me that she thought I would make a good pet photographer. If I can get over my social anxiety, I might contact the women who take pictures of the dogs at the pound. To see if they can help me, or I can just try to learn from them. Maybe dad can take me down to Amish country, too, if he goes back to taking two days off in a row. But they’re talking about making him work Saturdays now. 😔

posted October 13, 2023 02:52 AM            

I think Scott and I went from being friends and lovers and "dating" during our first year but it really felt like a "situationship"; the whole time we were dating in actuality and not "labeling it" to then on our second year solidifying we are indeed in a relationship and we are serial monogamists to then moving in together and then it felt like everything blew up and started to fall apart. IDK this relationship has been the most challenging relationship of my life; tr uranus was trining my DC and tr saturn was opposing my venus conjunct mars when we started seeing each other and now tr saturn is opposing our composite venus and mars and tr uranus is squaring my venus conjunct mars and conjuncting his moon and our composite IC and needless to say uranus and saturn have made it so this relationship is very unstable (uranus) but we stick it out none the less and seem to be glued to each other (saturn), is a super weird combo.

All that being said 2022 and 2023 have been two years were transit pluto is squaring my pluto and completing a tsquare with my atropos and what I am observing that is a 2 year cycle about endings and death and anyone new that I meet that I have a meaningful connection with ends up but catalyst for change that pushes for something in my life to come to an end. Perhaps bc I have pluto parallel DC ruler and JUNO.

I love Scott and I get the feeling we are going to come full circle and become lovers and friends again and then I will move back to Miami. I think we will go our separate ways once the time comes up for me to renew my lease in May.

I think he is the catalyst for me ending my chapter in Colorado which was a super important meaningful decade of my life (7.5 plus 3.8 = 11+).

Anyways this two years is about endings and new relationships/connections I made that meant something to me led to facilitating change/endings that I need to execute.

Its not a time for beginnings that will flourish, is a time for endings and relationships that enter my life were meant to facilitate change and endings in my life so they are transitory relationships.

I got my first tattoo yesterday! the artist was a libra and also lost his mother this year! the odds bc I looked up a ton of artists and decided to go with him. He gave me a hug before I left