posted October 25, 2022 02:48 AM            

When I talk about my trauma in therapy. Which I did last session I noticed my husband was way more compassionate towards me.

posted October 25, 2022 03:26 AM            

I have done work to deal with being sexually abused when I was 13. It was more of an attempt than actually being violated.

But the fact that it was my grandpa. My only grandpa. My other grandpa died before I was born. Tried to treat me like some sexual object. I’m very screwed up by it! Who wouldn’t be if the first person to try to get in your pants was your 80 something yr old grandpa was the first person to try to get in your pants.

I’ve seen shrinks and councilors about it. But I guess what I haven’t dealt with enough is the fact that I told my mom and grandma immediately after it happened. I’ve been able to forgive them because they are from a different time, and were just ignorant.

But yeah it can be that much worse when you tell people. And no one really does anything for your well being.

I am realizing what a huge trigger it is for me as an adult when I tell someone what happened. And no one seems to care. Non sexual stuff. But still.

I sometimes wonder if that’s why I married my husband. Because like my parents when someone does me wrong they really give me no emotional support.

My husband is diagnosed with Asperger’s. So emotional support is not his strong suit.

But when I was ready to deal with my sexual abuse and the trauma of wanting to just sweep the pedo/adulter under the rug and act like everything is fine. I rebelled against my parents very hard.

And now I see how I have rebelled against my husband for giving no emotional support for certain things to this day.

I had the realization that his lack of emotional support has made him slightly dead to me. And it has caused me to rebel against him.

Idk what to do at this point. Besides possibly talking to my own therapist privately.

For real growth with my husband I need to face on everything he’s done to make him feel “dead to me”

posted November 01, 2022 10:29 PM            

I realize that I am on the verge of some turning point. With Uranus rx being 17.13. I have Pluto Scorpio 17.04. And Saturn Aquarius is 18.40 and my Moon in Scorpio is 18.56

Like I either need to have an affair, divorce my husband, or open up our relationship.

I can't stop crying that my life has got to this point. I can't even go grocery shopping like I need to.

The only other thing I can think of to keep me from resorting to this point, is that...my husband needs to go to therapy. For himself individually and with me. BUT THAT'S THE THING. It's always ME, that tells him what he needs to do. It's never his idea. I am very fortunate that he will be receptive eventually. I know that beats a lot of people who get divorced because their husband will not go to therapy, counseling, not care when you pack your **** up. But at the same time I do not want to be with someone who waits for me to have the mental break down in order to believe me that I am about to have a mental breakdown when I tell them I am about to have a mental break down.

Starting over sounds exciting and scary. But I cannot live like this anymore.

posted November 13, 2022 02:02 AM            

I've also wondered if they read this site, in the past, because I would see threads here, duplicated there, within days.

posted November 26, 2022 04:10 AM            

There’s always this nagging voice inside my head that tells me I’m slacking off and not good enough. I know I’m setting myself up for failure by setting unattainable standards, but I still do it. And of course asking anybody for help is out of the question. Sigh…

posted December 08, 2022 12:38 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PlutoWasHere:
I have a love-hate relationship with my “to-do” list. I love how it helps me clear my head and motivates me to get stuff done. But I hate that I’m always too ambitious and end up disappointed that at the end of the day I only get a fraction done.

There’s always this nagging voice inside my head that tells me I’m slacking off and not good enough. I know I’m setting myself up for failure by setting unattainable standards, but I still do it. And of course asking anybody for help is out of the question. Sigh…

Also a big hug for Stawr and Teasel. ❤️

---

I can so relate to the love and hate of to do lists! I got advice from a book to make sure there is visible space on your to do list so you aren't cramming. And to visually feel less frustrated. The book also reminds that life is a jungle and things will happen to throw us off our routines.

I've had this happen with every planner I use. By the last few moths of the year my life just seems to get crazy where I completely stop using the planner. Totally with the leaving the husband and health problems. I am thinking of pulling it out tomorrow.

posted January 04, 2023 08:01 PM            

I have moon conjunct Pluto nataly. My mom is obsessed with me. And I am on the verge on yelling at the top of my lungs for her to "get a life!!"

The things she does in fear of losing me, is pushing me away even more. Like maybe if you didn't think having feelings was a moral failing. I would open up to you more, and then you wouldn't have to go through a grown woman's shite.

Feeling like you have to do the opposite of what I say because something is wrong with your brain...means I will not come to you with secrets. I will not take you on outings anymore.

Maybe people would enjoy talking you more if you actually listened.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT, that when I did theater, you decided to make that your entire identity. I saw her weird phases after I was done doing theater. She didn't care that I was burned out from it either when I didn't want to do it anymore. If I ever have a kid of my own, I want to support my child's interest. But I am going to make sure that I still have a life of my own, see my friends participate in my own interests, etc and not lose myself in what my child is doing, maybe they'll make a living off their interests or maybe it's a phase...but if you make being a "stage mom" your sole identity and your child wants to move on it will bite you in the arse. It's like she never got over making me her sole identity. Thinks she is too good for her old friends now. Avoids her marital issues.

She is such an attention wh0re Leo too. She favored me over my older sister. She gave me most of the attention. My sister was sad that our mom wasn't interest in her life, and I was on edge with her being so interested in mine. I was like leave me alone and stop following me around.

I've been making her more self aware that she is actually pushing me away more and that I do not have a tolerance for it anymore.

She is an extravert who does not like to let a lot of people in. These days, when she has friends they have to be stupid, poor and codependent on her. My mom is very educated but does not let other educated people get close to her. She needs dumb poor people who rely on her to go with whatever crazy shite she believes in and says. Plus she really wont clean the house.

posted February 23, 2023 02:50 AM            

Anyway, this woman has just been outed by her mother, for not being who she said she is. She’s a white woman, who was pretending to be a Muslim woman of colour. It was all over twitter, and I only just saw something yesterday.

posted February 23, 2023 02:19 PM            

Give this ***** a break.

posted February 23, 2023 09:34 PM            

I know it's algorithms rather than a live person, but are they truly unaware of how creepy that is?