posted February 27, 2023 10:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PlutoWasHere:
I talked to a friend yesterday, she’s close to divorcing her husband. And I felt her pain so sharply. Because her pain is also my pain. I tend to forget my own broken heart. There’s no time for it, so many things need to be done. But at that moment, I felt it. Clawing it’s way through my body. Feeling rejected, unloved and unseen by the partner I chose to spend the rest of my life with. Trying so hard, sacrificing every ounce of energy, but still not getting the recognition I craved. Repeating the same patterns I learned in my toxic childhood. I’m done with putting myself last.

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posted February 27, 2023 10:55 PM            

And I've like never been suicidal a day in my life. But everything I do is such a big deal to people for some reason. I have the balls to talk about my feelings and talk about things that make people feel uncomfortable. And the ******* narcissists, or people uncomfortable with shadow work try to make it seems like you need to be on meds when they kicked you when you're down.

Like today is just one of those days where I feel completely defeated and that I am also put under a microscope.

Ummmm if someone is going through something that you have never experienced...maybe don't give band aide advice, and just listen to them.

Like my friend with two kids, a ****** husband who she can't afford to leave, an underpaid stressful job, comes from an unstable family herself. Do you really think telling her to try mediation, write in a gratitude journal or to listen to calming music is actually going to help her situation??!!!

I gave her 400 bucks because I knew that was actually helpful.

I am feeling very fed up with my life today. (lots of Uranus squares transit wise and natally right now) It just really sucks when you have listened to people vent when they are fed up. But they can't do the same for you.

And how ****** it feels when people tell you your life is the way it is because you don't think more positive and invalidate your upbringing and childhood trauma, that nature is cruel and unfair.
Like please go to the hood and tell people that they are oppressed because they don't think positive enough, and that meditating will make the police stop racially profiling them. Like how about actually standing up for them.
Go on meds, or how about actually allowing people to deal with their feelings. And not being the reason a person needs to be on them.

Being told to express gratitude and think positive. I was writing in a gratitude journal before my condo become infested with cockroaches, and my landlord refused to do anything about it for a long time and my out of state husband offered no emotional support to me.

Being told to listen to calming music when I do. I have made a lot of progress while also feeling knocked down at the same time.

posted May 13, 2023 06:10 PM            

I do not like how my brain gets when I don't have orgasms. Well!!! I have no privacy and no man right now.

I don't want to have sex with just anybody. Dildo is good to get the job done. But yeah dildos are loud. And these walls are paper thin and you can pretty much hear everything in this HOUSE. There are people I am very physically/mentally/spiritually/intellectually attracted too. But they have their own issues and also can **** with my head too much.

So I either need to bust my ass on getting my own place or go out and be scandalous.

posted May 16, 2023 07:27 AM            

(uttara ashada moon, animal yoni: mongoose, is the only nakshatra out of the 27 without a pair)

i’ve being going on dates multiple days throughout the week, these last weeks, and honestly, in spite of spending copious amount of time connecting with various men, i generally feel little to no desire to couple up, aka take things further. however, it has been very nice to be treated with admiration and respect, for the goddess that i definitely am. i would never accept any less romantically; and if so, men who don’t take upmost care simply get friend-zoned. i’m very feminine with genuine values to offer in return. friends don’t receive my body too.

as of yet, none of these men have been deep enough to turn that side of me on, to lean in to 🫤
i even have met up with a girlcrush. she’s sweet and solid, i might pursue a sexual relationship, if the opportunity arises, with her to keep my juices flowing (without being taken) while i search for a serious male partner. i’m open to meeting new people right now though being out almost each night of the week, this can be exhausting (introvert)

i’m keeping my senses open and receptive to the possibility for connections, putting myself out there and available, though with discernment

and sigh. Godly—not necessarily religious—men are hard to come by. one of my best guy friends happens to be godly, we talk about spiritual matters together almost exclusively, so i know they do exists, however we are just friends. I’m not physically/sexually/emotionally attracted to him; he busks for money / doesn’t hold down a job, in appearance is generally very unkept, though we do share an Agape Love. i’m going to visit him in florence when he goes home next month, since i’ve never been to italy

it’s hard for me to imagine what kind of man might be the one i give my heart, body and soul to (for creating life with). i am accepting.. that this might be no one, and instead considering how it might be to commit to a bachelors life while being spiritually healthy/secure and exploring sincere affairs instead, at least in the meantime.

i dont want to be… a monk (anymore) 12th House South Node

one plus of going out on lots of dates is my anorexia-ideation calmed way down. when men are treating you with tenderness and respect, and slightly-stunned in awe at your inner and outer beauty, it makes one… feel ok with how they womanly are. for that i’m grateful for these dating experiences and appreciate the men for the grace they see in me

posted May 20, 2023 10:57 PM            

I did take a PTO day the week after.

But then I worked 2 10 hour days in a row. Get new responsibilities. Get told I need to engage more with the kids. When it's day 2 of my period. But then I also had a deadline of a self assessment. It's 6 effing pages!!!! I have felt like I am meant to be here, but there is also another part that absolutely resents the place, and just working in general.

After this week it will be memorial day weekend. I hope it helps.

I really just needed today to let go, and just be funky and sort through my feelings.

Then the next week is their graduation, then the work should get more slackey.

The director is aware of the burn out issues this place has but can only do so much.

posted June 27, 2023 05:03 PM            

Nineteen out of the top twenty states with highest infant mortality rate, are GOP states.

http://twitter.com/MartyTa94849826/status/1673768470541123591

posted July 22, 2023 09:23 PM            

I don’t want to talk about. It’s too fresh of a wound. I’m still absorbing this and it hurts. I just want to put it out there in the universe.

posted July 31, 2023 06:56 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by StubbornVirgo:
My brother died.

I don’t want to talk about. It’s too fresh of a wound. I’m still absorbing this and it hurts. I just want to put it out there in the universe.

Thanks for reading.

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posted July 31, 2023 11:44 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
I'm so sorry for your loss. My brother recently passed away. He was my best friend. It is the most grief I have ever felt in my life. Sending you much love.

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Thank you. I’m sorry for your loss as well. My brother helped raise me. He is my only sibling. I’ve been swaying back and forth between shock and sadness. It doesn’t feel real that he’s gone.

posted August 23, 2023 09:22 PM            

EDITED: it wasn't an article, but a book: A Grief Observed by CS Lewis.

I'd leave a review, but I think the reviews do a disservice to the book, even misrepresent it (as so many do in all genres and trailers), trying to make it sound trite so that people's faith (especially the Christian audience that constituted most of his fans) wouldn't be alienated.

I'd have never bothered going by that. I was lucky that someone I trusted loaned it to me. I found it very helpful, even if I didn't have to struggle with theological beliefs regarding God's love and stewardship of us as he did. I think it was how parallel (not identical) our experiences were, and it helped me brace for it, and know that though it almost never heals completely or come to perfect peace, it does get better (though when it returns it can hit hard, but those episodes become less and less, and usually less painful when they happen, but sometimes that can feel sad in of itself).

posted August 23, 2023 09:25 PM            

I've put up with that my entire life. I think next time I'll show them what a real ***** is who doesn't put my book down and deal with their BS. It's not just guys that do it, the worst today was a toxic woman.

posted September 01, 2023 10:44 PM            

It use to be a much needed slow down...but now retrogrades are like "hey these slow downs are happening because your life is going in the wrong direction, and all your ambitions will be delayed."