posted March 20, 2009 12:40 PM         

quote:

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if you really want to kill yourself, nobody will stop you,

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This is beside the point, but,
let's break it down, shall we?
What if I need people to understand,
because what i really want is conditioned,
not just by my desire not to suffer,
but, by my desire not to cause suffering?
See, its not as simple as you make it sound.
I am in a catch-22 --
If I live, I suffer. If I die, I make others suffer.
Let me know when you find an easy answer for that one.

quote:

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if you are very depressed and need help, ask for it or go to a counsellor, talk to a close friend, do something!

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Wow, why didnt i think of that?
I knew this had to be my fault somehow.
Thank you so much for these novel ideas, Peri.
Oh, wait, thats right, I've already been in counselling,
approximately once a week for the past twenty years.
And, oh yeah, I ask for help all the time. All the time.
People say, "Only you can help you," and turn away.
My only close friend is almost as screwed up as I am,
and his issues include being a cold-blooded Aquarian,
who is not much good at rendering sympathy when i need it.
So, yeah, what else do you suggest I do, Peri?
Or would you like me to enlighten you as to the dozens of things that
I have done and have tried, since you assume that I have done nothing?

quote:

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but instead when someone tries to help you, LLT for example, you hurt them by being patronizing

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Funny you used that word. Because that is exactly what people are doing to me. Patronizing me. My reflection of that tone is irony. Here I am, evidently in profound distress, and people think they are helping by talking down to me and offering the most banal and obvious advice? Those easy, idealistic answers never take into account the complexity of real life, and they cut off any compassion and understanding we might have for people who are going through real issues. Its insulting. "Have you tried smiling? Have you tried just getting over it?" Are you serious? Are you really this blind? And you expect me to keep silent about it, and just listen, or thank you for that cr*p?

quote:

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... and then you say 'let's all kill ourselves!' why do you do this?! to get more attention or what? do you not think you've gone a bit too far??

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No, I havent gone a bit too far.
Threads about Clive Owen's ass have gone too far, Peri.
I am talking about something real and meaningful here.
And, yes, I do think these things need attention.

quote:

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this Messiah complex of yours and constant talking about suicide reminds me of Jim Jones actually

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Of course it does.
That is the most obvious association,
and your timid, conditioned little mind
jumps at the opportunity to take refuge in it.
I made a meaningful JOKE about group suicide,
and, on an unrelated note, I see myself as gifted and misunderstood.
Now you have to turn me into a psychopath who thinks he's Christ?

quote:

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maybe all you need to be a little happier is to get over yourself and stop believing you are a misunderstood genius!

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Oh, great idea, Peri.
Let me just snap my fingers,
and accomplish that one for you.
Oh, poo! I can't do it.
Turns out I really am this complex and sensitive,
in a way that our primitive cultures will barely tolerate.
And as if the complexity and sensitivity were not enough,
the fact that so few people understand makes this
even more of a point of focus than it would otherwise be.
I sincerely hope you never have to find out what it is like
to be this perceptive, eccentric, sensitive, passionate and alone.
You may be one or two of these things, but all at once?
When Pluto, Uranus, and Neptune lay claim to your soul,
let me know how well you manage to keep your manners.

"The nail that sticks out gets hammered down." ~ Chinese Proverb

posted March 20, 2009 12:54 PM         

What a bunch of whiners they are, huh?

Why dont they just eat something?

People try to help them; tell them to "Get a job", "Eat something", "Get over it".

But they seem determined to go on starving and guilt-tripping us all.

Maybe if they just got over the idea that they are neglected and misunderstood,
and that they need other people to help them out of their situation...

posted March 20, 2009 01:10 PM         

It seems that if you don't want the 'banal and obvious' comments from people, you are posting this for what? WHAT? Who? Only the people who are as astrologically challenged as you are? People who suffer and reflect and care and emote as much as you do?

If you claim that this is you reaching out, or having the balls to put your pain out there, then you should be prepared to deal with peoples commments or opinions.

You are allowed to be sarcastic and critical and tortured and destructive, but when somebody calls you on it in a different way, maybe to try another tact at trying to understand you, you attack them.

I want to be compassionate here. I am, a huge part of me is crying for you, but you know what? Somebody is right, when you throw insults and peoples kindness back in their own faces, you are not a person who is ready to be loved. I know this will **** you off, I can hear your reply already, but you have to admit, (yes, I'm telling you what you have to do) you are assuming all the intentions here to comfort you are superficial.

How do you expect anyone to want to get close to you?

I truly hope you will find the love you seek, sooner than later. Your quest for love is no greater than anyone elses, no more important, no more cosmic. We are all here for love...

posted March 20, 2009 01:14 PM         

what about people starving in Africa? why did you post these pics? are you starving too? or your living conditions are similar to theirs?? or maybe you think you suffer as much as them??

honestly ... indulging in self-pity is the last thing that will help you feel better...

posted March 20, 2009 01:25 PM         

quote:

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It seems that if you don't want the 'banal and obvious' comments from people, you are posting this for what? WHAT? Who? Only the people who are as astrologically challenged as you are? People who suffer and reflect and care and emote as much as you do?

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Um.. yeah.
Or people who have a rare capacity for understanding.

Not every thread has to be for everybody.
You think those Clive Owen threads are posted for me?
You think if i came on the thread telling everyone how superficial it was
that they would not have a right to tell me to keep my comments to myself?
You think they should accept my criticism because they were brave enough
to talk about Clive Owen's abbs and Hugh Jackman's dimples or whatever?

And I am prepared and i am taking it. This is me taking it, and dishing it out.

I havent attacked anyone who has tried to understand without slipping in a backhanded insult.

I am ready to be loved. I'm not ready to be criticized by people
who dont have a clue about my situation and what i live with.

I dont expect (or want) anyone who cant understand to get close to me.

posted March 20, 2009 01:29 PM         

How can i even talk to you?

Do you not see the irony in throwing Christ on the Cross at me?

In order to justify your lack of sympathy?

Yes, I am starving and living on scraps.

But after what you have said, how can i expect you to understand that?

This is not self-pity. This is a truth you can't begin to fathom.

"My friends, how desperately do we need to be loved and to love. When Christ said that man does not live by bread alone, he spoke of hunger. This hunger was not the hunger of the body. It was not the hunger for bread. He spoke of hunger that begins deep down in the very depths of our being. He spoke of a need as vital as breath. He spoke of our hunger for love. Love is something you and I must have. We must have it because our spirit feeds upon it. We must have it because without it we become weak and faint. Without love our self-esteem weakens. Without it our courage fails. Without love we can no longer look out confidently at the world. We turn inward and begin to feed upon our own personalities, and little by little we destroy ourselves. With it we are creative. With it we march tirelessly. With it, and with it alone, we are able to sacrifice for others.

posted March 20, 2009 01:37 PM         

What is it you are asking of us here to help you climb this mountain??

juni

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~
What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world is immortal"~

posted March 20, 2009 01:40 PM         

What will help is a proper mate.

That not forthcoming,
what I hope to get here is:

posted March 20, 2009 01:50 PM         

Empathy : yes.

The interconnectedness of All is an expression of the singularity embodied in the notion of God. Every fallen tear or shed blood rips the fabric of existence. In this great Unity, the pain of one is the pain of all, the salvation of one is the salvation of all.

sympathy : Not as I believe you are using the word, that would simply be my nafs/ego adressing yours and not healthy for either one of us.

compassion, yes :

The interconnectedness of All is an expression of the singularity embodied in the notion of God. Every fallen tear or shed blood rips the fabric of existence. In this great Unity, the pain of one is the pain of all, the salvation of one is the salvation of all.

juni

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~
What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world is immortal"~

posted March 20, 2009 01:52 PM         

I felt so sad that you were feeling so sad.

And I don't feel like I have much to say about it that won't sound trite.
So the only thing I know to do is sit with your feelings with you.

And I was and am doing that- and now I am writing to tell you I am doing that.

posted March 20, 2009 01:56 PM         

I`m glad you are feeling better now!

juni

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~
What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world is immortal"~

posted March 20, 2009 01:59 PM         

quote:

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Yes, I am starving and living on scraps.

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really, judging by the pics of yourself you posted here it is hard to guess you are starving

posted March 20, 2009 02:02 PM         

Compassion is the transmutation of this empathic suffering into loving-kindness.

How can you take part in the All, and understand the meaning of those words,
if your own heart does not resonate, from tenderness, with the pain of another?

posted March 20, 2009 02:06 PM         

quote:

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Wonderful!! There is your understanding, empathy, sympathy and compassion

I`m glad you are feeling better now!

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A few words in an email.

They were a sip of water to a man dying of thirst.

posted March 20, 2009 02:21 PM         

quote:

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to justify my lack of pity? I do not need to justify it if you hurt those trying to help you and suggest people should commit suicide because you are unhappy!

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Yes, you do need to justify it.
The only conscious response to suffering is pity/sympathy/understand/compassion.

I am not trying to hurt anyone,
but i am letting out cries of pain when they hurt me.
If those cries hurt their ears, they can easily learn how not to rub me the wrong way.

quote:

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really, judging by the pics of yourself you posted here it is hard to guess you are starving

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Bravo. A typically vicious comment.
I see you can be just as venomous as I can
when you feel judged and misunderstood.
I'm sure you're very pleased with your wit.
Although, I did make it easy for you;
you didnt even have to acknowledge the metaphor.

quote:

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anyway, I am not posting here anymore, you don't really need anyone's advice, all you need is to put the blame on others and revel in your own 'uniqueness'

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I'm glad you wont be posting in here, as you are not the least bit welcome.

Have you seen anyone offer advice that was not superficial?
Why is it that if someone dismisses superficial advice,
people write them off and say that they dont want help?
And, anyway, did I ask for advice, or for understanding?
I knew better than to seek advice here, but I thought,
for some reason, I might find some understanding.

As for blame...
There is no blame to put anywhere.
I'm sorry you cant see that.

And I'm not exactly reveling in my uniqueness. I take the good with the bad.
There's plenty of the bad, so I may as well console myself with the good.

Now bugger off.

posted March 20, 2009 02:43 PM         

quote:

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bingo, LTT

Thank you for listening.

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posted March 20, 2009 02:46 PM         

quote:

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A few words in an email.

They were a sip of water to a man dying of thirst

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Yes , that was one friend. How many other friends words of sympathy would it take to fill your heart with love and your life with meaning, 5, 10, 50....

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~
What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world is immortal"~