posted March 21, 2009 01:00 AM         

MysticMelody

posted March 21, 2009 01:18 AM         

If I could I'd give everyone at LL a hug, you guys are such empowering and inspirational people, each and everyone of you, even HSC, who is on his journey to find his other half.

posted March 21, 2009 01:24 AM         

You didnt waste much time sizing me up, did you?

Well, you may not know it, but I've composed some very inspirational writings.

Mars/Merc in Sag trine Jupiter in Leo is no slouch when it comes to inspiration.

Would you care to sample my wares? Let me know if you think I've got an inspiring bone in my body:

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Metaphor is the mark of all Sanskrit; to see metaphors is to read from the book of life. A metaphor is a bridge between peaks. Where there is distinction, metaphor illumines a common identity. Metaphor is meandering as truth is. Sure-footed is light-footed.

We are full. We are brimming. Life unfolds. Worlds overflow. Contemplate beginnings. Once more, with feeling. All of us spinning. Doctors of nothing. Come again, full circle. You are well remembered. All of us beginning...

Love. Begin with Love and you can never go wrong. Take aim at love, and you can never "sin", which is "to miss the mark". Love is lighter than the wind, lighter than the ether. Your arrows will cut fire and fly straight. A single arrow will point you the whole way to the Kingdom, if its aim is true. Begin with love, or repeat history.

The most incredible experiences are not realized until they are past. During such experiences, guiding spirits shield from our vision all but the moment. Only in time do great lessons come to light. They are given in an instant, to be pondered for an eternity. Philosophy is the high art of devoting oneself to wisdom, and honoring one's experience of the world, by the patient application of thought to the ephemeral moments which impress their significance upon us. When you chew your food, every bite you take makes it easier on your stomach. Without reflection, indigestion. So, in remembering God, let us remember "Him" frequently. In this way, it must be easier to digest His Word for us, our lesson in the world.

Our Father desires only our freedom. He comes only when we beckon Him, and otherwise leaves us free reign. Like a servant, the Lord waits on our command. Such a servant is worthy of reverence, and what deserves reverence, deserves frequent remembrance. For, truly, a man is indebted to his servant, as the beneficiary of his graces. And how much more are we indebted to our Lord, whose graces themselves serve us, and bestow graces beyond themselves? For by means of gifts, more gifts are discovered. Always, the gifts of gifts.

Everything is holy. A line crossed out is a bible unseen. The scriptures are woven with jewels, and all of them rejected. Even to discover them is to reject them. Every discovered jewel is a rejected star. Every star is a rejected sun. Every sun the center of a cosmos. Sages abandon themselves in this orbital dance and are senseless.

Who does not love to write does not write to love. The work one loves is the work of love. When you love what you do, what you do is love. You all have gifts to be discovered. The light that reveals your gifts shines out from within them, and is one with them. Open the gifts of the Lord.

You are not a chronicler, but a composer of songs. There is nothing to be. When it is said, "Be this," or "Be that," you are already "this", you are already "that". It is your voice that speaks. It is your song that would be sung. And it is not a command but a declaration; a declaration of love for "this" or "that". You ask, "But, how will I know when it is love that speaks?" Because love, my friend, always comes singing, gently singing.

I will beg the muses to linger, though the darkness is all but replaced by the light, and the Moon is barely a shadow. But if the muses be silent, I will read and reflect upon their gifts with the deepest gratitude, lest I stray by following my mortal lights. For truth is alive, and speaks only through the mouth of a muse, - and does not speak, but sings! And all that is not sung is dead; untrue and unmoved. Truly, the greatest sages have all been poets and singers of songs. Lesser sages, at their best, sang us a song. And if they had only one song in them, they learned it well, and sang it often. All truth is sung. All truth is poetic. All poetry cryptic. All love is rejoicing. All life is homecoming.

What is to be remembered? Only what is dead. Shall we remember the Lord in this way? Or do we perhaps mean something different, something unique, when we speak of "remembering" the Lord, who is all life, and all presence? Truly, to "remember" the Lord means only to forget all that is dead and past, and, rather, to dwell in the life of His infinite presence. Shall we remember a person when he or she is with us? Would this not be to neglect our guest? So, a song is well remembered only when it is sung, for that is not to bury it, but to give it new life. Just so, the Lord is well remembered, even resurrected, when we love.

Love. Begin with love and you can never go wrong. Ending in love, you know you've done right. Love is the beginning and end of all good labors, and all true questions. But love does not seek to uncover, only to leave things be. Love knows that all is well.

To open the Ark is not to heed its inscription: "This ark is Love. All you will find inside it is Love. But if you see no Love in this outer form, or in the modesty, the secrecy, of this form, how shall you see it inside?" Love is fond of mysteries, but does not press. Love is not greedy for more than what is revealed. Love will not undress the truth, but patiently seduce her to disrobe. Love love's foreplay. Love is always on the edge of her seat, but never hurries the truth. Love needs no reason nor argument to love, and does not seek for something more to love, but is content at all times to find the universe in a grain of sand. The Ark is a Pandora's Box, and Love's inscription is the soft lock upon that box. It is locked for love of you, but the key is granted upon request, also for love.

Let them interpret these and other sayings. All they shall discover is love. All they shall ever learn is love. Let there be interpretations. For true words are many layered, and many secrets go undiscovered when any secret is disturbed. The noonday sun shuts out from our sight a thousand stars. Love keeps all secrets. For the only secret is love, and the only mystery is our ignorance and indifference to love.

The mystery does not trouble itself to confound us, or to be mysterious. Its nature is mystery, so it is infinitely mysterious. But if you ask a sage, he or she will tell you every time, "The answer is love." Love. So light, it floats away on the breath when we call it. So heavy, it comes pregnant with mysteries, desperate for a bed. So fine it cannot be seen. So dense it cannot be fathomed. A blinding vision to behold.

Darling one, come again! My wonder. Like a grandmother, let me behold you, grandchild. And run free like a child at your choosing, unbound by love. All your choices are for love. And when you have gorged yourself on love, in one form or another, it is to love's bed that you retire. And both forms of love are divine. Both are prayers well received. All love is divine, and all prayers are holy. For God hears only love, and God hears all love. Even the faintest love is a chorus attended by God. And all that speaks of unholiness speaks to unholiness, and is itself unholy. Do not disturb the mystery. Let the mystery be holy. Leave the questions unhurried. Let the questions be holy.

Love is certain. For, to be certain is to rest, and there is no rest but in love. Only love is at rest. Only love is certain.

Breathe in, when you meet with resistance, and breathe out when you meet with acceptance. The greatest wisdom is simple, as a seed is simple. Every seed can sprout a thousand Vedas, and nourish many nations. True wisdom is self-perpetuating. To grasp it is to be inspired with it. Where the song of love is resonant, it is creative.

Can you sing a hurtful word? Who will permit it in her song? The song of love is melodious, and by its delicacy you shall know it. But harsh tones of accusation do not soothe, and bitter reproaches are clumsily sung. Even to make note of them here would be a disservice, were it not done in the service of love.

Let all lessons not be in vain. Leave them be, if they are learned. All lessons are but the restless spirits of lives already passed, crying only to be left in peace, unreconciled and unresolved; their legacies entrusted to living descendants. You are not your lessons or your karma, though the spirits of your ancestors move within you unperceived. Your heart is a ghostyard, restless and disturbed. Your questions and answers are the plaints and groans of the dead. Relax yourself, and give them peace.

Abandon your lessons, child, and partake of the summer breeze! You have appointments to keep with the flowers and the trees. They have new, adventurous secrets to impart, to whosoever would meet them. Then let the present life inform you! You are not a historian, but a maker of history. In this knowing there is only love, and only love is this knowing. For love is all that is known, and all that can ever be known.

There is no end to God's love for you, and no end of love songs to sing. Only be still, and you shall hear the strains, and they shall move you to dance and sing by themselves. Singing along to this song, you will know you keep synch with the Lord. Dancing, you will know you keep step. Speak of the eternal and your words shall be eternal, immortal. Speak of troubles and your words shall be as dust, shook loose from the soles of His feet. The great work is only interrupted when you doubt yourself, for that is to doubt God's love for you. Speak, then, as the Son of our Lord shines; He does not cease to shine for eclipses. So is my love for you uneclipsed.

We only ever reject ourselves. We only ever reject love. If we had love for ourselves, we would rest safely in that love, and not desire to move from there, in order to heap scorn on another. All we ever want is love, and love is ours to give! Hear this and rejoice! Know your understanding is lifted. And with it, love is lifted from the depths of your spirit, and poured out freely over the parched earth of your soul. You love yourself; tired, beaten down by a thousand ungentle truths; not in glory, but in ruin; not perfected, but incomplete; not the bread, but the flower, ground exceedingly small. You are the child, fit to pass through the narrowest gate.

The Lord gives us all that we have, and is not done giving. Open the gifts of the Lord. Children, do not wonder: All is welcome. All is forgiven. As you ache, I ache for you with you. I'm there, inside you, like a child, welcome or unwelcome. Your contractions are only occasioned by my hastening to you. You, the Virgin Mother, and I, the Lord, your God. To some it is madness, to others a secret bliss. Mother, will you love me, small as I am? Will you carry this child to term? Embrace the formless spirit within this broken form? I, the Lord God, am this child.

God love us! God deliver us! Love is infinite. The only thing is love. The only thing you reject is love. Blessed are the rejected. Loved are they, even as all are loved. But this love is greater in a relative sense, for "The stone that the builder rejected shall be the head stone of the corner." There is nothing to embrace but the Christ, nothing to reject but the Christ. Discard nothing! That which you have in hand is the Christ, and the first stone which must be set. Asking ourselves, "What do I reject? What do I despise?", we locate the stone. Speaking unto the Lord, "This shall I love," we embrace the stone. Silent in our hearts, "Loving the stone," we carry it to the appointed and anointed place. Losing ourselves in love for the stone, we affix it there. Such labor is a joy incomparable. Who labors with the Lord, gives birth to love, and lives in love with love. That which is weakest is wanted. All who grow tired grow strong. To be low is to be flooded in God's love, for God's love must fill all the rivers and channels it runs down, and gather force along the way.

My beloved one, do not trouble yourself to understand this. These mysteries are boundless and not to be circumferenced. There is nothing to know, nothing to be won. All love is free and flows everywhere like the air. Will you only breathe deeply when you draw your last breath?

Alas,
That flesh is hunted,
and taken before its time,
while love grows on trees,
and dies on the vine!

Love is everywhere ripe, and everywhere engenders itself. As you reap it, so is it also sown, as the seeds fall from your lips. To love is not difficult. To love is only to be forgiven. Is it so difficult to be forgiven? Don't ask Saturn. Don't ask Neptune. Ask yourself, if you are given.

You, who hide your beauty under a veil of shame. You are the virgin bride of the Lord, worthy to bear the true prince. Let your tears be for joy. Let His mercy enfold you. There was nothing before, and there is nothing now, but love. Always, it has been so. Only you have desired to hear. Hear me, then. Love me, if you would reject me. And, if not me, love another, for I am in all things, and am not an object to be loved, but the love itself! Only love, love, love, and all accounts shall be balanced, all laws perfectly fulfilled.

Why beat your head against a wall? The only way through it is love. Behold, I shall stand before you in the nakedness of my flesh, and not move from your path until I am fully embraced. My body shall be as an impenetrable wall around the garden of my spirit, and only those who can love the body shall be able to pass through it as spirit. This is the way, the truth, and the life. This is the eternal law of love.

posted March 21, 2009 01:31 AM         

I remember my sister saying, people need to struggle or else they will not learn. I know you want to help but sometimes it can't be helped..

I feel indifferently by that statement because I can help and I don't see how that is hindering anyone's life lessons, it could be the Universe sent me to that homeless person to help them but these are things I will never know.

Sadly people use other's capbilities, I belive thats another reason some people are afraid to reach out engage.

posted March 21, 2009 02:43 AM         

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I feel if someone really loved you they would accept and appreciate your individaulism and that you are still growing. They will not put exspectations on you but help you reach the goals you have set for yourself and you would do the same, you would want to see that person evolve because it is beautiful to grow in love with someone.

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Lexx-Thank you for all the hugs, If I could just fit myself into the computer and come out of your computer and hug you, I would but until then I am giving you all the spiritual hugs I can give ^.^.

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I could never understand why people shut and then judge those who are suffering, I have seen people pass the homeless without a second glance or say "They were the ones that got themselves there", "They are moochers and dependent", "They are just trash" but if that is so, why not just stop for a moment and give them a little help?

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posted March 21, 2009 04:49 AM         

Mel,

You seem or sound trapped, which is something I've felt a number of times. My latest lesson about feeling or being trapped is that things aren't always as damning as they seem. If you can only trust yourself to deal with the problem, get into as healthy a state as you can. Sleep, eat right, exercise a bit. Your mind will thank you, and possibly (hopefully) reward you will a reimagination of your situation. There is always more possible than we realize, and when we're stressed our quality of thought isn't as good as it could be. If you don't have to rely on only yourself, then talking out your situation with your more brilliant friends should prove fruitful.

Sincerely trying to be helpful,

posted March 21, 2009 09:57 AM         

Anyway, was just thinking of you and hoping you're feeling a bit better today.

posted March 21, 2009 10:31 AM         

I agree.. when you've let yourself have a good cry, let it all out, you start feeling better. Set aside some time to just do that, to let the feelings of overwhelmed out.

Then, when you're feeling ready, a list of things to tackle, one at a time.. If I can help with that in any way, I'd like to. Mel, are you taking a break from the classes? Are you able to get out of some now? Or, if you can even ask for an extension on the due dates for the ones you do keep, it would help. Baby yourself, Mel.. Are you getting enough sleep, eating properly? I think comfort foods would seriously help - pasta, carbs, chocolate.. Can you take a mini-vacation this weekend with the little one? Try to take at least a day off just for fun times - go watch a movie with her, or to a Chuck-e-cheese. If you can get some time for yourself, maybe a manicure/pedicure or massage, shopping, a girls' night out... Even if you can't take that much time out, drawing a nice bath for yourself might do the trick - bath beads, scented candles - Aromatherapy works wonders!

So, the super-girly stuff won't work for Steve, but taking time out to pamper you certainly would. What is the male equivalent of mani/pedi? Hmmm... I can't come up with it. But HSC, have you tried meditating on this? Trying to center yourself? I think you meditate, don't you? Have you tried any of the meditations posted around here? Do you work with crystals at all? Rose quartz helps with all matters love. Just keeping it under your pillow at night might help. You too, Mel..

posted March 21, 2009 12:04 PM         

AG, what you said... and Lexx, that picture!!! and Tink your words are so deep and sincere and meaningful. Sunshine, I think I will go out in the sun and take a walk with my daughter. I have been totally being lazy and spoiling myself and it helps the sad feelings but it doesn't help the motivation so then I get sad again that I am messing up school because i'm not doing the classes. oh, look, caps for a while and then i started thinking about school again... i would love to take a break and just work somewhere for a while i think. I just worry that without the degree I won't be able to afford when the loans come due. 6 months after you stop classes they kick in... but AG is right. I need to get clearer to make the decision. But I got clearer when i first started taking the meds and thought I made the right decision... i am so anti-pills but i had to do something for my daughter's sake... and i was so excited about these classes. I took only TWO! A research class and the one I had been waiting for... Adolescence. And I was doing awesome and the teachers loved me and I was learning so much and I just read my Adolescence text for fun... and then I skipped one week because I was just sooooo tired and lazy. And then it turned out I missed a test in Adolescence so I was kicking myself but I still could have pulled through and then the next week I just felt paralyzed. And it has been that way since. The research teacher even wrote to me and I told her what was up and she gave me a longer deadline, which was today, I think. I don't know, I haven't done it. And she even said not to be afraid to write or call her if I couldn't make the deadline but I feel like such a loser for not making the deadline and not doing ANYTHING and it feels totally insurmountable.... well, until I read all of your words.
Now, I feel like there is hope. Did you make the Hope thread, Sunshine??? Where is it?
And I had been thinking I would just do the work to pass the Research class and re-take the Adolescence class. It just seems so weird that I go from feeling like I can do anything to just doing NOTHING.

posted March 21, 2009 12:04 PM         

Zala, you probably said something sweet too so here's a for you.

Steve, without you, none of this would be here. All of these open hearts... all of this love. You midwife of the soul, you. <3 sorry you are feeling so dark. i guess that is what is needed to perform the magic of life underground and then protect and nurture the seeds with the help of some sunshine from above to warm the soil. i guess we all need all of the elements. and magic is created when we are all working together. beauty. and all at the perfect time. synchronicity.

posted March 21, 2009 02:13 PM         

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:25-34

posted March 21, 2009 02:55 PM         

quote:

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omg i love you guys
and i NEED you.
i convince myself time and time again
that i don't
that i can just leave here
and then again and again when i reach that point
something causes me to break open here
and the same loving friends open their arms to me
over and over

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quote:

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Steve, without you, none of this would be here. All of these open hearts... all of this love. You midwife of the soul, you. <3 sorry you are feeling so dark. i guess that is what is needed to perform the magic of life underground and then protect and nurture the seeds with the help of some sunshine from above to warm the soil. i guess we all need all of the elements. and magic is created when we are all working together. beauty. and all at the perfect time. synchronicity.

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posted March 21, 2009 03:32 PM         

Can you put in a bit of time tomorrow to make up a plan, a roadmap for what you need to get done for each class, with deadlines and estimated time you need to put in to finish each project? That will help you figure out WHAT you can do in the time you have. That will also arm you with something to talk to the professor about, if you need extensions or if you end up needing to drop a class. That also lets you break down what may seem like a mountainload of tasks, into small workable chunks, and will help you make a daily schedule. I like to write out the tasks so I have a sense of satisfaction in crossing them out - Outlook (if you use it) also lets you do that with tasks, if you prefer that.

And rewards - let's not forget those! At the end of the day when you're done with what was on your schedule, you get lots of cuddle time with your daughter, maybe a couple squares of Dove chocolate, and a good night's sleep with an immense sense of satisfaction & relief that you're making all this progress toward your goals again.. Gosh, I need to take my own advice - I have less than a week left to deadline now (defend on Friday)!!

Breathe.. you will find the excitement and thrill again you first had for Adolescence.. and besides, you need to arm yourself for when she gets there! Everything's going to be just fine..

posted March 21, 2009 03:41 PM         

Also, I'd like to invite everyone who'd like to find something to hold onto to hopefully lead you out of dark times toward the light at the end of the tunnel (sorry for the cliches), to this HOPE thread right here: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/010890.html

Join me there, peruse through the posts, verbose though they may be, and post some quotes that've helped _you_, so we can all journey onward & upward out of this funk!

posted March 21, 2009 06:48 PM         

And I have it in my head that I am going to write my teacher and see if I can finish the one class. AG, those bible verses helped. I think I forget that it isn't all just new agey stuff... most of it is centuries old and there is a reason it is still around. I am taking it in and trying to remember. I also listened to my Marianne Williamson Mystical Power tapes while I folded laundry and found a lot of related insight there. I am finding my way. I thank you all for shining your lights. I will try to keep close to the light until I am strong again. <3 Thank you.
I am going out to listen to music tonight and my brother and cousin and their friends/gf's might come so that is sort of like a "girl's night out" :^) . God bless you all for being here and sharing your beauty and wisdom and love. I'll try to "make it grow" and get back to a stronger place that lasts... worry about today and let tomorrow take care of itself etc...

posted March 21, 2009 06:49 PM         

I do not know very much about you or all of the details of your situation, but the title of this thread sort of jumped out at me. I understand your pain. I do not intend to patronize you, give you advice, or tell you that I have been through worse. Nothing of the like. I just want to give you what you asked for: sympathy, compassion, genuine human understanding. I understand your disappointment with people, simply because I have been there before. It seems that nobody wants to delve in past the obvious superficial surface of matters. They always tell you to just "lighten up," "seek some professional help," "snap out of it," etc. It's amazing how apathetic and cold our society can be. What's most appalling is sometimes we get those kind of responses from the people who we care about the most... which makes me question whether they care at all... Why aren't they able to understand that sometimes all we need is someone to listen, sympathize, and just let us know that they care? Even if you are a complete stranger to them? I cannot comprehend why sensitivity is often perceived as a weakness. As a young Pisces Moon, I am extremely sensitive, fragile, and have a strong love and yearning for understanding mankind, and I have more than enough compassion to go around. And I do not see anything wrong with that. On the contrary, I believe that a lack of sensitivity and compassion is a weakness.

Please do not give up hope. You are still here for a reason. I understand your frustrations and feelings of desperation in finding a partner but you never know what may happen. Perhaps I sound a bit naive, but you never know... you could be days away from meeting that special woman... just please don't lose hope just yet...

I know that my words probably do not mean very much to you but I just wanted to let you know that I care. Even though I have never met you. Even though I do not even know your real name. I care simply because you are a fellow human being, and I believe that that's how it should be.

My heart goes out to you.

sasha

posted March 22, 2009 07:28 AM         

You sound like such a lovely, deeply understanding person.

I wish there were more women like you to go around.

How young are you, anyway?

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On the contrary, I believe that a lack of sensitivity and compassion is a weakness.

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Shhh, not so loud. Someone might hear you.