posted March 20, 2009 02:54 PM         

quote:

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The interconnectedness of All is an expression of the singularity embodied in the notion of God. Every fallen tear or shed blood rips the fabric of existence. In this great Unity, the pain of one is the pain of all, the salvation of one is the salvation of all.

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posted March 20, 2009 02:59 PM         

You mean, if I had a partner?

One or two friends like this would be enough.

I would really love to meet this person someday.

She lives far away, and is extremely busy these days.

She rarely has time for more than a brief email like that.

But it means the world to me.

I wrote to her:

quote:

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I feel too exhausted to respond as i would like to,
but i want somehow to begin to convey what it means to me
when you speak this way, and understand my complexity.
I feel so judged and put-off by everything that other people have said.
You are the only person who has responded with what i needed.
I feel so much love and hope for you, right now.
The sap returning to my limbs, or something.
I really wish you were free.. if only in the evenings.

You are so loved and cherished right now.
My soul is crying out for a friend like you.

May your day be full of blessings,
as you have filled mine,

<3
s

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I'm also working on a separate response to her now.

So, yeah, I guess I do need a fair amount of support.

Not as much as someone with full-blown autism, maybe.

posted March 20, 2009 03:01 PM         

seems like you are unable to speak reasonably and argue reasonably like an adult person without descending to insults ... no wonder you cannot find empathy and inderstanding in this world ... grow up and develop these qualities in yourself first ...

posted March 20, 2009 03:06 PM         

i was making a very important spiritual point

dare i say THE point.

and your response was to poke fun at my weight?

you want to talk about juvenile? lol

incidentally, i am average in that regard,
so, you just insulted most of Lindaland,
and many people who are much larger than myself.
Way to go.

posted March 20, 2009 03:17 PM         

quote:

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really, judging by the pics of yourself you posted here it is hard to guess you are starving

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posted March 20, 2009 03:27 PM         

LEXX, if you look at the posts in context, i don't think you would make that mistake.

posted March 20, 2009 03:32 PM         

quote:

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Are you looking for pity again?
And a mate will not fix you.
You must fix yourself.
You know that.

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Are you all the same person?

I am looking for understanding, LEXX.

I'm carrying a lantern in the daylight, remember?

Looking for an honest man.

I can't fix myself.

I've tried that.

I'm lucky to be keeping myself alive.

And I need someone to love.

That is the hard truth of it.

You can make whatever assumptions you want about that,
but dont assume to tell me that I "know" you are right.

What I know is that you are wrong. Maybe you know it, maybe you don't.

posted March 20, 2009 04:21 PM         

quote:

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Yes, I am starving and living on scraps.

But after what you have said, how can i expect you to understand that?

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quote:

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I'm not ready to be criticized by people
who dont have a clue about my situation and what i live with.

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quote:

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I dont expect (or want) anyone who cant understand to get close to me.

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posted March 20, 2009 04:25 PM         

I have been making it ABUNDANTLY clear what my affliction is.

And the more clear I try to make it, the more I am abused and misunderstood.

posted March 20, 2009 04:38 PM         

i on the other hand believe that suicide just sends you right back for more, so it is TOTALLY FUTILE.

the reason i believe despair to be a cardinal sin (for sin read "mistake") is because it stops you trying to make any constructive changes.

suicided only hurts you and those left behind EVEN MORE.

is THAT what you want?

posted March 20, 2009 04:46 PM         

quote:

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HSC, i disagree. the reason despair is a cardinal sin is because it LEADS to evil, including suicide. now the catholics, who believe in cardinal sin (i don't) consider suicide to be robbing god and the sinner of a soul...

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suicide is a symptom of despair
saying that despair leads to suicide,
is like saying Cancer leads to tumors.
Is Cancer a cardinal sin?

quote:

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i on the other hand believe that suicide just sends you right back for more, so it is TOTALLY FUTILE.

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yeah, i'm not really interested in beliefs right now.

I have investigated this and found actual evidence to suggest otherwise.

quote:

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the reason i believe despair to be a cardinal sin (for sin read "mistake") is because it stops you trying to make any constructive changes.

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how can it stop you if you come right back?

how can it stop you if you go forward?

quote:

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suicided only hurts you and those left behind EVEN MORE.

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those are both beliefs, and i can think of many other possibilities

quote:

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is THAT what you want?

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No. Which is one of the main reasons i am alive.
Even the possibility of THAT is a deterrent.

But it is not necessarily in my hands,
although I'm sure you believe it is.

"and napoleon was no angel. but he inspired the french to hope and brought them out of a trough of...despair."

posted March 20, 2009 04:55 PM         

quote:

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No you are not being clear.
I hear...you want a mate..
I hear no one understands you...
What is your affliction and why aren't you being treated for it?

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LOL
If you have a treatment to recommend,
I would love to know her number.

quote:

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Can you work, or are you on disability?
And still trying to figure out exactly what hardships you are enduring.

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This is especially private stuff, LEXX.
Anyway, I wrote to you about these things once,
and you responded by saying you were deleting your myspace.

quote:

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Sorry....but it seems I am not the only one who is trying to understand you...but you are very confusing.

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No, I'm not.

posted March 20, 2009 05:33 PM         

if that doesnt work, go find some politically correct humor to float your boat.

And definitely dont strain yourself trying to understand people like me.

posted March 20, 2009 05:49 PM         

A good communicator has no need to blame his listeners for misunderstanding, which leads to one of two conclusions. Either you are a very poor communicator, or your deliberate intention is to shroud your communique in metaphor as to mislead others. It is obvious from your intelligent writing that it is not the former. If it was your wish to communicate something clearly, you could do so with a degree of articulation and flair. You have demonstrated this in your dissection of others opinions on the board.

I do agree with you on one point - this thread was actually very interesting to read, from both your perspective and others. A far cry from many of the more mundane topics that hold little relevence to issues worthy of thought or discussion. Though it does appear you have an uncanny ability to throw out spiritual bread crumbs, claiming love is your hunger, only then for you to employ irony and dissaproval as your weapon whenever anyone ventures to follow the bread crumb trail.

The greatest paradox you create however, isn't a conscious one. You speak of understanding, compassion and empathy, or more accurately - everyones lack of these features when approaching you. Yet you display none of these qualities towards others. Instead you use clever wit, droplets of truth mixed with poisionous intention as to give your words just enough weight to carry an element of meaning.

If you wish to meet your 'partner', then you first need to understand that life only gives back to you the life you put into it. Sympathy wont help you. Neither will replying on the empathy of others. These only give you a temporary fix, and when a few moments pass, dissatisfaction will creep into your mind and heart again. And I imagine you know this emotion better than most. When or 'if' you ever find your true love, you still wont find the answers you seek because they are not to be found within the energies of another. At the very best you will sustain a level of peace within yourself but will eventually revert back to your original form of need. At the worst, you will drain your partner of all her energy like a male sucupus. Hardly true loves intention.

The advice you need has already been echoed on the board by numerous posters, and probably countless people throughout your life. You just refuse to listen. You would rather draw everyone onto the battlefield of your soul, a battlefield where you are God, and pick apart their good intentions as unworthy. You ask, then you refuse. You beckon, then you dismiss.