posted February 03, 2011 08:19 AM            

That is a given.IF IF IF you want him,then please listen to CCM and me cuz we are talking about basic human nature here.

A man WILL chase YOU if he cares.If he is not chasing you, you need to back off in ALL ways and allow him to chase you.

He needs to chase you to be the male part of the relationship. The yin and the yang is alive and well in life even if people wish it were not lol

Your guy may be more yin/passive than you.That does not mean that you can make up for it by chasing.

If you do chase,he will run the other way.
That is what CCM is saying,in my opinion.

I hope I am not speaking FOR her out of turn.If I am ,she can correct me

posted February 03, 2011 01:13 PM            

quote:

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I am following everybody's advice. I havent called him or texted him just loving him from far. Would this not be unconditional love?

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Rajin, the problem that's obsessive isn't how you act toward him, either way--smothering him, giving him space. I personally don't even necessarily agree with the other ladies that 'if you love him, you need to give him space.' A relationship is about BOTH people's needs, so if acting a certain way towards him makes you feel lonely, sad, frustrated, it's NOT a good thing. I actually think that "Why Men Marry Bitches" book is good advice for fire ladies trying to be with airy men...a better match for you might be a Taurus Sun with some fire and water, who wants to spend a lot of time with you and who loves being nurtured. But I also thought CCM's advice was wonderful re: what an obsession is and how to try to move out of it.

The obsessive part is what YOU do to YOURSELF in your heart and mind--how you think and feel about this relationship. The role you give it in your life. Not whether or not you contact him.

Instead of creating the richest, happiest, best intellectual, spiritual, and emotional life FOR YOURSELF, you're putting all your energy at every level into a fantasy about him. (Not even into the real him, because you don't live together, make love, plan future activities together, hold each other in bed at night, and talk every day.) It's not a real relationship, and this is actually a really lucky time for you to prepare for a real relationship (which, as CCM described, has all those challenges and then some)....by creating a life where you're truly meeting your own needs, instead of projecting them on other people.

Miserably not texting him is not "unconditional love" any more than texting him too much. It's not about that! It's about YOUR private, emotional patterns and whether they're happy and healthy for you, whether they're helping you have a wonderful life.

Every time things turn back to doing something for yourself in your life, you bring it around back to him...because your Pluto thinks if you can just get what you want with him, things will feel right. But that Pluto is wrong!

posted February 03, 2011 01:22 PM            

Also, I think the right matches romantically will naturally respond to each other's natural tendencies. If you feel like being in touch with someone, and he doesn't want that, it doesn't necessarily mean you should change yourself--it might just mean that a right match would want to talk on the phone three times a day, and call you all the time.

We've all probably had the experience where a guy who wasn't right for us found some behavior of ours frustrating or unappealing, and a guy we had a longer-term thing with who was a more natural match found it adorable.

posted February 03, 2011 01:43 PM            

Great advice here, it was very helpful to me too!
Funny what you said about Why Men Marry B*tches is most appropriate for a fire sign woman and an air sign man LoL, I'm a Leo, my papa is a Gemini!

posted February 03, 2011 02:07 PM            

After we broke up, my first significant relationship was with an Aries/Sag Moon/ Aries Mars, who I really loved and I really blew it with, ugh, because I was just not quite ready and struggling with too many of my own issues--but the relationship was like this marvellous, incredible RELIEF! All this stuff that was hard or confusing or a struggle with the Libra was just easy and natural. I didn't have to try to force myself to pretend anything in my own head!

And now I know that's possible, and I don't have to wonder if it's possible. It's a hard time for me because I worry I won't meet someone that good again, and/or I'll blow it again. But at the same time it's a good moment for me to work on myself.

posted February 03, 2011 02:19 PM            

quote:

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A man WILL chase YOU if he cares.If he is not chasing you, you need to back off in ALL ways and allow him to chase you.

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Some women like to do the chasing, though...and that's okay, they just need to find a partner who likes being chased, and responds well to it instead of running away.

With Scorpio women with fire placements, the right match is a dude who doesn't want to chase OR be chased, he just wants to be together and MERGE. There's no waiting by the phone, because the guy is there, holding her.

A fire woman works better with a Libra Sun because when she's out in public showing off (Leo=showing off her plumage, Sag=being adventurous and risque, Aries=winning), he gets turned on and will briefly chase her.

As a Leo with lots of Cancer, I like to be chased but I also like to be able to follow my passions (the Leo) and I need a lot of reassurance (Cancer), and I need to feel very impressed by the man (the Leo). That Aries was awesome, because if I waited and "let him chase me," he DID chase me.

posted February 03, 2011 02:42 PM            

Where are your Cancers?

Anyhow, as I read the book and followed its principals I noticed that I actually enjoy applying them in my life. I feel much more happy and secure. We talk daily may miss a day here or there but he typically wont go 24 hours without calling, that's good enough because as I said, I enjoy my freedom.

My ex husband was an Aries Scorp moon. Very insecure, emotionally and physically abusive, smothering, jealous, couldn't handle my moodiness due to my ABUNDANCE of Cancer and would argue on and on with me and constantly critisize me.

You are right about how easy things can be from guy to guy. My Gemini ignores my moods lol, he'll simply ignore them which ironically helps me realize that I need to relax and take it easy. Never insecure, has never ever put me down and gives me room to breath.
He can also be mushy, but not to the point of me gagging, just to the point of giving me heart palpitations, I feel so balanced with him.

I couldn't ask for better

Had to go to hell before I got to heaven. I guess