posted June 03, 2015 09:01 PM            

Do you find it hard to meet suitable guys (dating/romance/relationship blah blah)? I'm just wondering if the internet has destroyed or tainted healthy, non-sexist communication between young men and women these days, not to mention older middle-aged men hitting on young women based on social media profiles, etc.

I'm curious because I see a lot of very attractive women who have never had a proper relationship and they're in their mid-20's. Also I feel the free availability of internet porn has turned the tide of women's liberation and thwarted men's preconceptions of women, categorizing them even more into the "w-hore /sl*t and "nice", "clean" girl/marriage stereotypes. I find it disconcerting and sad really.

Or am I just imagining it and younger women and men are pretty "together" about all this and I'm just not seeing it.

It just seems much easier to form illusive connections from the comfort of your armchair/laptop these days and not REAL connections.

Damn I'm getting old!

posted June 03, 2015 10:18 PM            

Of course for the men who wish to have loose sex or illicit affairs the net has facilitated that so it's easier than ever (both in ethical and unethical ways) but men of all ages are using it for that, not just those in their 20s. Granted, every new generation is going to be cast as lost or worse somehow, it's probably been a constant for thousands of years, and given that those in their 20s tend to be more unstable due to life circumstances, less to lose (so less reason to control their impulses), and also less sense, it can even seem so if you decide they're going to be that way for their entire lives rather than until they settle down.

In case it needs to be said...it's not either/or. There's plenty of good & bad, and plenty of people can be good to some and bad to others. A family man can be a loving husband and good father as far as anyone can tell while active with porn (long before there was internet, btw) or even visiting prostitutes (and not just him, btw, similar things can be said of his wife).

posted June 03, 2015 11:59 PM            

Out in the country and suburbs, it's almost like any girl who is at least pleasant looking will be taken or is being chased by multiple guys. Sometimes, you even have to steal someone's girlfriend (I don't encourage that but everyone's story and situation is different).

posted June 04, 2015 01:36 AM            

When I read about this kind of thing, I feel like it's media hype. I don't think much has changed. People are still people, as they always have been and always will be

Although, actually... online communication makes it much easier to meet new people, so if anything - this gives you many more options (in both potential friends and lovers).
Many people add each other on FB as soon as they meet - and learn so many things about each others' lives. So I guess everyone gets closer much quicker than they did in the past (in a sense) - and with a wider variety of people.

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if the internet has destroyed or tainted healthy, non-sexist communication between young men and women these days

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Not at all!!!
The internet has done no such thing.

Most of the guys I meet (have met) through Uni and work do not at all communicate in a sexist way (online or offline). There is a cluster of them, who I would see as closet-sexist... but they are not the majority.

I think the way people express themselves and how respectful they are, depends most of all on socio-economic background, upbringing, level of education and so on.
It has nothing to do with the Internet.

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Not to mention older middle-aged men hitting on young women based on social media profiles

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Umm... Yeah... This is one of those things that happen pretty rarely, and that the media likes to make an "issue" out of.
I have never had a creepy middle aged man (or man/person of any age) approach me on any form of social media LOL
And neither have any of my friends that I know of.
It is definitely highly uncommon.. and it's also very easy to ignore. You can simply block their account.

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I'm curious because I see a lot of very attractive women who have never had a proper relationship and they're in their mid-20's.

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I read an article that many young people these days, prefer non-conventional relationships.. They "hang out" instead of "date". They have FWB or open relationships. And some just prefer being single. This also fits in with what I've seen, when it comes to my friends and acquaintances.
I'm demisexual myself, so I just never bother with any of this lol... But I'm talking about women (and people) with a more "common" sexuality.

Many women my age (in their mid to late 20s) would not feel like they absolutely must get married - or have children - as may have been the case a couple of decades ago. So this is no longer a big "issue" for 20-somethings.
The biggest issue seems to be career now.
(In Western countries) people start thinking about serious relationships in their 30s.

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he free availability of internet porn has turned the tide of women's liberation and thwarted men's preconceptions of women, categorizing them even more into the "w-hore /sl*t and "nice", "clean" girl/marriage stereotypes. I find it disconcerting and sad really.

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Really?
Honestly I have to disagree again... but I think I'll be here all day replying to this one, so I'll leave it for another time.

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It just seems much easier to form illusive connections from the comfort of your armchair/laptop these days and not REAL connections.

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I do feel like people from older generations do not comprehend how close and real a connection can be, completely regardless of whether you are talking over the phone or chatting online, or over Skype.. or meeting the person face2face.
Many of the people in my generation grew up with the internet (and even more so my cousin's generation - teenagers.. who were born in the social media age).
What "online communication" means for you.. and what it means for them are likely different things.
It is much more *personal* for them (for "us" I should say) than it is for you.
This is just what I think ^.

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am I just imagining it and younger women and men are pretty "together" about all this and I'm just not seeing it.

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posted June 04, 2015 01:37 AM            

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Not from what I've seen and what I've heard. Generally speaking I've found the newer generations slightly more ethical and less sexist (and violent)

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posted June 04, 2015 02:39 AM            

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Originally posted by Jo B:
Damn I'm getting old!

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That's okay, and good can come from it...just don't let this happen to you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHtaU1IW4OM

posted June 04, 2015 02:48 AM            

In addition to this, I think the rise in the rates of cohabitation and divorce amongst the younger generation sends out the message that relationships and personal connections are transient. Therefore, I feel men are just more transient and do not really understand the premise of LONG TERM relationships.

Let me not just give it to men... I'll address women too. As women, I do think that we have allowed the behaviours that I've mentioned above to continue. I feel that we have a tendency to give our all to said men and then look around abit baffled as to why the men we desire do not stick around for the long term. Our standards aren't high enough.

Now, I've tried to make this post short. I don't even give the Internet much thought in the discussion. However, I do feel that at times, men are also guilty of falling prey to 'what looks good' as opposed to considering substance. I definitely feel the media has a part to play in that.

posted June 04, 2015 09:17 AM            

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When I read about this kind of thing, I feel like it's media hype. I don't think much has changed. People are still people, as they always have been and always will be

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posted June 04, 2015 08:07 PM            

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Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
Because it gives them the confidence to say hi when you know you've already been sort of "pre-approved-of" by the woman in question.

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posted June 04, 2015 08:32 PM            

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Originally posted by Aquacheeka:

It gets a lot easier in the mid-20's for several reasons; the average, good guys start losing their hair and getting into careers so they start thinking long-term, they've matured. And they become more open-minded, maybe from having been hurt or rejected by the monolithic media "ideal" women that all men chase right out of the gate.

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posted June 04, 2015 08:42 PM            

I have never felt like blaming women or men collectively for "something" - for anything at all. For instance, I never go around saying things like "men are pigs" or "women are catty".. or whatever generalisation.

I guess people's individuality is so obvious to me, that I simply can't miss it - and I can't lump them all under one collective *group* (in virtue of their genitalia). To me, they are *separate* individuals.

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Whenever a person complains about a whole group of people, saying things like:

- "All or most women are really difficult to be with", or

- "All or most men are jerks", or

- "I'm attracted to other men but most (or all) gay men are not my type, because are just TOO X or Y or Z" or

- "I'm attracted to other women but most (or all) lesbians have always rejected me and treated me badly etc etc."or,

- "All men/women my own age are incompatible with me" or,

- "All men/women in X culture are incompatible with me"

etc.

... My impression is generally, that it is their own issue - and their own flawed perception of the world around them.
Because it seems impossible to me that so many varied and different individuals - would behave in the exact same way O_O
It seems like something out of a Sci-Fi movie.

posted June 04, 2015 08:57 PM            

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
So I just found out in this thread that every guy gets laid like a rockstar until he is 25 and starts losing his hair and then wants to settle down. I also found out that guys have it easy getting dates and hook-ups from dating sites. And apparently guys are only going after hot blondes. Even though I have met a few decent black guys who have told me they are rejected by black women because said black women preferred thugs. But I'm guessing they are lying right? And I'm lying too when I talk about how myself and other guys I know have it extremely tough in the dating game. We don't exist to women? Why? Because the female hypergamy lenses prevents them from seeing the 70% or 80% of men in the dating pool that just arent up to snuff. Women only see the alpha males. And some of the statements women are making in this thread prove that. Men have it easy getting laid off of dating sites? Ha! I have to admit I laughed when I read that even though the absurdity of that (and other things said here) frustrated the hell out of me.

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Omg, you are so dramatic (rolls eyes). No one said dating is easy, dating has never been easy in the history of humanity, unless you think we should be able to just roll out of bed and turn around and immediately find someone we can build a life with for the next 50-60 years? I said that Tinder specifically makes it easier for shy guys to approach because they know they've been given a greenlight. As far as I know, that is the ONLY online dating resource that lets people do that.

You have your experiences as a man. But you are not a woman. You don't know what it's like to be a 21-year-old woman on PlentyOfFish looking to meet a good guy and getting your inbox flooded with skeevy, often hypersexual messages some of them from men old enough to be your goddam father, because you've never been one. Marcus the creator of the site even instituted a ban on users over a certain age contacting users under a certain age because of the sheer number of girls who would get overwhelmed and delete their profiles within hours of joining the site. If that is not proof that men of every age and race chase after the same small pool of attractive, young women, I'm not sure what other proof you would need. Filtering is not always easy. No matter what you may think, some people misrepresent their intentions. All I am saying is that it gets a bit easier as a woman gets older because some of the filtering gets done FOR her. The biggest manipulators and players will generally focus exclusively on women under the age of 25, so it makes it easier for women who are older to find a good man who is not as shallow and who has good intentions.

posted June 04, 2015 09:10 PM            

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Holy Sh*t! Some truth. So you are essentially saying these guys are confident because they have already been given the greenlight? That's what I have been saying all along and women on this very forum have argued with me about this fact.
Now, consider a guy like myself (that actually has the balls to talk to women most of the time). Do you think I'm going to be confident when women ignore me at best and are rude and hateful towards me at worst? Because this is exactly what happens when I try to talk to women 99% of the time. But it's my fault right?

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But don't you think it's because of your attitude at all? I have been approached by several guys in the past year who I could sense right away were on the edge of flipping a **** if I didn't act in all the 'right ways.' So I backed away slowly each time. It made me angry too, because why can't we just have an actual conversation instead of having the guy try so hard to 'play the game' which is all baloney anyway. When people are so high strung and set on winning the other person, it's no longer a genuine interaction with potential for something more. And I have done the same - I've liked guys so much that I didn't consider the possibility that they might just want me to act like a real person around them instead of playing by a perceived set of rules. And it never worked out for me with said guys.

posted June 04, 2015 09:27 PM            

I realised I went from thinking most people were unreasonable (when I was younger) - to realising that many people are actually very reasonable when something is made clear to them and explained to them. (I'm not saying *all* are! lol)

In the past few years of my life (so in my 20s), the reason I feel.. I haven't had many relationship woes (in both friendships and romantic relationships)... is because... I've learnt to communicate more and trust that others are reasonable - and will understand where I am coming from.

So for instance - if someone behaves in a way I find upsetting... my first reaction now, is to talk to them and put all the cards on the table.
I would not have the reaction of avoiding them, or being mean in return, or crying about their behaviour wondering "why", or becoming passive-aggressive.
I think the absolute best thing in these situations is to *talk* to the person first of all. If this doesn't go anywhere - then you can distance yourself, or do what you believe is best.
But first and foremost - you should TALK to them.

I would apply this to small or big things ^..
So for example, if you very much want a commitment from the person you are with - and they seem unwilling - and basically avoiding the subject, then - the best reaction to have, is not to say:

"All *insert gender* are JUST like this. You all suck. F* you all!!"

The best reaction is to treat that person as a reasonable individual - who you can have a conversation with, and explain what your problem is.

Or let's say (aka - what happened to AG) - you start talking to a girl and everything seems great, but she won't give you her FB details. Eventually you find her on FB and she is "in a relationship".
You could assume she is a jerk. You could block her on every form of social media. You could get back at her. You could ignore her for good.
But ^^ all of these negative reactions assume that you "know" everything about this situation. When the reality is you *don't*.

I've reached a point in my life now.. where I believe confronting people and talking about whatever issues you have with them is - the absolute best course of action.
Sure! It might be awkward.. but at least it's *honest* - and you'll hopefully get some real answers.

^ I think doing this in general... (giving other individuals the benefit of the doubt)... would be helpful to all those people out there who tend to place blame on an entire group of people, for their personal problems.

I think it's important to TRY - not to have the reaction:

"My bf/gf/husband/wife/friend/acquaintance" is JUST LIKE all other men/women/gay people/*insert culture*."

And the best way to avoid it ^ is to talk to the person like a reasonable and *independent* individual. An individual WITH a mind of their own.
Not treat them like a *sheep* who is part of a herd of sheep (and would hence always continue to be a sheep).

People definitely *respond* to the way they are treated.
So if you expect someone to be another sheep - you may just get exactly what you expect.

posted June 04, 2015 09:28 PM            

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Odette,
No I disagree. Most women views on men are flawed. Why? Because they only see the top tier men. It's like this nonsense about white male privilege. I'm a white guy and I have probably been more disadvantaged in a lot of ways than most people on this forum. Scratch that... I know I have... I'm a blue collar guy and have known what's it like to struggle and I can't even buy a date. I have spent the majority of my sexual prime alone. Unfortunately that has been one of my smaller problems in life. But to hear women tell it I have it easy because I'm a white man! And apparently all young men are promiscuous and have an easy time getting dates and hook-ups. None of this is true for me and I know for a fact that it isn't true for lots of guys but that is irrelevant because we just don't exist.
There's probably alot of people that read what I say and think I'm making a fool of myself. Well guess what? I was already a loser in life and with women long before I ever opened my mouth and spoke my mind. And I would still be a loser today if I had kept all of this inside and acted like everything was just peachy. So I've got absolutely nothing to lose by speaking my mind.So I prefer to tell it like it is.

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posted June 04, 2015 10:45 PM            

Nobody is real with eachother. It's all a game.