posted April 03, 2010 01:40 PM         

quote:

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God help us with the cap moons.

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And I'm a Cancer Moon, so... we're opposites emotionally.

posted April 03, 2010 01:46 PM         

quote:

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yep, it's square his sun.
What does that mean?
edit: does it mean he's confused?

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posted April 03, 2010 01:55 PM         

By the way, this guy doesn't react to being treated gently. He only does things when shite is hitting the fan. So, you're right MVM, when I've given up on him, and when he knows that I over it, he'll come out with something.

When he was speaking of May, he said, "the beginning of May, the VERY beginning..."

I wondered, laughed and asked, "Do you mean the 1st of May?"

Then he didn't answer. I was like, "oh, dear... what on earth?"

Heehee... I think he's just having fun with me. At my expense. I'll get him back one day.

Also, I think he wants to connect with me, and even wants to say something, but it is as if he has planned how he is going to do it and it will not be via IM, or email. I think that is for sure. Also, I think there is a bit of wanting things to be on his own terms too.

I don't care, as long as I am not being confused half the time. Unfortunately it is his birthday on the 5th, so I have to call or text. Ugh. I wish I wouldn't have to. Bleh.

posted April 04, 2010 01:24 PM         

I can't explain it really because as I am sitting with my phone looking at my contacts, I could call one of many people right now, to hang out, to talk or whatever - but all these people aren't him.

Good God! What is happening to me? Let me go check my transits.

Ooooh, these are his by the way. I bet he's feeling something similar with the following things happening in his chart:

In Michael's chart right now:

-Transiting Venus Conjunct nMars(0)
-Progressed Mars Conjunct nVenus(0)
-Progressed Juno conjunct nEros(0)
-Progressed Amor conjunct Juno (1)
-his Solar Return(3)
-Transiting Juno conjunct nVenus(0)
-Transiting Eros conjunct nKarma(1)
-Transiting NN conjunct DC (2)

Actually, on my chart, nothing much is happening, but I didn't check squares, sesquiquadrates and other stressful aspects. I just looked at conjunctions.

Anyway....

TO make it worse, I am listening to Mariah Carey's My ALL, and Joe's No One Else Comes Close. Curse R&B!! Curse it!

My other me, the self that can look outside of the situation, is having a good laugh at me right now.

posted April 06, 2010 08:03 AM         

With all that, he is looking forward to us meeting. He even suggested he stay at my place if I'm already up in Johannesburg.

I don't know what he is up to and I'm tired of trying to figure it out. He's not making sense to me. He's always bouncy and happy in our phone calls because we ended up calling each other yesterday, me then him. He made me laugh to but I ended up being drained and cut the call short.

I'm typing from my phone so I'm being brief. If he goes back to Korea as he wants to, I think I best forget about him. Anyway, this post is written through irritated colored glasses.

posted April 06, 2010 03:07 PM         

I keep on leaving my heart open though, because once I close it, it might not open. I'm tempted to force him to tell me, but I don't exercise my will that way. So, I'll leave it be.

posted April 07, 2010 10:10 AM         

quote:

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But all that was nice about it was erased by the sad fact that he intends on going back to Korea in June or July. I think its the other girl.

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posted April 14, 2010 07:32 AM         

Well, since his birthday, we've been texting each other daily. And since I went to hospital we've been emailing too. The emails are about death. LOL

I can be morbid, and so can he. So, we've been discussing the soul, God (he is atheist) and all such stuff. I am ready to die, making peace with death and life, and we've just been chatting about that. I also feel that he wants me to fight to live, but he won't say it. I on the other hand am tired of fighting to live. I've been sickly all my life, so it would be nice to rest - but I can rest and be alive at the same time, so I am being pessimistic maybe. What I mean is: If my life means a constant struggle to be healthy and well, I'd rather die now and save myself and my family the grief.

I hate worrying people I love. I hate seeing the fear in their eyes, fear that I might die. I hate it. But, now I am trying to up my will to live by just taking the steps towards being better, against my better judgment.

At first, he reacted very coldly, and acted as if I wasn't sick. Then, one evening, he sends me this long email, the longest he has ever sent, about how he'd like to die, how he thinks I am "awesome" for living to my fullest, etc. It was a nice and a very welcomed friendly chat.

His energy changed also. From a slight cockiness, he went to being highly empathetic with me, but not blatantly. It is in how he speaks to me. I can't explain it. He is nicer, gentler... not that he was horrible before, but his Mars placements are put in the shelf and he is bringing out his gentler, more graceful side.

In the email, he said he was thinking of me all day, but not in those words. He said he was thinking of death the whole day due to me speaking about it.

He didn't subscribe to worrying about me being sick. he just said "pull through, or else" and left it at that. Literally, that's all he said.

We also came to the conclusion that although I am a Christian, and he an atheist, our beliefs are the same, which we laughed about because it doesn't make me much of a Christian if I am like an atheist, and he makes a sorry atheist if he is like a Christian.

We are just in a nice place. I am not even interested in knowing how he feels these days. Maybe it is because I have lots on my mind, but either way - I am quite satisfied with our communications and talks. Although, I'd be even more satisfied if I could speak to him face to face.

He did upset me though at first when I told him that I am not well, and when he brushed it off. But, after that, he has been more attentive than before, and his actions speak louder than his words, and I am happy about that. I guess, I would be happy with anything that comes from him, which makes me pathetic a little. Or not. I just hope that I am not so blinded by love that I don't see him as who he really is.

Okay, this is what happened.

I told my mother to prepare herself for me to die. She then had a fit. She told me to take such thoughts out of my head, and basically shouted at me. I thought I was being considerate telling her this. Then, I speak to Michael and ask him what my mom's problem was, and that's when the death talk begun.

Anyway, I am not thinking clearly, so I hope this all made sense. It seems to have been written in a stilted style, but I hope there is some cohesion to make it make sense.

Cheers dolls!!

posted April 14, 2010 02:00 PM         

The women in my family do not like hearing anything like you said because they equate that with defeat. Fighting and being a total warrior seems to be the way even if it's not the best way...it's the way we know lol.

I think you scared your poor mom and she probably won't have that kind of talk! Remember the Saturn 12th house stuff, the stuff with boundaries. I think some other part of you is dying, Unmoved, but not your body. I have Saturn opposing my 12th house now, moving through my 6th. It's a pain in the ass.
I mean, I could be wrong about the death stuff with you, but I don't think I am. I think there's a drastic change in diet and lifestyle which might be coming in since Saturn is opposing your 6th. It's forcing you to change some day to day stuff maybe. Even making it so that you do not have to worry about your health as much in the future.

If I could smell you, I might tell. I have smelled people in the past who were close to death and one sniff was all I needed. I think the Taurus influence in my chart might be responsible for this kind of thing. But again, I FEEL you are going to be fine.

posted April 14, 2010 02:57 PM         

quote:

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one sniff was all I needed

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Oh, dear, MVM. I know you don't mean to crack me up, but this made me laugh. The visuals!!!

You always do that to me. Crack me up. I am thinking of facebook when you said I must wait and do my Christmas shopping on Jesus' real birthday because its cheaper.

I was not expecting you to say such. Same as the sniffing.

hahahahaha

Anyway...

Yeah, my mom took what I said as suicide.

posted April 14, 2010 03:04 PM         

Mr Aries just found out a few minutes ago that I was in hospital for the reasons I went to hospital. He hadn't asked why I was there, and I never said much about it. I assumed he knew it was a little serious from my talks of death, but no... he had no idea. he thought I was just being Goth!

I can't wrap my head around the fact that he and I have been talking about all types of burials, and heaven and hell, and he thought I just fancied that subject because I think of death all the time, or something. I dunno what he was thinking actually.

Oh well.

How he found out was like this:

He asked what the verdict was from my hospital visit. I said that they didn't know where I was losing blood from the procedures I did. He then said, "wtf? losing blood?" And I responded and asked, "what the heck did you think was wrong with me?"

Then there was silence.

Then he said he had to go because he had to pick someone up, and told me to email him all the details.

So, I'm thinking, "wtf?"

posted April 14, 2010 04:23 PM         

People who don't fight to live die. I've seen people live from sheer will alone. I'm serious.

posted April 14, 2010 07:52 PM         

I hope they find out what is causing your blood loss.{{{HUGS}}}

PS.
Forgive me for not writing you but I am dealing with my own stuff....like a vein rupture Monday and now I have this scary looking 5x11 inch dark purplish creepy bruising on my chest, and it keeps growing.