posted August 03, 2009 01:50 PM         

Maybe it won't be bad. I am the same way with expecting the apocolypse and so when "it" happens, whatever "it" is, I am like, "oh, that's not so bad."

posted August 03, 2009 04:38 PM         

First of all, you are extremely intuitive and if you feel uncomfortable asking him things up front, it may be because he's uncomfortable with that kind of communication.

He's obviously been into you from the get go, but it reminds me of the situation I had that I told you about some time ago where it's like the ends of magnets meeting up...they are both rotating and when one is ready to attract, the other is in repel mode and vice versa.

That doesn't mean that there won't come a time when you'll both be "turned" towards eachother though!

I would do exactly as you are...wait for his e mail. Then, based on what it says, decide how much you want to reveal. I think that you can always tell someone how much you care in a way that they will feel comfortable with.

I think you know this person and can read him like no one else on the planet can. I think he's aware of that too.

Trust your instincts, sister! xo

posted August 03, 2009 04:50 PM         

Yes, it is imperative to remember to also listen to my intuition while still fulfilling my desires.

It is never urgent, and it isn't urgent now. So, this allows me to do the right thing by both of us. I don't want to alienate him, or take away his opportunity to do the guy thing... but I am also not willing to let my chance go by. I feel like he would want to be the one who initiates things, and so I am willing to let him know somehow that he is safe to go ahead if he so wishes. I must just try to find out how I am going to do this.

I do remember your story.

posted August 04, 2009 06:08 AM         

Believe it or not, I was just thinking last night, if my own scenario is anything to go by - he might just send you some generic email

At any rate, you can do your getting to the heart of the matter, if he runs, he runs. His loss. Coz like Azalaksh said, not everyone is fortunate enough to come across this kind of connection (it doesn't have to be romantic relationship).

We all struggle with starting first Unmoved. I played by the "rules" - the guy initiates & all other such mental blocks. Luckily though, i try to learn from experiences & past mistakes in relationships & when it came to this one, - I grit my teeth, defied my Cancer Sun & just shot straight.

The first time i felt it, i told him i loved him. Mind you, it wasn't one of those say the magic words and peer into his eyes till he's creeped out, lol It was natural, i said it, genuinely had no expectations. We were driving someplace. And after that, i said it sporadically every time i felt it - which turned out was usuallly when we were doing something so it wasn't hard to continue.

The first time he said it (ages after me), i know he freaked out, was wondering if i heard kinda thing lol. I just let it slide, it wasn't this grand moment, more like he just mouthed what i already knew. I had only allowed him to take his own time, like what 8th moon stated. I was ok if he never felt that way or said it even, i was only responsible for what i felt. My options were either tell him or choke on it. Anything beyond that, wasn't in my control.

I think you have already realized that as you've said much as you understand his stance, you're also not willing to let your chance go by. Good for you.

posted August 04, 2009 03:39 PM         

Fases De La Luna ~

quote:

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The first time i felt it, i told him i loved him. Mind you, it wasn't one of those say the magic words and peer into his eyes till he's creeped out, lol It was natural, i said it, genuinely had no expectations. We were driving someplace. And after that, i said it sporadically every time i felt it - which turned out was usuallly when we were doing something so it wasn't hard to continue.

---

This is romantic. Or it's my type of romance, not over the top but natural, as you said. I like this.

quote:

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My options were either tell him or choke on it.

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posted August 04, 2009 04:34 PM         

As for my situation, I am going to get bored really soon too. I can feel it. I have the attention span of an amoeba. I am also curious how he plans on responding. I wonder because it could be generic, but knowing him, and from what my instincts are telling me from his current mindset, he could be bolder than I last knew him.

I say this because yesterday when I was on facebook, I went to his info tab, and under there he had changed some info, and his "looking for" section says that he is now looking for "a relationship", which wasn't the case before. So, he is going through some changes.

So, one has to wonder. He is talking to this girl too which is winding me up, but I have no right to be upset since all he has seen with me is a guy on my arm, so...

posted August 04, 2009 05:44 PM         

I think you have to go with your instincts. And hey, at least you know he isn't getting married! Maybe he's ready to (finally) tell you he likes you.

posted August 04, 2009 10:29 PM         

Is your guy getting married, is married or is he single?

*********

posted August 04, 2009 11:11 PM         

We've actually had dialogue, but not much. We are both dipping our toes in to test the waters, or at least I am.

I'm still so freaked out and scared. I'm not entirely sure why yet. Just a feeling something big is about to happen.

I'm glad you handle this stuff better than I do -- you're very lucky! I do let myself feel it all, believe me, I've been feeling it, but I don't handle it well. I guess it's the uncertainty. I don't do well with uncertainty in relationships.

posted August 05, 2009 09:09 AM         

Unmoved, its' great he's looking for a relationship & all that but i would suggest you refrain from assuming anything. Also, its understandable him chatting up someone else would make you feel that way. As for the guy he saw you with, its not like you went out with someone to hurt him or anything so don't give yourself grief over it. Easier said than done i know, like in my own instance, though we know we're open to moving on - with our circumstances leaving us little choice unless they change - he won't get an invite to a future wedding or anything, I couldn't do that to him.

If you get too bored of waiting, just take the initiative and say what you want to in an email. That would leave him with two options, either respond in relation to the subject you want to bring up or ignore it directly. Eitherway, its a path forward in the direction you want.

posted August 05, 2009 04:30 PM         

quote:

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Unmoved, its' great he's looking for a relationship & all that but i would suggest you refrain from assuming anything.

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The only assumption is that he is more open to relationships than he was previously. I was tempted to fantasize that his desires for a relationship had anything to do with me, but my realism wouldn't allow it. It is too irrational to think that I have anything to do with his decisions seeing as I have not spoken to him in ages.

quote:

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he won't get an invite to a future wedding or anything, I couldn't do that to him.

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Understandable and reasonable. I wouldn't invite any of my exs who still want me back. It would be totally insensitive and hurtful.

quote:

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If you get too bored of waiting, just take the initiative and say what you want to in an email. That would leave him with two options, either respond in relation to the subject you want to bring up or ignore it directly. Eitherway, its a path forward in the direction you want.

---

true.

quote:

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i got tired of spending some parts of it waiting.

---

At least there came a time when you got tired of waiting and did something about it. I have never waited with this guy. I just lived my life, which I think could have complicated things, and maybe I should have waited. I don't know.

So, I went to his facebook again and he is still in South Korea, backpacking so it could be a while until he can sit down and send a "long-@$$" email as he said he would. So, yeah... I have to clear my mind of him if I plan on being productive. I need to focus now. I wonder when he will get back. If ever. He usually spends two years on his trips around the world. So... it could be 2011. Hilarious!

posted August 05, 2009 06:00 PM         

Something is going on, because this is the 1st time he's ever come back to me. I always was the one who initiated contact after a period of not talking. He wants something or needs to tell me something important or he wouldn't have come back.

posted August 05, 2009 06:43 PM         

This is a list of some of the topics in the contents page of the book:

quote:

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1 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Asking You Out

2 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Calling You

3 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Dating You

4 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Having Sex with You

5 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Having Sex with Someone Else

6 He's Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants to See You When He's Drunk

7 He's Just Not That Into You If He Doesn't Want to Marry You

8 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Breaking Up with You

9 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Disappeared on You

10 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Married (and Other Insane Variations of Being Unavailable)

11 He's Just Not That Into You If He's a Selfish Jerk, a Bully, or a Really Big Freak

---

the bold ones are mine. Well, this book's point was that some people are the rule and other's are the exception and we can never know until we are honest with ourselves.

In my case... I am not that into him until I put my neck on the line, so yes... it's all good and well to blame the other person for "disappearing" on us, or for "not calling" or whatever reason, but what have we done to make the effort?

On that note...

posted August 06, 2009 08:35 AM         

I have a lil time only but wanted to say, you sound awesome. Very grounded mentality (lacking illusion or assumption) in your response to my post and I'm glad coz it'll stand you in good stead.

Gosh, 2011 sounds absolutely horrible & i'm with Diana, hats off to your patience!

As for the rules, don't think too much about them. Yes for the most part they apply but this is like a one size fits all thing which as individuals we rarely are. Trust me, my person in question fits the criteria for a lot of the above but we know the reality of our situation and psychologists will tell you most relationships that have been on a while fall into a comfortable pattern inclusive of the list. Doesn't mean the love isn't there. Heck, sometimes i do a lot of those too but would sock anyone who tells me I'm not in love.

Hope you get your email soon. Oh & what i meant by waiting wasnt that i waited for him but as a general scenario with any situation. I wait for a reasonable amount of time, then take the initiative thing. Life really is too short to play by the gender rule book like i did in my teens or college

I hope he doesn't turn up with any bride too, korean or otherwise but if he does, i hope you wake up one morning and there's a hunk of burnin love outside your door too!

posted August 07, 2009 08:45 PM         

I was in a stark, white room which was filled with a few plastic bags and boxes, as if I was moving in. In front of me was a hand-made wardrobe which was a gift from him. With it must have been a note because although he was not in the dream, I heard him say that it was his first try at carpentry and that he wanted me to have it regardless of the fact that it was not the best made wardrobe.

It was rustic and looked good, but it was not the best I had to admit but I didn't care as it was quite unique, and I like extraordinary pieces of furniture. It wasn't shiny or too varnished if even varnished, but very real and rustic, and had a strange beauty about it... and a greenish tinge to the wood too. Hmmm...

I opened it, and in there were DIY type pieces on the top bit of the wardrobe, at a two door cupboard, that served as a place where one would put sheets etc. The bed was white and had a wooden, dark, brown/burgundy colored headboard, and this he said (still with the voice and not him physically) that he had made this better than the wardrobe and seemed very proud of it. I had to put it together myself and in the dream I didn't understand the idea of a DIY bed, but I was happy for the gift. I was just confused why someone would send a DIY bed and I was filled with anxiety that I wouldn't be able assemble it properly.

Then, I looked back into the hanger section of the wardrobe and I noticed that there were a few of my clothes already inside, hung in there, but the clothes weren't the type that I would wear and the sizes were very small from my observation, e.g. a black tootoo type skirt and other black and dark looking, lacy clothes which looked a little like something from the Adams family. It was all strange really.

I was very pleased that he had made me these pieces of furniture, although I found it rather elaborate and out of character of him. It also seemed that it was something I needed. Then I got irritated at my mother about where the wardrobe was placed in the room because I had to move it as it was placed in the center of the room.

Then as I thanked him (yes, he wasn't there, but I was thanking him) I woke up.

Actually, this thing of him not being there was odd because it felt like he was watching me, but I was alone in the room, and I could see him at times but I had the understanding that he wasn't in the room physically. My mother too was in the other room but I could see her when I was speaking to her, looking at me without being physically there. Mom was wearing black.

Actually, now the dream seems a little creepy.

Hmmm...

On that note, I am going to think of the symbolic meanings of the wardrobe. I already have some ideas about the bed.