Author
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Topic: Once Upon A Time...
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Unmoved Moderator Posts: 1663 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted October 23, 2009 06:08 PM
Well... in April 2010My prMoon conjunct his nNN (+/- 1 deg) My prMoon square his nMars (+/- 1 deg) My prSun square his nMoon (+/- 1 deg) My prMars conjunct his nSun (+/- 1 deg) His prNN quincunx my nMars (+/- 1 deg) His prMars is trine my nSun (+/- 1 deg) His pr Mars is quincunx my nSaturn (+/- 1 deg) Looks grim to me!
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Diana Knowflake Posts: 1907 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted October 23, 2009 07:02 PM
It doesn't look grim. It just looks busy. Action oriented. IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask Knowflake Posts: 2747 From: Bay Area, CA Registered: May 2009
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posted October 23, 2009 07:04 PM
Unmoved, that's an Elliot Smith song - wasn't he the one who originally wrote it? It was in Goodwill Hunting. IP: Logged |
Unmoved Moderator Posts: 1663 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted October 23, 2009 07:40 PM
MVM- Where have you been???? Yes, it is an Elliot Smith song. He wrote it and a few people have performed it. It is a great song. I had to learn how to play it.  Hey Diana- busy, eh? Hmmm... it is a little daunting. IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask Knowflake Posts: 2747 From: Bay Area, CA Registered: May 2009
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posted October 23, 2009 08:49 PM
Unmoved: I've been busy Also just taking a break from this place, maybe for good. Dunno yet. Getting generally annoyed with astrology  I love Elliot Smith. He was a remarkable songwriter. I'm sure things will go well for you and your man!
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Unmoved Moderator Posts: 1663 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted October 25, 2009 11:39 PM
Well, MVM... you're easy to miss, so...  On other things... I have been feeling a little conflicted about him. It's like I want to get over him now, but my feelings haven't changed, really. I can't even define where any of this is coming from, but maybe I am a little sick and tired of being the instigator and the bigger person here! I am the one who has to friggin do reverse spychology for anything to be done, said and planed. What does he do? He just sits there, freaking me out with "I might not renew my contract" and all sorts of bull**** and well, I also wanna feel wanted and needed and appreciated. Why is he the only one who seems to be getting that type of treatment? I must just be wiser, calmer, and wait and be patient with HIM, but what about ME? He takes me for granted. If it wasn't for me, we wouldn't be talking. Yeah, yeah... I am not patting my back for it. I am p!ssed because I seem to be the only one taking any of this seriously, putting in the effort and seeing some urgency in our friendship. And you know what? I don't need any of it! I have plenty of people who would love to make me feel appreciated. And, I am not asking for much. I am just asking for thought on his part. I am '5 to' (like 5 to 6am, an expression my cousin and I use when we are about to do something...) telling him I love him and then just being free of him. Does that make sense? It is as if not telling him is keeping me hostage, because I want to tell him but I just don't feel it is right over email or even Skype. I could send him a voice mp3?? But still, this is NOT how I wanted it to happen. So, there is that too above feeling unappreciated. I think it is the only thing I ever complain about with him. I am bored of being the mature one, the one who acts in a way that benefits the union because that means that I do most of the work! And that is unacceptable. So, I have been communicating with him a little less than usual. Ugh!!! I am just frustrated by something and I can't put my entire finger on it. I am taking it out on him probably due to his absence. I know it is irrational but it seems to be what I am feeling. I also hate being restricted, and waiting for him to come back before I get this whole thing started or ended. I am also angry at him for seeming a bit distant. I am a Cancer Moon and he a Capricorn Moon so, my frustrations of his unfeeling nature are a little predictable. The conflicting emotions must have translated to my subconscious mind because 3 hours after waking up, I started feeling sleepy again, which was weird because there are just certain times that a person can never catch me asleep and that is 3 hours after an 8 hr sleep. I went into a weird dream and it was of him and I. It is all hazy and I can't remember much of the surrounding. I remember a room like a bedroom, and I also remember the color red. Then I remember the dialogue somewhat better. I was apologizing kind of, and I said, "I had to lose my innocence earlier than you" to him and he answered that it was unfair because he was waiting for me. Anyway, the dream was pointing to... sexual experience and the conflict and issue it presented for him. There was the issue of me having other sexual partners before him, but the bigger issue was his lack of experience and how that emasculated him. I mean... WFT? The dream was weird! That's all I have to say. I can't imagine a human being saving him/herself for another consciously, if the other person is leading a TOTALLY different life. I mean, if I hadn't contacted him, we wouldn't be speaking right now so why would someone save themselves for a person they probably will never speak to? I can understand it being a subconscious move though, but the dream suggested that he had waited on purpose. Ugh. I forget that this was a dream. It feels so real. Anyway, just typing this is creeping me out! I am tense just remembering the dream and its conversation. So, after I explained to him that it was not a rejection of him that I had other partners, that it was my way of getting by, living or trying to live, there was a silence. The silence was one of someone accepting what is, even if they aren't happy about it. It was around 4 or 5 am in Korea when I dreamed this, 9/10pm here. I am gripped with discomfort from this dream. *shudders* edit: realistically, this dream is the opposite of the situation, I'm sure. IP: Logged |
Unmoved Moderator Posts: 1663 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted October 26, 2009 12:05 AM
Actually, I am not going to take any of these feelings (dream incl.) seriously.IP: Logged |
fatinkerbell Knowflake Posts: 528 From: South Korea Registered: May 2009
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posted October 26, 2009 01:13 AM
Red stands for passion and I think this dream actually depicted your situation quite truly ... Guys are ridiculous for being threatened by women who are 'experienced' because they really don't understand that what we want them for is for their soul not their bodies. Be patient with him my dear ... you know what the song says - 'You can't hurry love ... .'------------------ Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask Knowflake Posts: 2747 From: Bay Area, CA Registered: May 2009
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posted October 26, 2009 03:37 PM
Hmm.Not to play devil's advocate too much here, but please forgive me for a second while I do: Do you think it's easier on some level to have feelings because things are long-distance? Do you think if your feelings were reflected back you might freak out, Unmoved? Do I sound like a ***** , because I really don't mean to... I guess the bottom line of what I am asking here is, What kind of relationship do you want with him? I know you love him and care for him, but how would you want things to proceed? What level are you looking for in relationship, in general, and with him? IP: Logged |
Unmoved Moderator Posts: 1663 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted October 26, 2009 07:07 PM
Hey MVM~You don't sound like a **** at all. I have asked myself the same question and I get different answers on different days. Your tone and probing is the very kind of thing I require and appreciate because it is very close to how I think too. I play Devil's advocate with myself all the time too, so Thank-you. quote: Do you think if your feelings were reflected back you might freak out, Unmoved?
I know for a fact that I will freak out for a few days (a month at most) because if feelings are mutual, it means that the running stops. It means that I get serious and start being in those mature relationships that aren't self-serving as the other relationships have been. It will make my life more difficult being with him because being with him means more choices that I have to make. This is probably the reason why it took us this long to get to any level of proper communication so to speak, because we could not give up the comfort of our lives without each other.
quote: Do you think it's easier on some level to have feelings because things are long-distance?
BUT, it is only recently clear to me that the difficulties are worth having him in my life. Long-distance feelings are convenient but it is not something I want. Long-distance just postponed the inevitable, so I never saw it as an excuse or as an easier way to have him in my life. This was the case before 2008, but since then I have wanted to get closer. quote: I guess the bottom line of what I am asking here is, What kind of relationship do you want with him?
Ideally, I want the highest level of companionship from him, i.e. a life-long companionship of friendship, romance and sexual inclination. I want it all. On the other hand, if I can't have that, I can have whatever he can give, but soon I would find that tiresome if it is not what I want and would thus choose to have nothing if I don't get it all. quote: I know you love him and care for him, but how would you want things to proceed? What level are you looking for in relationship, in general, and with him?
These are my desires. When he returns, I want to sit with him and tell him how I feel about him. Thereafter I would like to know or see or experience his reaction from my coming clean. If he feels the same, I would propose that we at least either have me move to Cape Town, or have him move to Johannesburg because I am not doing long distance! Then we would date, or court, by spending time with each other and just learn each other's characters, share our lives with each other, get intimate on a mental, spiritual and physical level, in other wors, be in a relationship with the objective of being partners, life partners. My desires are not exactly realistic because there is another human being involved who has his own fears and limitations and my vision might be too intense for him. I understand this. So, I could have to live with a long distance Cape Town/Jhb union, but I know for a fact that this won't work because we have so much healing and transitions to do due to our history. So... I don't know. Due to this, I can only hope to let him know how much I care and love him. The rest is a bonus for me. Ugh! I sound very scattered, don't I? So, MVM? What made you ask these questions? IP: Logged |
Unmoved Moderator Posts: 1663 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted October 26, 2009 07:50 PM
I am afraid to be with him, and this fear exists adjacent to some desire to be with him. It is a weird place but somewhat predictable to fear the things I most desire. It seems like the story of my life. I have been trying to figure it out, how to embrace my desires, but I think I have come to a place where the desire outweighs the fear in all spheres of my life, including this saga.Also, I wish I could stop liking him while he is there because it is just painful (if that's a proper description); and resume liking him when he is back because then I might be able to express my feelings. What's plaguing me is limbo I am in right now, being stationary and just not progressing to any level right now. It has only been two months of talking again, so I suppose I am being impatient. I find it unbearable to wait, to wait for something that might come to nothing! So, I have this urge to get it over and done with. Anyways... although I've liked him since we were kids, I only realized my feelings for him or their depth, recently. When I tried to tell him the first time, I chickened out sort of, and he stopped talking to me for reasons which are unclear, which still haunts me. He was just an hrs flight away then though, and I was ready to go see him as soon as I could feel some sort of encouragement from him, which didn't come. Instead, he went silent and I guess decided to go to Korea while I licked my wounds. Remember that I said I told him that I had a crush on him in school, via text, hoping that he'd say something to that revelation. The plan was that, after whatever response he gave to that revelation, the next thing I was going to say was that I still had a crush on him. That was my plan, but he didn't reply as I thought he would. He didn't respond at all. The silence extended to 10/11 months (two months ago, when I decided to speak to him again and try again.) Two months ago I ventured to try again but he was in another continent. I had feelings for him thinking he was an hour's flight away. I then learned that he was farther than that. My feelings remained, but I became strained. Him being in Korea is not working for me at all. I don't know how to maintain this thing with him, this friendship or whatever we are doing now. Normally I would just shelve him and save it for later, but I can't afford to do that again. The last time I postponed something with him, it dragged to this mess I am in now.
Speaking of all of this, it makes me wonder why after I told him that I had a crush on him at school, he went silent and decided to go to Korea. I can almost bet that this Korea thing came AFTER we spoke because he would have told me about it while we were talking day in and day out before my "crush" revelation. Okay, I am merely thinking out loud now, and just babbling also. Therefore I find myself at a place recently where I resent him a bit for all that's going on. I resent him for being in Korea. Why didn't he tell me he was going? Maybe I could have done something before he left? But, this is the hand that I have been dealt, and it is very different from what I desired, so I am trying to make it work, but I am fumbling. I can't handle someone I love being so far from me. It makes me feel helpless. It makes me unable to do something. No, it confuses me because I just don't know what to do. I don't understand what I should do here because it is just too much to just sit here and wait. but it is all I can do. Or is it. I think I might just email him and tell him upfront: "Michael, I am in love with you. 'Have been for some time now. I would have told you personally but you're a bit far away and I just couldn't keep it in for longer than this! Ok, Cheers!" Anyway, what freaked me out about the dream was the idea of having to deal with sexual issues with someone when I have my own to deal with. That would freak me out, but I am willing to do it if that's the case because I don't care about the challenges anymore. I want to overcome them now, if it means having a life with him. With that said, I still resent him for a lot.
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Lucia23 Knowflake Posts: 1517 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 26, 2009 10:43 PM
Unmoved, maybe it's because you're also a Cancer Moon, but I really relate to your last post and the whole way you seem to be thinking/feeling about this situation.When I love someone but before the relationship is stable/consummated/really truly together, I often just want to push it to that stage at any cost--just get the feelings out in the open and either fully be together, or not! I totally understand your temptation to just freaking email him ( "Michael,I am in love with you. 'Have been for some time now. I would have told you personally but you're a bit far away and I just couldn't keep it in for longer than this! Ok, Cheers!") LOL. Waiting is sooo frustrating, and so is wondering how someone feels. In my own experience, guys simply cannot respond when I put them on the spot verbally in any way (unless of course we're already a couple)...the one time I got rejected, it was when I declared myself to Pisces Moon Man because I just couldn't take the mixed signals anymore (I wasn't like, "I love you,"...I was just like, "I like you")...at the time I thought I had never done that before. But, thinking back on it--in high school I said something veiled to a guy I had a complicated thing with (he was madly in love with me, I rejected him, we became friends, then I fell hard for him)--and he freaked out and got weird and scared and overwhelmed. And then years later, I asked the guy I was crazy about how he felt about me, and HE got all freaked out and said something lame, even though it turned out he was in love with me and we ended up together for fifteen years. He just felt intimidated in that moment, he said later--scared of getting hurt and scared I was "playing with him." (Both of those guys LATER explained they had loved me at first sight--and both were/are close friends of mine now--but being really into me didn't render either of them capable of just clearing up the mixed signals at the time!) I wish just telling someone how I feel or asking them how they felt would WORK--that they could give a truthful answer and then we could move on with things!! Then again, that's hypocritical, because usually when a guy confronts me very directly with feelings (before we are lovers...the best way for a guy to handle me is to become close friends/lovers first, and then hit me with the romantic stuff as I loll around in my Leo den after lovemaking), I freak out and give the same kind of freaked out response that all those guys gave me! Sigh. Anyway, I hope something will happen very soon to help liberate you from the frustration of taking all the initiative, and the uncertaintly of dealing with him and not knowing when exactly he's coming back or how exactly he's feeling. I wish you could see each other in person. But since you can't, I hope you can at least clear up exactly when he's returning to the area. It might not actually be terrible to confess your love via email...might be very liberating. I don't know. But I do know that all the uncertainty, combined with the depth of Cancer Moon feeling, has got to be so frustrating. IP: Logged |
Unmoved Moderator Posts: 1663 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted October 27, 2009 01:22 PM
Hey Lucia~ Thanks for understanding. I might say more on the matter, but I just wanted to thank you first asap. IP: Logged |
stopandstare Knowflake Posts: 245 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted October 28, 2009 07:19 PM
sorry don't mean to veer this long thread off course but lucia thanks for sharing this story:"But, thinking back on it--in high school I said something veiled to a guy I had a complicated thing with (he was madly in love with me, I rejected him, we became friends, then I fell hard for him)--and he freaked out and got weird and scared and overwhelmed. And then years later, I asked the guy I was crazy about how he felt about me, and HE got all freaked out and said something lame, even though it turned out he was in love with me and we ended up together for fifteen years. He just felt intimidated in that moment, he said later--scared of getting hurt and scared I was "playing with him." (Both of those guys LATER explained they had loved me at first sight--and both were/are close friends of mine now--but being really into me didn't render either of them capable of just clearing up the mixed signals at the time!)" What lame things did he say? And what did he mean by he was afraid of getting hurt and you might be playing with him? It's like why would you hurt him or play with him if you're the one being honest or stuck your neck out there? I don't get people sometimes. Sorry I don't mean to pry it makes me wonder so much why people say the opposite of how they feel. Your post just made me wonder a lot and I had to ask. Thanks  IP: Logged |
Lucia23 Knowflake Posts: 1517 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 28, 2009 08:08 PM
I don't want to post what he said for the sake of anonymity...but I didn't stick my neck out, really. I asked him how he felt about me, rather than telling him how I felt about him. Instead of telling me how he felt, he said something noncommittal. I was offended, left, and got involved with someone else. We were very, very young, still teenagers, when this happened--if adults act this way, I think it means that a) one or both of them are very immature and/or b) they really aren't right for each other.He didn't want to lay himself on the line and risk getting rejected, either did I.
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Diana Knowflake Posts: 1907 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted November 10, 2009 09:40 PM
Want an update!IP: Logged |
Unmoved Moderator Posts: 1663 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted November 20, 2009 05:13 PM
Hey y'all... Update, you say, Lady Di. Well, there is nothing to update, unfortunately, nothing different than what's been said before. As I said the last time, I decreased the frequency of our communication in order to make this thing more bearable. Now we speak every 3 to 6 days. I am also trying to figure out if I should cut my losses with him and just settle for something mediocre and less heart-wrenching... something less pathetic. I'd be online and he would see my green light, and as the one there first (me), he should speak first if he wanted to communicate. So when he doesn't, I assume that he didn't want to speak. So, I don't bother saying hello, either because he is being weird and standoffish, a bit passive aggressive maybe because on the surface he is the same ol' guy, but there are inconsistencies in his behavior. It feels like he is fronting and any pretending is a turn off. What could be happening is that I am nit-picking to find fault so that I can find an excuse to let him go. 'Fact is though, he is acting dicey, but I may choose not to stand for it. Also, he seems to only want to speak of superficial things, or as some would say, "light-hearted", more like useless drivel... and when a meaningful subject comes up, he just doesn't respond. So, as I am a little sick of this, I dunno... maybe I will revert to speaking about nothing, but I am really not the type for chit-chat. He knows this, so I dunno. One strange thing is that I am dreaming of him even more than usual, sometimes 4 times a week, but all depending on what time I sleep. If I sleep when he is sleeping, I am likely to dream of him, so obviously, there are some astral meetings happening. They are better than real life. basically I am jaded and I am reaching a certain point of being fed up! *rolls eyes* I wonder how much more I can be fed up before I am reeeeally fed up because I seem to get fed up often with him. It's more than I am saying, but I really don't feel like talking, and I especially don't feel like repeating the same thing... and I have probably exhausted this subject. Or maybe I am pms-ing and every thing seems doomed when it isn't, but then... I'd have to have been pms-ing all month. IP: Logged |
Diana Knowflake Posts: 1907 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted November 20, 2009 07:52 PM
Aww, I'm sorry. I so don't know what to say. Maybe this is for the bst for NOW, since you two are so far away. You don't strike me as the type that does well with LDR. Maybe when he comes home you two will be able to start something real. You should think about not being on chat on there, so you don't have to see his 'green light' I despise that thing, because I don't want to chat with ___, so it annoys me to see it on. It's like they walked into the room in real life. For me, when something is done, I want no remnants of the person. I want them to be invisible unless I decide I only want to be platonic friends with no romance ever again. That usually doesn't happen right away, even if I'm over them, because I just don't switch emotional gears that fast. Besides, it's so awkward if two people are on who used to chat, but don't anymore. Maybe you're different than me... IP: Logged |
Unmoved Moderator Posts: 1663 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted November 21, 2009 04:15 PM
Good suggestions DiI sounded really down when I wrote that, didn't I? I suppose I was, but it is all part of letting go, even if I am letting go for the time being, and not particularly forever. As for IM, there are other people who log on who I do want to speak to so I will run into him there, even though your suggestion is the only good one, to avoid IM totally until I am no longer in trip-mode. Anyway... IP: Logged |
Unmoved Moderator Posts: 1663 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted November 24, 2009 08:57 AM
A Vent! A Vent! Read All About it!By the way, Michael is so definitely on this board, because since the day I posted this IM issue of mine, he has not showed up on IM, not one bit. Which is great because there are no awkward situations with the issue of, "who should greet first"... and if he is on this board, I would like to express what a tosser he is to know all of this and still act the way he does. That's just a message from me to him, in case he is on here. Anyway... So, I was speaking to a friend of mine about my woes, which boils down to the fact that I am not comfortable being the sole "chaser", i.e. the only person making an effort to initiate some contact between us. So, my friend said that I must just not speak to him until he talks to me first. She said that I should let him chase. It seems like a good idea if only it didn't sound so juvenile. I am not sure about such, as it feels contrived and immature, to just stop talking to a person without warning, but maybe this is the method that suits him. If this were y world, I would have asked him why I am always the one initiating, but this isn't my world and I am already psycho without making it worse. I asked my friend what would happen if he never speaks to me again, and she said that this would mean that he was not meant to be my future because I can't be concerned with someone who is not willing to make a little effort to speak to me. Anyway, you guys are my witnesses. I tried! And I went in there with guns semi-blazing. Or at least, I made most of my intentions clear, i.e. I want to maintain a friendship at least (and more at most heehee) and I gues we are not on the same page. Our friendship ship has sailed. Hmmm... I started proper contact, after the initial facebook contact, from the 22nd of August. Since then I have emailed him, keeping him abreast of my life and also inquiring about his. He replied to some emails. Some he didn't, especially in the beginning. RUDE, yes... but I didn't mind because I had a feeling that I would be trying to pry an oyster open with my bare hands with him. I didn't give up even though it was challenging until 2 days ago, on the 22nd of November, 3 months later. 3 months is long enough to try, right? I had hoped that by now he would have been a little more open, but he didn't open up to be free to speak to me without ego or pride. Maybe I expect too much from humans. But, I behave like him if I don't want to speak to someone. If I want to speak to a person, I make it clear without any lines crossed. I am not coy! If there was no ego in this whole thing, we'd have been naturally communicating, regardless of the limits caused by distance. There wouldn't be one party (me) feeling the way I do, dissatisfied and rejected. Unwanted. Etc. Etc. Maybe he thinks his efforts are sufficient? Basically, I am graciously bowing out. Too soon? Well, whatever. I have had a rough 3 months due to this whole saga. I've just started sleeping well again, and since the looming of this decision, I've been having multiple dreams of him and weird, restless nights, so ENOUGH! I can't always be with a knot in my stomach hoping for a break-through for any longer than 3 months. A laugh just cracked on my face as I remembered something I heard on Oprah when Steve Harvey visited, and it said that ladies mustn't give it up for 3 months to see if a guy is serious. I guess I am the guy? I wear the pants it seems. Well, no thanks! It's not like I did anything to him. I just empathized with him in case he ever liked me. So, I came with an understanding to tread lightly and with the understanding that I MIGHT have hurt him in the past. So, I really don't understand why I am doing gymnastics through flamed hoops here. Anyway, smart people know when to quit. I am reasonably smart. It always amazes me that I have good men who would like nothing else than the chance to get to know me, to be with me or to befriend me, and then there is Michael taking me for granted. I was speaking to an ex yesterday and today and it's funny how he spoke to me during such a period, and he claims that I was the one that got away. So, it just amazes me how... well, it is ironic! So, with that said, I am going to love the ones I am with now. It's been nice while it lasted. For the while I believed in something. It was nice. Now, back to reality. I don't think I have a choice, really... He gives me nothing to work with. I just recognized him as something extraordinary in my life, and I went for it as much as I could. Actually, maybe I am lying to myself. I mean... I haven't made full disclosure of my intentions. But, you know, still it doesn't feel right to tell him so. I depend a lot on my instincts, so I will abide by them. Anyway, now I don't know what I am trying to say. I guess I am saying that it ends today. I am not contacting him anymore. If I hear from him, I will let you guys know, otherwise I am out!! I am off to live a little now, and I'll think about him when I am 34, or something. That's 7 years from now. Besides... maybe this liking him, or realizing that I liked him to want to be with him, was some psychological cry for help. Some transit triggered it, and the transit is over. I'll still visit or see him upon his return, but that's just about it. I know that I change my mind often, but only when I am angered, because my anger doesn't hang around for too long. This time I am not angry, though. I am just deflated. Sapped out! Emptied. Ugh!! I seldom need advice because I usually decide on what to do before I put it out there, so I am usually decided by the time I present an issue. So, when I spoke to my friend, I had decided to not speak to him anyway, not for purposes of him chasing me, but because I was just drained. That could have been a short silence, but the twist of making him speak to me first, for once, makes this a more indefinite silence than the initial short silence. So, that's that. The ball is in his court. It is right? *sigh* Cheers! It's been real. IP: Logged |
StarrofVenusGirl Knowflake Posts: 651 From: Down the Rabbit Hole Registered: Jun 2009
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posted November 25, 2009 01:19 AM
Absolutely the ball is in his court. The initiating thing is interesting. Unfortunately, it's a reality with men that they must chase. I don't care who the guy is, how evolved he is, what his sign is, what his Venus or Mars is...he must chase. It is biologically programmed into them. I have messed up many a promising relationship by being too aggressive. He needs to miss you. He needs to have to expend some EFFORT, some ENERGY to obtain your attention. This will activate his "I Man. You Woman. Man Hunt. Woman Prey" drive. It really is that primitive. Seriously. I'm not kidding. Pull back now. In fact, when he contacts you again (and he will), I recommend that you not respond initially. Especially if it's an IM. If it's an IM, ignore it. Weak effort. He'll have to come better than that. If it's an email, wait a few days before responding and sound busy and distracted. Better yet, BE busy and distracted! Your distancing will intrigue and attract him. It works everytime. EVERY.TIME. With every man on the planet. Listen to Starr on this one. It's not game playing, it's reality. Work smarter, not harder. I don't think you're through with him yet, just frustrated. I think you love him. Give it another shot. If he fails to respond to my tactics, he's an oblivious tool and you don't need him. He'll respond though, if you care enough to invest the time.  EDIT: Also, this IMing and emailing stuff is weak, weak...you two should be talking on the phone at this point if you expect sparks to fly in April. Make him work for your attention. IMs aren't even worth your time at this point, unless they are to further more intimate forms of communication. If you do this properly, he will ask you can he call you after exchanging a few light emails. It doesn't matter that he's in Korea. I maintained a LDR with someone in Korea for months while in the US--and we were both in our teens/early twenties, me in college, him in the military...lots of distractions, but still into each other 100%. Lots of calling cards were purchased and we talked almost every night. If a man wants you, he will move heaven and earth to communicate with you! Your job is to remind him that he wants you--activate his desire and urge to be with you! EDIT 2: I have gone back and read your posts about how he comes on IM after you but waits for you to IM him...oh how familiar I am with THAT game. Me and Scorpio (that I have posted about here) play that game all the time. The simple solution is to show your status as "Busy" or "Away" shortly after he pops on. Then mix it up a little and log off completely. After a week or so of doing this, he will be baffled and feel compelled to contact you just to validate to himself that you aren't ignoring him or avoiding him. That's when you move on to step 2...be casual, brief, breezy in your reply. Be chipper enough that he knows you aren't mad and feels relief, then disappear quickly. You have to go, you have somewhere to be, your favorite TV show is on, you're a bit tired but promise you'll talk soon, etc. etc. etc. Do that for several days and you will see the escalation in communication leading up to emails and phone... Sigh. IP: Logged |
fatinkerbell Knowflake Posts: 528 From: South Korea Registered: May 2009
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posted November 25, 2009 02:22 AM
Unmoved, I wish you the best of luck. I know this must be painful for you ... anyway, if you need a friend, I'm here for you : ) ------------------ Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. IP: Logged |
Unmoved Moderator Posts: 1663 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted November 25, 2009 04:52 AM
Star~Wow! Your advice makes me realize how clueless I am about men, or at least how highly I think of them so to speak, because I always think such primitive methods are... well... primitive. Fortunately, I am so disappointed about him that I will probably be sincerely uninterested for quite some time, therefore... yeah... I'll be sincerely busy because I am not making time for him anymore, as in, putting myself out to be available etc. Those days are gone. Another thing is that I am going on dates now. I decided a few days back that I can't be a nun while I decide what plan of action to take. Yeah, sad that this took such a turn, but that's the reality. Actually, it isn't sad as I am not feeling too sad. Denial? Maybe, but I doubt it. It is just that I feel I have done my part I guess, and if anything goes wrong, it won't be because I didn't try or put effort, etc. That's my worst fear, regret, so I will have none regarding this matter. So, this is good in all respects because I can concentrate on MEEEEEE now, a more natural position to be in for me, to be quite honest. I can guide my life in any way without tip toeing for him, being careful because he might get hurt, etc. Now it is his job, if he so desires, to make some plan to be in my life, and if he loses out, so be it. I don't feel that it is my responsibility to make things easier for him, which was the case all along. So, in other, not so great words, I don't care as much. Not in a cold way, but it feels like his efforts, his sadness or hurts are no longer my business, until I guess he chooses to make them my business by letting me in. Call my Cancer moon vindictive, or my Scorpio AC, Mars, Jupiter and Eros letting out the "sting"... I dunno, but he is no longer my concern, nor is my impact upon his life any of my business. All, I know is this... I AM FREE. I am free of the guilt which I had carried because I thought I had ignored HIM and hurt him in the past. I had put myself in his shoes too much, I guess, which is never a bad thing, but I guess it was this time?? I am really free of guilt, though and I will figure out why later. So, despite all this crap of letting go etc. I am feeling lighter about the whole situation between us. I hope a little of the karma was balanced because quite honestly, I couldn't be @rsed doing this again in another incarnation. And, I also don't blame him for anything, which was clear from the original post. I merely felt that I could have been a better person to him in the past and I was making it up now, I guess... whatever. I'll muse about the implications of this one later. I guess, these three months had a purpose after all. fatinkerbell ~ Sweetheart, thanks. I hope you don't regret the offer you've just made to me.  IP: Logged |
StarrofVenusGirl Knowflake Posts: 651 From: Down the Rabbit Hole Registered: Jun 2009
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posted November 25, 2009 12:29 PM
It's true Unmoved. The male of the species is quite primitive. They weren't always that way, but thousands of years of patriarchal societies' demands on them to suppress emotion, be masculine, etc. has damaged the intuitive abilities that allow us females to relate and "see" things so clearly. Why do you think it is so often the female that agonizes over the relationship, communication, etc.? It's not that men don't love, don't feel, can't trust, it's just that it comes easier to us. We are always trying to reprogram them because instinctively we recognize truths that mankind's present state has hidden from most males. I am not man-bashing. This is not some crazed ultra-feminist perspective. It's a fact that men aren't as attuned to things dealing with the heart and emotion as women. Those who are, well they are rare and highly evolved, but are still "stunted" and have to face the pressures our society places on them. Men and women of today have a huge abyss to cross to come back to each other again if we are to reach our true potential as a species... ------------------ My Chart IP: Logged |
Unmoved Moderator Posts: 1663 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted November 25, 2009 02:47 PM
Star~ Well put. Interesting too. It has me thinking actually. I kind of want to experiment to see this in action. Kinda...Anyway, so today I think he came online twice. Hmmm... the first time I was invisible, and the second time I was on green, talking to a friend, and so I couldn't implement the strategy and sign off. Instead, after 5 minutes or so, he signed off. What was different today is that I was not uncomfortable with him being online as I wasn't wondering if I should say "hello" or not. So, it was fine. IP: Logged | |