posted May 31, 2006 03:41 PM              

quote:

---

Why is always the Mother who makes or breaks a person's ability to socialize properly?

---

posted May 31, 2006 03:46 PM              

Not a stupid question at all !!!

The Mother, I beleive has a huge influence on the child, as far as confidence and socialising goes. My mother tried to overprotect me and as a young one I was scared of men (becos she was). She transferred a lot of her fear and anxiety on to me...

And now I am all grown, I am one of the most confident and outgoing of women....love socialising and of course...I adore men !!!!

posted May 31, 2006 03:55 PM              

I never watched the Chain Saw film and dont want to thanks....

Maybe if this young man hadnt watched ANY films he would still have gone on to commit those crimes...

Maybe if his mother had been more tender and understanding of him he wouldnt have either....

Maybe, maybe, maybe......

Who knows?

I read once that 90percent of psychological problems are down to the mother.....

If my father is anything to go by, who has had several breakdowns and severe depression for a lot of his life, then there is truth in that statement.

posted May 31, 2006 05:55 PM              

We are, afterall - dun-dun DUNNNNN -The Mothers. Some of us really suck at it too, unfortunately. (not me, I hope )

posted May 31, 2006 11:03 PM              

There is a problem when a woman says she want to be "open and honest and not play games" in a relationship.

I have heard men say, that if he has a good read on what you want, it's like giving him a manual on how to manipulate you. "All he has to do is tell you what you want to hear and it'll take a couple years before you figure it out."

They even talk of marriage..."someday"...and talk of future children, take you to look at homes and engagment rings they know they will never purchase.

Point blank: They know they can get more out of you this way.

Telling him your ultimate hopes and dreams, he is likly dangle it in front of you like a carrot.

If he knows you want commitment, marriage, or a life together, he will start throwing you relationship frisbees. Will she jump? How high?

He will come up with a list of things you need to do to please him. He wants to know: Can I get her to work for it? Roll over? Beg? Shake hands? Go Fetch?

The more of these chores you accomplish, the further it will take you away from your goal. Why give you the prize when he can keep milking it for all it's worth?

They even brag about how they got the woman to "work for the prize" many years, providing lots of time, understanding, and sex-on-demand, (Trying to prove what a good wife she would be) until she finally caught on.

Then, he simply got another woman and repeated the pattern.

posted May 31, 2006 11:19 PM              

There are books and web sites that teach men to manipulate woman in exactly that manner.
http://www.doubleyourdating.com/ http://www.sosuave.com/quick/default.htm

They don't feel guilty, they feel if the woman is too stupid to know any better it's her fault.

posted June 01, 2006 02:42 AM              

One minute, all the guys team up to say men are manipulators who hold all the power, and we women are too dumb to know.

Then, once they've convinced you it must be true, they all team up again to swear just the opposite.

posted June 01, 2006 04:44 AM              

If you dont mind me asking.....what age are you...and have you ever been married or in a long relationship....

Forgive me if you have already offered this info,,,,!

Am just curious.....

Cardinalgal

posted June 01, 2006 04:46 AM              

quote:

---

Yes of course there are men who will treat women badly. But there are also a hell of a lot of women who will treat men badly too and in my humble opinion, that includes women who insist on playing games with men's affections.

---

posted June 01, 2006 06:13 PM              

Just relax these thoughts are in no one’s head but yours ( something I stole from Linda in the pisces section )…so maybe you can find comfort in that.

btw I’ve seen sites like that for women…which for some reason I can’t find, and books. They’re all crazy. I don’t understand why people do that. But if you break it down, it’s probably due to fear…almost every bad thing is. Maybe they feel lost and out of control in their own lives, that they need to control and manipulate others. To give themselves something to feel secure about? I dunno.

posted June 02, 2006 06:21 PM            

Berry Sweet - just be yourself and try not to be too cynical.

I think men and women would get along far better if they saw each other as peole first and what sex they are later - game playing (unless its in the bedroom, he he)and manipulation never leads to a good and fullfilling relationship.

posted June 02, 2006 06:21 PM            

Berry Sweet - just be yourself and try not to be too cynical.

I think men and women would get along far better if they saw each other as peole first and what sex they are later - game playing (unless its in the bedroom, he he)and manipulation never leads to a good and fullfilling relationship.

posted June 02, 2006 10:35 PM            

The man in your life has to put his money where his mouth is. Actions speak louder than words. I've learned this the hard way in my previous marriage where my husband was a master at telling me all the things I want to hear and then NEVER following through on any of it. Our lives were lead 100% his way. Every time I would threaten to leave, he would pacify me, by telling me what I want to hear and promising the world and then gues what? Weaseling out of it as soon as he could. Master manipulator.

By the same token, and this is what I see my own friends doing and despairing over... we have to be honest and upfront and not play games. I'm thinking of one particular DROP DEAD GORGEOUS friend of mine. She's disgustingly attractive. But guess what? She can't keep a man to save her life. And you know why? Because she goes out to clubs and bars where men are looking for only one thing, she gives them what they want immediately and then despairs because "nobody wants to be with me.... WWHHYYY?"... She's not being honest, she's allowing herself to be taken advantage of and the end result leaves her feeling used and worthless. She dates guys that are 21 - 25 and says she "doesn't like older guys"... she's 27 and she means guys her age and up to about 35. I mean, at the end of the day, who's fault is it that she's being treated this way? She dates guys only interested in short term flings and one night stands, she gives them what they want and then they move on and she sits there wondering whats wrong with her because she can't have a relationship... WTF?

I say it's her fault, because people will only treat you as badly as you let them, she's not being honest and pulling a bait & switch and she's really being her own worst enemy. Men in their late 20's and 30's are interested in commitment and finding a wife and having a family (at least much more so than guys under 25!). But she doesn't want to date them. She likes feeling powerful over younger guys during the seduction phase. It's just like older guys dating younger women, you have a power over them. Which personally, I find pathetic, since she's so miserable over not having a relationship.

I'm not defending any horrible men or women that treat the other sex badly, I just think we all need to act a little smarter, with more self-respect... and at the end of the day, sweet nothings in your ear are nice and all, but they're still NOTHINGS and you need to bank on actions and kindness and true sincerity... rather than smoke and mirrors and endless broken promises.

Whats that saying? hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice and shame on me... I know I got that wrong, but, you know what I mean... lol.

posted June 03, 2006 09:49 PM            

"If I'm not interested in a woman, I'm straight-forward. Right after sex, I usually say, 'I can't do this anymore. Thanks for coming over!'"

my question is what do you do then?
and noooooo that has never happened to this slow to move Venus in Taures.

posted June 04, 2006 03:26 AM              

I have actually had this happen once. And not because I jumped in the sack, either, so withhold your judgment.

I had dated the man off and on for several years, and at the time was certian we were both equally comitted and in love. We were in University.

Not every girl who's dumped after sex is a "Lax Sl*t" who passes around the Honey Pot.

Far from it! I was a Virgin.

I cannot express my resentment enough, at being falsly accused of having "loose morals."

Now here's what happened, and what I did about it.

After sex, I was sure he was the one, and so began making plans for our happy life together. This is where the mis-communication got started.

When a woman "loses her head" and becomes all romantic after sex, the man assumes it's because his performance in bed was so good. He started strutting around like a peacock, over what was basically really bad two-minute sex.

I had made him feel over confident. Convinced of what a sexual dynamo he was, (HA!) he began seeking other partners.

Lesson learned, and applied.

The next two partners I had (which turned out to be very long term) I used the same technique on both.

After sex, I dropped off the face of the earth. I did not call. I did not e-mail. I did not go looking for them. I did not respond to any FWD jokes. If I saw them in public, I tried to hide.

This Freaked Them Out!

If I did not come running to them after sex (like all the other women did) then....maybe he was not such a Sex God after all!

This made them realize it took MORE than that thing in their pants to impress me. A night in bed was not enough to get me eating out of their hand!

They re-doubled their efforts to win me over.

In less than two weeks, they each came looking for me, wanting to have a serious "talk" about "where our relationship is going."

Works like a charm.

So you see, I had only made each of those guys wait a few months and they stayed...it was the one who waited years who ran away... By your logic, the one who waited the longest should have also been the one to stay the longest.