posted May 17, 2006 08:53 PM            

For all you girls who don't know what the honey pot is, its sex.

A majority of the post I disagree with are from women (who in my opinion) Have sex to soon with a potential life partner without establishing a proper foundation to base the relationship on. Sex does not equate to commitment, and there is where the confusion comes in. I'm all for girl power but first you've got to respect yourself before you can expect others to respect you.

Never have I said trick a man into a relationship, never. What I'm saying is to cultivate the basis of your relationship and give them time to like and appreciate you before you give away the most sensitive, special part of you. Which is the honey pot

posted May 17, 2006 09:33 PM            

quote:

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before you give away the most sensitive, special part of you. Which is the honey pot

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I predict you getting some trouble for that little assertion, especially if there's anyone out there who is incapable of having sex. Can their relationships not involve the most sensitive, special part of them?

posted May 17, 2006 10:53 PM            

"What I'm saying is to cultivate the basis of your relationship and give them time to like and appreciate you"

BEFORE you give away the most sensitive, special part of you. Which is the honey pot

it sucks how the true meaning of the post changes when you have selective reading

and you can keep your own thoughts, thats not somewhere I'd go with you.

posted May 18, 2006 01:32 AM              

Our mothers only used that scare tactic on us as teens so we wouldn't come home pregnant.

As WaterNymph said, they don't bother with that in the UK once you become a grown woman.

Allow me to present my case:

Let's say you've been dating a guy a few months: If you believe he's going to dump you immediatly after sex, the moment you both roll over, you start to panic.

The wheels in your mind start to turn. You imagine the worst. You start hearing moms voice "He won't buy the cow!"

So, you pester him for reassurance. You make him say he loves you over and over again. You try to pressure him for promises and commitments. You become clingy, needy and desperate.

He wonders why you turned weird all the sudden. He thinks you've changed into a crazy obsessive stalker. He runs for the door.

You end up causing the very thing you were trying to prevent.

posted May 18, 2006 04:12 AM              

everyone clear now? jk

posted May 18, 2006 05:38 AM              

In my humble opinion, there can't be any formula or rule to human relationships other than to treat each other with kindness, love and respect. And if having sex with someone means that you feel you risk losing the other person's respect then their respect probably wasn't worth courting in the first place. I agree with Lalalinda when she says that you should respect yourself, and no sex alone does not equate to commitment, but I also don't see that it equates to disrespect either. I would disagree that sex is the most sensitive, special part of you - I would say that the most special part is your capacity to love. However it is a matter of opinion and we no doubt all place importance on different things.

I wholeheartedly agree with LeylaLeFay however, when she says that "I've always thought the whole "Honey Pot" thing was a self fulfilling prophecy... Let's say you've been dating a guy a few months: If you believe he's going to dump you immediatly after sex, the moment you both roll over, you start to panic. You end up causing the very thing you were trying to prevent." At the expense of enjoying the experience thoroughly yourself, which (correct me if I'm wrong gentlemen) is what most men want from sex also... to know that they are satisfying and pleasuring the women they're with!

I've often wondered why sex is the thing that we're taught to covet and guard from men so fiercely (particularly nowadays when we have the power to decide when and if we become pregnant.) After all as we've established, it's not the be all and end all of a relationship. It is an important part though, as it's the physical manifestation of the blending and expression of 2 people's feelings for one another... when done properly

If you place such importance and mystery on anything, it suddenly becomes the Holy Grail or the trophy to be sought out and won at all costs. Sadly that's what sex has become for many. A thing to be taken by the victor and prised out of clenched fists, because it's being guarded as if it's the ultimate treasure. I'm not saying give it away free with a packet of cornflakes but I just think some attitudes to sex are a little archaic in the light of the way in which relationships have changed. The 60's sexual revolution blew through the myth that women need to keep themselves chaste before marriage, and that marriage was even necessary. It's a matter of personal choice and not a compulsory state. Just as sex is a personal choice and doesn't have to be tied to the strings of a commitment.

Shouldn't it be love that we encourage men (and women) to prize over and above all else? Shouldn't we be teaching our sons and daughters that they must work hard to win the ultimate goal: to love and be loved?

posted May 18, 2006 07:01 AM              

Refusing to sleep with someone comes across as attempting to prove you have respect for yourself. Whether or not you do, is an entirely different matter.

Perhaps the real issue here is proving to oneself that you respect…urrr yourself - make sense? Often when a person tries to prove something to someone else, they’re actually trying to prove it to themselves. If you truly respected yourself, there’s no need to gain approval from others.

I was skimming the other post where confused knowflakes couldn’t understand why there was so much “drama” - I call it discussion, but whatever.

posted May 18, 2006 07:47 AM              

quote:

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I find the honey pot/cow thing very amusing. I know this girl who didn’t want to have sex too early, so instead would only give head.

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Well in the first place, it should perhaps be pointed out that there's nothing 'easy' about giving head!!! It takes a double jointed jaw and the ability to breathe through one's ears in order to be truly successful at it!

At this point I would hereby like to apologise to all those with a more refined and delicate sense of humour - Mine is (as you can see) of the very Earthy variety, thanks in large part I feel to my Cappy Moon!

posted May 18, 2006 10:38 AM              

That's the best description I have ever heard!!

Ladies, with all due respect I don't think "honey pot" mentality works to our advantage these days. Mostly, because if for some valid reason I want a cow I can buy it myself. I might have to finance it but what the heck... In fact, if it wasn't for NJ car insurance rates I could easily afford a chicken coupe as well. Please note, I am not saying that this fact makes me happy and/or proud. I would much rather have "pin money", "get me out of the house for a bit" part time job and be available for a romantic lunch, "emergency" back massage" ot at least phone sex on a short note. Unfortunately, the only place I have seen that happening lately is "Desperate Housewives" show and its ratings are down btw.

Let's assume that we actually enjoy sex vs. seeing it strictly as a way of manipulating the other gender. We work, we haul our butt to the gym before/after 8 plus hours work day in order to "stay in shape" , we torture ourselves with dermabrasion, bikini wax and all kind of stupid diets. We are automatically responcible for remembering everybody and their brother's birthdays, anniversaries, graduations and communions. Oh, and have you ever heard of "soccer Dad"? AND we are not even supposed to have sex when we feel like that because some miserable jerk will think less of us as a person? This picture ain't right, sister! Of course, this is not to say that he wouldn't... May be the whole "honey pot" thingy was invented by men to give them easy way out at any point of relationship just because it was "too soon", "not soon enough", "too much" ot "too little". On the other hand, for us, girls it's more comforting to think that relationship didn't work just because of "too soon", "not soon enough", "too much" ot "too little" and not because of us possibly lacking other attractive qualities. I don't know.....

posted May 18, 2006 12:16 PM            

Picture this, you're a teen or young adult with not a lot of experience behind you and you're looking forward to meeting the right man and falling in love. Your expectations are high and like most young women you're a little naive and trusting.

There will probably be a few guys around spewing out the odd pick up lines.
With little experience under your belt there is no reason NOT to believe them.
But in reality what it feels like is betrayal when you realise that the same line (that you believed) has been used on all your girl friends.
That is probably the last thing you would expect or even suspect.

Now what if you go ahead and sleep with him because you think its the cool thing to do or because thats what all your friends are doing? Not the right reason to become intimate.
Sexual tension can be fun and exciting
And again if you sleep with them to soon then what do you have to look forward to?
Bonding? yeah right.

Unfortunately women who sleep with a lot of men are usually dealing with self-esteem issues and looking for acceptance or validation. They confuse sex with love.
Ever sleep with someone and regretted it?
Be honest

Confident women who know their own worth don't sell themselves short or "settle" for something short of exactly what they want.
Same thing can be said about men. WHY would they want something common or better yet some loose goose whos been with all of his friends?
They may want to play with those kind of girls, but not necessarily stay with those kind of girls.
And yes there are exceptions to that rule but not as many as you might think. Remember the male ego. He wants to be proud of his girl, he wants to think of her as something special, above reproach. Someone who he would be proud to introduce to his mom.

posted May 18, 2006 01:29 PM              

My Mr. Virgo didn't introduce any of his girlfreinds to his parents - I was the first. His reason was, his parents like everybody, and he didn't want them to be disappointed if things didn't work out. But, he had good feeling about us, so he took the chance (his feeling was right - it's 10 years later, and we're still a couple)