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posted January 31, 2006 11:18 AM            

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hy celtic !

how have you been ? good to know your positivism !

oh, i didn't know ,apple too had a cancer story . i think i have missed on linda these last few days .

and now, i absolutely understand how cancer confuse others . infact, i am understanding it more clearly for the first time with my cancer crush

the day she doesn't talk are the most irritating ones. hide and seek game expecting the other to approach , but the moment one of us opens our mouth . phew , everything is back to being great ,fantastic!

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posted January 31, 2006 01:34 PM              

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Hey RG!
Yeah just trying to hang in there, I sometimes don't know if I am being foolish and preventing something else from coming into my life or if this chapter isn't over I am just at a weird place of uncertainty. Here's the thing that I can't shake...certain events/people lead me to the point of meeting my crab and things developed from there. I mean there may have been lessons for me to learn along the way, but I feel I have finally been put on the right path and there he was in the path. There was a guy who belonged to my fire station who pointed me in the direction of joining...he was also interested in me (he asked me out and I said yes ...but we never went out--he said he wasn't ready blah blah) okay no harm no foul, except I had initially thought he was someone who could have been "that one" coicidentally this happened at this time last year. It hurt a little bit, but I basically concluded that his role was to be a catalyst to get me into the place where I needed to be. I started concentrating on myself and becoming a member of my station and training to be a firefighter etc. Well, then I had started to think my crab might have been interested in me but I wasn't sure if he was or if he was being freindly well long story short you know the rest. Well, the thing is you could parallel the situations but I don't have the same feeling of resolution....there is still something there . it may not be my postion to resolve it He may have more work to do on himself before anything else can happen. Don't know am just still in that weird limbo like place. Trying to be positive. I know right now I am not ready for anyone new to enter into the picture and I still would prefer the old one to restart.

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ML
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"In my end is my beginning"
Mary,Queen of Scots

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posted January 31, 2006 01:36 PM              

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oh yeah, RG...keep talking to your Cancer gal

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ML
~~~~~~~~~~~
"In my end is my beginning"
Mary,Queen of Scots

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posted February 09, 2006 11:09 AM            

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yeah dreamlady !!!
i am trying .................

but you know the usual office speaks ,it has alraedy started which is something that i seriously want to avoid ,thats the reason , i sometime dont even wish here , infact pursposefully keep my mouth shut .
other issue is , her designation ,her financial status . she can anyday find a much better man than me .
i am not sure if she is the one but yes , i am really impressed with her . the way she talks is is simply terrificccccccc , boss !

btw, just wanted to tell you to go by your intution .
and just read swerve's explanation of codependency . its a good one , doesn't have to do anything with your situation or something but try it , its good .
its in a thread by double trouble gemini in astro forum .

and lastly enjoy life regardless of whatever . ok!

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posted February 10, 2006 01:39 AM              

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Hey RG,,

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH for her don't forget that...you sound like my crab. Those were good posts on co dependency btw. I saw him Wednesday nite at the station for a company meeting he hasn't been feeling well and in one of those Cancer moods so not real chatty...but his daughter came up behind me when they got there and put her arm around me and her head on my shoulder to say HI and she stood there like that for a while... I think she misses me...I miss her she's a good kid she will be 13 next year and she needs a good positive female role model in her life I wish I could be it..but oh well....

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ML
~~~~~~~~~~~
"In my end is my beginning"
Mary,Queen of Scots

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posted February 10, 2006 12:35 PM            

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I've been following this thread and I have to say, my heart goes out to you. You sound like a really nice person and you deserve a man who will love and cherish you and not hold anything back. On the same token, I understand how you can't help who you love.

I hope this Cancer wakes up soon but if he can't give you what you deserve you need to move on and write him off. Maybe in losing you he'll realize you're the one he wants. But then maybe you'll have met someone else, someone who can give you what you deserve, freely and without complications and major emotional baggage. We women are often drawn to wounded souls because it brings out our tenderness and nurturing instincts but really we should be looking for a partner who can give as much as take.

I know it's possible to find a man who will put you above all else and be as devoted, tender and loving as you are. I found it. So can you.

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posted February 12, 2006 03:40 PM              

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thanks tigerlily for the encouragement.

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ML
~~~~~~~~~~~
"In my end is my beginning"
Mary,Queen of Scots

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posted February 20, 2006 04:50 PM              

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Scorpio and Cancer's usually get along VERY well...... they feel comfortable in each others company and bring out the best in each other. I've had really good cancer friends, and my grandma was a cancer, and I've never been closer to anyone..

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posted February 20, 2006 04:59 PM              

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Hey SS!

Oh he and I get along VERY well, hence why this whole thing is so painful.

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ML
~~~~~~~~~~~
"In my end is my beginning"
Mary,Queen of Scots

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posted March 11, 2006 12:56 PM            

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how are you dremlady ?

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posted March 11, 2006 06:26 PM              

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Yes, how ya doin Celtic?

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posted March 12, 2006 09:29 PM              

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Hey RG and Moon!

I was doing pretty well until last night...I thought my crab and I were getting past not seeing each other and maintaining a freindship of sorts but now I feel blindsided and somewhat betrayed by him and the pain that causes is worse than when he decided that the realtionship was not working for him. I am just left feeling embarassed exposed and awkward and to use his word "uncomfortable". I can explain more later but now I can't go into it. But thanks for thinking of me

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ML
~~~~~~~~~~~
"In my end is my beginning"
Mary,Queen of Scots

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From: Russia
Registered: Apr 2010

posted March 13, 2006 11:46 AM            

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Hello Celtic,

I am new on this wonderful forum (gee, some really lovely people here!), and I've read with lots of interest your story. This is because I am Cancer, and the most overwhelming, emotional, physical and mental attraction I have ever had was with a Scorpio. It was scary, exactly like Linda describes it in her book. It was as if some huge tidal wave came over me. I actually had to hold myself not to fall down, and asked myself aloud "what is this", it was almost like some outside force that was drowning me. And the telepathic connection, oh my God, we live in different countries, and I actuall talk to him, and when I pick up his vibes, my heart beats so strong, I think it is going to jump out of my chest, it really is quite scary. Sorry to go into all this chapter and verse, but I was going to say that I think that Scorpio-Cancer is one of the best (if not the best) connection of all, and it is very sad that you and your Crab cannot be together. Just when I think of how many couples (famous and from everyday life I know are Scorpio-Cancer, it is amazing, and all super strong, close, long relationships. Actually, this seems to be the most common match for Scorpio, at least the couples I know, it is one of those fated ones). But, if it helps, I will tell you something. When I met my Scorpio, the intensity of feeling was so strong (it still is), I (the Crab) actually ran away, I was so scared, I didn't know how to deal with it. I actually tought I was going to die how strongly I felt. No, I am not crazy, this is how it felt. I am actually still scared, because I have never felt anything like this before, and the intensity scares me, so I try to stay away from him (it is easy, because we are in different countries, I only see him when I visit his country). If your Crab is the same, and especially having had a bad experience in the past, he may be scared to his wits, if you know what I mean, as we Crabs are not known to be the bravest of animals. If I was you, I would stop all contact with him, if possible, and give him time to think, and than he may come around. Crabs are like that, when someone "chases" them, they run away, but if you turn back, they'll crowl out of their hole and look for you. This is what I think, of course, it may be only my own character. Any way, lots of luck, and huge greetings from another Crab.

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posted March 13, 2006 11:47 AM            

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Hello Celtic,

I am new on this wonderful forum (gee, some really lovely people here!), and I've read with lots of interest your story. This is because I am Cancer, and the most overwhelming, emotional, physical and mental attraction I have ever had was with a Scorpio. It was scary, exactly like Linda describes it in her book. It was as if some huge tidal wave came over me. I actually had to hold myself not to fall down, and asked myself aloud "what is this", it was almost like some outside force that was drowning me. And the telepathic connection, oh my God, we live in different countries, and I actuall talk to him, and when I pick up his vibes, my heart beats so strong, I think it is going to jump out of my chest, it really is quite scary. Sorry to go into all this chapter and verse, but I was going to say that I think that Scorpio-Cancer is one of the best (if not the best) connection of all, and it is very sad that you and your Crab cannot be together. Just when I think of how many couples (famous and from everyday life I know are Scorpio-Cancer, it is amazing, and all super strong, close, long relationships. Actually, this seems to be the most common match for Scorpio, at least the couples I know, it is one of those fated ones). But, if it helps, I will tell you something. When I met my Scorpio, the intensity of feeling was so strong (it still is), I (the Crab) actually ran away, I was so scared, I didn't know how to deal with it. I actually tought I was going to die how strongly I felt. No, I am not crazy, this is how it felt. I am actually still scared, because I have never felt anything like this before, and the intensity scares me, so I try to stay away from him (it is easy, because we are in different countries, I only see him when I visit his country). If your Crab is the same, and especially having had a bad experience in the past, he may be scared to his wits, if you know what I mean, as we Crabs are not known to be the bravest of animals. If I was you, I would stop all contact with him, if possible, and give him time to think, and than he may come around. Crabs are like that, when someone "chases" them, they run away, but if you turn back, they'll crowl out of their hole and look for you. This is what I think, of course, it may be only my own character. Any way, lots of luck, and huge greetings from another Crab.

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posted March 13, 2006 11:50 AM            

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I am sorry, I posted my reply twice by mistake (you can see I am new here).
Can someone please erase on of the replies? Thanks, the Crab

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posted March 13, 2006 04:12 PM            

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I forgot to say that I also have Venus in Gemini, and it makes me flirtatious, talkative and many people say charming. But, in love I am very loyal, this is where my Cancer Sun shines through. My conciousness would kill me if I cheated on the person I am with, I just could not do it. So, Venus in Gemini doesn't have to be promiscous, it can just be lighthearted and fun...

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posted March 13, 2006 08:12 PM              

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Hi Selena! thanks for your very sweet post. I think you are 100% right about him being scared like you say and his venus is in gemini too.

I don't even want to be around him right now or talk to him. Because right now I am so hurt and angry that anything I would say to him I would not really mean and I could do some real damage I am just controlling the bleeding so to speak from the knife wounds in my back. Thank goodness for my Libra acs and Pisces moon cuz they keep my nuclear tendencies in check. Welcome Selena, its nice to have another nice Crab to add to the mix

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ML
~~~~~~~~~~~
"In my end is my beginning"
Mary,Queen of Scots

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posted March 13, 2006 08:31 PM            

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Welcome, Selena!

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posted March 14, 2006 04:25 AM            

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Thank you very much, this is a great forum.
I totally agree with you, sometimes it is better to keep a bit of distance, and see if time will put things right.
I am the same as you, when I was younger, I would push for answers, and say things too quickly, and it would sometimes spoil everything. As I get older, I do my bit, and then wait, give it a bit of a breather. I realized that time is and amazing thing, it shows everything as it is meant to be. Maybe he just needs more time, that's all. All the best, I keep my fingers crossed for you, whether it is with him, or without him.

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posted March 14, 2006 04:26 AM            

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Thank you very much, this is a great forum.
I totally agree with you, sometimes it is better to keep a bit of distance, and see if time will put things right.
I am the same as you, when I was younger, I would push for answers, and say things too quickly, and it would sometimes spoil everything. As I get older, I do my bit, and then wait, give it a bit of a breather. I realized that time is and amazing thing, it shows everything as it is meant to be. Sometimes, there is nothing more we can do, just wait, and in the meantime do other things, look after ourselves. Maybe he just needs more time, that's all. All the best, I keep my fingers crossed for you, whether it is with him, or without him.

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posted March 14, 2006 05:20 PM              

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Celtic I'll be prayin' for you sista!

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posted March 14, 2006 05:49 PM              

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Thanks moon! I need all the prayers i can get!

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ML
~~~~~~~~~~~
"In my end is my beginning"
Mary,Queen of Scots

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posted March 17, 2006 01:32 PM              

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Okay gang...here's the rest of the story....now that I can talk about it without bawling...this incident cut me deeper and hurt me more that when my Crab broke it off...I am not sure entirely why but it did. Alright a little background back-- when he broke it off he also said to me he didn't wnat me to be uncomfortable about being at the station , that he would still train me as always if and when needed that we were part of a team and blah balh blah...I think I said so much in earlier posts. I also asked him about coming up on friday nights for extra duty as I have been...he said that it might be better to hold off a while but he said "I can't tell you not to, you have to make that call, I can't" well I made the call and determined that I would not stop coming up when I had the free time for several reasons: one to maintain some semblence of normalcy and not to attract attention to the fact that something had happened when my presense was suddenly missed and for my self preservation. I also like the rest of the crew and they ususally watch a movie in the evening and it is very social and I have nothing else to do with my Friday nights so it beats being by myself. Also to get more opportunity for training that may not/does not occur on my irregular duty night ,plus it adds more hours for duty since my weekends I have to work on occasion and it gives me a make up time that is conveinient for me, Friday nights also give opportunity for better calls to run...it is Friday after all and okay it does give me a legitimate way of maintain some contact with him, but that is the smallest reason. There have been some Saturdays that I have spent up there that have been merely coincidentally his duty Saturday I was there for other reasons not related to him in the least. It also must be noted that the friday I was there I left early at 12 am -2 am depending on what was going on as I had to work at 7 am the next day and could not afford to get caught on a call and have to work for 12 hours in the Emergency department. These Fridays were only every other Fridays so I wasn't there every one. I recently changed my schedule at work so I don't have to work 12 hours all the time and it did give my friday evenings free...so I came up two consecuative Fridays the first one I left early as usual ant the next one I spent the night. Here is where the saga begins>>>>>(oh I forgot to mention that my Crab is the duty crew officer for Friday nights)
That friday I had no indication from him what was to come we hung out had a few conversations about stuff and I had interaction with the rest of the crew that had nothing to do with him. Well, I spent the night and was due to be there that Saturday for more training at the request of the duty crew officer who is also my officer on Tuesdays and the Chief of the department lo get in some more training. Well I had to get up early and go home to let the dog out and get a shower since I was probably going to be there all day. I set my alarm for 6 am and woke up but I was cold so I didn't want to get out of bed as yet so I was dozing I heard my Crab wake up so I looked at the clock and it was 20 minutes after my alarm had gone off I thought "crap I'm late" I had to be back by 8 am. But I saw him pulling up his bedding and acting ****** off he went out another crew member got up and followed him I got up grabbed my stuff went into the bathroom across from the locker room where they were and could here him mumbling something as he put his stuff in hislocker room and the other crew memeber had her face in her hands just shaking her head well I have no idea what it was all aobut but I think it was about me now. SO i left telling the other crew member that I would be back after I pottied the dog. Well Saturday went off without incident until about 10 pm he comes in soemone must have asked him what he was doing there so late Cuz I heard him say "I have to speak to Walt about an Issue" Walt is our Assistant Chief. I went into the computer room and was looking on here and other stuff someone else was goofing on the other one I finished and went out into the bay and was picking up some more stuff left over from cleaning up some of the truck...Walt with my Crab calls me into his office and my Crab proceeds to drop this bomb on me..I can't even remember his reason for doing it this way due my shock and embarrassment there may have been a sound reason for it but I can't remember. Anyway it involved the fact that I do hang out with him at times on those friday nights and now it has made the rest of the duty crew uncomfortable that soemone had even mentioned changing duty nights because of it and even one of the career people had made mention of it to him. So with that in mind he couldn't have that on his duty crew and he had to take care of the crew. So walt had to ask me not to come up for a while until things settled down and that I was welcome to come up on other nights etc etc. I went back to Walt after a little bit and said I have no idea where that all came from as no one had said ANYTHING to me or give me ANY indication therte was a problem and how much that bothered me that no one if they had a problem could come to me first about it. I told him there was "nothing going on" untoward he knew that the Crab and I had soemthing and broke it off but he said it in an way that he knew it was not his business to even know about it. He said he waould talk to him again and ask about the crew and do soem investigating of his own. and said maybe he feels you are chasing him and I assured him I was not chasing him just have a natural gravitation to hanging out with the boys vs the girls on duty nights (i have always been that way since I was little)I do that with the other guys on my duty crews but my Crab is the only one I 've had a realtionship with......But I feel so betrayed, exposed, stabbed in the back you name it I feel like it. The next company meeting last Tuesday he didn't say jack to me. If he had I am not sure I would have blasted him into next week which probably would have been the death knell to any kind of realtionship we could salvage. If he did want to talk to me about what transpired I vowed to myself to tell him that I want to talk about it but that It isn't a good time as I am just trying to control the bleeding and could he talk to me later...but I didn't get opportunity he avoided me. So that is were it is. I have no idea what to do now sorry this is so lengthy , but I haven't talked to anyone about it as I have no idea who I can trust and I have no one else I can tell about it. Those of you who are water signs may know how deeply this wounds me and I am glad you all are there.

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ML
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"In my end is my beginning"
Mary,Queen of Scots

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posted March 18, 2006 07:38 AM              

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Oh, I can completely understand how wounding that must be for you. That is like "whoa!" I remeber being in a similar situation myself a long time ago (minus the workplace). I'm so sorry Celtic

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posted March 18, 2006 09:54 AM            

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dear celtic , the only conclusion that i can come to , is you have to forget him . come whatsoever !
you can't really help a person if he doesn't want to . any relation is based on reciprocation , you have already given him enough beenfit of doubts .
now forget him , fall in love with yourself .

i think , ego comes handy in these situation . now think of your ego , you can't let it go bruised again and again .

to tell you something about my life , my cancer's scorp friend poked me a few days back without any provocations but she is still ok with me but i assure you the day she too tries something on the same line , i wont even wait a second to move on .

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