posted October 17, 2005 05:36 PM            

And I agree with RG - it really does sound like this guy is already commited to you. He's just not showing it as well as I might like right now.

posted October 17, 2005 06:02 PM              

I don't have any advice except to ask him about his life when he does that and connect with him, have dinner, make dinner with him, doing something together may make him feel stronger, more secure, more connected to you. He sounds a bit and overwhelmed. It's a signal I got a lot from my pisces rising friend and I would ignore it, or would get alarmed about his health.

For me food and wine worked best, but only if I offered to come over and cook and pour the wine, it was easier and more giving that way.

I don't know but being a Cancer he wants you in his house eventually right? That's the fantasy of a Cancer male, a woman, his mate, being there for him, in his house.

posted October 18, 2005 12:00 PM              

Natasha , I have spent time at his house...kinda funny he would have an excuse like "sorry the place i so messy" --it wasn't that messy..and once he wanted to come over to my house as his place is such a wreck --i haven't had time to clean.. even I can't stand it. and I'm sure it still wasn't that bad. My thing is I would like to spend more time at his house

posted October 22, 2005 10:47 AM              

If he has discussed his fears before and been rejected he may be afraid, so he will need a lot of reassurance. Just hang out with him a lot at his house. or buy a waffle maker and invite him over for brunch, make a brunch for him with eggs, waffles, his favourites as a surprise. Cancers love these things and like to be reassured that they are appreciated for small things.

I can't imagine another sign that likes hanging out doing small things with someone, other than maybe virgo.

posted October 22, 2005 03:50 PM            

so just have faith in your love and be there. i know its difficult .

i'll again repeat what i have said earlier ,i feel -he feels reassured about your presence . take my case ,i met the gal or rather just saw her an hour back . she was on the other side of the road , i saw her , our eyes didn't meet . i ddin't even go and say hello .

not bcoz, i was ignoring her but simply bcoz, i felt - we will meet and talk at length later . in reality that day might never come , bcoz that day would only come if i go and talk a bit today , then only can i talk to her at length . thats the logical way .
the question is why a cancer misses this logical step , firstly - he's subconciously busy with his imagination and away from his practcal part, secondly- they always see the brighter side ( yes they seem gloomy but deep down are eternal optimist) thats why i feel - i'll gat another day to talk , thats my reassurance, thats why we easily get along with sags.
thirdly, cancers generally think thriugh thier heart rather than thier brains. brain is always used when thier being defensive and using it for thier business .

posted October 24, 2005 10:48 AM              

I left you a message in Lovers Oracles....it talks of support and challenges.....

Are you getting enough support girl........?

posted October 24, 2005 11:38 AM            

but , if u are good at words , it can have completly different affect . those mails are always treasured . u'll find cancers with alot of all mails .
infact , i have a tongue cleaner thats almost 15 yrs. old . ITS A PART OF MY TREASURE NOW .

btw, waht was his last wife's sign . do u know her other details .
why dont u put your and his chart for compatability , alot of people might help u here .

always there for u!

posted October 24, 2005 12:45 PM              

I was hoping the support would come for celtic from her man.........? xxx

posted October 25, 2005 10:06 AM              

I believe the support should com from a partner...your mother is right...metaphorically speaking of course....he should be doing cartwheels for you girl....arent you worth it????

All too often have I seen the woman supporting the man....he taking....dare I say it without getting lynched....but every cancer man I know expects a LOT of support from the partner...she often is an extension of the mother...cancer bein ruled by moon....moon and mother etc.

I think the message in this card is ....... you are finding him challenging ......but are you feeling his support..he may love you ......but is love always enough....there are different forms of it arent there....are you happy with the way he is treating you. Maybe, just maybe, in part yer mammy is right.

Having been married 3 times, and now aged almost 47, I can see a lot of what women put themselves thro (and men of course)......it sometimes takes a long time to break the pattern, but of course,the sooner the better.

I never went with a married man....would proably have ended up going CRAZY, being a true Scorp and all........errr actually I was always the married one (naughty girl)

Hope this helps girl......you DO deserve better treatment tho.... and cartwheels

posted October 25, 2005 11:02 AM              

Yeah I think initially he was doing cartwheels (as much as a Cancer can I guess) He initiated the first date, he was always there for me and helped me out a great deal with my firefighter training with out me asking, he came up on our practice burns unsolicited to give encouragement and support and we had a fairly regular date night each week. Then his daughter came home from her mom's for the summer and that when it all changed and he doesn't have as much time and he has new job responsiblities that require him to go in on his own time and now there have been comments made from people at our station to him about us (not to me, him) and now he says he feels awkward, now I think tht has caused him to retreat from me further...and now I dont know how to act or what to do :::sigh::::

posted October 25, 2005 12:55 PM              

You are looking for signs of going towards you and that's good, because he has to push himself with a little faith towards your relationship. encourage baby steps if you can, and take care of yourself.

he is looking for signs of faith too, baby steps from you, he is hopeful and timid...he needs encouragement and faith and encouragement from his friends too. Not being clear headed about the whole thing, he wants to see some sign and possibly a romantic one. This takes a lot of work, I know.

Having no patience for encouraging baby steps I have left men who I wish now I had encouraged more, or at least I see where I was too impatient with the future. Being this way requires less of an ego around the man so I suggest putting more energy into yourself and your work, and home life and letting whatever energies you have leftover be available to him. Deep down he is a man's man I guess and wants to take care of you.

And it's so cliche, but everyone wants to know if you are a traditional type or an independent woman? Sure we have different definitions but in dating it's a crucial question, and water signs are so full of unexpressed needs and questions. Maybe he is confused like a lot of us on his role.

posted October 25, 2005 01:36 PM              

I think I have expressed to him how much I care for him just short of saying "I Love You" for fear I would send him reeling and skittering backwards over himself. (despite the fact that I do). and I told him we can take things as slow as he needs to and we can do it together. So I beleive I have committed myself to the baby step portion already. I do have things I can work on and throw myself into--there are a few that could involve him but I could ask others to help so should I ask him to help or should I as someone else? Also it seems contradictory that if someone needs space and time and you give them that how do you do it and not withdraw from them? Because for my own self preservation my inclination is to let him come to me--to not seek him out is this not what to do with a cancer type? becaue wouldn't that put into play a vicious cycle where both parties withdraw and don't come out?

posted October 25, 2005 05:48 PM            

Hey girl - long time no speak. Everyone here is so great, aren't they? They are giving you excellent advice in general. Natasha especially really hit the nail on the head in so many ways. I agree thoroughly with everything she advised. Now as to your last question, I definitely understand your inclination with withdraw and let him come to you. My gut instinct is to do the same thing when I’m hurt or unsure of a situation, however I fear that completely withdrawing is rarely the best option when you love someone. In this case, I worry about your withdrawing too much, because your Cancer boy might already feel like he doesn't deserve your attentions (because he's been so busy lately) and your withdrawing might just confirm that for him. Then again, there is a chance your pulling away might make your Cancer boy run in quickly and grab hold of you (like the crab that sees it’s precious shiny getting away). However that sounds like a pretty risky gamble and not one I’d willingly take. The trick with Cancers is to ensure they never get a chance to pull back into that ever handy shell.

I think what Natasha is suggesting is that you direct your primary energies into projects / work to help yourself feel more balanced and whole. Don’t change the way you are treating your man – if anything step up the romance a bit. But for your own inner balance, find something to focus your energies on. Definitely include him in your plans – let him know you’d love it if he could help you but understand if he can’t. DEFFINITELY do whatever it takes to make yourself feel more happy and whole. Focus on building your life, and choose to include him in it. It’s a subtle shift but it will probably help keep you encouraged and happy.

posted October 25, 2005 10:03 PM              

well, his daughter IS home she lives full time with him he has the majority of custody..see therin lies the rub. So what youare saying about not letting go of him...ie still e-mail him call him leave messsages even if there is no reciprication still ask him out to do something even if the cahnces are that he can't etc?

posted October 26, 2005 10:23 AM              

That can make it hard. So, I am still being romantic, next week I will offer to take him and his daughters if he wants, to a show. We can't see each other every week, otherwise the planning wears us down. Other than that I just offer to help out if I can in some way, driving, or planning but many times to him romance is dinner and a walk through a bookstore because he is so tired.

I would still do small things to please him, but let him know you would like to hear from him more often during the day at work, and then let him make plans-unless there is a show or an event coming up. Does he call you? I prefer calls to email in busy lives. It makes the relationship more real.

At least you are not alone, I am in the same boat. It's hard to have faith isn't it?

posted October 26, 2005 11:53 AM              

Thanks Bunches

posted October 26, 2005 04:56 PM            

It kind of worries me that your man got all freaked out about the people at his work noticing you were together. Why should that bother him? When you are with someone you should be proud to be seen with them, and to have others know you are with them. I know when I’m in love with someone I make no secrets about it. My family, friends and everyone else knew about it when I fell in love with my Cancer boy. I’m not sure what’s up with your man, but it seems a bit odd that he’d be so worried. Is there some kind of professional ethical standard being broken by you two being together?

That aside, if your Cancer returns your feelings of admiration, then yes, make plans, offer to include him and his daughter in them. Even if he can't do half the things you invite him too, your consistent efforts should warm his heart. Focus less on trying to be part of his life - instead try to include him in yours. Make sense?