posted September 06, 2006 02:11 PM              

and Fayte if you are out there would love your take on things (and anyone else)and if you guys want more details I can supply them-- Just very painful to write about it in free form right now.

posted September 08, 2006 11:46 AM              

So the question is now how to proceed. I beleive Fayte when she says PATIENCE and that it can be a challenge with most Cancers and we have made so much progress before that I feel this take 2 steps forward and one step back dance we are doing is not unusual.

posted September 08, 2006 01:02 PM              

I just spent a week with my 80 year old father and had to exercise loads of PATIENCE...

But...

Am not sure I could do the same with my partner.....

I take my hat off to you girl, really I do....

Its something to be patient with an elderly difficult parent or a small child, but with a man who I want to be in this kind of relationship with, I would hope for more co-operation and consideration...

posted September 08, 2006 02:12 PM              

I pray he will appreciate you, care for you and give you the love and respect you deserve....

Bless you.....

posted September 21, 2006 04:35 PM            

Your crab is all up in a ruffle over nothing short of a misunderstanding. If I were you, I’d send him a short, honest e-mail explaining the truth. Try to keep emotions out of it. Tell him he misunderstood the situation, explain what you really did, and then apologize for not being as tactful as perhaps you should have been. You had NO desire to start rumors, you just spoke to one person without perhaps thinking that word might get around. There’s nothing wrong with that. You were drunk, and had no malicious intentions. At the same time, his behavior is also unacceptable. Refusing to talk about something that hurt you both is not healthy or adult. I’d tell him that too. Tell him you care about him a great deal, and would not see him saddened but this enforced silence is doing nothing but hurting you both. That kind of sensible admonition will hopefully snap him out of his dark brooding crab shell and slap some sense into his silly brain.

I respect your crabs desire to keep business and personal matters separate. It’s VERY hard to work with a significant other. It’s even harder to be in a superior role dating someone that works under you (if I understand your job and his role). I don’t think I’d ever do it – I’d be too concerned about the ethics of it, and about getting fired. I’m inclined to think it might be better for both of you if you took another shift. It might be worth asking him if he feels that would be easier and if it would enable him to embrace your relationship more. I actually think that would be a good test.

Honestly, at this point, I'm not sure about your Cancer, Celtic. It's hard for me to continue reading off of the negative things he does to you, and still have faith that he's worthy of your love. I truly hate to be negative – I know how much you love this man, and I don’t want to splatter that love with large blue rain drops of discouragement. However, as a friend (albeit an online one), I think I’d be doing you a disservice if I wasn’t completely honest with you. As a Cancer, I have a hard time imagining any situation that would lead me to treat someone I cared about the way your crab treats you. He seems far more on again off again that a normal cancer would be in love. He's working his hardest to keep you at arms distance, he doesn't want to open up his life and share it with you. And even worse, he seems embarrassed about your relationship. I can't help but wonder why? If it’s just the work situation, then I’m semi-ok with it (I think he’s handling it all VERY poorly notably, but I can understand the work concerns). But I’m really starting to wonder if it’s just that. Thus, bringing up the possibility of you changing roles might be an interesting test even if you have no intention of actually doing it.

Sending lots of love and care your way...

posted September 21, 2006 05:20 PM              

Aaaahhh....I bet as soon as you let go of him just a little, he will come scurrying back to you!!!

Love and trust

posted September 22, 2006 07:35 AM              

You could try and generate some ideas on what to do, read Dealing with Difficult People, I got it at borders.

Or you can attack the rumour mill by going up to the gossipy person (there's always one) who starts things and making friends. It can't be ignored and gossipy people are always vain and superficial people too so put on the flattery, act humble.

Ask flat out if there is silence if there is anything that person wants to ask you as you are doing the right thing as always. If the other person disputes caring then say then let's hang out today for lunch if you truly don't feel that way? Put the ball in that person's court like THAT.

Make sure someone else sees so you are not the bad one. A smart rumour mill person will want to look good and then it stops and rumours start about someone else.

Truly forget about this man at work and try to concetrate on building alliances with those who matter, those who control the emotionals at work, usually those who are there the longest.

Even though it's unprofessional it's the way things get done in the workplace and you can't bring your personal feelings to work, that means no socializing, drinking or anything like that EVEN IF EVERYONE ELSE IS! You have to be above all that all the time because you are young and a target of gossip more often.

Don't let the Cancer sit in your head at work, make a vow to think of him after 5pm, or when you quit work.

Your co-workers, no matter how nasty, or unlikable are your MEAL TICKET, you must respect that and when they see you adoring someone else they get jealous of the attention and the fact that they do not come up number one. It's about respect and attention and you are at work to work and assist your co-workers.

Again no matter how unlikable someone is, concetrate on the unlikable people first and the likable people come around.

And stop trying to find challenges with the Cancer because you are wearing yourself out. Speaking of one who can be flirty myself (and overly concerned about my guy) I know of what I am speaking.