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Author
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Topic: Double Oh Godzala
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spunknini
Knowflake Posts: 1175
From: Sydney NSW, Australia
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 08:56 AM
 
You are right there as usual PA.I still look through the filthy lens of my parents eyes instead of my own or my friends.
That habit is so deeply ingrained in me & I do not know how to change it.
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koiflower
Knowflake Posts: 2667
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 09:00 AM
That is so sweet spunky!!! There's nothing quite like touching the soul of another person  I've always thought your remarks are cute and witty. PA is correct - you have so much to offer. Not only are you a bright spark, but a bright light of Love!!! Thanks for the hug - I needed that!!! My beloved is pottering in her study. She's happily playing with her computer and music. Then when we go to bed, she'll whip out a book and read a few pages before going to sleep, while I wait in hope and anticipation for my petticoat to be ripped off  IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 09:04 AM
spunkyYou can start by just seeing those good qualities that are in you - just basic ones - and then by accepting those the rest kind of just snowballs. The only reason you would continue to see yourself through the lens of your parents and feel such bitterness is two ways. 1. there is unforgiveness. 2. there is still some desire for approval - that they see how great you are - if only they could see how great you were/are. But you know - having them as parents has made you a better parent because they have shown you a way that you don't want to raise your own son and because of that you are far more loving than them. So they have given you something truly valuable. IP: Logged |
spunknini
Knowflake Posts: 1175
From: Sydney NSW, Australia
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 09:05 AM
LOL
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spunknini
Knowflake Posts: 1175
From: Sydney NSW, Australia
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 09:11 AM
PAIt's no 1 I think. Part of me believes the lies, or possibly that I don't deserve to have the love I desire. I still carry from childhood the belief that I do not deserve to have good things in my life. I don't talk about it much but it sits under the surface waiting for those moments when I start to feel good about myself. Sounds to me like self sabotage. I wonder if thee are some meditation cd's out thee somewhere that can help. IP: Logged |
spunknini
Knowflake Posts: 1175
From: Sydney NSW, Australia
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 09:15 AM
Time for bed I thinks.1.15 am. seems to be my usual bedtime, no wonder I am such a grumble bum in the morning. *EDIT* Thanks for the chat & love vibes kids. I am going to write myself some beautiful love notes & stuff them under my pillow.  IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 09:18 AM
spunkyI've carried/carry the same belief. The self-doubt is - the magnitude of the pain too enormous to express. I say carried/carry because it fluctuates. On a bad day it takes hold. I'm just more mindful of the fact that I'm feeling bad about something else and it seeps in but it isn't relevant and it will pass. It is self-sabotage, because you've essentially been set up to fail. And you've come to expect that of yourself. But it's also a cop-out - because you can use it as an excuse to not do or not try or any other "not" reason you can pull out. You do it - go beyond their perception - simply because seeing yourself through that lens is unbearable. And you do - in time - see that you deserve better - because you see that you are better than that. And you come to see that their lens of you is based upon things that parents shouldn't really feel towards their children - things like jealousy - and so they shred you to make themselves feel better - so that you don't exceed their expectations of themselves. They can't deal with seeing you being more than them. They feel like failures. It's easy to pick on a child. It's cowardly. And if you can see that they have inflicted things upon you that you don't deserve - you can see your own courage - because you still stand. And that takes an enormous amount of inner strength - a degree that they will never understand. It's easy to become what you've seen. It takes great courage to be someone else. EDIT: Good night. Sweet dreams. Just find one good thing about you today. Tomorrow, something else. IP: Logged |
koiflower
Knowflake Posts: 2667
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 09:22 AM
That's another topic we have to discuss!!! Meditation cds!!!My humble advice is keep away from people that threaten your self-esteem. If that means parents, then keep a healthy distance and view parents as Children of the Universe that are in a child-like state and still learning. Your love will probably come from other healthy people, spunky. We also have a duty to Love ourselves. Do write those notes and place them under your pillow!!! And every moment you can avail yourself say "I'm amazing!!!" Actually, I say that, and it makes me feel great!!!! IP: Logged |
spunknini
Knowflake Posts: 1175
From: Sydney NSW, Australia
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 09:25 AM
PAAs I was reading your words I had a flash of me as a child & what was in my heart.
It was a great overwhelming love that I had for my parents, full of compassion for their pain & wanting to hug them & make it better.
And then of the rejection of their love, always pushing me away because they could'nt receive that love because they wouldn't or couldn't accept it. That is where I got the message that my love is unacceptable & that I am undeserving of it. Good grief! I feel so sad for them at this moment PA. For the first time in my life I feel so very, very sad for them. IP: Logged |
spunknini
Knowflake Posts: 1175
From: Sydney NSW, Australia
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 09:31 AM
I agree koi re the distance thing. I have done that for some time now.I talk to my mum on occasion via phone. She still needs me to love her & now I find it hard to give. Sad. But on the upside ( yay Libra) I have my beautiful son. I have great friends. Ajob that I love & all my animal friends who chose to be my companions. I am blessed beyond measure. IP: Logged |
koiflower
Knowflake Posts: 2667
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 09:48 AM
Love without expectation is a comfortable feeling and would seem to fit your child/parent profile.It is very sad that parents are not aware of their parental duty to ensure their child feels loved. It is very sad that a child, even if an adult, cannot feel the security of love from emotionally mature parents. It is something to let go, and just love without expectation. It's sad to have to come to terms with it, but incredibly liberating when one does finally come to terms with it. There's no law to tell us to keep pouring love into someone to 'fix' the situation. We can love any way we want if it means keeping ourselves emotionally healthy. IP: Logged |
koiflower
Knowflake Posts: 2667
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 09:53 AM
Sweet dreams  IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 10:47 AM
sunshine_lion  IP: Logged |
sunshine_lion
Knowflake Posts: 1772
From: ann arbor mi
Registered: Apr 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 01:24 PM
this is for emilee - the 19 month old little girl that passed away yesterday at my work. she was quite a fighter, at 6months, they gave her less than 90 days to live, and although i knew she was dying, it got me pretty hard. pretty hard. thanks for all of your support guys. still pretty teary.john denver Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high If I had a day that I could give you
Id give to you a day just like today
If I had a song that I could sing for you
Id sing a song to make you feel this way Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high If I had a tale that I could tell you
Id tell a tale sure to make you smile
If I had a wish that I could wish for you
Id make a wish for sunshine all the while Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
Sunshine almost all the time makes me high
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AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 14701
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted February 21, 2009 03:56 PM
Awww...I love John Denver. He's a Capricorn with Gemini Rising, too.Here's a fun test for all my lovelies: http://personaldna.com Here's my results: http://personaldna.com/report.php?k=XSUMqZdQUtQYgXa-MC-AAADA-d262&u=4a96c1c031cd IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 3201
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 04:08 PM
I loved his songs too.
Too bad he passed in 1997 age 53. 
I wonder how many more beautiful songs he would have done if he were still in body.IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 3201
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 04:11 PM
sunshine_lion 
A perfect and beautiful tribute to brave little Emilee!
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blue moon
Moderator Posts: 5947
From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007
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posted February 21, 2009 05:08 PM
Not sure I am really that trusting (high on this test), I just think most people are basically decent. Or is that just proving the test-makers right? Some of my answers would work better with qualification. I left some of them in the middle of the slide because I didn't think they made sufficient sense without. Well there you go, apparently I am a benevolent innovator. Proving them right again. IP: Logged |
meta_4
Knowflake Posts: 2585
From:
Registered: Apr 2008
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posted February 21, 2009 05:09 PM
AG,You're a Respectful Analyst? I'm an Advocating Creator.  My results:
http://personaldna.com/report.php?k=YisyQqavtUGOaQY-HM-ADDAD-5196&u=f7099f2b5319# Cool quiz. IP: Logged |
blue moon
Moderator Posts: 5947
From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007
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posted February 21, 2009 05:22 PM
Why am I so much more masculine than Ag? This quiz sux! ..and what's up with the confidence? Come on, people, there must be someone else that got over 50! Think this will work (yeah, there we go) http://www.personaldna.com/report.php?k=pfrgpKpYXKPUPaX-GO-DAACA-3a77
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Azalaksh
Moderator Posts: 8138
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004
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posted February 21, 2009 05:30 PM
quote:
Lord knows we all give until we can give no more, we all have our days when we feel unappreciated, taken advantage of, walked all over & just plain ol' undervalued & when those moments hit where do we find ourselves?
Zala is not having a good week – got this horrible head-cold on Tuesday and had some serious crap to deal with concerning my rambunctious little RamLion offspring
Hope you’re feeling better, Missy Wheels
How’s the nose healing, Ms Blue??
I hope Spanky’s feeling better, perhaps I’ll put this little dollop of loves on the side of the Scales that’s swinging low
Sunshine, I’m sending a big warm cyber{{{hug}}} and a lick on the face from the raspy tongue of a fellow feline (Leo Asc here)…..IP: Logged |
blue moon
Moderator Posts: 5947
From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007
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posted February 21, 2009 05:49 PM
My nose? I have a cold, but otherwise it is O.K, the sinuses don't appreciate the recent damage. Sorry to hear that your week hasn't been the best. Let me take you away somewhere...  Where do you want to go? hop in the passenger seat. IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Moderator Posts: 8138
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004
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posted February 21, 2009 05:50 PM
quote:
Somewhere, someone is thinking of you right now. Somewhere there is at least one person who is glad to be alive today because of you.
Wish I could locate this person so that I can feel glad to be alive because they’re in my life…..
Of course, it could be y’all, my fellow Godzalians, and I feel warmed that you are all on the planet and that our paths have crossed What an intriguing thought, to be one of AG’s lovelies  PersonalDNA results – I’m a Considerate Creator, my children 
http://personaldna.com/report.php?k=mgOapoMvURIOYWY-HG-ADAAD-082a&u=f732b221e177 IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Moderator Posts: 8138
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004
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posted February 21, 2009 05:51 PM
Awwwww, blue
Thanks!! The sight of such extreme Libran gorgeousity really made me feel better IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Moderator Posts: 8138
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004
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posted February 21, 2009 05:55 PM
Ms Blue, I see you're a Benevolent Inventor, and I'm a Considerate Creator -- methinks we have much in common
Howzabout we start a benevolently creative firm with AG and make tons of slanderously inappropriate money??
We could call it GodZalaMoon Inc?? IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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