posted February 23, 2009 07:22 AM         

Not so great today. I upset my man and I think he's at the end of his rope with me. So feeling a bit teary today. I got absolutely no sleep last night and my heart's racing a bit!

posted February 23, 2009 07:49 AM         

Somethings bugging you yeah? Otherwise why would you get narky at him?

posted February 23, 2009 10:38 AM         

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDqWVp-hlxg

"The key word: charm"

All that Libran charm.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090223/ap_en_tv/oscars_tv_review

posted February 23, 2009 03:07 PM         

You're a brave girl Wheels. I find it incredibly frustrating communicating with non verbal communicators lol. Us Librans need much air & flapping of gums, don't we? lol.

My dog, she is a fox terrier & my best friend. She is a real clown who makes me laugh whenever I'm sad. She is very special to me wheels.

posted February 23, 2009 05:42 PM         

Queen of Swords

Briefly: Her future lies in learning to trust others again.

Full Meaning: Physically usually (though not always) tall and/or slender woman. Quite often has dark hair. Refined appearance and conservative in dress most of the time. Gracious manner. She prefers sophisticated clothing.
Personality is cautious and clever. Can be cunning, destructive and manipulative. She is often aloof and distant. She keeps her distance and puts up barriers around herself. She displays an air of unemotional responses. She may appear hard, selfish and self-controlled. Beneath her facade she hides much previous emotional pain and/or hardship. She has learnt how to survive. She is a woman alone. She is either a widow, divorced, a spinster or without a loving partner. She may have spent a long time on her own and keeps up her defences and her sword drawn to protect her at all times. She has a fondness for red roses.
She looks good in black clothing. She likes to wear expensive or perhaps antique and conservative jewellery most of the time, though sometimes she wears some bold jewels. She knows she would or could be seduced if she lets her guard down. She is not a social butterfly. She can seem to be unforgiving in some circumstances, but this is her self-defence mechanism being activated to avoid feeling pain and disturbing emotional reactions. She cries in her sleep, and little elsewhere.
She feels more in control if she can avoid having too deep feelings for anyone, lest they puncture her heart and give her reason to despair. She can become big hearted if in the right company and circumstances and when she feels safe and secure. There is hope for her and she is wise enough to know it. She is symbolic of the rose, seductive and potentially dangerous, capable of cutting the skin and making it bleed, yet the soft velvety petals can blossom into the most beautiful arrangement and captivate your heart. She is wistful and reflective, serious yet sensuous, yet always alert. She is capable of being the Goddess or the crucifier.
Occupations suited to her would be the head of a company or large organisation. Also she would make a great surgeon, doctor, police officer, dentist or anything that involves the use of sharp items or weapons. She would make a good soldier, warrior, fighter or leader of a revolution. She knows only one truth, her own.
Her future lies in learning to trust others again. She has been severely betrayed in the past by women and men alike. She may need to take a leaf out of the book of the Queen of Cups, who is more giving, loving and affectionate. She could have a love relationship but only if total trust exists. There is no room for dishonesty or lies. If she is betrayed, she severs her relationships completely and irrevocably and never goes back. Friends are cast off and not seen again should they make the mistake to betray or abuse her. Her goodwill only stretches so far and behind that she may lose some of her sense of compassion, knowing that others should learn to be more self-reliant, like herself. She may go to the extreme of cutting off her husband's head, should he betray or deceive her.
Querent's card. If this is you, then you may be being called to meet the challenge of your strengths and you will meet this head on regardless of whether this produces success or failure. Even in failure, you will learn where you went wrong and this is the ultimate lesson.
If you are not the querent and this card appears, I suggest that you make an ally of this woman, because she can be a powerful opponent if you should cross her. She is loyal and steadfast to those she gets close to, just don't mess with her, because you will wish you hadn't.

Damn

posted February 23, 2009 05:50 PM         

I can relate to some part of the description as well.

Also, I wanted to say I am sorry that your dog isn´t doing well at the moment. But I hope that she will be better in no time.
And yes, it`s true, animals, especially dogs and cats, choose their owner.

Wheels,

posted February 23, 2009 06:09 PM         

So I went over to that tarot side and asked: Why did I dream of him again?

"The Lovers

Briefly: If you are unattached and you deal out this card, you are being guided towards that special someone who is about to walk through the doorway of your heart and leave its indelible mark on you forever. The Lovers card always brings choices. Love is the strongest emotion we know and it can literally move mountains. The desire to be with your special person can overwhelm you and override all logic or other sense of clarity.

Full Meaning:

This is the most powerful card in the pack for many and varied reasons. Love is the strongest emotion we know and it can literally move mountains. The desire to be with your special person can overwhelm you and override all logic or other sense of clarity. However, if you are ever going to experience true love, then you may as well feel it with every part of your being.

If you are unattached and you deal out this card, you are being guided towards that special someone who is about to walk through the doorway of your heart and leave its indelible mark on you forever. You will feel the blood rushing through your veins and the passion and desire to be with your lover so deliriously wonderful, that all else pales in comparison. This may be your soul mate, your one true love of your life, so make sure you are there and you are ready.

If you are already in a relationship, another passing attraction may cause a disturbance in your feelings and you may be swayed to have a secret liaison. The Lovers card always brings choices. You can choose to love, or choose not to love. If you find yourself in a triangle situation, at some stage you will have to make your final choice.

This card can also symbolise that your creativity is developing and you could start to produce some great works, whether that be a painting, a song, a poem or even beautiful new furnishings for your home such as curtains, tapestries etc. The emphasis will be on elegance and pure luxury."

ROFL Yeah, sure.

posted February 23, 2009 06:18 PM         

That card means you have the option DD, but if you don't pursue it, well, it just isn't going to happen is it?

But in your subconscious mind the desire is there & it is strong. Strong enough to make you query it.

We all desire to be loved & to love back DD. So quit being a cynical Sag.

posted February 23, 2009 06:37 PM         

but he is not my true love.

And yet my subconscious pulls him into my dreams again and again. And t his time I had been so sure I had closed this book and put it far far away, where I would never find it again.

posted February 23, 2009 07:29 PM         

quote:

---

my subconscious pulls him into my dreams again and again

---

Well this needs more investigation, because something is in your head that you need to pay attention too.

Try to put yourself in a clinical state of mind & look at the facts DD. Look at these dreams as an outsider & be thorough. Then you will be able to put it all to bed at last.

posted February 24, 2009 02:41 AM         

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goO-a_FaQfo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbP2djP0h5g&feature=related

posted February 24, 2009 03:22 AM         

quote:

---

BEST Actor winner Sean Penn sniped at ex-wife Madonna when they met at an after-show party.

Madonna, 50, praised 48-year-old Penn’s winning performance in Milk.

But Penn gestured at the singer’s new love, model Jesus Luz, 22, and said: “Thanks. Another kid already?”

---

posted February 24, 2009 03:32 AM         

quote:

---

*shudder*

---

Lol! Well to be fair, Gun Kata looks equally brutal when it comes to both genders.

No offense to Koi but Milla Jovovich beats Jennifer Garner .

posted February 24, 2009 04:33 AM         

thanks for your empathy.

I feel much better today, having well rested.
Well, I actually felt as if someone was guarding my sleep, kinda "holding" me in an energetic sense.

I don`t know if that makes any sense at all, but I sometimes get those feelings of being protected and cared for and yes, loved, and understood even in my most complicated and foolish moods. Those are really good days / nights for me.

I don`t know why I sometimes feel that way, but maybe it`s just a built-in (self) protection tool, or it`s a subconscious memory of the prenatal phase (my mom describes the time of her pregnancy as one of the happiest times in her life) or it`s an angel watching over me or it`s been your good vibes or maybe everything alltogether.
Even though I must admit, though I can`t really "identify" that "energy" I felt, it felt clearly male. Strange.

Ah, best not to think about it too much. I had a good night and that is all I needed, obviously.

And I will try to do as you have said, and maybe I have to go back to the beginning, just once more. Seems there is still something about that guy that I still miss, I mean that I still do not see. Something that my subconsciousness must have "sensed", but that never came to my awareness, and so it or rather he lingers, and lingers and lingers.

The thing is the way he looked at me in that dream and that thought that he sent me: "This is not finished."

I wonder, what it is that is not finished?

Turning to Tarot just once more with that question, I got:

"Page of Wands

Briefly: Time to go where angels fear to tread and live.

Full Meaning: What a gorgeous young man depicted on this card. He looks romantic and adventurous and daring to go out there and conquer the world and meet his destiny, wherever that may be and with whoever he is yet to meet. He is warm and sensitive and challenged by the adventure of life itself. He knows no fears for he is too young yet to know what that means. He is daring and forthright and persistent to get his needs met. He likes to travel far and wide and will not be restrained by what others want him to do. His life is his own and he knows that he alone owns it. He cannot tolerate lies, deception or unwholesomeness. He welcomes change and will go off on a tangent and leave town on a whim. He knows no boundaries of mind or soul. He has gained some skills in life and has a feather in his cap, so to speak. He will go where angels fear to tread and live the simple life if at all possible. He is poetic and also loves life and learning new skills."

Not sure what to make of it, yet, I also know that the answers lie within myself not Tarot or astrology.
Even though most of the time astrology is a great tool to get in touch with what I already know. Maybe I should risk just ony more in-depth look at my chart and at his chart?

It`s not that the answer really lies in those charts, but for some reason, charts are like a magnifying glass into my own soul.

posted February 24, 2009 05:53 AM         

I'm glad you have rested well & been protected at the same time. That was not my energy you felt at all but I believe your guardian angel.

That Tarot card was very clear to me. It is basically saying that you need to dig deeper into your subconscious. Maybe there is something that you have repressed because it's painful. Who is this person that affects you so deeply? Go with your chart analysis as it's the medium that you are comfortable with. Have faith DD...The answers will come.

PS prayers will be said tonight which is today for you lol.

Sending you buckets of love.

EDIT * DD, I have sent my prayer up to God for you today. I asked God to give you comfort & that you would feel that love wrap itself around you. I also asked for guidance to the truth of what you seek.

posted February 24, 2009 06:03 AM         

Thank you so very very much. The best prayers come from a breaking heart, did you know that?

posted February 24, 2009 08:47 AM         

"I am afraid I don't love him in the way he deserves."
Uoh - I know this train of thought. I also always think that my love is not enough, that I can`t give enough love.
But that is not true. If you love him with all your heart, it is enough. And you see the gentle soul that he is and you appreciate him, so it is enough.

"As are you - I love reading about your medidations and dreams"
Thank you. I am sometimes worried I bore you all to death. lol

"I understand Sags better when I read your stuff. Sometimes Sags can get pigeonholed as loud and bumptious - I can sometimes forget the philosophical deep thinking, brooding side of Sags that I like so much."
Well, I never really identified with that loud side, but then maybe that is Neptune on my ASC?
I don`t know I guess I am just the more quiet type of Sagittarius.

posted February 24, 2009 09:01 AM         

do you know what an AMAZING person you are?
I always feel strong healing vibes from you, whenever I talk to you. You are truely gifted and empathic, my friend.

"Maybe there is something that you have repressed because it's painful."
Definitely there is.

" Who is this person that affects you so deeply?"
It is the boyfriend of that musical actor I had that major crush on. And when I saw him fro the first time, my whole world kinda "shifted". At that moment I didn`t know who he was and he was - not yet- the boyfriend of that singer, and yet, that one moment impressed me so deeply.
And over the following years I have been "forced" to see him from time to time (usually unwitty unknowing friends just dragged me along to a concert / musical, and there he was, mostly without me knowing he would be there).
Jeez, that guy even decided to record his solo CD in the village I have been living in for most of my life (I still live at weekends there with my parents), and he recorded that CD about 300 metres from my parent`s house, and basically there have just always been a lot of coincidences, that made us "almost" meet.
But I took care that it stayed just an "almost", cause frankly, whenever I see him, I know from experience, that I should better choose a seat in the back of the audience, cause if I am physically too close to him (5 metre is definitely too close lol), something just happens to me. He has such a strong energy, that it completely overwhelms me.
I once described it as a "whitehot glowing orb of light swelling in my insides" - I know how that must sound, but there is just something too overwhelming about him.

Maybe I just sense his spirituality (he is doing astrology and has been looking into Indian spirituality and called himself a "Sanjassin" at one time) and the synchronicity in some of the things that seemed to have happened at the same times in our lives.
Heck we even have been sick at the same time. lol
How I know?
An unknowing friend told me he was in hospital after a nervous breakdown (burn-out syndrome she said). It was just weeks after my own nervous breakdown (noone diagnosed it as such, but I am sure it was one) and that was only a few months after I had seen him for the first time (not even live, it was just a TV-show).

"I also asked for guidance to the truth of what you seek.

Be well DD & know that you are precious & dearly loved."
Thank you so much. I think noone ever prayed for me. You`re just wonderful.

posted February 24, 2009 03:35 PM         

You are welcome. I can't help but give of what I have when a beautiful soul is in need, it who I am.

As I read your reply the words "PAST LIFE" flashed through my mind very clearly.

Maybe some past life regression therapy is in order, if you are game? Maybe that is what the dream was about when he said "This isn't over", maybe you two are not done with each other yet?

Re; nervous breakdown, I have experienced something similar with my son's father so I believe you. (Sometime after I left him I experienced a bad anxiety attack & thought I was going to die! My heart was beating so fast I thought it was a heart attack. A few weeks later I spoke to the ex & he told me he had an attack (I did not tell him what happened to me) & I knew we were still physically attached by our spirit.