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Author
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Topic: Double Oh Godzala
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wheelsofcheese
Knowflake Posts: 1957
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:20 AM
 
I'm scared by how much I love him. I wish he would tell me what he felt more. He must love me though, otherwise he wouldn't put up with all this **** .
IP: Logged |
wheelsofcheese
Knowflake Posts: 1957
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:20 AM
^^ that said sh!t. Don't tell BM.IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:22 AM
**** !!! You said **** ! Oh, I promise, I won't tell bm. ***fingers crossed***IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:22 AM
Oh, by the way, that said **** said **** . Yeah.  Don't tell bm.IP: Logged |
wheelsofcheese
Knowflake Posts: 1957
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:23 AM
I nearly said ***** ****flaps. Lucky I didn't. Phew.IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:24 AM
So you're sabotaging because you're afraid. Do you think in some way that it's inevitable that it'll fail so you're just kind of trying to be one step ahead or are you testing him to see if he'll stay or even trying to get some rise out of him in the hope that he'll show you he loves you in the way you need him to?IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:25 AM
Yeah, if you say **** too much, or even **** *** and ****, it could be scandalous. Don't want to ******* do that. So ******, you know? Best not to let bm ****** know about it.IP: Logged |
wheelsofcheese
Knowflake Posts: 1957
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:25 AM
All of the above. What a psycho.IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:29 AM
Mr PA has Venus in Pisces and with Aqua Moon and Capi Sun, he's certainly not very demonstrative. You kind of have to accommodate their way of showing you they love you. It's hard sometimes.I think sabotaging is fear - of either the inevitability that they'll leave or thinking that you don't deserve it. No-one else can fix that. That's internal wiring. What would happen if he showed you he loves you in a way that you want/need him to? What difference would it make? You must have really been hurt in the past to be awaiting it to come your way again.  Maybe it won't happen this time. And you really deserve good and better. You know? IP: Logged |
wheelsofcheese
Knowflake Posts: 1957
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:29 AM
hahahahahahaaaaaa! I nearly choked then!!Actually, I don't think it's inevitable that it'll fail. If I chilled out and stopped fretting it would probably be ok, but he is Venus in Aquarius and just can't hush his big mouth about other ladies in his past. He's not particularly sensitive in that regard. Although it is up to me to say "Too much info" and I am bad at that without
a) Crying
b) Screaming
c) Leaving the room/car/frozen moorland at a run (serious!)
d) Building up a huge big furball of resentment that later gets yakked up and then he (rightly) goes "WTF?" I really feel for him. I'm sort of like this in most relationships. I was making my own dinners at 11, I sort of got used to independence. IP: Logged |
wheelsofcheese
Knowflake Posts: 1957
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:31 AM
Yep, it's internal wiring. I got played with by a man that I loved once and haven't trusted since.But who hasn't been hurt? I know I'm all fun and games on here mostly but actually I'm a miserable ****** . IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:33 AM
I get that about looking after yourself. I was the grown up in our household from a very early age. You fear letting people get close because there is this sense that you can only rely on yourself (if that!!!!! even at times) and that you can't really rely on them or if you do they'll just let you down like everyone else. It makes you not be able to trust yourself more than anyone though, because when you do, people let you down - but when you place that much expectation upon them - they're human too - who can live up to that?IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:34 AM
I get frustrated with myself, because I don't really know how to let people in - I mean, realy really in.IP: Logged |
wheelsofcheese
Knowflake Posts: 1957
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:34 AM
"What would happen if he showed you he loves you in a way that you want/need him to? What difference would it make?"To be honest, probably wouldn't make a difference. Because it's not him, it's me. I look for reasons why he doesn't love me and ignore the signs that he does. Because they are there. It's what he does rather than says. He darns my socks for me for christ's sake. What will it take for me to learn? IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:36 AM
You have to accept that he loves you simply because he's around. That's how I see things. You don't force someone to be with you and if they're unhappy, they will leave. So that he's there, speaks everything.IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:38 AM
Ah, you know what they say about the funniest people often being the saddest deep inside............. IP: Logged |
wheelsofcheese
Knowflake Posts: 1957
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:39 AM
I so know what you mean, re letting people in.I'm seeing him on Friday. I haven't seen him since Saturday and I called him a liar. He didn't lie. He hung up on me and ignored me for a day. Now PA, I don't know what to say to make it better. I have freaked out before and I can explain myself and explain myself and make excuses and act the victim and do the self-pity, but I'm hurting him. I need to take responsibility and stop. Just stop. Pluto transiting the 5th but even that seems like an excuse. But I feel it. What do I say? I really don't know what to say to him. IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:39 AM
I think that's your security right there - that he's there by choice. It doesn't get any better than that.IP: Logged |
wheelsofcheese
Knowflake Posts: 1957
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:40 AM
"You have to accept that he loves you simply because he's around".He said that to me once actually. IP: Logged |
wheelsofcheese
Knowflake Posts: 1957
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:41 AM
Thank you PA. It really is that simple isn't it. I want to switch my brain off.IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:44 AM
What do you say to him?One of two things. I get the feeling, that like me, you are far better with the written word than the spoken. So you can write it down - with absolute clarity - everything you want feel and want to say to him - pour out your truth and your heart - in a card, a note, something. And hand it to him and watch (and cry) as he reads it. Or, you can just sit there naked - not unclothed, but unmasked - and bare yourself to him and trust that he's going to stay and be there and hold your heart safely and warmly. The thing is - either way - you have to open up. If he doesn't handle it - you know, in youself because you've done it before - that you'll survive. But if you do that - open yourself up to him - that it'll take you forward and to a place that maybe, inside your deepest self, you really want to go - and maybe he's the person that will give you the love that you need to be shown to go there. IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:45 AM
Problem with overanalysing things is that it sets up this constant expectation where you are watching EVERYTHING and taking the simplest things like - a waning of attention - as a sign that they're losing interest or they are withdrawing, etc. When in fact, maybe they're just watching the TV for that moment. When you become dependant on those signs, the second they abate, you're lost - it tears you up inside. All those insecurities.IP: Logged |
wheelsofcheese
Knowflake Posts: 1957
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:48 AM
I tried that three months ago. I wrote him the longest letter and it took me three days to write. Told him everything. Told him why I love him. You know what he did? He ignored it. I sort of went bananas and he apologised and was crying. But Zala says that he is scared too. I know he is. Two scared people are a funny old mix. I suppose I keep trying. He's still here. It has to be enough. I'll do what you said about the naked thing and hope he stays some more. IP: Logged |
wheelsofcheese
Knowflake Posts: 1957
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:50 AM
"Problem with overanalysing things is that it sets up this constant expectation where you are watching EVERYTHING and taking the simplest things like - a waning of attention - as a sign that they're losing interest or they are withdrawing, etc. When in fact, maybe they're just watching the TV for that moment. When you become dependant on those signs, the second they abate, you're lost - it tears you up inside. All those insecurities."Yes. Have you been like that PA?
How did you deal with it if you were? IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 9968
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted February 25, 2009 09:52 AM
When it comes to love - everybody is scared.IP: Logged |
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