posted June 07, 2015 05:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Jo B:
I cannot stand comments like this.

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posted June 27, 2015 07:52 PM            

I'm at a point where I'm alive but I don't even feel like I'm living.

There's just SO much that has happened that I have just kept bottled and buried inside that I constantly try to ignore and it's slowly starting to affect other areas of my life externally. My grades are just "good enough", I never form any deep attachments with anyone, I avoid problems and try to act like they don't exist for as long as I can, I no longer have authentic energy to do the things I love, I've started to feel helpless/careless, etc.

I smile and act "cheery", I joke and laugh with the people around me, yet I just feel like I'm going through the motions of existing.

I'm tired of pretending that your past and present life decisions are ok, and I'm tired of pretending that those decisions have not caused long lasting damage on my life in ways that no child should have ever gone through. You turning a blind eye and "romanticizing" those experiences, as well as attacking me for trying to talk about them has done so much to me over these past few years.

I feel like dropping out of college and travelling and working in another country for a few months to get away and breathe in order to find myself and get away from this dysfunction. I might have to go back a year or two from now (or even longer), but I know that my peace of mind is far greater than continuously trying to "smile" through my feelings while everything else is deteriorating around me.

posted June 27, 2015 10:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Chiemi:
I feel like travelling and working in another country for a few months to get away and breathe in order to find myself and get away from...

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Oh, starting new journeys is something I'd blindly agree with.
The problem is that you should never do it for the sake of "scaping" or "avoiding", because you may regret it.
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- It's okay, if living abroad is what you've decided and makes you happy. If for you, there's always something wonderful to see, across the mountains or the Sea, if new cultural encouters make you feel alive.
( and if you don't mind losing the signal of your phone from time to time, depending where you are lol )
In simple words, if the 'Life-style' fits you well.

~ Just my 2 cents

posted July 02, 2015 08:40 AM            

my mother who has shite taste in men (the absolute worst) loves my now ex boyfriend. that lazy, good for nothing, way too jealous mama's boy. all because he treated her like a queen and teared up in front of her

i'm ******* done with him. just done. i know who he really is. i know he's lazy, manipulative, dependant, martyr complex mother ****** who's be best liar i've ever seen.

how he's gone and took my phone off my hands and ruined what might have been great with this new guy i really like by sending a messaging telling the new guy to 'stop harassing me' and today at graduation the new guy just said 'i really don't want to get involved with this **** ' and i just replied 'good then we're done' and walked off.

so that's one **** boy out of the way and now a new guys left as well and i feel like crying because my mother's undermining me constantly by still messaging my ex all day and all night chatting abut me and his feelings. his family like me but he'll they seem to have their heads screwed on better.

and now this great guys gone and my mums ******** about him even without even meeting him ever ******* before saying 'oh he's shorter than you that'd be embarrassing, how ugly, why would you even like that'

and this is the woman who's had 3 failed marriages. horrible. to men that abused her etc. so i don't trust any of her relationship advice whatsoever.

she's only here to visit for two more weeks.
i lost the guy i really liked and i can't believe i'm tearing up about that
my ex won't just leave my and my mother the **** alone.

on top of that are financial problems up the whazoo and i just feel so helpless.

and on top of that all my friends are either those fair weather friends so i can't call them to chat about this or they're busy because today is our university graduation.

posted July 02, 2015 08:33 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DopGang:
I'm feeling guilty for turning on someone who thought the world of me.

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Interesting you say that, I've just dealt with that issue. I'm feeling terrible for my friend who thought the world of someone and got treated like crap. She deserved better, that is for sure.

posted July 10, 2015 07:13 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by BellaFenice:
Interesting you say that, I've just dealt with that issue. I'm feeling terrible for my friend who thought the world of someone and got treated like crap. She deserved better, that is for sure.

@Chiemi: sending you good vibes, I've been there.

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Quite a coincidence!
Maybe a transit that caused some chaos. (?) Maybe mercury retro? If it was during that time.
Were they together long? Assuming it was a romantic relationship since you mention deserving better.

posted July 10, 2015 11:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DopGang:
Quite a coincidence!
Maybe a transit that caused some chaos. (?) Maybe mercury retro? If it was during that time.
Were they together long? Assuming it was a romantic relationship since you mention deserving better.

We all experience heartache, heartbreak, and make mistakes, right? Tomorrow is always a new day!

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Yes, it was very serious given I know every single detail of it, and people will get hurt when you toy around with their feelings like a game. I can make peace with the fact this person used me, but it really upsets me what happened to my friend.

posted July 11, 2015 12:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
I really want to eat something, but this liquid diet has me thinking more clearly, and I like it. It's helping me to deal with someone's passive-aggressive BS, and I have more energy, even after being up all night.

This is actually amazing. Not long ago, I couldn't handle any juice. Then one helped, when I was careful, but I've avoided juicing, because I didn't want to waste all of that money on fruit and vegetables, only to throw up the juice... so far, I haven't been sick, and it's been four days. Today makes five. I think it's funny that I'm not craving chocolate - probably because I'm using fruit (pineapple and apple, along with other things), so I'm not missing sugar. But a bean burrito with chopped celery, salsa, and hot sauce? My mind keeps straying to it, even when I'm full.

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posted July 18, 2015 08:01 PM            

I would love to go camping somewhere on a piece of private property. I would love to escape to a place that promises to not be disturbed by anyone.
I need to get my head straight. I feel guilty about things that I've done. For being so reckless and destructive with my relationships (friendships, etc). Acting, speaking, damaging, without thinking. Or at least thinking and letting it fester until I blow. But it's too late now. Damage is done and it's time to eat the dish that I've served myself. All for things that should never have happened.
But, there is no escape. Finding the time and space for healing is such a difficult thing. I have responsibilities and commitments to other relationships. I have to hold it all within, all to myself. It's often lonely in the 12th. Even when I try to let it out, it won't. No one knows and know one can know, despite my desperateness to get it out.
The only thing that I was given was a moon that was made to act. A moon that was made to cover up.
The only choice is to suck up and put into the closet what I've made. Put the smile on, pretend that all is ok. Pretend that my heart doesn't hurt. Pretend that I don't want to disappear.
Smile, say hello, chit chat, engage with people that I don't want to. Pull the curtain and let the show go on. No one knows about the self-inflicted torture backstage.
No one can know and no one can find out. Just a bunch of random masked people on the internet. Hold the pain, the guilt, the torture. Act the part. More secrets than revealed truths and no one knows.

posted July 19, 2015 02:41 AM            

My friends are congratulating me because I no longer have this person out of my life, but another part of me misses him & the drama he used to bring & I'm just like wow....I am f%$//ked up in the head.

posted July 19, 2015 03:38 AM              

quote:

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Originally posted by DopGang:
I just didn't make a damn bit of sense. LOL

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Not true.

quote:

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But, there is no escape. Finding the time and space for healing is such a difficult thing. I have responsibilities and commitments to other relationships. I have to hold it all within, all to myself. It's often lonely in the 12th. Even when I try to let it out, it won't. No one knows and know one can know, despite my desperateness to get it out.

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quote:

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The only choice is to suck up and put into the closet what I've made. Put the smile on, pretend that all is ok. Pretend that my heart doesn't hurt. Pretend that I don't want to disappear.
Smile, say hello, chit chat, engage with people that I don't want to. Pull the curtain and let the show go on. No one knows about the self-inflicted torture backstage.

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Yup...

Well sometimes it's just nice to know ones not alone in their feelings and that another can speak a little piece of another's heart...

posted July 19, 2015 04:41 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DopGang:
I just didn't make a damn bit of sense. LOL

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Actually you did and you're not alone. Here in the United States there are even plenty of ads to ask your doctors about some pill to make it all better, and of course there are more indirect ways for people to feel better about themselves and how to try to fool the world that they're happier than they are (in addition to becoming happy), and also to various forms of escapism. It's a huge business catering to the misery and insecurities of people which lets me know that all the people I see trying to hide their misery behind a smile (and failing at it, at least with me) aren't just peculiar to the places I've been but everywhere. Frankly, I think if the world wasn't a cesspool of misery and regret that the economy (at least as we know it) would collapse.

posted July 19, 2015 09:30 AM            

You are a Sweetie

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