posted November 03, 2013 12:21 PM            

=== Here is what happened overnight! ===
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 2013 (posted at NOON, E.S.T.)

Woke up to a dozen police cars, rescue, fire truck, 4 csi crime scene investigators this morning. A dead body (killed by gunshot) was found outside about 75 yards away from my apartment. It is the body of an older man that's lived in that particular apartment for years. He was found outside his apartment door...

Police cars had our little section blocked off... Crime tape around his apartment. . . . .

* * * * * *
NEWS - Nov 5, 226am EST.
The victim is an older latino man who has lived in the neighborhood for years... the gunshot was self-inflicted...
Suicide....

Last week a nearby neighbor died.... She was an immigrant, older, who birthed a baby, and bled out afterwards because a part of the placenta was still attached inside the womb... poor lady!
--

The hubris and bullying by 'certain' neighbors continue... (They have harassing ME to the point of harm.) Now, they are setting up one of the maintenance men to get him fired (he's getting older), and they successfully "wedged" another long-time neighbor out of her apartment...

She's middle-aged and handicapped. She told me that she's lived in this neighborhood for 14 YEARS. She likes growing and tending to her patio plants, and loves cats. She's distraught over this... She's been an activist through animal shelter for spay-neutering felines in our county. I feel sad for her... I'll miss seeing her tend her garden and the sight of her healthy cats lounging on the sill of the picture window....

--
A few days ago the kids in the 'hood had some drama: a big "akita" (dog breed) bit a young neighborhood girl (10yo?) into the side (pierced stomach?). One eight-year old boy was sooo alarmed. Told me he saw three ambulances rush to get to her, even driving across grass areas.
There were several police cars, investigators, and animal control...
(From what I am told, she is doing well healing from her wound.)

Unfortunately, this ten-year-old also lives next door to the man who committed suicide. She was the second person to see his body there in the chair outside his door. Monday, 11/4 morning...
--

Someone told me last week told me that the maintenance crew was ORDERED to neglect mine and my roommates requests for repairs to this apartment.... Our place has gone down; the whole 'hood has....
----

Back to News from Monday, November 4, 2013----

I am physically exhausted from having put all my energy to bail out a metaphorical rowboat with a growing hole and trying to stay afloat. . . . . /edit

Please continue in the realms of sending Hope and Healing to my life? And for CLEAR direction to emerge....

posted November 04, 2013 01:12 PM            

My intuition and sensitivities are VERY strong right now.... (astro-cool transits)! I sense the atmosphere and know something's not right. Just sometimes, it's hard to know whether 'what I feel' is for me or for people nearest me. AND, there ARE "real" valid concerns (have been, as you know) about this place where I'm living...

Anyway.... I want a better life. I want to step-up, and move INTO what my job should be. I desire the right mentors who can see exactly what's going on with me---- I want to work to CHANGE for the Best. I want to meet my Group in life, and I really want to set sails into using my Best energies for the Best purposes...

There's a lot of scary negative things going on in immediate environment... Tomorrow and the next day should bring more light to the situation. (I will explain that if I need to, at the right time.)

Thanks for being interested in what's going on with me Randall.... I really feel 'alone' right now. And I realize this could be 'illusion' that I'm alone (because of astro-transits).... I "just want to make sure" I'm using my Time to its best advantage.... Not waste it. It's like the frustration of calling a business and being put on extraordinary 'hold & wait call'--- while all the time you've been waiting, the line was actually dead air. I've been in situations of waiting on hold on dead phone lines for 45 minutes... only to figure it out I'd been disconnected long ago. eh, not so funny when that actually happens...

posted November 09, 2013 10:44 PM            

I think that the stress I've been STUCK in for these past years has begun to affect my "physical" well-being in a way that could be 'damaging' me if I cannot correct my environment-- I need some nurturing and some peace, to be with others who want me and need me, a place where I can work and be safe.

A section of my heart may be swollen, and there may be something 'electrical' going on there so it all gets affected-- I realize now that those are the times where I want to say how 'yukky' I feel. DEFINITELY is STRESS! (I NEED to get away from here!)

I need to get OUT of this place safely. Right now it's a situation where it's been a HUGE trap and I have felt 'caught' in a corner I cannot extricate my own self from... been struggling and wearing self out doing it, apparently. My heart 'is heavy'...

There's a LOT of things going on 'at home' that I'm NOT mentioning in public forum.... It's just not good, not good.

Combing through my belongings again and again. Decided I'm KEEPING all my writings, my research.... This is my 'retirement' work-- my stories, my contribution I can make to society through writings of my living-knowledge and experience about a narrow specialized population-- all wrapped, ziplock bags, plastic 10gal containers. Some strategic book choices....

I'm paring things down. Smashed furniture, smashed heirlooms... Hundred years old. (Couldn't find anyone wanting to assist me, to broker it. I'm extremely isolated. Hard when you don't have a car, or ability to rent a truck... I'm worried about being able to rent a smaller storage room. I feel so utterly forgotten.) As I smashed things I did it with a consciousness of who or what the items were connected to. Was a sort of goodbye.

Everything is and has seemed so heavy and complicated. Had reserved these items thinking I'd pass them to my grandchildren someday. Mementos belonging to a Heritage, relationships to ancestors... I never got the chance to meet my grandchildren... I believe they were told that I wasn't alive, or that I didn't care-- which is sooo far from the deepest truth. I feel a love inside me for them though we've never met face to face.

My whole Being was 'designed' and cultured since birth to serve as a working cog in the entity called Family...

Finally, after 26 years of the energy of Believing and fighting and persisting, I'm realizing I was left-behind so very long ago. I kept Believing that All would 'come around right' some fine day. That is the core of my being, my existing... to believe that it all has a meaning and that it can be Righted... And I think I don't 'hear' it anymore. Certainly the 'reality' supports that all was dead and gone, and that I've never really made anything complete about my life... Oh, except maybe a mess.

But I can't say it was all for naught, because I know for a fact that my life HAS made a difference for people in the world, in certain small circles. It's a bit surreal to me. I've made a discernible impact for 'good' in the lives of people in this and other nations. Never knew that the few small projects I'd taken on (in seeming mundane personal way) would positively impact people in far away lands.

I had the privilege and wonder of watching OTHER people's Purpose get catalyzed from things I worked on. The aha! I knew some who launched out on awakened ideas, and became social leaders, healers...

Then rhetorically, I ask myself 'how it is' that good 'performed by one' can flower and exist in parallel to the experience of 'personal' heartache and brokenness? Doesn't make sense unless I unassociated the two. That's one of the Mysteries about what Life is... Definitions of success.

In my childhood the vision of 'success' for me was having the happiness of Family all around you-- a husband, kids, dog/cat, yard, my garden... All these things working together... Making and maintaining that Beautiful Fantasy called 'a Home'... The place of My Beautiful Womb, My Nesting Place.... The place of Hostess and Inclusion, The Nurturing and Comforting of All. The place where All can "Be"... because they Belong There 'just for the fact' they showed up and they exist. The Loving Place. The Place you can go to Be and feel Loved.

No.... Life had a strange tone and turn in store for me. Striving ALWAYS to do my very very best, with all persistence, I was blocked from having my OWN very very best place on earth.

I feel that I've been like a stranger-- One who considered each and every individual she saw in this world (by them self) as 'the most important person there ever was'.... I strived to 'walk' close to that ideal in my path in my life. I wished for each person to be 'affirmed'... to feel the 'hello' in their deep soul. I like to imagine that we are secret fellow passengers on this earth ship. I desired to look deeply into each individual, through the apple of their eye, and to spiritually softly intone the vibe to them---, "I know who you Are... I Salute the Fineness in your Being... My soul says to your Soul Thankyou for incarnating into the World at this time... for We walk together and Belong to this great Time, and to One Another."

posted November 11, 2013 07:21 PM            

Today is also a personal anniversary of a fated day in my life from 1962. My entire life changed fifty-one years ago on this day. Moved from geo area of greatly networked close-knit extended family... aunts, uncles, grands, cousins... to a sepulcher of isolation. My family moved a long day's journey away. My mother didn't like me. I was taken down to the place where hell is a frozen hard dark hostile empty-place.

A few weeks after starting school, my teacher-nun came down with pneumonia and died. Then four months after that, my dad's dad (April 21 birthday) died unexpectedly March 9-- he was only 50/52yo? Then nine months after that, President J.F. Kennedy (my same birthday May 29) was assassinated Nov 22...

Today, I did more smashing of family heirlooms.... a set of green glassware my dad's mom (Nov 20 birthday) knew I LOVED.... So pretty.... Loved that shade of green, it was so transparent, with designs in the glass. Some of it looked like cut emeralds... so spectacular when the sunlight shone through it. A huge green punchbowl.... Sooo many wonderful wonderful wonderful parties with all the family up north. Green was always my favorite color... These dishes and glassware were like Beautiful Jewels. My grandmother gave them specially to me well in advance of her last days.... (She had died July 4, 1984, weeks after my first child was born. She never got to hold my daughter in her arms; but then my daughter chose to exist in a life separate and apart from me.... Persephone, Ceres.)

I had extremely delighted in these pretty jewel-green glasswares as a child....

As they "represented" my tie to the very beginning of my life, with the "death" of gaiety and social-happiness occurring at the move on Nov 11-12 when I was a few weeks away from seven and a half years old, today I smashed ?every piece except one small figurine I had given my memere. I will smash it in memory on her birthday Nov 20.

As I smashed the glass, I felt utter gratitude towards my early relatives, thanked my grandmother and all deceased for the wonderful love I felt from them as a child in their midst. I THANKED my grandmother for all the work she did serving this great family. She had wanted to become a lawyer in the early 1900s, but her mother died, and it was 'expected' that she become the mother to her eight siblings... She didn't get to live her dream. I was her only granddaughter, and the oldest child. She was not a demonstrative person, but I FELT love and acceptance from her.... Today I said "goodbye" to all that. The INNER feelings (not emotions) were more powerful than I knew thought.

On one hand I'm facing the TOTAL eradication of ALL that I have.... (even my writings and astrology). I've journaled the bulk of my life. I have artwork that was amazing. I REALLY don't know what the next few days will bring me....

I'm going through my music books next. They had belonged to my grandmother in the early 1900s. I will only keep two volumes of a big red set of Schirmer's Music Library.

In a way, I pray soooooooo incredibly hard that I won't lose EVERYTHING. Because in 'people' I have nothing. Astrology and writing are my nonliving friends. And even they too may be taken from me.

I'm scared of this week.... My roommate set HIMSELF up for ruin. I tried and tried and tried to warn him, even do things for him that were beyond what I should have to "save" him, thereby bottomline saving myself. He REFUSED his lessons during his 2nd Saturn returns in mid-Libra.... Now I'm up on my own 2nd Return, in mid-Scorpio. I hate when he gets angry. He emotionally takes it out on me, even though he TELLS me "not" to take it personally when he does..... But I do. My emotion/feeling has been traumatized by persons who abused their powers. He is 'where he's at' in life COMPLETELY of his OWN choosing--- his way of 'sticking it to the man'..... but what he didn't realize ultimately is that "he IS" that 'man' he was sticking. It is like a tidal wave that has been coming, and is just about here.... I feel trapped. I have loss so much. Now, I pray I won't be totally stripped........ He has a fat pension, and retirement and a family and grandchild and nieces. When it hits, he has his safety net-- which does NOT include me. Nor, do I want to be with him... It's been a shocking discovery wakeup for me in the past year. I never realized how dishonest he was. I was played.... So now I even feel stripped of worth of self as well as body right now.

I need Healing-- body, mind, spirit, and soul.

I hope I can post again soon.... I will make every effort to let all know---- It's up in the air tomorrow when "the man" comes to inspect the apartment. After that--- I can only guess at the types of things that will happen....

I will commit to "possibility"... I hold "possibility" that I'll land Right things, Right people, my Right Purpose.

Thanks for keeping a candle of hope lit for me in the next days and weeks--- final decision / decree times approaching.

posted November 15, 2013 11:05 PM            

If things weren't so weird and sometimes crazy here, I would invite you to stay with us. You could cuddle kittens, and relax. Damn it.

posted November 16, 2013 12:17 AM            

I surely wish the best for you too... Hope the holidays won't be so bad. That's so heavy... It's good to "feel"... It's good to have other humans who care to be with us in our most vulnerable states. Gotta keep doing the best we can..... (hug!)

Just want to add NEWS that my medical tests turned out fine! All is normal... My blood chemistry is perfect! I was very pleased to hear it. It's good to know the body is protected.

He thinks I have gastritis.... Has given me a stronger anti-acid pill.

(My astrology chart shows that tendency for me.... I figure that as long as I can 'keep perspective' and process those energies, keep the energy flowing, I may continue to avoid serious things from 'sticking' to my body and making illness. I may be a jittery Gemini-- mercury-ruled Sun, Mercury, & MoonVirgo, but Taurus on the 6th also gives me strong recouperative ability too.... if I remember correctly.)

Doctor thinks my thyroid is adapting to lower more stable dose, and that my general symptoms are "stress-related"..... ugh.

(Think I'll go eat my plain yogurt again. Been trying to keep up with food, and more sleep.)

posted November 18, 2013 05:06 PM            

So here I am.... Falling through time and space, off the edge.... (My time under this roof is VERY limited.) Will I Awaken during the fall? Will I sprout Wings? Will this be the mortal or immortal ending...? Is this my own end-time?

Is current mission ended?---- Being scrapped for straying so far off purpose? Or, Did I actually fulfill and finish the purpose assigned to THIS time?

Definitions--- There's 'earthly' mortal success, and then there's the Soul's version of 'completion' and success.... Where Am I?

Boundary Line between the reality of circumstance and situations.... the fertility that Hope-applied can add and cause to flourish... Can Hope ignition-thrusters course-correct me into the Right direction of The Potential in my life? Or really, was this 'all there is'? Have a graduated? Did 'what my SOUL' wanted to accomplish get realized?..... I really want to know. I NEED to know.... my mind wants to know so I can put all this into some kind of sensible 'context'...

Journey.... Trying to KNOW 'when' to act, when NOT to act---- full brakes, full gas pedal, gears ???? I'm on an incline, like the drawbridge.... omg--- rear view mirror? crash!! Avoid looking there... omg--- front windshield shows bright blue-sky? but where did the END of road go? What? A ship is going by? omg.... Is that supposed to be MY ship?.... where? Slip foot over to clutch, hand gripping the parking brake, thumb on the button ready to push and to release..... omg........ what do I 'do'???? I KNOW how to work the maneuver... I've been on high inclines before. I've done this! I know the vehicle. I KNOW this is the bridge. I feel it's DIFFERENT, though.... Like I really can't figure out how, when?... It's like before, but actually it's 'new' because 'before' means it was in the Past. I don't know 'if'? What about 'if'.... is there 'if'??.......... Good if, or Bad if? Tell me the If?.....

Another Disappointment again today. Another "No"..... I had applied to another social-help agency---- yep, the answer is nope. I can't 'qualify' for help in THIS State. I am 'not' the State's "ward".....

I have had Medicare Original since April 1997, and a fantastic (but SSDi check-eating) copay insurance since July 1999. THIS is my TICKET OUT of the State of fla.... I have NOT been "surviving" here. I have ERODED.... I had NO idea that my relocation here on April 6, 2001 would have a DEVASTATING effect on my life!! I am "trapped".... I came here to 'start my life over from scratch' after a brutal final divorce (in 2000). Then "suddenly" ('through no fault of my own'~~) I LOST two-thirds of my income! Life became 'an emergency'...and stayed there because of 9-11, Katrina, and "other" reasons the State could 'push' me back and let 'others' up in the line....

Right now..... There IS no 'help' for me through social gov't agencies.... If I let go of my PORTAL chance and become "ward" to the State, then I can NEVER leave here. I would NOT be able to leave my circumstances behind me---- it would be death.

My OPEN FED INSURANCE I possess is my Resource TICKET out! It's my "seed".... My bargaining. I want a NEW LIFE with POSSIBILITY! To remain in this locale, in this apartment, is self-destruction. I Refuse to Destroy my Life.... I REFUSE IT!!

I need to Relocate. I would like to go SOMEWHERE where I can have access to GOOD psycho-dynamically metaphysically oriented therapy. Jungian, Person-Oriented, Empathic. I need help with handling my 'intuitive' abilities.... I'm blitzed and making 'wrong' choices? Too influenced, not knowing 'what's me, and what's Other' in vibings... I've been having physical symptoms that I have discovered 'belong' to neighbor ACROSS the street-- Need to break this psi connection with him, but my 'alarm' level and arousal levels are too high for me to 'shift out' away (if you understand what I'm talking about, please help). This is causing 'loop' that escalates in my body. I need to 'learn' how to handle it, to USE it.... for my own survival, AND (my HEART's DEEPEST wish) to help OTHERS out of their own boxes....

I look at my own astro transits ahead, and I think I've gone as far as *I* can go "by myself".... I've made it through ALL THESE DECADES alone.

The Federal Insurance I possess is VERY cost-effective for fully paying my medical bills.... The thing is, I have NO MONEY to 'live' on.

I need "a sponsorship"....

I want to be with People who have same interests as me, that I could integrate my life efforts with, and REALLY REALLY REALLY "have a life" and a "work" I can feel ADDS to making the world a better place. I want to MERGE myself with and into people who 'match' me.....

I am an INDEPENDENT soul..... I need a border-crossing group of TRUE friends who can take me over the edge of this awful place-of-life and INTO my Fulfillment. I need people right now who can help me 'explore this'..... I CAN NOT "do" this as a Lone individual.... Believe me, I think that IF I could have "figured it out" I would have been FAR UP my Road of Success by now....

I am actually a Shy (yet bold) person and am VERY loth to ask for assistance. I HAVE the means for covering insurance. I'm thinking 'Medicare-Original' (accepts assignment) for the Therapy I need, IN ORDER TO 'straighten out my Life', IN ORDER TO securely get myself ON that Road of self-sufficiency....

I am a GIVER, and I am a Highly-POTENTIALED Being!... and I feel shame having to 'ask' for what everyone else seems to easily access... Why is it so hard for me?

I want to do that.... But I CAN'T qualify and use THIS PARTICULAR state's govt-state programs. I am TOO 'high-functioning' for them--- I only need high-quality SPECIFIC, personal ADVICE and the needed 'connections' / hook-ups/ networking. I have NO 'sin-issues' *LMAO,ROTF* *catching my breath! too funny* (addictions, etc.) that "qualify" me for 'sick-oriented programs'....

I am not 'that'..... I've been "asked" to LET myself 'get' an addiction or something so I COULD get help! (AND I THINK THAT'S ridiculous!!!!!) NO!!!! I REFUSE 'to be that' for them....

I will NOT "act-out" for THEM 'to be able to' help me. I have never been in trouble with the law. I am a high-principled person only because I LOVE God, and I want to live Right as possible... I fail in regular terms, I'm a 'normal' person... But I actually "love" Right-Authority (my 8th house placements, and Saturn). I Love Right-Rules.... and Following Right Order.

I am a HUGE Lover of the Potential of the Human Species...I want to HELP, if I can.

I have certain restrictions due to stress 'limitations' right now... but I want to feel that it's not SOOO much that it totally would 'prevent' me from participating in mutually gainful ventures....

I'm a 'good' person.... I have a good Heart, and I 'deserve' Quality help. I have soooo much I want to 'give'..... I'm just sooooo worn right now through over the top cares, worries, and trials that have beset me.... In other words? "I've got STRESS!" (mwa-hahahahaha! see that? my humor--- she's still intact! *grin*)

I could be wrong, but this is what I figure right now.... Unless someone ELSE 'outside of me' can "see" what I cannot see...., my 'remaining' here in the State of fla is peril to me. .... If you all 'follow' the politics of my gov't-state, then you KNOW what I'm saying.... Please, someone reach out of the nethers-internet and SPEAK to me------ 'what' I can do? I'm standing at a Loss OR a Really Big Gain---- I NEED TO KNOW 'which' of it "this" is.... PLEASE!!

If you need me to provide birthdata astrological, let me know! I believe that certain people right now ALREADY know 'who I am'...... Please, comfort me with some NEWS, or something 'stabilizing' I can 'use' --- throw me a life-preserver or something. Let me KNOW, please, that you are REAL, and that I am being 'considered'....

This has been a very confusing time for me.... Having my Saturn return #2, t-Neptune swimming through my 3rd house....

posted November 19, 2013 06:08 PM            

The BugMan was supposed to have done his final treatment in our apartment today. I worked my fanny off preparing... Seemed like a familiar drill-- but this time I did not go over-the-top with anxiety over this. I told my roommate last month that HE was going to have to care AS MUCH AS I DID about "his" apartment. I thought he could care less.... and you know what? He DID--- He cared LESS than I.

The bugman only left his little paper card in the door, but did Nothing. Last week at this time I was THICK in breathing fumes. Today, Nothing. It was supposed to be another treatment but this time with an alcohol fume. Today, No fumes. yay?....

I called him and said the bugman never came. Roommate laughed his nervous laugh-giggle.... Seems that my he "reported" to management that "everything is just fine, and we didn't NEED another treatment"... I had just worked my assoff.

Soooo unwise. But then I'm OVERLY OVERLY the responsible one. I treat ANY property 'as though it were my own'.... Even though my bins are packed and I definitely plan to LEAVE this place now (and NOT co-sign a lease with him, as management wants), I "still" did the Right thing.... because I answer to Conscience. I am not a 'short-cuts' person.... The Universe Beholds my work, and the labor of my hands is Blessed.... Serving is 'sacred' to me.

It's like we've been in a small boat together on a lake. The boat developed a BIG hole. While I'm frantically bailing and bailing and bailing, and I'm "trusting" he's at the bow and flagging down 'help'..... I'm finding that he's actually just "being social" with passers-by.... I see him waving--- but he's at the front waving and greeting like he's having a Party..... 'He feels just fine' and there's 'REALLY' no problem here'... tee-hee. OMG.... yes. He kept shewing away the help *I* screamed out for! I had taught him how to care and look after his place for all these years--- but it mattered Naught.

I'm tired. I'm tired now, and need to revitalize my essence. Fill my tank. Repair. Build my Resources. I need some GOOD ADVICE now.... I can do this.

I've been living out of big plastic bags and bins for months now.... and really, way before that.

The unpacking, unwrapping, and "smashing" of my Scorpio grandmother's transparent green dishes had an impact inside me I didn't realize. WHILE I performed the smashing, I pronounced words, I THANKED my ancestors (Read posting above....)

I did it 'as though' it were a ritual, even though it didn't "feel" like anything at the time. Within a matter of hours, there came such a grieving inside me. My inner memories, my joy-child.... I've been aware before about grief responses in the chest, over the heart area.... But I didn't know there is a DEPTH that can reach the entire torso... And it was a feeling that went beyond what 'sad' is... This shattered a life's Time. I just never knew that one could grieve with the SOLID entire torso involved.

I was "with" my inner. Intellectually, I said I was sorry I did it.... and stayed with that for a day.... But then a dawning came that this action was 'accepted'... It was the best "rational" thing to do with THOSE particular pieces of material goods. These SOLELY were given to me by my Grandmother.... They belonged to my innerbeing.... EVERY extended Family Member since the ?1930s/1940s had had "contact" with this special 'Depression' glass. It was used for holidays and at the gatherings when Loved Ones passed.... These are my Cancer 8th House linkages.... These, my "Special" memories would have been made 'cheapened' had I sold or given them to pawn or thrift-shops. ..... no, this WAS the CORRECT choice. To have received any trifling monetary dollar would have been sacriledge, and a GREATER betrayal and disrespect for the Value of Self... The smash. It was accepted. It Released.

Now it's a normal grieving going on a bit inside.... With some anxieties that I repeatedly try to quell... I'm not going to deny it. And, there's much more going on in my psyche with 'anniversary' dates right now....

November seems to be a "thick" month for me..... The Sun transits through my 11th and 12th House Scorpio (both houses). I have Sagittarius Rising.... The Sun crosses my Ascendant between Dec 3 and 4, as it does each year. THIS year there's a NEW MOON in Sagittarius at 10.59"...Close enough to say it's on my Ascendant (11.30'). My Progressed Chart's 2nd & 8th Houses are also due to change signs the week during Dec 8th...? Will be 0-Aries, 0-Libra after having been Pisces/Virgo for years.... P'Mars is Leo touching p'desc. (Wish I could get some instruction, and be able to pass Certification--- something to work towards, when pieces of life stabilize and I have a place to call Home.)

(Listening to Rising Sign videos can be a bit 'mixed' for me.... I have natal tropical placidus intercepted 3/9, pisces/virgo. Most times I go by my Eq-Asc which is Capricorn 2.06'... Where I'm living now, and the geog place my family relocated to when I was 7 1/2 yo in Nov 1962, shifted my natal IC/MC Aries/Libra, to Pisces/Virgo...)

My rational intellect 'knew' that this "Smashing Green Glass" would be the BETTER part for us. I 'needed' to continue to lighten the weight and volume for the neatest possible move/relocation when it comes.

This is a "faith" Move on MY part right now-- Don't know how or where... ONLY that I MUST leave, AND that I want this to Benefit and Profit my Soul--- not cost to my essence; not any impulsive self-destruction panicking....

I make Room. I Clear. I make Space for my Future to fill in, fill up, and flow through my Life, and flow with Destined Others. I flow WITH my Destiny.

I free my things, my memory, from a Past I appreciated, and give thanks with gratefulness for those who crossed my Path.

If you are reading these posts.... I THANK YOU for your Life....

(music) I've Gotta Be Me (Steve Lawrence) [2:47] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_tYERSRqaU

posted November 19, 2013 07:21 PM            

I have my Scorpio Grandmother's 1940s Singer Sewing Machine, in Cabinet. I've moved it EVERYWHERE I went, since 1984 when she died.

It's travelled for thousands of miles with me. I used it as a beautiful study-writing table when I studied Scriptures every day.

I want to (sell)/exchange the sewing machine for my first cell phone.... (tomorrow's the anniversary of this grandmother's birthday... she had been born around 1910 broadly-- not sure don't remember how 'old' she was when she died july 4, 1984 -- was either 78 or 87.... some day I'd like to find out. she was born in southern areas of PQ, canada

I also have a spring-colors quilt she made... I think with 'trends' today, the colors are perfect attraction.

I'm thinking this could possibly 'pay' forward towards some months of service for the 'phone'....

Got any advice on how to do this?

I was thinking of visiting an antique shoppe? I have no idea how much it could be worth.... Recently I learned that it's the CELL PHONE that mainly costs... The monthly service is NOT as big an expenditure as the PHONE itself is.

(.... omg.... I'm so embarrassed doing this, but oh well!!)

I can be So smart... I feel like a little first grader here..... SOOOO unknowledgeable about these things! ---- (you know, This is 'what' I would have discussed 'in private' with the social agency workers referenced top of page). But NOW THAT SOCIAL WORKERS MADE THEMSELVES "OUT" OF THE EQUATION for my Life, *a-hem*... I am asking for some good old-fashioned horse-sense advice... (Or in Randall's case, some goat-sense, from Cappy-Randall! )

Is there anyone out there willing to Call me, to guide me through this process....? (that was my Other thought.... I just need to get "me" up to date. overwhelmed a bit by all the info out there.... I don't Trust anything.... Bunch of swindlers out there to "take" people who are not savvy.... er, make that "YET"!!!!!!!

posted November 21, 2013 05:50 PM            

BTW, I'm not asking people to 'make ANY decisions' for me.... I'm just looking for some 'wise counsel' right now in my life.

To make a decision, I need "information"... then go it from there. Just want you to know that I was once a really 'audacious' person.... Now, I'm just wanting to re-connect with my mojo. And I need help "connecting" to it right NOW.

Once my mojo gets 'primed' and "catches fire" again, I'm certain I'll blaze through the hard stuff... or at least the stuff I "perceive" to be TOO HARD FOR ME right now.

yeah, I "feel" like a whimp.... but there AIN'T NO WAY I'm ultimately whimpy.... I've just had my sails SHREDDED, okay. I just need help to MEND, and CATCH what's "there" in the winds for "me"....

damn... feel depressed and YET soooo WANTING-IT!!

I deeply APPRECIATE all the help I can get right now climbing back aboard my ship of the Future.... (things "feel" a bit emergic, and this may ALSO be intuition prompting me VERY VERY strongly to move, at this time. I want to Honor that Prompting, WHILE I can!)

With the 1940s Singer Sewing Machine, I saw online that sometimes the Parts, or the Attachments are more valuable than the 'whole' machine. The machine itself is NOT rusted. (I'm scared of electrical things, so I've not 'plugged it in' to 'try' to work it. But it was a fine-working machine at my grandmother's death (her passing was sorta 'sudden')... I MYSELF would USE this machine if I had someone check it out for electrical cord safety--- I would NEVER "knowingly" try to pass off 'junk' as "good" to people... I'm not like that. WYSIWYG with me! -- solid.

(one company I worked for wanted to actually train and certify me to be their OSHA person... haha! I got 'safety' awards!)

My Scorpio Grandmother (Nov 20 birthday) sewed quilts on it, and lots of mending for my boy-cousins who lived next door to her... up to the end of her life.

I have the grueling task to 'unpack' and SEARCH among things in order to FIND that original box with attachments.

posted November 22, 2013 01:54 PM            

About the Search for the box of attachments to the sewing machine --- Found it VERY quickly! (what a relief)... even has a booklet with a parts inventory for that machine. My grandmother had bought the Singer Buttonhole Attachment... still original box.

I think I'd like a phone (device~whatever they're called now) that can take a picture, as well as check my email account, and watch youtube astrology urls

I saw a guy on the bus last year who had a sky feature.... Showed EVERY planet and star (even satellites) located around our earth..... Jawdrop astonishing!! Such Beauty.

soooo, I'm just gonna dream a bit big right now. See what kind of swap I can make--- the sewing machine, quilt, for a phone (with as many forward months of paid service as I can get for it). ((( yeah, if this is a bit naïve maybe---? Please "correct" me BEFORE making big mistakes, everybody-- okay? I'm counting on it!))) I have no clue how much 'value' this is. I'm hoping to find the right person (store owner?) who will swap this for me.

My Grandmother was a wonderful person, and her OWN Dream (to become a lawyer back in the early 1900s) was interrupted. I hope that she, and all friends and relatives who passed on, will be in that "cloud of witnesses" and make the spirit-connections I need to move myself FORWARD in this life before my end. I hope it matters to them. I hope I get LIVE people who care, too!