posted December 21, 2016 02:22 PM
Oh well, Randall... Mercury???Anyways, it was one of my more mystical posts, and, I was sending Healing to those who had had Religious Woundings in their lives--- being told that 'they' as a person, were wrong to Love the way they Love, and who felt, growing up, like they couldn't Belong to this Earth.
When I had come across that story several days ago, it just broke me down into deep tears and solemn prayers for those who had experienced that in their life now. 
I had also been having some wide-open kind of grainy (fantasy) memories of things pertaining to a certain medieval Revolutionary girl-woman whom I've admired and meta-folks had referenced her with me before in various times of my life-- some eerie synchronicities. NOT AT ALL that I was ever she, but I think a tiny granule piece of dust of HER intention hopes dreams and wishes, HER Devotion to the Heart of GOD and doing His Will, has been energetically very present in my lifetime, and something about 'me' has drawn resonance of that to myself. Or, it's all coincidental, and my head drawing significances. I hadn't thought of her in sooooo soooo long. And once she was on my mind, I kept seeing references to her in my world. .... Sometimes I wonder if pieces of souls like that still remain behind, in potential that they would be needed. ... In some senses, I've had the feeling that I now have started giving up on life and prospects that I'd never be able to 'figure out' the mundanity of it all... And I allowed that fight in me to lower for the outer to (temporarily) stop pushing my way forward anymore. ...
So, that was the basics of the 'state of mind' I held in that poofed post. It's MORE than a state of mind... It was an exploration of what was happening with me at that moment.
It was very very interesting the other day, when I responded to a post, where I had explored more of Ruth Hadikin's work. She is very inspirational to me.
In that post, LL's Reaching For The Stars was discussing the possible esoteric meanings of 7th House. She has a Gemini, and Gemini Ascending (Sag 7th), while I have similar Gemini placements but with a Sagittarian Soul.
I saw something MUCH clearer than I had before... and exploring that brought down more understanding about me, needing to explore a Deeper relationship with GOD, the Divine... I mean, I've known with my head that AS I learn who I am that I Serve the Collective IN the Growing.
I'd love to delineate some of that..... but right now, I'm dealing with some sleep deprivations, and on-going stimuli to my neuroSystem which has been feeling like razors and ice-chips through my body. It disturbed me this morning that I woke up 'feeling' with my emotions that I want God to come Beam Me Up, because some days, I don't know 'how' I'm going to make it through another volley of sonics. It's like it doesn't get to rest.
Right now? ... Would you believe? ... There are Industrial Cement Saws running, and men with sledgehammers, breaking up sidewalk pieces here today (for ADA compliance, wheelchair slopes for all the end-units here). Then there will probably be huge cement trucks running. Cement trucks are a horror-story to my neuro-System. Some of these huge diesels set up those anomalous migraine-loops inside my body, that revolve and revolve (ice chips), UNTIL there's an extinguishment at some point.
My environment. omg, right now...... so piercing.
Last night I had to get up (my cot was shaking and rumbling) and come to the computer and put my speaker earphones on... (omg, it's like I can barely even form words right now. sorry in advance if I'm using strange words for normal things... because I NEED to concentrate. .... *wait a minute... I don't have music through my ear pieces... Let me cue some music. Be right back.)
Okay... I'm back.... And the equipment is soooo strong outside.
Here's what I'm listening to... AND, I had used this song for sending Healing for my Friend(s) who suffered from Religious Abuse at the hands of the RC Church... this lifetime or past... {{i'm so sorry you were hurt... you didn't deserve that at all...}} {{{hug}}}
(music) We Will Rock You (Rocking Cradle, Christmas traditional lullaby, instrumental) [2:53] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Oz6_jt5XqE
I was on errands on the bus yesterday... without a book to accompany me. As some vidders had suggested, I need to HEAR what GOD/spiritual download, is saying.
That was part of the Insights I received from having looked at Ruth Hadikin again on Sagittarian Soul. (That was SUCH a Blessed Post for LL's ReachingForTheStars to have posted that url again. It 'reminds' me.)
I've been in touch inside myself with the excruciating pain of having been betrayed and excluded and denied, (H3 fam o o issues, and old mother hurts inside me.... I was raised 'in isolation' EVEN with being a labeled member-of-a-family/tribe. My mother hated touch, she never hugged... and right now with rm, I again am reminded how I have drawn towards me people who cannot reciprocate the kind of Care I give to them. It hurts. I feel so excluded from the 'Human' race at this time. ... )
As I think I said earlier in this post.... it 'disturbs' me that there is a feeling from within of wanting GOD to just cause my organs to fail. ... NO. NO, God. I want to Live, and Not Die, and Proclaim the Works of The Lord.... I'm not done yet. Please don't do that.... Cancel that prayer, God? ....
*..is she getting pathetic again?? ... yep. go get the towels@!!! (laughing at my own miserable ~weird self... But! I gotta Love Me, ... and I do.) (Need more tielonol... *stock tip*)
Oh! and by the way.... I think I 'heard' that I offended some folks with some humor I made? .... I don't know what it was I said, at all... Yes, I do have a flip sense of humor?, but it was never intended at anyone specifically... I just have a funny bone... and maybe some people 'read' something INTO that. I apologize if I did... Believe me when I say it was innocent, whatever that was-- it was just my participating with some humor here at LL.... Secret about me?, I laugh at my own jokes? ... My mind can come up with some hilarious things sometimes. I'm sorry if it was inappropriate, to whomever that was. I had no idea-- still not sure 'who' that was? and what I said... or what you thought I said? ... just, please forgive.
Okay... the cement cutters are on to the next sidewalk. heh... you're getting a moment-to-moment here? ... This is a view of what it's like to be IN my body, 3D. *kids screaming and crying next wall. That doesn't bother me.... their computer sense-surround GAMES might, from time to time, but kids themselves do not bother me. I'm the neighborhood kid and little-dog hugger! ...)
Okay. Things shaking-up here, but the audibles are better.
Lost my train of thought here....
Yesterday on my outing....
As a Sag rising soul, my duty is to hear from God. I even have North Node in my Sag 1st.
I kept hearing things about NN 1st meaning (primarily) you have to be economically self sufficient... But THAT belongs to H2 matters. If I do the H1 NN conjunct Galactic Center... and my Ascendant conjunct (few orbs) the Great Attractor.. then, it's about my Spiritual Mission more than (humor) amassing fortunes for myself... I Naturally Draw those kinds of fortunes to myself. ... ... 'Things' aren't as important to me, as 'people' and relationships are.... 'things' can come and go... and I've seen that in my life. I'm not INSIDE me attached to having 'things'. I want Comfort for the sake of my (sensitive) body (and senses), more than anything. I can make just-about anything Beautiful with my mind. But I 'require' comfort for my body and the organic sensitivities it has. I'm sensitive to things. I shouldn't be putting myself down for that. It's a handicap that modern innovations (concentrated woofers?) as an unintended consequence triggered in me now. This has to be taken in considerations now. It wasn't as much before... as it is now. I'm sorry if that causes more complications... It's not my Venus trying to be elegant. It's my body needing actual attention, and healing, in order to go further.
gah!! there I am being all physical again. .. I KNOW I have to strengthen my body muscles right now. I've felt so drained, and that of course leads further to being MORE tired. I try to reject that, and get all strong within, so I can further my body going out and getting stronger physical-wise.
ugh... feeling lightheaded... going on
Dogmatic religion? ...
I absolutely LOVE some of the 'inclusiveness' that some souls have soooo sooooo soooo Kindly shown me. Thank you!... You have NO idea HOW MUCH that touches me... that you respect me, and love me, for who I am inside.
My dogma-like expression.... Imagine a cup, and the space-held IN that cup. The dogma is like a cup. It's 'a cup' that I use to 'hold' the soup of the Mystery I hold Within. It's all about The Soup, and not 'the cup'. It's all about Christ, and not the exclusions that dogmatic rules would impose on me, or, the 'stereotype' map you would see me through, when I say I am a Christian. .... Many of you already DO 'get me'....
Oh. BTW... {GS}.. Mother Teresa? didn't get ostracized or punished so much for her attention to the lepers, sick, or the poor? I believe it was political-- she refused to endorse rc on their views about issues around abortion (or divorce?) that got her into hot water with the rc church. (I'll try to find the url or ref for that. ... uh, no promises though! LOL. Taking bigger bites than I can chew? ... arrghghg. I want to break that Saggi-asc stereotype that 'we' don't finish what we start?? I TRY> FOR really REAL. Laughing... If I 'say' I'm going to do something, I LIKE to fulfill it, in as certain a way as I can. If I cannot, then, I try to inform.)
My! This post is all over the place???
In general..... of course I have an intense interest in astrology. Correct astrology?... and I have strange mystical interests with that too? (.. if that even makes any 'sense' to ME? ... laughing.)
I know I have to ground myself in 'doing' something? ....
I think it's as Jean was saying about her interpretations of Nessus... ? I have a kind of cognitive distortion? ... On one hand, I can speak to just about anyone on something in their charts. I can counsel people (who have walked my path) about some things in spirituality. I love writing and communicating ideas, spiritual ideas. AND!, the distortion comes with thoughts of making an income doing those things (as my own entrepreneur person). I sincerely feel that I need to know more about some things in astrology.... It takes a long time for me to imbibe some of the information because I'm a person who NEEDS to go-deep into a subject rather than just memorize. I need to 'grok' in order to learn and do.
I don't really have a vision of me doing charts as a full-on vision (although organically, I can see that happening? in a resisting-sense?? hahaha). I have an easy draw of customers... whatever it is I am 'selling'.... whether charts, or God/spirituality/Jesus? (LOL). I am about 'people' first, more than business?
You KNOW my first-draw is always towards GOD, and Listening (as it should be, according to my chart).
My 'job' is to BE. BE in GOD, and (scripture) 'everything else' will follow...
Money will follow, income will follow, support will follow.
I 'support' the Teachers and Communicators (reflecting back on my post with RTS/Hadikin). Right now, I do this through words here, and with my affections and love. And I do it too--- by resonance spiritually.
So... I'm a bit of a mess today. Need to go take care of my body... so I'll "have one???" when my opportunity for Change comes? Hopefully, I can remain IN a Body??? LOL, and Walk the Heavens and The Earth with some of the greatest souls still inhabiting it. WE have a job to do still.... Maybe God has not given up Hope on us having a Miracle...?
Yes.... omg.... Aleppo. I cry cry cry. All the things in Europe, omg. I have not followed the Standing Rock folks as closely, because I 'need' to protect my innerSenses. AND, I do in a 3rd way, send my support to you. .... I'd probably get toooo pisssedddd off if I'd follow that story too closely. That's part of 'me'... politically? So, please pardon me if I am not as 'present' IN it, for now.
Again, I want to apologize that I can't send my tiny tiny contributions to my patreon folks and with paypal people. My monthly check just went UP 3 dollars, WHICH caused my foodstamps to be LOWERED, and my medical insurance is INCREASED around 30. .... If I continue to be here into the NewYear, I will HAVE to find a way to purchase new sneakers for myself and eventually a few more pieces of 'businessy' type attire (from salvation army, WHICH is VERY expensive!!! duh... ??? haha, not yelling at you, just *them* alien. LMAO).... If I'm still here, I need to be more properly dressed for the Volunteer job that I will start trainings for, Jan 3.
So, saying that, to say I couldn't afford any of the 'deals' that people were offering for the holidays. sorry. I HAVE to walk in the responsible 3D world of managing dwindling 'real' funds.
I'm going to post this without a proofread.
I apologize in advance for any mis-speaking?? (~oy, help?)
Oh. I would sign up for a yt account... still wanting to feel more secure about that. AND, I was having a hard time deciding on my name issue. Whether to use a creative name, or my real name. .... I'm going to stall that decision until later, when there's more clarity?
Also... There's this super weird crunchy debate going on within me, which has also been being so illusive to me. It's like a tearing between my mystical interests, and the dogmatic ones. Some of you were right on about that.
I'll look forward to receiving communications? ...
Will endeavor to do more posts here, as the spirit brings me things, or songs.
Definitely gotta do my Hannukah songs later? *Heart*
And I Wish a Merry Solstice 
... to all my Friends who Celebrate the Season in this way. (And, Saturnalia... Santa? the 1930s.... LOVED it! *thumbsup* and the Space Cross.... Thank you sooo much. .... Jesus on the Cross? ... Maybe you missed some of my posts? on that?!!!... {{I know}} lol.)
Hugs and Love across the Virtual Universe! *Tree* *Heart* 
{{I HOPE I get to the bottom of things soon.... }}
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
posted December 12, 2016 11:20 PM
"Oh, Christmas tree..." 
... 
posted December 13, 2016 11:32 PM
posted December 14, 2016 07:59 PM
How COOL is 'that' 
posted December 16, 2016 08:25 AM
, Tolerance, and GoodWill. 
Wishing you a long life, Protection, and Great Health and Increased Spiritual Wealth! 
posted December 18, 2016 05:49 PM
posted December 19, 2016 08:26 PM
posted December 20, 2016 01:13 PM
To ALL who Carry A Vision, A Quest, A Dream.... for the Future 