posted December 04, 2016 07:03 AM            

I'm hesitating still on throwing away all my Journals and papers.... I know that LL Bananaz lives around here (as well as Ann7). I might see if they want the organized binders of some of my old research.... Thinking about it.

Hoping for the Best... not being blind to what may be inevitable now. Still hoping for the best outcome.... wherever God brings it from.

Or...
Jesus???? Come beam me up?!

LOL, ... NOT giving here. Just NOT giving up!

GOD will make a Way.... Smiling with my Brain and Deep Soul! ...

Lord protect me from anxieties. Provide help and solutions for me, and for anyone else affected by circumstances at this time of year especially.

_______
Edit adding---
/to edit later/ 805am
Not sure... but even IF he early-retires, he wouldn't receive his money in time to make rent for the next few months.

(I doubt also that his relatives will help with that?... as he has spoken to his very-much older sisters who are NOW being 'affected' by recent possible changes with the government regarding their healthcare and income.

They NEED to hold-on to THEIR 'own' savings now, in order to cover them for 'possible' nursing home expenses, etc, that will NOT be covered by govt anymore-- or, those prices will go sooo jacked-up HIGH, that it will eat all their retirement--- not anticipated from earlier 1900s withholdings.
... They're holding on to their 'own' stores for their 'own' survival's sake.

... Will have to see what else can be done for rm. But, he may have to possibly couch surf with his own buddies in another month or so????
... OR go surf with his daughter for a while, (who is in good financial position for now. Lucky her, has had a wealthy beau for past few years-- he proposed to her, but she is stubborn and resists.. ~~independent streak?! Woman of her own means... LOL SunCappy, w a LEO asc)?

*sorry for adding my worry-thoughts?? I will delete this whole Edited part later...*

This is just me saying what all is on my mind...

GOD Owns The Cattle On A Thousand Hills... (corporations, wealth, money) -- Certainly He can Cause that I have FAVOR with some of that.

GOD has the Ability to Meet Every one of MY Needs, according to HIS Riches in Glory...

I Believe GOD will work everything out! ...

I am GOD's child, and HE had a GOOD plan for me. He can cause 'something' Wonderful to happen FOR me! ... *

For rm?, he can always go stay with his sisters up north. ....
I don't have the luxury of relatives or tribes.... I don't qualify for some of these monies being thrown at large Charities either. ~go figure.

(There are no 'tax benefits' when you give to an individual's need. .... I got my end of year envelope appeal from Carter's for end of year donations. I gave last year. Some organization is 'doubling' the money you send in. ... So, if you are throwing your money at Charities for Tax Credits??? Then, I would recommend the Carters.
Get your wurm, President Carter! Get your wurm. LOL

Also...

TD Jakes has his MEGACare organization that serves Africa, and other impoverished people of races, and circumstances. You can give to his org too, to receive your tax-credits towards 2016.

Since I am basically 'orphaned' here on earth?, then, that makes GOD my Heavenly Father have to pull Extra Responsibility for making sure I am safe. I will TRUST in Him. If my time on earth is up, then He will take me home. If not? He will provide a way....

People are desperate these days, needing to ONLY keep their resources TO themselves and their OWN immediate needs.... I DO understand that.

posted December 04, 2016 05:50 PM            

This has been SUCH a bad day for me. Sometimes cheering other people up, supporting other people who look down or seem down, can bring a depleted Cheer Level back up again...

Hugs for everyone having had a bad day, and from reading that other forum thread, a rough year.

Like I said in that thread...

A chart is more than paper, or a techscreen. It represents a Human Person.

And if you can go hug a real person, then you have 'become' A Star, or a Luminary, in someone else's life.

{{{ }}}

Be Cheered, Be Blessed!

posted December 05, 2016 07:27 AM            

As I've said before, things are just getting a bit whelming in realness right now here. I've had rm underfoot (and he's a bit getting ~cranky). He really really seems very unmotivated to 'do' anything about himself. He 'should' have been back to work today?...and he has NOT followed up on what he's supposed to HAVE been doing for himself to GET back to work.

I have not been able to 'cleanse' this place-- by washing it down, OR by atmospheric cleansings. If I can ask for some help that way etherically, please help boost that for me? I'm trusting that the atmosphere is fine, but, I just need extra assurance.... This whole place is ~strange... Combo of grunge and some Light.

My body needs some extra support too... heheh, transits to my ~noyves!!! LOL. No!, really. tMars will be 'energizing' from Aquarius, H2, H3, my Neptune trine Mercury. I'm not exactly sure??, but, that might be 'adding' to the buzzy-currents to my nerveSystem. (Just love that astrology~). I've been trying to feed extra nutrition towards that. (I should be taking some cellsalts for it... but that's quite a trip by bus to access the place that sells these things, .. plus, it costs a lot of money. ... I just gotta look into it.) Feeling a bit yuk.. but, as with transits, these too shall pass. Just stay healthy! LOL.

So late TODAY, I go for my orientation at {LAS} for doing volunteer work on the phones there. Then I have my first shift tomorrow afternoon (if everything goes well).

I still have thoughts of taking free courses at the main library for 'access' to be able to 'play' inside their special electronic media resource center. (I have no idea how long that takes to pass their tests. They want to make sure everyone knows what they're doing first before cutting them loose with their equipment. ... Heck, I don't even know what I'll be able to really do, as, when I was in their the other month, people brought their MacPros, etc, and were downloading. ...... At LEAST, I'll BE more familiar with the 'language' of being a Creator?? .... *lightning* *crash*... *glowing* LOL. ... It feels like 'fun' inside when I think about it. I'd had an astro-creative idea for charts. I have NO IDEA if I could make something like that work. But sometimes! the 'thought' DOES count! Everything starts with an idea or thought.

Back to reality....
My body HAS to be in a more comfortable place, or everything else for promise breaks down. Can't do anything without a proper working birthday suit. Can't take care of it well in THIS environment. (And I hope it can heal enough from extra-agitated system, so that this will be calmed and repaired in the future.... but that's going to take some outside help, I think. It doesn't do good to 'try' to do things, only to come back here and all that is 'undone'.)

Trying to compartmentalize my fear a bit more, so as not to over whelm my ability to think of possible things.... and .... it's there underlying (or lying) to me.

I have all my 'stuff' .... and just looking at the (nice) bins? ... There are projects I just CAN'T get into, for lack of space.

If I WERE able to get into some projects for me, it 'feels' a bit whelming there too.... Maybe that's were thoughts of needing self confidence is? ... But then too, some of those things represent a lifetime of pain to me. Do I 'really' want to 'go' there again?

Being a dataslut and trying to decide to get rid of data is a very very hard (cruel) thing! That inner me says ... noooooo. I can 'do' something with thaaaattt.
(hahahah rl!!! I still enjoy deep inner laughs at your calling my Mercury Gemini that! It's the Truth! *hands up in the air* ... To be fair??, you ~know that your wacky Uranus is on my lil' Merc? LOL.)

Anyways, I've traumatized my innerdata collector over the past few years, when I didn't know enough astrology, and 'took on' the HUGE project of 'collating' my data JUST as transiting Uranus AND Neptune entered my H3! ... I had had my own 'archeology' mind system, going to different bins for info needed.... Now? My brains melted. Feels like I can't find anything. It's like I 'accidently' come across stuff. I've sorted and shifted and collated sooooo much, that I have NO idea what's there anymore.

Sometimes it's "torture" when I go back into my files, because omg, I want to DO EVERYTHING! *grin* ... Yes, my mind is an idea-generator. ..... I'm the one that you would want in meetings as a fly on the wall... I can listen to everyone, and pick out some good ideas and play with them.

I'm not so much an originator, as MUCH as I am someone who can see ideas that others can't from THEIR stuff. I can (perhaps) see things people are 'already' doing, and, use 'that' in a slightly different way to produce a cool result.

/(Ref again, 'humanitarian' idea /edit/)/

Reality....

And anyways TOOOOO, there's just "too much" going on in my personal life in the immediate direct here-and-now that I have some very grave concerns about. *no drama, just 'the reality' HAS it's own drama*

I shouldn't project too much energy forwards, maybe.

I NEED to keep to my 'immediate' survival needs, and 'what' could be happening to me in the next several weeks.

... I might HAVE to pitch everything I have in the dumpsters here. The price of shredders is ~freaksome HIGH and ~ultra ultra ~RIDICULOUS!!!.
I'll have to 'take the chance' and ask angels to protect what's there, until the garbage processors destroy it in the landfills.
No other options (that I can see) right now, should dumping have to occur (VERY worse case scenario).
One of the things I thought of, would be a paper guillotine to slice off 1/3rd of top of my chart papers, THEN, running THAT through shredders.... STILL, it's expensive, and will entail a LOT of time and busywork... that I may not get the luxury of in a 'sudden' kind of event. Time and money don't always coincide correctly. Need one to work with the other?

Anyways.... This is probably diva-length right now.

Will post this without proofreading.. so edits could come later.

Rm is up right now, and wants the computer first thing in the morning.

I've gotta start my day, too. Preparing for my orientation meeting late today.

I send Love and Blessings to all my readers. Thanking everyone also, for their support.

For those in my God-spiritual (as well as astros) community... Have an Brilliant Ideas and LOVE infused Day!!

Sooo much Light. Sooo much Power. Sooo much Love.

posted December 06, 2016 06:16 PM            

Yesterday I had 'orientation' meeting. Was with one other person, and we were let in deeper into what the org represents, its history, the rules we'd have to follow, and telling us that there is another level of security we have to pass. I'm not sweating the deeper investigation. I have been 'bonded' to work with securities before. I'm not a criminal.
After more time goes by, they will contact.

In the meeting, I watched the other person in the room responding. She's in lawyer-training, and wants "hours" of volunteering to count towards fulfillments for her Bar Qualifications.

I was different from her.... much older. Coming from compassion standpoint, rather than school requirements. .... They probably 'really question' WHY I'd want to be there??? I know that I'd be exposed to Law, and, I have no need to learn that.

I know the reality that it would be a BIG CHUNK of my life-energy, AND, would 'cost' me money (almost 10) every time I go in.

I don't have the 'dress-code' requirement (which I could probably semifudge for a while-- but I just don't have a 'business wardrobe' like they'd require, and most college people ARE investing into as part of their trade.
(My only semi-suitable pants are solid black jeans I found at the SA, with an old suit coat I bought in the early 2001s--- trying to warm the wrinkles of it, haha).

I went to the small business center here.

They had moved!!! So glad I discovered that the other day, and hadn't tried to walk into that part of town where they used to be... Wouldn't have found them there! LOL.

Spoke to one of the free advisors. He gave me some great counsel. Pointed out some free classes I can take through their resource center. Pinned down for me what I am going to need to do.... Which is? ~*DECIDE*~ (helloooo) 'what' I want to promote, do the research on the market to see what to charge, and, other things like that... I said for right now, doing just 1099 would be a start.

We agreed how valuable our county's library system is. I think it's exciting that these advances have been made. Other nearby counties don't have the level of advanced resources that we have here. Some of the advanced resource center's courses do cost money for everyone... they are not free beyond the starter levels. The additional courses at the small business center also would cost additional monies.... but then too, I would be assigned a mentor who would be available to me for the process.

BECAUSE I was able to 'partition-off' my extreme fears 'for the day' Monday, I was able to venture around town sooo chipper the whole day. I was 'feeling' like the networking business person (Venus in a Capricorn SUIT, but a very very nice one!! Love it!!! struttin').

I kept that Observer perspective... Noticed how I was seeing everything as though I were the proverbial 'hammer' seeing 'nails' everywhere I went. ~Everything had possibility impregnating it. I know that the quality of my 'character' impressed the SB counselor.
I'm a newbie, yet NOT. I'm an oldcomputer person, and he said we don't lose the basic ability of what we had.
I recognized a lot of the business things he was saying. It was like a refresher for me.

~
.. Maybe this place and everything's just wrung too much out of me-- All the working I've done, like a racing hamster, thinking I was getting myself into condition to be sprung, wasn't worth it for 'me'...

However, there maybe are those who have read and appreciated my work but never said anything. I might even have no idea who they are... but they come. They still come, to read, listen, feel.
What keeps me going is the 'thought' that this strange relationship they may have with my thread writings might be a blessing-- even if I'm just crying.
And even if it winds up that only God is reading, and another pair of eyes skim a piece of sentence then goes?
Maybe it was worth my sharing here, to someone, somewhere. --

I Hope you've felt or found a sense of special 'Presence' here....

~

Continuing... after a Good Day on Monday.
When I woke EARLY this morning, the sense of dreaded fear was all in me.

I went to do a bit more food shopping this morning..... and while I was waiting for the bus to come, ..... there was a breeze. The sky was cloudy. It had sprinkled earlier when I had gone into the store, and was grateful it was not raining as I carried my parcels the distance, crossing a very busy road, to the covered bus stop.

As I sat there... a breeze was blowing strong.... and this brokenness erupted above me and below. I had been in awful sense of stuck squeezed loss. Prolonged prolonged dreaded state, and dreaded state of mind. Overcome with grief even, at that moment. Tears flowed.

*Creative segment here*
There were Beautiful plantings around the bus-stop, in front of some fancy apartments by a huge lake. Everything, so manicured. So Pretty and Beautiful.... I was ____<'I don't know the actual word to use'>___ ....

As the wind blew strong in my face, and I looked into the winds, it was as though the nature fairies were there. *indulge the fantasy here*... They were many many of them, and they moved like cilia or long stalks in a lake under the water to movements... like the lengths of a prayingmantis insect.. tight together, ethereal, moving together.
At one point they seemed curious... They were mildconcerned. They were fairies of ~manifestations, (good spirits, moving with the Godly Spirit). They were there, and it had somehow come 'into' my inner consciousness...

I participate in waves of spirit of Intercessions (privately) for world, for cities, for towns. I've been aware that I've done this at various times all my life (that I'm aware of). It isn't necessarily something I've done on purpose-- it just 'came' to me and I responded.
... ANY time I've EVER gone into a town, or an area, I am 'aware' of the presence of spirits in the air over the regions. When I've moved to a place, sometimes it was as though I were immobilized for a day or two in some kind of entreat, or introduction. (One of those ~weird things you find out about people (me)? LOL!)

continuing...
The nature spirits (or whatever they were) were there.... but... I was not in a goodly frame for use-- and I tried to separate myself. And they wondered. They moved with the winds. And they were present and they seemed flurried.... and they just didn't know somehow..... They wanted to respond to energy I evoked. Then I felt the impressions.

... I apologized, and asked instead for their help for I was in no way shape or form ready to be called into manifestation 'prayer' at that moment.

I was too bummed. I was in brokenness. Not able to participate in a collaborative creating moment with these blessing-entities for the sake of Humanity. I said I couldn't do it. I asked instead to Surround me with protecting FOR not-manifesting this into the collective ensembles... I asked to Please, just help isolate my energies.... for I was unavailable.

Then..... I saw that "THIS" was the Imprint that MANY persons are experiencing right now, with our economy, and the changings, and the dire disappointments that masses of people had just been hit-with suddenly-- that it caused an unsettling and broke people, some people are in lost-states. That it confused or stalled them.... They didn't know anymore. People unsure of what's going on with their wellbeing, their jobs, their abilities to survive a future....

At this point, I thought of Pluto hitting the USA 2nd House Cusp right then...
People are 'losing' their ability to make a livelihood for themselves. Jobs collapsing. Properties being lost.

.... All of it, just all the ills, hanging in the Air. People, really not-knowing anymore.

Then that was the point where my Praying came back to me.... And I was able to participate in being 'at least' a holding Presence for the moment. Didn't know what kind of effect, but it was "just" Holding Presence. Soft Wordless.

--- I have NO idea what I 'want' right now. At least, it is wordless..... I know I could do easy-Yesses to things as they come. Easy to say Yes to astrology and do well in it, I feel, as a cohort in someone's group. .... AND!, it would be very Easy as well to say Yes to going towards a more (dogmatic) Religious route as some openly have suggested.

--- But I *really* 'don't know'. I *can't see* 'what' IT is. ---

Oh, yesterday afternoon rm got the last piece he needed... Went to run doctor-errand this morning to hand in the paperwork, and he'll return to work Thurs 12/8. Seems they found a way to word things, that will enable him to be paid 4 days of vaca. This will give funds to cover what else was needed (I won't have to sacrifice or jeopardize any more of my funds, for now). PTL.

posted December 06, 2016 06:44 PM            

It represents the crushing that goes on in my soul sometimes.

*God, I Bow Before Your Spirit...
Tune me O God, to Your Heart's Cry,
and Encompass me in Its Deepest Contentments*

From the secret places within.

(music) Yes (Shekinah Glory Ministry, *gospel*/religious~~ but you might 'feel' whatever Corresponding-Energies Within you) [9:55] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScS2G9p0JZs

posted December 07, 2016 08:08 AM            

For Soul Groups, Soul Families everywhere...

In Unity, In Joy, In Harmony, In Love, In Peace.

For Such A Time As This

God, Raise Us Up... Restore Your Plan On Earth

(music) There Is Love (Peter Paul Mary, 25th anniv) [3:33] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrTfNTzAvYY

(music) New World Coming (Mama Cass Elliot, 1970) [2:01] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfQsngNoV7I

(music) From A Distance (Bette Midler, lyrics) [4:29] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLPj2h0N3bU

posted December 07, 2016 08:53 AM            

I feel an utter emptied sense of deprivation. (And that's the spirit-sensed for the collective humanity I was in touch with yesterday-- it was inside of me, and outside of me in Society.)

I recalled the last convo I had with an extended's (cousin's) wife. She said that at my father's death, that he did really love me. .... I always felt very very remote from him, for being a girl.

Because of things that had gone on in my family when I was growing up there, I had incredible weights of responsibility placed upon me, with no reward.
(Like a hug, or a sense of 'liking' from either parent. ... My mother was very emotionally cold towards me. Not physically a demonstrative person at all!)

Even in my father's death, there was no reward for me, except a weeklong visitation from his spirit.
.. His spirit visit was week of Christmas 2013, and Venus had just turned retrograde in last degrees of Capricorn.... Where it is now, and later to enter sign of Aquarius). His spirit was asking me for forgiveness...
.. I just didn't know how to take that--- except to extend the forgiveness. It wasn't a gooshy emotional thing. It just 'was'. And he stayed 'present' in my life for a long time afterwards...

So, I grew up with a sense of heavy responsibility, with no relief, no receiving back.... only sorrows.

And with money, I have a strange relationship to it. Material things are good. But it is not primary to my needs. What I need is a sense of being truly truly Cared for. When that sense inside me is generating happy stars, then money just seems 'to come'.... I have a deep sense of bereavement inside me right now. I don't feel tangibly-emotionally cared for.

<del>

I don't like guessing games. I guess I've been longtime patient. It just 'got' to me in these past weeks....

And I don't want ANYBODY 'feeling' like THEY are making 'the mistake of their lives'.... Please, if you REALLY feel like that?, then this puts a bad jujo energy on the 'whole' thing. I've heard some of the 'inuendos' and inflections in some people's speech....

If that's the way it is for you, then *I* am not your person. Consider this, settle what you want, and let's move on. I 'felt' like my family's mistake. I don't need that perpetuated in my life anymore. I need to feel ACTUALLY wanted, cherished, loved, and cared for very very much. Accepted for all my flaws and weaknesses, which I have felt keenly over these weeks and months.

posted December 07, 2016 09:39 AM            

Each of Us, a Seed, a Flower, A Magic Unfolding of Life and Consciousness....

Many Blessings, and Quiet Deep Powerful Awakenings .

posted December 07, 2016 09:49 AM            

(music) Go, Lovely Rose (Eric Whitacre, poem lyrics Edmund Waller) [4:28] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7nf1agjkBU

Tell her that wastes her time and me,
That now she knows,
When I resemble her to thee,
How sweet and fair she seems to be.

Tell her that's young,
And shuns to have her graces spied,
That hadst thou sprung
In deserts where no men abide,
Thou must have uncommended died.

Small is the worth
Of beauty from the light retired:
Bid her come forth,
Suffer herself to be desired,
And not blush so to be admired.

Then died-and gone
The common fate of all things rare
May read in thee;
How small a part of time they share
That are so wondrous sweet and fair!
http://www.poetryoutloud.org/poems-and-performance/poems/detail/45441

posted December 07, 2016 01:02 PM            

Time for some Sky Games using asteroids!

transiting ...

t 3742 Sunshine is retro at 8+ Gem coming back on the degree of my SUN

t VENUS in Aquarius now! on my 200002 Hehe at 0.37' Aquarius. {meaning, "Harmony" Chinese, Good marriage and Loving family; The Goodwill of ordinary people to live Peacefully and healthy.)

t Quirk in Scorpio in my groups and networks H11 is very near my JUNO, and coming into trine with my own 18376 Quirk-inesses Pisces 6.11' in H(3)Aquarius!
Q Vesta, bQ Jupiter in Cancer.

t MARS travelling at 21+ Aquarius still conjuncts my 447 Valentine at 20.40, and is approaching natal 5943 Lovi Aquarius 22.23' and hippy 19019 Sunflower 22.59 in Aquarius {Q asc}

What other Cool and Loving Quirky Couple could I introduce than to post an url to another nostalgic visit with Sonny & Cher?

The colors, the playful humor and bantering... so Aquarius.

(music) You Are The Sunshine Of My Life ..(Sony & Cher Show, 1976, comedy) [8:20] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdyqEKf7udY

3742,18376,200002,447,5943,19019
http://www.astro.com/astro-databank/Bono,_Sonny
http://www.astro.com/astro-databank/Cher

OMG!! to Fly my Super Weird Freak Flag right now???
There IS a (200002 Hehe) HEE HEE group of songs???? ~~LOL!!! oh yes!

{{I Love Michael Jackson! *Heart* *dancingDude*}}

posted December 08, 2016 05:44 PM            

Astronaut John Glenn died today, at 95 years old

John Herschel Glenn, Jr.
July 18, 1921 at 16:00 (4:00PM EST)
Cambridge, Ohio, 40n02, 81w35

Died on December 8, 2016....

Sun 25+ Cancer...
Moon 13 Capricorn
Sagittarian Ascendant 3+

http://www.astro.com/astro-databank/Glenn,_John
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Glenn

Thanking God for his Life.

God Rest His Soul... and Provide Comfort for those in his family, and his Space-Peers.

Space... The Final Frontier...

Fanfare for this "Common Man"...
Who went on to do a Scathingly BRAVE and "Uncommon" thing,
Representing The Human Race.

posted December 09, 2016 12:52 PM            

Energy.... So ~surreal! wow..... So Amazing!! I didn't expect this. So Cool!

Here we go........

Wishing everyone the Experience of this song...

posted December 09, 2016 02:02 PM            

God, Raise Us Up... Restore Your Plan over ALL The Earth

posted December 09, 2016 05:34 PM            

I am NOT EVER EVER EVER trying to 'encroach' myself into ANY person's group, in case you misread me? You 'seriously' do not know me at all.

I hope you had heard my songs a few days ago as an Energy Blessing on the group(s) you are trying to form....

I STILL have the Heart to wish you well.

We ALL play a part in God's Unfolding Plan upon this earth.

We Hold-Space, and He Directs Our Paths....

posted December 09, 2016 08:26 PM            

Except that we Become as Little Children....

I was thinking about how important feeling included and Friendships are...

Astronaut John Glenn had circled the earth three times in a space capsule called Friendship7. I take his encircling, and symbolically ground that energy for us here, on earth....

We need to Care Tenderly for the insides of one another. This world can be too harsh. Be Loving, Be Gentle. Keep an Open Mind... and an Open Heart.

(music) The More We Get Together (The Learning Station, Kids Songs, lyrics) [3:44] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lldmkrJXQ-E

... Hug Felt Round The World ...

posted December 10, 2016 10:56 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Randall:
I'm going to jack that hug smilie.

---

posted December 10, 2016 11:11 AM            

(music) You Raise Me Up (Celtic Woman, live) [5:17] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yfwlj0gba_k

posted December 11, 2016 10:01 PM            

(music) The Christmas Song {Chestnuts Roasting} (Christina Aguilera) [4:37] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy9ttAwDonc