posted December 19, 2021 02:42 PM            

This round of retrogrades has really done a number on my psyche.

I'm pretty sure Uranus, Chiron, and Saturn are in similar spots from back in March.

Mother in law is driving me up a wall about getting my booster. Just like in April about the 1st vaccine.
I'm staying at my parents. Like I was in March. Only this time it's been over a month.

This round has been way more intense since...nothing I did to resolve issues has panned out, and feeling like I can never deal or move forward...and just have more problems pile on and on.

Saturn trine ASC
Saturn square Mercury
Saturn trine n. node
Saturn Sextile s. node
Saturn trine MC
Saturn sextile IC
Uranus sextie Venus
Uranus trine Uranus
Uranus conjunct Mercury
Uranus square N.node
Uranus square N.node
Uranus square MC
Uranus square IC
Chiron square Jupiter Cancer
Chiron sextile ASC

Not my best self at all these days most of the time...on top of that the full moon in Gemini. Not sure of the degrees or if it's in my 1st or 12th house.

posted December 19, 2021 06:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
So I got a "performance appraisal" on the 15th of December right when trans Merc was conj my natal Sun. How appropriate 🤷🏿‍♂️

Merc is by nature "the evaluator" i.e it measures things against variables and determines success factors from those that are "failures"(A very "appraisal" theme coursing through it)

What was interesting from the feedback was how many Aries (or rather) Mars traits were highlighted I.e I am deemed "not a team player", I expect complete autonomy over my work & I am not "teachable" etc.

I will say this again because it is more and more apparent to me that our Asc will often dictate how well(or not) the environment will receive us.

If for instance Ven is on the Asc( and I have experienced this to be quite consistent) people will often attribute Ven traits to the native that may not even be reflective of their personality I.e "they are so kind", "so sweet", "so wonderful" etc. And if they do something wrong,they are often given a 2nd/3rd chance to rectify it.

Or alternatively, "such a Barbie boy/bimbo", "so vain","all looks, no brains ", "so conceited ", "thinks they are so beautiful " etc. It can go both ways🤷🏿‍♂️

This could be why someone who murdered someone else would get a light sentence whilst another whom was involved as a perpetrator in a similar crime, would receive
a harsher punishment.

We tend to experience people differently and unconsciously attach either through the default feelings we have about their skin colour, nose shape,hair colour,height,way of talking, sex,class level, sexual orientation etc. something about them that we perceive as "true".

We are not as "objective" as we may think. Because our opinions of people are often pre-determined way before we even get to know them. That is what the Asc is,it is the preconceived experience of someone and is what we(as outside observers) "emphasize"(1st) about the person to be so 🤷🏿‍♂️.

If the native happens to be good looking or "amiable" physically with Ven in 1st, they are more likely to succeed in some cases because we( the experiencers of their Asc) emphasize their looks or Venusian qualities more. Or fail in others because of the same thing.

So they may win a beauty contest (even if they are not the best looking). Or charm our socks off and have us buy a car-this even if we didn't really intend on purchasing one. But may "fail" an army drill(if a man) because they are deemed less "masculine" etc.

With me in this instance, I think my Aries Asc(1st) means that people will emphasize (1st) traits that are Mars flavoured; argumentative, brash, independent, energetic, outspoken, inspiring, takes initiative etc.

As I listened to the feedback about my performance, I realized that my appraisers were responding to my Asc. They were emphasizing my Asc. So no matter what I do from hereonwards(barring Ven/Jup/Nep) on my Asc, that action will be filtered through their experience of my Asc.

They kept on emphasizing my "independent" nature & how I was too "self-minded "(Mars). What was played down however was the many times I helped my colleagues with writing out e-mails, securing contacts, following up on outstanding issues on their plate and always availing myself in a crisis.

In another context where such traits were welcomed,I would be looked at more favourably and well received. This especially in a male environment (Mars/Aries is often affiliated with masculine energy).

But in the above context, collaboration is key. Being a"we" instead of an "I" is important. And I honestly thought my Mars in Libra would succeed at this. But I think my Mars in Libra lead with the assumption that the actions was to everyone's best interest I.e taking charge and making decisions on other's behalf, without having 1st consulted with them💁🏿‍♂️

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I feel your frustration, people are biased, bad listeners, make assumptions ECT ECT...

the ascendant and the sign on your chart ruler are very strong in how you come off and yes a huge part of your personality, the problem I guess is that is such a part of who you are that maybe it creates a blind spot in others as they don't bother to get to know you more in depth but it doesn't take away is a big part of who you are.

I met a Dominican girl on my EMDR training and we exchanged numbers, I asked her I wonder what your birthday is bc I get a strong blend of Sagittarius and Cancer from you, she told me I am a Taurus. Then I asked her for her birthdate and birth time and lord and behold she has Saggy rising with Jupiter in Cancer squaring her nodes 😂. I was like wow, I nailed it. Interesting enough her ascendant is conjunct exact my chart ruler.

posted December 20, 2021 03:39 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
I feel your frustration, people are biased, bad listeners, make assumptions ECT ECT...

the ascendant and the sign on your chart ruler are very strong in how you come off and yes a huge part of your personality, the problem I guess is that is such a part of who you are that maybe it creates a blind spot in others as they don't bother to get to know you more in depth but it doesn't take away is a big part of who you are.

I met a Dominican girl on my EMDR training and we exchanged numbers, I asked her I wonder what your birthday is bc I get a strong blend of Sagittarius and Cancer from you, she told me I am a Taurus. Then I asked her for her birthdate and birth time and lord and behold she has Saggy rising with Jupiter in Cancer squaring her nodes 😂. I was like wow, I nailed it. Interesting enough her ascendant is conjunct exact my chart ruler.

You have Mars in libra so I am surprised your feedback seemed to miss this, you simply would not come off as a typical Aries rising bc your chart ruler is in Libra, even online I pick up tremendously on your mars in libra. What I notice from people is a blend of their AC and the sign their AC ruler is in, I sense both strongly but may argue I feel the sign their chart ruler falls in even more strongly. Its the chart ruler for a reason and you dont have mars in aries, you have it in Libra.

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I hear you loud and clear. And that is what baffled me. Or perhaps the way I come across online is different from how I come across to people I am in direct contact with? I can't say.

As they kept talking, I could hear no residues of Libra sprinkled on the words spoken. It surprised me because the characteristics spoken of were traits that I was not only unaware of. But also not really associating with my personality.

Mars conjunct Dsc is said to be a little more passionate in one on one interactions. So perhaps it does come through in that way?

***BOOM! I also looked at my prog chart. I completely forgot that prog Mars in Sco is currently right on top of prog Sun in Aqu by square.

posted December 20, 2021 08:59 AM            

When the Moon transits my Ic, feelings open up and I am ready to share my innermost thoughts with those close to me.

posted December 20, 2021 11:02 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
Is okay for you to quit, don't feel guilty.

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posted December 20, 2021 12:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
I hear you loud and clear. And that is what baffled me. Or perhaps the way I come across online is different from how I come across to people I am in direct contact with? I can't say.

As they kept talking, I could hear no residues of Libra sprinkled on the words spoken. It surprised me because the characteristics spoken of were traits that I was not only unaware of. But also not really associating with my personality.

Mars conjunct Dsc is said to be a little more passionate in one on one interactions. So perhaps it does come through in that way?

***BOOM! I also looked at my prog chart. I completely forgot that prog Mars in Sco is currently right on top of prog Sun in Aqu by square.

Add to that, prog Moon has been arcing to sextile natal Mars since I started the position. So there is also that I think

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Its fascinating isn't?, I love you started talking about this, its a good topic indeed, has me reflecting on it.

It got me thinking, the Ascendant is how we interact automatically with our environment and in that sense is more of a mask bc its like a survival thing, we learned that these traits keep us alive in a sense, but the chart ruler and the sign the chart ruler falls in its more who we truly are at our core. IDK like the AC is a reflex and the chart ruler sign is very much a big part of who we are, like the color of our soul.

But you having mars on the DC could be part of the issue perhaps, I know my husband has that and he works for himself, has his own business, he interacts with customers and is charming and professional but he tends to not work well with others bc there is always someone in the team too domineering, or inappropriate/crossing boundaries, or taking advantage of him, he then feels irritated by the situation all the time, he has Mars on the DC conjunct Uranus which rules his MC, he works for himself that is the only way for him.

posted December 21, 2021 10:33 AM            

Today I need to update my insurance.
Ask my second cousin what she wants for Christmas. Go to Target get stuff to make a salad for a day after Christmas party. Get a few groceries for husband and I and possibly treat myself...but I might wait with the Venus retro.

And maybe work on my quit letter. I have mixed emotions about quitting. Plus my husband does something to make me upset practically everyday. I am suppose to leave my job to be with him more.
With the retrograde I have Venus going over my Saturn 3 flippin times! It's not a fun transit! But I know the work is so important.

posted December 23, 2021 01:19 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Stawr:
Moon oppose Saturn
Pluto conjunct Saturn

Today I need to update my insurance.
Ask my second cousin what she wants for Christmas. Go to Target get stuff to make a salad for a day after Christmas party. Get a few groceries for husband and I and possibly treat myself...but I might wait with the Venus retro.

And maybe work on my quit letter. I have mixed emotions about quitting. Plus my husband does something to make me upset practically everyday. I am suppose to leave my job to be with him more.
With the retrograde I have Venus going over my Saturn 3 flippin times! It's not a fun transit! But I know the work is so important.

I was also thinking of decorating my old room a bit.

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Try the EMDR inner advisor exercise here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blr0emiH5G0

It will help you gain clarity around this isssue

I also had to change insurance recently, and now get 5 spam risk calls daily regarding this even though I am in the national do not call list!

posted December 23, 2021 10:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
My dad took Christas Eve off!!! I took an accidental nap the other evening, and woke up feeling so incredibly depressed. I still am, but I'm up and getting things done. He just told me that he was going to surprise me tomorrow.

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posted December 24, 2021 12:00 AM            

I just finished my EMDR basic training and now I am an EMDR therapist and can pursue my EMDR certification next if I want.

I just signed up for a Clinical Supervision I training I will take January 11th and 12th and once I take Clinical Supervision II (Feb) and III (March) I will have met the training requirements to be eligible to apply for the CCE Approved Clinical Supervisor (ACS) Program which includes a credential that identifies those mental health professionals who have met national professional supervision standards. I have a candidate that I will start supervising too and this is also a requirement to apply for this program.

I plan to pursue this next and once I am done with all three trainings I will start working on my EMDR certification.

I am entering this new phase of my life since Pluto started to square my Pluto and trine my SUN while approaching my 2nd house cusp closely were I am doing a ton of trainings and career development changes and just feel VERY career centered and not interested in things outside of my career much, like I am hyper focused on career stuff but am enjoying it.

I cannot help but think PLUTO is playing a critical active role in all this as the energy behind it feels very PLUTO. Like I am not interested truly in doing clinical supervision, is more like just a role I feel I should explore at this point in my career but I feel Pluto is pushing me in this direction, I don't have to apply for this program for example, I could just do the 3 trainings and that would be more than sufficient to meet the new requirements in my state to supervise a licensed professional counselor candidate.

posted December 24, 2021 01:41 PM            

I sent out email to my boss letting her know that I am doing my own private practice as well part time.

It was my intention to let her know after the holidays but then she put me in a position were I had to tell her today, I find the event chart super interesting for this email I sent out.

Interesting Tr Karma is conjunct exact my name today and forming a tsquare with Saturn square Uranus, luckily Saturn is conjuncting ANGEL and BLESS is at the midpoint of Saturn/Jupiter by 2 degrees. Saturn square Uranus are squaring EXACT today, this must be the last exact square of the year between Saturn and Uranus and we have JUPITER in Aquarius at critical degree.

Added:
She responded to my email and was super supportive and kind, she is cool with me working for her and also doing private practice part time , she really rocks, quality person.

Added:
Have cried a few times today, really feeling my emotions:

MOON square MARS
MOON opposite natal AMOR
Chiron conjuct natal IC
Jupiter square Northnode conjuct my natal CHIRON

posted December 24, 2021 09:35 PM            

My dad said this month has been really hard. It’s like his heart broke all over again. I’ve been feeling the same way, and so has a friend of mine, who lost her husband five years ago, too. She said it’s been the hardest one in five years, for some reason. We are okay tonight.

posted December 25, 2021 01:08 AM            

I could see it, me packing my important things and leaving the front door, passing right by him as he plays this fuc*******king game, him calling days later wondering were I am and me telling him you have been sleep for this X amount of time and I have reached my limit.

That would be so unexpected if this is what does it, out of everything.

Lord help us, he really needs his ass to be lighted up on fire, maybe that brain of his too.

posted December 25, 2021 01:19 AM              

With my partner, she has an addiction to traveling, which I suppose in some ways is a bit more creative than video games (but hella more expensive!), but when you leave your partner to go away to Mexico and miss spending Christmas with him... well kind of makes the other partner feel like, "if I'm going to be alone, then I really want to be alone, like permanently". I'm actually feeling that towards people/social connections in general. Like, I don't want or need anyone--it just comes with disappointment and/or pain.

posted December 26, 2021 03:05 PM            

I feel this 3 day weekend has been about emotional cleansing, I did manage to get into the holiday spirit more than typical this past few weeks but the last few days I cried and did some emotional cleansing and reflecting. I did some EMDR work on myself around him playing video games triggering me, you are supposed to do it with a therapist but I feel it helped, not the same but still helped since I am trained for it. I did notice last night I was not triggered by him playing the video game after working on this trigger two days in a row with EMDR techniques.

I feel I need to let him figure this stuff out on his own, its not my job to fix him, he will realize this stuff on his own at the pace he is meant to figure it out. I think is a better use of my time and energy to work through this trigger so it doesn't bother me and to focus on myself and positive ways to utilize my free time, maybe get a new hobby etc. I will also not overcompensate for his new addiction by picking up on more responsibility that falls on him though.

He has worked very hard this year but he did that all or nothing thing, and now he is crashing and escaping through a game. I get it if is a temporary thing but my fear is he is reinforcing the wrong neural networks in his brain and deepening this maladaptive way of coping but he is probably right is just a phase and I am just worrying about the worst case scenario.

Odds are we will get through this too. I am going to take this as an opportunity to also work through my own triggers and any potential psychological dependency patterns that may be left between us from my end. I will find a way to make something good grow for me from this situation.

I am embracing jupiter in pisces and going with the flow, not try to control, be adaptive and turn this into an opportunity somehow.

posted December 27, 2021 01:00 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
We found out yesterday, that one of my aunts here is on a ventilator. Family members who refused to wear masks at a funeral, cancelled their christmas plans. I don't know if this is finally getting through to them, but it shouldn't have had to come to this. I've been trying to shut everything out - I get to soften and relax, but this isn't helping. Not when we had almost 16,000 new cases the other day, and I might have to attend another funeral.

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posted December 27, 2021 02:05 AM            

So I met Scorpio. Sexy as 😝k! But very troubled. Pluto squares Sun in Sco/Moon and conjuncts Mercury. Ven is in Scorpio and Mars in Libra (like me).

Things between us progressed pretty QUICK. Met on Monday this past week,went to his place Thursday till Sat.